10. Faith
You know what? I knew better. I knew better than to have sex with Reed, and I damn sure knew better than to fall asleep with him.
I just needed a quick nap after he ate my pussy off the bone and fucked me senseless.
All my good sense came flooding back to me at once when I woke up and felt his arms draped heavily across my body.
His warm, solid body felt good against mine.
For a minute, I just let myself feel. For a second, it was like all the years and the heartache never took place. Being with Reed felt good, but I knew better than to try to linger. I needed him out of there.
The sound of footsteps made my heart sink.
See, I knew better than to feel good. I sat up straight in bed like I was waking from a nightmare.
My heart hammered my ears as I considered telling Reed to hide in the bathroom.
Thankfully, I had slipped into a nightgown when I got up to get myself together last night.
“Reed,” I whispered in a panic right before the door swung open.
“Girl, whose car is—”
Grace stopped in her tracks in the doorway right before Jada rushed past her into my bedroom.
“Mama, whose car is that?”
I had told both of them about knocking a thousand times. There was no use in reminding them right now. Everything in the room stood still, including time. Grace’s eyes bounced between Reed and me before they settled on me. The only sound was my heart pounding until Grace finally spoke up.
“Well damn,” she muttered. “Um . . . come on, Jada. Let’s let your mom get herself together while we find something to make for breakfast.”
“I thought we were coming to get my mom so we could go get pancakes.”
“That’s actually a good idea,” I said, finally chiming in.
“Who is that?” Jada asked, addressing the six-foot-two elephant in the room.
It felt like Reed moved in slow motion as he sat up beside me.
His eyes landed on Jada. I felt the very moment everything in the room shifted.
His entire body went still as the last of the air left my lungs.
Please God, no. He stared at my baby like he had something to say, but internally, I begged him not to.
“Actually, why don’t you two go ahead without me,” I suggested, hoping to change the subject back to something more palatable.
“What’s your name, pretty girl?” Reed asked, as if he hadn’t just heard me trying to get them out of the damn room.
“It’s Jada. What’s yours?”
“Grace!” I snapped.
“Come on, little mama. Let’s go get strawberry pancakes. Your mom can fend for herself.”
The bedroom door closed behind them as I slid out of bed. The air in the room was so thick that I couldn’t breathe it in. I felt Reed’s eyes burning a hole in my back as I sauntered to the bathroom hoping that he would disappear while I emptied my bladder.
“Why didn’t you tell me you had a daughter?” he asked before I could make my escape.
“Because I didn’t want to discuss my personal life with a subject.”
He chuckled dryly. “I’m not a subject. You’re trying to ruin the reputation of my business.”
“OK. Well, that too.”
“Come back over here and talk to me, Faith.”
“Reed, last night was fun, but this is not a thing,” I said, closing the bathroom door so I could pee.
Mostly, I needed a barrier between us. I couldn’t look at him because I felt like all he had to do was look into my eyes to know the truth. Actually, all he had to do was look into Jada’s eyes, and he had already done that.
I took my time washing my hands and brushing my teeth before emerging from my hiding place. Unfortunately, when I walked back into my bedroom, Reed was still there.
“Your daughter is beautiful. How old is she?” His voice was even, not giving away much, but I knew there was a hidden agenda behind his question. Why else would he have it locked and loaded as soon as I stepped out of the bathroom?
I sighed, shaking my head and waving both of my hands as if they would erase his question. “Reed, don’t.”
“How old is she, Faith?” he asked again.
I closed my eyes briefly before bracing myself as I answered. “Six.”
The silence following my answer was deafening. I could almost hear him doing the math in his head as I crossed the room to find something to change into after my shower. He didn’t have to do much calculating before his eyes stretched then quickly narrowed.
“When is her birthday?”
“Why are you asking all these questions when you should be getting dressed and getting the hell out of my house? I already have to explain why I had a man in my bed to my daughter. She’s never seen that before.”
“When is her birthday, Faith?” I finally let our eyes connect.
He looked like he was coming undone. I needed to get him out of there before he exploded or unraveled, whichever came first. I wasn’t afraid of Reed, but I had never been on the receiving end of his anger either.
