Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
kate
As I stand in front of the bathroom mirror, Sophia’s advice keeps playing over and over in my head, warning me to deal with the skeletons in my past before they come out.
And there are two of them in my closet—Brian and my dad.
I’m optimistic my conversation with Brian will downplay any potential drama when the news of my previous engagement comes out.
The only real ticking time bomb is my father.
The man who walked out of my life without another word twenty-five years ago.
I sigh loudly, applying moisturizer and contemplating how to handle this situation.
When I was younger, I would’ve given anything to have my father back in my life; now I’m not so sure.
How can you forgive someone who disappeared when you were a child?
Who promised nothing would change except where he lived.
And it all turned out to be nothing but lies.
I’ve spent months working to address my insecurities and learning how to stand up for myself, so it makes me question whether seeking out a relationship with my dad is another step backward—assuming he even wants one.
I grit my teeth at the thought of trying to find him, only to learn he has no desire to be in my life.
That he wants absolutely nothing to do with me.
It’s the main reason why I hesitated to look for him when I turned eighteen.
If he wanted me in his life, he would’ve reached out.
Maybe this is one of those situations when silence is affirmation, and I’m better off not thinking about him anymore.
Letting the wound heal once and for all.
But that doesn’t solve the potential problem he might be if he decides to use my relationship with Jake for fifteen minutes of fame.
Or worse, decides to use this opportunity to attack my mom.
Although some of his comments about her will likely be justified, the last thing any of us needs is riling her up more about Jake and me dating and how it impacts her life.
Jake wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me against his bare chest. “What are you thinking about?”
All my tension begins to subside when I feel his body against mine. I close my eyes tightly, working up the nerve to tell him what I’m feeling when I’m not sure I understand it myself.
“Can’t stop thinking about Sophia’s advice on dealing with potential skeletons before they come out of their own accord.”
“What are you telling me, Kate? Do you have a secret, scandalous double life that I know nothing about?” he teases, wiggling his eyebrows.
I shake my head at his ridiculousness. He knows me better than that. The most scandalous things I’ve done in my life have all been with him. To him.
Damn it. There’s a flush spreading up my chest and neck as my body remembers some of the recent endeavors and positions we’ve gotten ourselves into—like the studio.
Focus, Kate.
After turning, I lock eyes with him and snake my arms around his neck.
A sense of peace washes over me, knowing this man is my safe space.
No matter what I have to say, he’ll support me.
Believe in me. Trust my judgment. Telling him my concerns about my dad is the right thing to do, even if I don’t know how I feel about it right now. Or what I want to do about it.
“It’s my dad. I’m worried his absence in my life might come out at some point. And if my mom gets asked about him—”
Jake grimaces, swallowing hard. “It won’t go well. That would be the understatement of the year. I don’t know whether she’ll ever get over her resentment toward him.”
“Me, neither,” I whisper, expelling a deep breath. “Does it make sense for me to try and find him? Potentially reconnect before he becomes a story.”
Jake’s jaw hardens, and his face turns serious. “Is that what you want?”
“I don’t know,” I reply, shrugging. It’s the honest answer because what I want is determined by how my dad would respond.
I don’t know whether I could handle the rejection if he weren’t open to a relationship with me.
This is one of the times when I wish the Magic 8 Ball from the ’90s actually worked.
Jake nods, his jaw clenched tighter as he stares into my eyes, seeing into the very depths of my soul.
“If you want to find your dad, I fully support it. If you’re doing it because you want to get ahead of a potential media story, I’m a hundred percent against it.
I never want you to make significant life decisions based on what you think is best for my career or how it will play out in the media.
” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, dragging his index finger down my cheek and along my jawbone. “So, what do you want, Kate?”
Isn’t that the million-dollar question? What do I want? The type of question I’ve struggled to answer for years, until recently. Even now, it still can seem out of reach sometimes. The fear of being rejected or the innate inclination to please others overshadows the desires of my heart.
I lean into Jake’s hand, allowing him to cup my face, sinking into the warmth of his body.
If there was ever a time to cross this bridge, it’s now because Jake is by my side.
I know that, no matter how the situation with my father goes, Jake will support me and help me through it.
It’s what gives me the courage to finally say, “I’d like to try and find my dad.
At least know if he’s alive and whether he’d be interested in seeing me one day.
” Tilting my head up, I look into Jake’s steel-blue eyes as I blink back tears.
“What if he doesn’t want to get to know me?
If he really doesn’t care, like my mom has said for decades. ”
Jake holds my face with both hands, staring at me with an intensity that melts my heart.
“Then it’s his loss, not yours. You’re an incredible woman, Kate.
Everyone who has ever met you knows that.
” His lips find mine, kissing me softly and sweetly.
“I only have one request if you want to move forward with finding him.”
I inhale deeply, not knowing what he might ask. “Okay. What is it?”
“Let me hire a private investigator to find him. We get all the information discreetly, giving you the time and space to decide whether you want to reach out to him.” He pauses briefly.
“There are a lot of people who will try to take advantage of you because of me. Because you’re in the spotlight.
Although I’m hopeful your dad won’t be one of them, I’d rather we be safe than sorry.
We need to have more information about what he’s been up to before you consider opening the door to having him in your life. ”
He’s right.
My dad could try to use me to get close to Jake or other people in his orbit. Is this a consideration I’m going to need to keep in the back of my mind every time I meet someone new? Anytime a friend or colleague asks for a favor?
Is this what Jake deals with every day?
“Hiring a PI makes sense. Would you mind handling it? Keep the information to yourself until it’s all pulled together.” I avert my eyes, glancing at the tiled floor before meeting his gaze once again. “I’ll cope better if I’m kept in the dark rather than getting bits and pieces of information.”
“Will do. I’ll talk to the team about it tomorrow,” he replies, gently kissing me. “We also should talk about how we’re going to handle security in Chicago and our long-term living arrangements because the paparazzi and fan interest isn’t dying down as we’d hoped. ”
“Yeah,” I murmur, knowing we should’ve discussed some of that in detail months ago instead of dancing around it. “Can we talk about it tomorrow?”
“Of course. Anything for you.” He kisses my forehead. “Let’s get to bed. I’ve been craving my dessert for hours.”
He flashes me a wicked grin, leading me into our bedroom, where he makes good on devouring me, leaving me more than satisfied and able to sleep through the night.