Chapter 8 #3
Warden Hallum brought that same magic – or what turned out to be an intense, military-man sort of work ethic – to “helping” me clean up my stuff. Although, it felt a bit less like helping and more like he was trying very badly to establish some sort of structure for me to work within.
“Perhaps we should start with what has already been opened,” he said, his grey gaze falling meaningfully to my hands, which were reaching for one of the boxes from the second load he’d brought last night.
“I’d rather dump everything out at once,” I replied. “Get it all out in the open! Then we can really dig into it all!”
I could tell he detested that idea, but not enough to argue with me. He just clenched that hard jaw, his black eyebrows tightening over his eyes.
It was hard not to laugh in his very cute, very clearly discombobulated face.
“You really don’t have to help,” I said, emptying a box of colourful silk scarves onto the floor. “If this is stressing you out, you can go in your room for a bit. Or outside. I’ll keep working on this in here.”
He stilled, then straightened to his full height. Which was actually quite intimidating. Or it would have been, if he didn’t still have that twitchy someone-please-save-me-from-this-human look of exasperation on his face.
“Dr. Ortiz,” he began icily.
“Lualhati!” I reminded him in sing-song tones, gleefully ripping open a box of fluffy pillows.
“I have been a military commander for the Empire of Zabria for many cycles. And since then, I have been the warden responsible for the convicted murderers of this penal colony.”
“I believe it!” I replied. Everything about the man screamed cool control, power, and the kind of inherent authority needed to excel in those sorts of positions.
“So believe me when I say,” he went on, “that I have been in far more stressful situations than this.”
“Uh huh.”
I could practically feel his frown from across the room, even though I was currently sticking my head into yet another box. It was like the craggy depth of the expression had developed its own force of gravity.
“I would like you to acknowledge that.”
“Pardon?” I lifted my head. Yep. I was right. Super frowny.
“Earlier, when I told you something about myself, you said, ‘I believe it.’ I would like such another acknowledgement from you.”
“Oh. Sure. Of course,” I said breezily. But his frown only deepened.
“You do not sound convinced.”
“I believe you,” I said. “I’m just…going by what your face is telling me.”
His gaze narrowed. Like he was suspicious of his own mutinous features, wondering how they’d managed to betray him.
“What is my face telling you?”
“It’s telling me that you want to yeet all my stuff right out of here.”
“Yeet?” he cocked his head. “This is translating to something akin to throwing very far out of the vicinity. Like out of the window. Or beyond the breathable atmosphere.”
“Correct.”
“Then my face has told you wrong,” he proclaimed, sounding almost offended. “I would never yeet your things.”
“Never?”
“Never,” he vowed, so seriously that I found it almost painfully touching. “These items are important to you. Therefore, they are important to me.” He reached into a box and pulled something purple out. “Now, tell me where you want me to put this…”
He hesitated.
And I just about died. On the spot. Perished into complete and total oblivion.
Just kidding. Unfortunately, I remained depressingly alive to see Warden Hallum gripping my big, purple dildo in his fist.
“That is a medical device!” I shouted. Oh, God. Why was I basically screaming? I was not doing well in the looking normal department right now.
“A medical device?” He peered closer.
“Stop!” I squeaked. “Stop looking at it!”
I tried to sprint across the kitchen to snatch it. Due to all the mess, it was more of a pathetic sort of lurch.
“Are dildos medical devices?”
Oh.
Oh no.
Red alert! Warning!
Warden Hallum knew what a dildo was!
SOS!
Save our sex toys!
Or save our sanity…
“How do you…” I sputtered. “What even…”
“It was briefly mentioned in the book that Tasha wrote,” he explained. “She provided a small section on human modes of masturbation.”
Human modes of masturbation.
That he now knew I participated in.
“This is yours?” he asked. He frowned. Again. And then muttered, “Why the blazes did you have to choose a purple one?”
