33. Chapter Thirty-Three
I spent the afternoon researching what I needed to do to become a yoga instructor. It would take time, but the more I researched, the more excited I became as I pictured the possibilities. I could work at the rec center or a local yoga studio. I might even be able to start my own studio or run my own classes. The possibility of teaching outdoor yoga at local parks or even up in Island Park sounded particularly appealing.
A little before dinner, I pushed up from the couch, my eyes tired from so many hours staring at the computer screen, planning my future. I headed to my room, rubbing at sore muscles that weren’t used to such long stretches on the couch.
My duffle and backpack waited for me on the floor, still full from my trip. The group would have driven back today. I wondered if they’d stopped at the creamery and tried odd milk flavors. Maybe they’d visited Dot and Hank, eaten cookies, and listened to stories about falling in love.
Pushing the thoughts aside, I sorted through the bags’ contents. Unzipping my backpack, a brown bag fell onto the floor. I’d forgotten about Grey’s gift.
I weighed the unassuming paper bag in my hands for a moment, curious. It was probably something simple like an odd flavor of licorice he wanted to goad me into trying. I was fairly certain I’d seen huckleberry flavored everything in the store. Maybe they’d even had huckleberry milk, though the bag wasn’t quite heavy enough for something like that.
I unrolled the top and dumped the contents into my hand. It was the necklace from the display I’d been perusing before running from the store and the complication Grey personified. The gold bar shone brightly against my palm as I read the word etched on it: wander.
Of course that was the word he’d picked. It was utterly perfect, as I thought about the week and everything I’d experienced. I really had wandered, and instead of becoming lost, I’d found myself. I hadn’t even realized I had been missing, lost in all the fears from my mom’s accident, the expectations of work, and the remnants of my failed relationship with Lyle.
But I’d come out the other side, a little more sure about who I was and what I wanted, though the possibilities still brought a level of fear and anxiety I was trying to block out. I wanted a job I loved and a life that fit hiking and yoga and classic rock and cooking and all the interests that made me who I was. I also wanted love, the kind of love that could handle all my self-doubt and help me be braver and stronger for it.
Thoughts of something else, or rather someone else, I also wanted in my life filled my mind, and for the first time since returning from the cabin, I didn’t push thoughts of him away. An image of Grey, with his constant smile and flannel-wrapped arms, played in my thoughts. I wanted him too, but I worried it was too late. I had run away. Why would he want me now?
Yet, he’d be the first person to tell me to be brave and chase what I wanted. I just wasn’t sure how he’d respond if I showed up on his doorstep begging him to give us a chance. Especially when we weren’t even dating. We were two acquaintances who’d become friends on a vacation. Could we be something more?
I studied the gold chain a moment before slipping it around my neck, the bar resting on my chest above my shirt collar, right in alignment with my heart.
I was willing to take the risk to find out.