17. Chapter Seventeen
I didn’t say much as we drove back to the cabin, mountains and trees passing outside my window. Instead, I reveled in the memory, still amazed at myself for jumping into the river. The towel underneath me was wet, likely soaking into the car seat. I’d kicked off my water shoes, allowing my toes the freedom they’d been craving all day. My hair was a disaster. A few tangled strands had escaped from my bun, and I could guarantee I had mascara smudges giving me raccoon eyes. Yet, I felt happy—content, even. I had jumped, despite fear and anxiety and self-doubt. Not just that, I’d jumped multiple times, experiencing a level of fun and enjoyment I hadn’t anticipated. Maybe there was something to be said for losing control every once in a while.
“They made it.” Tory exclaimed, pulling me from my thoughts.
A silver car was parked in the clearing next to Grey’s SUV. Tory parked on the other side of the silver car, and I quickly slipped my water shoes back on, following the others out of the car.
The cabin door opened, and a group of three familiar faces trekked out onto the porch, waving. The twin blond-haired guys in their late twenties were staples at almost all of Tory’s social functions. While I knew there had to be other indicators, the only way I knew how to tell them apart was that Alex wore glasses and Brad didn’t. A few steps behind them was Kylie, one of Tory’s roommates. Her thick, auburn hair bounced in the wind, and her excitement was nearly tangible, coming off her in waves. She looked picture-perfect, with flawless makeup and hair, and I instantly felt self-conscious. I tightened my grip on the towel around my waist as I took in Kylie’s appearance and remembered my own wet, makeup-smudged state.
I hung back, following behind everyone as Tory dashed up the porch steps to hug her friends.
“How was the drive?” She slung an arm around each of the twins, leaving wet marks on their shirts as she hugged them simultaneously. They laughed, slipping from her grip with pretend dismay. Tory then turned to Kylie, who held up a hand with a laugh to stop her approach.
“I’ll wait on the hug until you’re dry”—she waved vaguely at Tory while taking a step back—“but it’s so good to see you.”
“Oh, come on! It’s not that different from the time at camp when we were kids,” Tory protested, jokingly going in for another hug while Kylie ducked away, hiding behind Brad for protection.
“The difference is I’m an adult now who really doesn’t want to have to change her clothes,” Kylie said, gesturing to her pink top and leggings.
“I didn’t realize opting out of wet hugs was an option,” Brad joked as he pulled his shirt away from his skin, exposing a band of tan, muscled stomach.
“You love it, and you know it,” Tory said, giving him another hug, making sure to soak even more of his shirt. “We’ve been friends for too long for you to worry about a wet shirt.”
“True enough.” Alex shrugged, pushing his glasses up his nose. “But he can be bugged by how cold you are. Where were you swimming? The Antarctic?” He gave a mock shiver, emphasizing his point as he leaned against the porch railing.
“We hit the Firehole since we weren’t sure when you’d get here. You made great time,” Tory said.
“I got off work earlier than planned,” Kylie said. “I didn’t want to miss any more of your birthday trip!”
“Are you sure they won’t fall apart without you?” Tory quirked an eyebrow. “You’ve been sprinting up the corporate ladder so fast, I’m not sure they’ll know how to function without you.”
Kylie gave a delicate shrug. “I might have to answer a few emails while I’m here, but I’ll make it work. I’ve always loved a challenge.”
Tory blocked the door, so Grey, Trent, and I hung back, watching the exchange. Trent’s posture tensed as he watched his girlfriend catch up with her childhood friends. I didn’t know Trent well, but his reaction was odd. For someone so stoic and not reactionary, his clear dislike of Brad and Alex seemed out of character.
“Can we pause the shoptalk to discuss the really important topic here? You went to the Firehole without us! Please tell me you saved floating the river for when we got here,” Brad said, nudging Tory with his shoulder.
“Of course! I wouldn’t dream of floating without you guys. You brought tubes, right?”
Tory and the twins became lost in conversation, talking about plans for the rest of our trip. I wrapped my arms around myself, pretending I wasn’t eager to duck inside to shower and repair my appearance.
As a breeze rustled the trees around us, I shivered, goose bumps breaking out on my skin. If Alex thought a hug from Tory felt like the Antarctic, then I felt like I’d been vacationing on Pluto thanks to the combination of my wet swimsuit and where I was standing in the shade of the porch. I was well on my way to turning into a popsicle, the higher elevation of Idaho bringing with it an added chill.
“Hey, Tory. Do you mind letting the rest of us into the cabin? I’m glad you’re reconnecting with friends, but I, for one, would really like to change before hypothermia sets in.” Grey called from behind me where he stood on the stairs, watching the exchange.
I smiled at him in appreciation as I rubbed my arms, trying to get rid of my goose bumps.
Tory jumped as if she’d forgotten about us in her banter with the twins.
“Yes, of course,” Tory said, stepping aside to let us pass and giving a welcoming sweep of her hand to wave us inside. “I just wanted to make sure you wouldn’t get overheated in the cabin.”
