18. Chapter Eighteen
The next morning, I was the first one awake again. We’d stargazed until well past midnight, counting shooting stars and telling stories. After one story when Tory recounted nearly being trampled by a moose in the very clearing where we were lying, we collectively decided to call it a night and head inside, carrying blankets and doing our best not to trip in the dark.
I quickly got ready, pulling my hair into a braid but pausing when I reached for my makeup. We would be hiking today, and the only guy who I might care to impress had made it clear last night that he didn’t care about my makeup. Deciding to be brave, I skipped that step and headed into the living room, surprised to find Tory had woken up while I got ready. She sat on the couch, bundled in a blanket, her brows pinched as she stared out the windows to the trees beyond.
“What’s the matter?” I asked, sitting next to her and stealing a corner of her blanket to snuggle under. The denim quilt was heavy and settled as a comforting weight on my legs.
“It’s Trent. He gets weird when the twins are around, no matter how much I promise there’s nothing to worry about. We’ve been friends since I was seven. Their grandparents own the cabin next door.” She nodded out the window towards a two-story log structure I could see just past the trees. “But it doesn’t matter how many times I tell him we’re just friends—Trent doesn’t believe me. Last night he even accused me of secretly wishing I was dating Brad instead of him. Ridiculous, right?”
She threw up her hands in a huff, looking to me for confirmation of her thoughts.
I paused, biting my lip and thinking through my response before speaking.
“I can kind of see where Trent’s coming from.”
Tory sat up, twisting to face me more fully. “What do you mean?”
“Think about it. You’re a bubbly, friendly person, and you’re that way with everyone. But the twins—they seem to bring out an extra level of energy that I don’t see in you around anyone else.”
“That’s not true. I’m the same level of bubbly with all my friends.” Tory protested, her face pinched.
“You greet all your friends with overly enthusiastic hugs when you’re wearing a wet swimsuit?” I asked, remembering the day before and the tic in Trent’s jaw every time Tory was in Brad’s vicinity.
Tory remained quiet for a moment, processing my words before collapsing back against the couch with a groan.
“I guess I can see that. We’ve been friends for so long. I forget that most people don’t know how to react to our dynamic.” The words were soft but loaded with memories and meaning.
“And you can’t tell me you’ve never thought about dating either one of the twins. I mean, look at them! They’re gorgeous.”
Tory stayed oddly quiet, and I shifted to watch her face. She bit her lip and refused to make eye contact.
“I may have thought about it, once or twice,” she said finally, her green eyes darting up to meet mine and then away.
“Tory!” I grabbed a throw pillow and gave her a gentle thwack. “And you never told me?”
“What was I supposed to tell you? ‘Remember Brad, that guy I’ve told you repeatedly is just a good friend? I wouldn’t mind if he was more than a friend.’” Her cheeks were bright pink, and I couldn’t contain a grin.
“That would have done the trick. Do you still have feelings for him?”
She shook her head. “Absolutely not. I’m dating Trent, and he’s the only person I have romantic feelings for. Now, if only I could get Trent to see that.”
“Want my advice?” I hated the words I was about to speak, but I knew they needed to be said. Memories of walking in on Lyle and Emily kissing, after repeated assurances that they were only friends, played through my mind. Emily had been particularly adamant. She’d referenced our many years of friendship, asking me if I trusted her. Turns out I should have questioned her more, not less.
Tory closed her eyes and nodded.
“If you really care for Trent, don’t give him any room for doubt. If that means putting distance between you and Brad, do it. You, Trent, and Brad all deserve at least that much.”
Tory shifted, resting her head on my shoulder with a groan. “I know you’re right, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it. I don’t know how to have less of Brad in my life.”
We sat quietly for a moment, soaking in the stillness of the cabin before Tory broached the one topic I’d been avoiding.
“Now, tell me about your dating life. You and Grey looked awfully cozy when you got to the cabin, and I know I saw sparks flying yesterday at the Firehole.”
I rested my head on the back of the couch and stared at the ceiling, not quite sure how to explain the feelings and emotions churning inside me. “Nothing’s happening with my dating life. You know better than anyone that I’m not really on the dating market.”
“Why? Did you get a boyfriend and I missed it?”
I shook my head, the couch cushion rubbing against my neck, its worn texture oddly grounding.
“After everything that happened with Lyle—”
“That happened over a year ago! I’m sorry, Audrey, I know Lyle and Emily hurt you. What they did was unforgivable, but it has nothing to do with your dating life now.”
“Excuse me?” I sat up to glare at her.
Tory straightened too, turning so she could look me in the eye. “Hasn’t Lyle stolen enough of your life without letting him have a minute more?”
“I’m not giving him more of my time. I’m giving myself time to heal.” I scrambled to explain. It was the same reasoning I gave my mom, my roommates, and anyone else who asked about dating. It was safer that way. Though this weekend with Grey had me reevaluating that stance, a fact I found terrifying and exhilarating, liking jumping off the rock into the Firehole. I was right on the edge, and stepping forward could end in either joy or disaster.
“There’s time to heal, and then there’s running scared,” Tory said, holding her hands out like she was trying to calm a cornered animal.
Her words stung, and I shifted away from her, scooting until my back hit the armrest. I curled my legs under me, trying to find comfort in the position.
“Who says I’m running?” My words were quiet, the conversation reminiscent of so many I’d had with my mom. I was fine. What Lyle and Emily had done had left its mark, but I was healing, moving on with my life.
Are you really? This time the voice in my head sounded like me, and I didn’t like what it was saying.
Relationships meant risk and vulnerability, two things that went against my natural tendency to seek security. I’d been burned so many times as a child with friends when a move had created just a little too much distance for me and someone I cared about to stay in contact. By the time I reached high school, I didn’t date because it was easier. In college, Lyle had wormed his way under my armor, convincing me to take the risk and let him in. When that relationship had ended in the ultimate betrayal, I’d retreated back behind my armor, where it was safest. But was safety really worth living my life alone and scared?
Tory studied my face a moment longer before nodding, letting the conversation drop. “Just make sure you’re not allowing that jerk to control your life a moment more. You deserve happiness. I hate watching you live on the fringes of life, afraid of being hurt again.”
“That’s why I love you. You’re always watching out for me.” I shifted closer and reached over giving her a one-armed hug, before settling back against the armrest. “Though it might be a moot point. Kylie looks pretty determined to catch Grey’s attention.”
Tory scoffed, shaking her head. “Kylie likes chasing what she can’t have. She’s the youngest of several sisters, each one more competitive than the last. If Grey had given her the time of day when she’d first flirted with him, she would have moved on by now. But because he doesn’t want her, Kylie doesn’t know how to handle it.”
“That sounds like an exhausting way to live.” My heart went out Kylie then, constantly chasing what she could never have.
“She’ll get the message eventually. Don’t let her scare you away from what you want.”
I just nodded, not sure how to respond. Was Grey what I wanted? Every day I spent with him, it felt more and more like he was, a fact that terrified me.
We stayed there, each lost in our thoughts, until the guys and Kylie made their appearance.