“Reed, please don’t do this. I gave you one night. Shouldn’t that be enough to quench whatever thirst you had for me after all these years? You fucked me, mission accomplished.”
“Mission not accomplished. I didn’t come here to fuck you. I came here to get you back.”
“Well, that’s out of the question.”
“Stop changing the subject and answer the damn question.”
“I’m not about to stand around answering questions all day. I have enough on my plate as it is.”
“Stop playing with me, Faith. Is that my fucking daughter?”
I swallowed hard, toying with the bracelet on my wrist as I considered what I would say. Tears stung the rims of my eyes as I realized that the day I’d been dreading for so long had finally come. This could not be happening right now.
“Jesus, Faith! What the fuck?” Reed muttered.
“I swear I was going to tell you. I came to tell you . . . back when I found out.”
His head snapped up like he had just remembered that I was in the room. “What?”
“The day that I came, I wasn’t just excited about your grade. I wanted to tell you that I was pregnant. I knew that it wasn’t what you wanted to hear right before graduation, but I figured we could figure things out together. Everything changed when I got to your place.”
“My mom,” he said quietly.
“She saw the test. I had a fresh test to take just in case you wanted me to. She saw it. She accused me of trying to trap you.”
“You had my baby,” he mumbled again.
“She’s not—”
His eyes darkened as his head snapped in my direction. “You were fucking someone else back then?”
“No, of course not. I just think we should get a DNA test to confirm things before you start going around using the word mine. I don’t want you having regrets later and wondering if she is really yours.”
“She has my whole damn face, Faith.”
“She does not. She looks like my mom.” Everyone said so. Eventually, I started to see it too. Granted, most people who thought she looked like me had ever seen her dad.
“She has my eyes and hair.”
“A lot of people have sandy hair and hazel eyes.”
“That’s my little girl, Faith. I knew it as soon as I saw her. Even before it registered that she called you mom. That’s my daughter. I know it.”
Tears slid down my cheeks as his words settled in my chest. The careful way he spoke like he was the one trying to convince me that Jada was his nearly destroyed me. I accepted that she wouldn’t have a dad shortly after leaving his house that day. It had been a long time coming.
“I want to meet my daughter. I need to set up a trust for her and . . . when did you say her birthday was? I have six birthdays to make up for.”
“Reed, we don’t need anything from you. That’s the reason that I never tried to force you to pay child support or any of that. I didn’t want anything from you. Your mom thought I was trying to trap you. I was determined to prove her wrong.”
“I would have given you everything, Faith, with or without a baby.”
“You left me!”
“I didn’t leave you. I would have never left you.”
“You might as well have left me. You let me go. I’m sure your mother told you what happened. You knew what she told me, and you never came for me.”
“I thought I was protecting you from my life. I didn’t mean for it to be this long. Then I realized that you were probably happier without me.”
“I was humiliated and heartbroken. Then, on top of that, I had to go home and explain to my grandma that I had let some punk get me pregnant and fuck up my life.”
“I love you. I thought I was doing the right thing,” he mumbled.
“So did I,” I said, lifting my chin defiantly.
A charged silence fell over the room as we stared each other down.
My chest burned as it rapidly rose and fell.
Reed looked just as destroyed as I felt.
I wanted to cry for him because, honestly, I knew he didn’t deserve not to be in Jada’s life.
I was terrified when I found out that I was pregnant.
I thought it was the end of the world when I realized that I would have to be a single mother.
Everything I thought was quickly pushed out of my mind the first time I heard my baby’s heartbeat.
She was the best thing that had ever happened to me.
I pulled myself together and did what I needed to do to graduate and take care of me and my baby, without having to deal with Reed and his crazy ass family.
Reed started to move. I watched him for a minute, trying to decide what I should say. I didn’t know why seeing him gather his clothes made me panic. When I wanted him to leave, he refused to. Now I didn’t want him to go. Wait, what the hell was I saying?
“You leaving?” I asked.
“For now.”
“For now? What does that mean?”
“I’m going to get my daughter six birthdays worth of gifts. Then I’m coming back with movers to get my family.”
“Wait a minute! What do you mean movers?”
“You and my daughter are coming to live with me. I can’t have you two all the way over here.”