Her comment was completely ridiculous. The cabin was several degrees cooler than outside, and I did my best to fight down my grimace. I would likely have more of a sense of humor once I’d had a chance to stand in the warm shower spray for at least 20 minutes.
I hurried around Tory, eager for a shower and the chance to warm up. My toes were cold enough that I’d likely need fuzzy socks to feel warm again. I had nearly made it inside when Kylie snagged my arm.
“Audrey! I’m so glad Tory convinced you to come. I was worried you’d back out.” Kylie reached to hug me but stopped short, noting my bedraggled state. “I owe you a hug too, once you’re dry.”
I gave an awkward laugh, not quite sure of the correct response. Kylie and I were friendly, but I hadn’t realized we were on hugging terms. She’d always felt more like Tory’s friend who was comfortable around me as opposed to someone I counted as a friend. Perhaps I needed to reevaluate that perspective. Maybe vacationing with someone changed those dynamics.
“Darn wet swimsuits, always getting in the way,” I joked, wishing it wasn’t rude to dash into the cabin and let the door slam behind me in my haste to get warm again. Could you get frostbite from swimming in a river in the middle of summer?
“Exactly! I wish we could have gotten here sooner. You guys look like you’ve had a blast. I hated missing the fun, but I couldn’t escape work until today. You know how it is, being a career woman and all.” She gave me a friendly nudge with her shoulder, careful to avoid my swimsuit.
While it was not fair, the comparison fairy in my head had convinced me to keep Kylie at arm’s length despite her repeated attempts to get to know me better. Kylie had always been friendly, excited to see me whenever I visited Tory. Yet, she left me feeling self-conscious. She always looked picture-perfect, with subtle but striking makeup and clothes that cost more than I cared to think about. Her current ensemble of name-brand leggings and a flowy top hinted at money. She’d completed a business degree about the same time as me, and while mine did nothing but collect dust in a drawer somewhere in my bedroom, hers seemed to throw doors wide open. She’d recently started a job at a new company and was already climbing the ranks, going on regular business trips to exciting locations. She was nothing but nice to me, but that voice in my head loved nothing more than pointing out how much more successful Kylie was compared to me.
Kylie led the way into the cabin, chattering away about corporate life. It was a side of business I knew little about, thanks to being perpetually stuck in customer service. Kylie’s stories about big projects and corporate meetings felt like a distant dream—a dream I wasn’t sure I wanted any more, not if it came with the type of stress Kylie seemed to revel in. Though, the business trips and pay raise would be nice.
“Don’t worry. Now that we’re here, the real party can begin!” Kylie gave my arm a squeeze before turning to look at the rest of our friends who had followed us into the cabin.
“Grey!” If it was possible, Kylie’s voice filled with even more excitement. “I’ll also be taking a raincheck on a dry hug from you.” She flipped her hair as she spoke, and I was grateful her back was to me so I couldn’t see her expression. It was probably the perfect combination of interest and invitation.
Grey’s face, on the other hand, was strained as he stepped around her and headed for the stairs, hinting at a history I’d have to ask Tory about later. “Good to see you, Kylie. Unfortunately, I don’t raincheck hugs.”
“In that case, I guess I’ll take a wet hug instead.” Her voice held a note of invitation, making my hackles rise. It was an unfamiliar sensation, which I tried to ignore.
I slipped down the hall towards my bedroom, not wanting to hear the rest of their exchange.
“Grey, you are so funny.” Kylie’s voice followed me down the hall as I ducked into my room to grab a change of clothes.
I bit back a grimace. Strengthening friendships with Tory’s friends would be a good thing. It was part of why I’d come to the cabin. Also, sharing Grey meant I wouldn’t have to listen to any more of his monologues. I might have enjoyed one or two of his nudges, but I reminded myself that there was value in predictability. Having Kylie, Brad, and Alex here was for the best. If I repeated the mantra enough times, I might even believe it.
I showered quickly but took my time styling my hair and applying makeup. Kylie’s perfect hair had left me feeling dowdy, and I needed the protection of my makeup and curled hair to soothe the anxiety that had returned with her arrival. It roiled in my stomach, almost as if the fun, carefree day in Yellowstone had never happened.
Later, I joined Tory in the kitchen and helped pull together dinner while the others explored the surrounding area. After the meal, we played games until dark. The mood had shifted significantly with the arrival of more guests. Instead of the comfortable banter of the night before, the air was charged. The twins brought a competitive, teasing spirit that I appreciated, but Trent’s jaw indicated he felt differently. I watched him flinch each time Brad or Alex brushed arms with Tory.
I was surprised to discover I understood his sentiment. Kylie, with her giggling and need for attention from Grey, set my teeth on edge. I couldn’t tell if she really didn’t know how to play the various games we chose or if she liked how asking questions gave her an excuse to lean into Grey and capture his attention when he explained a particular rule. These exchanges left me feeling unsettled for reasons I didn’t want to examine too closely. I knew Kylie. She was a brilliant strategist, and yet, she played dumb with Grey, something he clearly noticed as he edged farther from her and frequently asked if she genuinely didn’t understand the rules.