“It’s not mine!” I squawked, still trying to get across the cluttered room to him. I was huffing and puffing like I was trying to climb a damn mountain. And I was making about the same amount of progress that I’d make mountain climbing. Which was next to none.
Thunder moved over his features.
“This is not yours? Who has tampered with your boxes, then? Could this have happened on the shuttle?” With his free, non-dildo-holding hand, he retrieved his data tab.
He looked like he was about to start making some very important calls about finding the scoundrel who’d meddled with my luggage. The scoundrel being me, of course.
“Put that away! It is mine,” I panted, finally reaching him. I yanked the stiff purple toy from his hand. “But it’s not mine mine. It’s…It’s an educational tool!”
His gaze pinged back and forth from my hot, sweaty face to my hand.
When he spoke next, there was a crackle of warning in his words. “And just who, doctor, do you plan on educating with such an item?”
My nipples prickled.
Stupid nipples! Shut up! Stand down!
“Well, er, Xennet and Dorn, of course!”
“You do not…” He looked like he was going to try to steal my dildo back from me. I didn’t think he’d have any trouble doing it, if he really set his mind to it. “You do not mean to use it on yourself? In front of them?”
“What?! No! Of course not! That would be insane! I just…Based on what Tasha has told me, I figured they might need a little bit of extra, uh, guidance in the, er, lady department. It’s like a visual aid!”
“I have taught them the contents of the document,” he said, very seriously. “We have examined the illustrations many times.”
“That’s great!” I replied. “But they might require more, um, specialized education. And a chance to ask questions. From an actual human woman. And doctor! Since I am one of those! Ha! Ha!”
At least, I was a doctor until someone took my medical license away from me. For being a dildo-wielding lunatic.
Somehow, Warden Hallum did not seem to notice or care that I was having a minor mental breakdown right in front of him. He merely made a grunting sound of thoughtful agreement.
“This is a good idea,” he said. “I have done my best with their lessons using the material provided, but I do not have adequate experience to assist them further in these matters.”
“Because you don’t have a human wife, you mean?” I asked. “I’m sure your other experience with Zabrian women would be at least a little useful to them. They’ve got no experience at all! They’ve been here since they were children!”
“Yes,” he conceded. “But I do not have any either.” At my confused look, he added, “Any sexual experience with women.”
“Oh! Sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed. Men, then?”
Now it was his turn to look confused.
“What about men?”
“Do you prefer men? Sexually?”
This conversation was extremely awkward. But at least it was allowing me to move on from the dildo incident with some small shred of dignity intact.
Warden Hallum’s brows flicked briefly upward.
“Not that I am aware of.”
“Sorry!” I said again. “When you said you hadn’t had any experience with women…”
I trailed off, studying his face. It was hard to tell how old he was.
He wasn’t human, and I had no frame of reference.
But he seemed older than Warden Tenn, who already gave me a mid-to-late-thirties sort of vibe.
And Warden Hallum had mentioned that he’d had an entire military career before coming here.
“I simply never had the time for those sorts of experiences,” he said. “Or, really, the inclination. I was entirely focussed on my career. Advancing to the post of commander took every spare moment I had, and every last bit of my will. There was no room left for anything or anyone else.”
Oh.
So he wasn’t gay.
Just a tightly-wound, fiercely focused workaholic.
A tightly-wound, fiercely focused virgin.
“But now you’re here,” I pointed out. “Lots more time, I would assume. Lots more room!”
Forgetting about the incriminating purple organ in my hand, and also forgetting how we barely had space to breathe in here, I gestured around the kitchen.
“Still have plenty to keep me busy on Zabria Prinar One,” he said dryly. He began working on another box, signalling an end to the conversation and a chance for me to go hide my embarrassing “educational tool.”
It wasn’t until I was alone in my room that a question suddenly unfurled itself inside my head, like a big, bright banner.
If Warden Hallum had been that intensely devoted to his military career, if he had pushed aside everything else life had to offer just to achieve his goals there…
Why had he given that up?
Why had he left it all behind to come here?