“Excuse me?” I asked, chuckling softly because he had to be kidding.
“You heard what I said, Faith. This isn’t a debate.”
“That’s out of the question.”
“My daughter is six years old, Faith. Six!” he yelled.
“Don’t you think I know that. I gave birth to her.”
“That means I’ve missed six years of her life. I’m not missing another minute. This isn’t a good time to argue. I’m already trying not to lose my shit right now.”
“We can’t just uproot her like that, Reed. She doesn’t even know you exist.”
That made him stop dead in his tracks. “What have you told her about me?”
“That you were a really good guy that moved away. Thankfully, she hasn’t asked too many questions, so far.”
“I’ll call you when I’m on my way back here.”
“Reed, you don’t even know her.”
“That’s all the more reason for her to be near me.”
“You can’t just bulldoze your way into our lives!”
His facial expression was even after he took long strides to stand in front of me.
He cupped my face in his hands, and if it were anyone else, I might have been afraid.
Scratch that. I was nervous until I saw the look in his eyes.
The sincerity in his eyes was always comforting.
Why the hell did it work now, when I no longer trusted him?
“She’s my daughter, and you’re my wife. I don’t have to bulldoze my way anywhere, but I do need you to stop fighting me.”
“You sound crazy right now!”
“And you hid my daughter from me for six fucking years. I’m trying not to start unpacking that right now, or I would really be sounding crazier than I already do.”
His words made me swallow my response. He was right, but what could I do now? I wasn’t moving Jada in with some strange man, even if he was her father. Guilt consumed me as hot tears rushed down my cheeks.
“I’m sorry. I never meant to . . . I’m so sorry,” I expressed.
Reed threw his arms around me and pulled my head against his chest as I cried my eyes out. It had been years since I let myself feel like anything other than a good mother for protecting my daughter from the unknown of Reed and his wife and family.
His mother was so disgusting that I could only imagine how the rest of them would respond to an outside baby.
I refused to let my daughter feel unwanted like I did the handful of times I spent with my dad and his wife and kids.
I couldn’t stomach my daughter feeling anything but love and adoration from the people who should’ve loved her.
“I’m not trying to hurt you, but I’m not walking away from my daughter, so you can get that out of your head.”
“We need a DNA test. I don’t want any questions later on.”
“I know she’s mine. She has my whole damn face. Plus, back then, I was the only one who had ever touched you. I know damn well you weren’t fucking around on me, or I’m going back in time and wringing your fucking neck.”
“See, I can’t with you,” I said, pushing out of his hold.
“I’m playing with you, unless you have something you need to tell me.”
“I don’t. I swear. I just need a little time to talk to Jada.”
“I’m not waiting forever, Faith. It’s been six years.
I shoulda been there from the moment you found out.
I missed seeing her grow inside you. I missed witnessing you bring her into the world.
I missed her first steps, her first day of school, her first words.
I missed too much shit. I’m not missing another second of raising my fucking daughter. ”
“OK.” I nodded, knowing that it was only right to introduce Reed to his daughter.
“Quick question.”
“What is it?” I asked, bracing myself for the foolishness.
“Who have you been letting see my pussy?”
“What?”
“You wax it yourself, or you been letting somebody in my business?”
“Hell no, I don’t wax myself. I go to a place.”
“That’s cancelled. I can take care of my own affairs. Snatching out a few hairs can’t be all that damn complicated.”
I laughed before I could stop myself. “Nah, I think I’ll leave that to the professionals.”
“I don’t need a chef, Faith. I’m perfectly capable of preparing my own meals.”
“Whatever, silly.” I continued to laugh.
I was grateful to Reed for lightening the mood, but there was no damn way I would let him give me a Brazilian wax. He was out of his damn mind.
“Find a new house by the end of the week, or I’m moving all this shit to my house. I don’t want you and my daughter living this close to a nigga who’s been trying to fuck you for almost a year.”
“Jasper is not trying to fuck me.” I laughed.
“Oh, so neighbor guy has a name?”
“He’s just a friendly neighbor. It’s not like that.”
“Hm, well as much as I hate to go, I have to go take care of a few things. We need to do this test that you want ASAP. I don’t need it. I know she’s mine.”