“I think that’s enough games for tonight,” Tory said after our third or fourth round of cards, and I almost sighed in relief. “It’s supposed to be a clear night. Who’s up for stargazing?”
The group mumbled their assent, and we broke apart, everyone going their separate ways to change into warmer clothes and gather blankets.
I was one of the first people outside. In the light from the porch, I could see a lone figure lying in the grass next to the firepit. Using my phone flashlight as a guide, I picked my way over to whoever was already outside, careful not to trip on a protruding rock or root.
“It’s going to be difficult to see the stars with that thing on,” Grey said, laughter clear in his voice as I drew closer.
“I’ll turn it off once I’m safely lying down. The last thing I need is a twisted ankle.” I spread out one of my blankets and settled next to Grey, pulling the other blanket over my legs. I was close enough to feel the heat from his body, but not close enough to touch, though a part of me wanted to roll over and snuggle into his warmth like I’d done the last two nights. Unintentionally sleeping with Grey was becoming a habit I needed to break.
Or did I?asked a mischievous voice in my head. It sounded very much like something my mom would ask, urging me to step outside of my comfort zone and chase something unexpected.
“That would make hiking tomorrow difficult,” Grey mused. He was close enough that his breath tickled my ear, and I was tempted to scoot in even closer, soaking in his warmth and comforting scent.
We lay quiet for a minute, more stars appearing as my eyes adjusted to the dark.
“Where’s everyone else?” I asked. “I figured everyone else would have already come out while I was changing.”
“Kylie mentioned something about searching for bug spray. Tory and Trent disappeared for what looked like a pretty serious conversation. I’m not sure what happened to the Adonis twins.”
“That’s the perfect nickname for those two,” I said, humor lacing my tone. Not sure what to say next, I opted for a change of topic, hoping humor would add to the moment. “My hair’s going to be a mess after lying on the ground. Promise not to look too closely when we head inside?”
“Do you ever get tired of all that?” Grey’s words gave me pause, and I sat up to look at him, dragging the blanket with me and hugging it close.
“What do you mean?”
“Tired of constantly worrying about your hair. Tired of being perfect all the time. Tired of trying too hard. Tired of not being yourself.”
His words surprised me. He’d only interacted with me a handful of times. How did he know who my true self was? “How do you know I’m not being myself?”
“It’s just…you look like you’re always checking over your shoulder, watching and waiting for someone to call you out. Today at the Firehole…” He paused, and I felt him shake his head. “That’s the most comfortable I’ve seen you on this trip. And I shared a bed with you.”
I snorted a laugh.
“I was in a swimsuit about to jump into a rushing river. How does that constitute comfortable?” I folded my arms across my chest, trying to hold in the emotions his observations stirred.
“I’m not talking comfortable like sweatpants. I’m talking comfortable like you weren’t trying to hide. You were just you, this amazing, kind woman who’s braver than she thinks and willing to take my teasing and give it right back.” He blew out a deep breath. “Of course, what do I know? I’m just a random guy who speaks without thinking.”
I settled back onto the blanket letting the warmth of his words fill me as I stared up at the stars once more, taking in the specks of light framed by treetops. A breeze blew through the clearing, causing the windchimes on the porch to tinkle.
“I’m not sure what you want me to say.” I finally spoke, my words filling the space between us as I focused on the first part of what he said. “I mean, after that first jump, I did feel comfortable. But that’s just because I knew what I was doing. That first jump was a big unknown. Now, I know what I’m getting into when I jump.”
“Do you always approach life so carefully, afraid to jump into the unknown? Afraid to wander off course?”
Before I could answer, the cabin door opened, followed by voices.
“Sorry it took us so long,” Kylie chirped as she walked over and settled onto the blanket on Grey’s other side. “I forgot my hoodie and we were scrambling to find enough layers to keep me warm. You might need to offer me your arm if it gets too cold, Grey.”
I shifted away from Grey, grateful for the distraction while also missing his warmth.
“Or, if you get too cold, you can go inside. No one’s making you stargaze,” Tory pointed out as she settled on my other side, effectively sandwiching Grey and me in the middle of the group.
“Don’t be silly. Of course, I want to be out here with you guys. Making memories with friends and all that,” Kylie said.
We settled back into silence, and I gazed at the sky. Someone had turned off the cabin lights when they came out, making even more stars visible. Maybe if I wished on one of them hard enough, I could make sense of what was going on between me and Grey. His comments about my kindness and bravery replayed in my mind, making my toes curl with happiness.
As if reading my thoughts, I felt Grey’s pinky brush mine, and I froze for a moment, my breath hitching in my lungs. We’d briefly held hands at the Firehole when he’d been helping me reach the rapids for my first jump. The sensation had been pleasant, and I found myself wanting a repeat of the contact. Mustering my courage, I nudged his pinky with mine and inched my hand closer. Following my lead, Grey interlaced his fingers with mine, and warmth traveled up my arm at the contact. I relaxed into the sensation, liking the way his fingers felt tangled up in mine. I liked holding Grey’s hand and listening to him talk—not his monologues, but his actual conversations. Maybe knowing that much was enough for now.