Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
jake
The muggy air envelops me the second I step outside.
There’s a lot to love about living in Nashville year-round, but the oppressive summer heat is not one of them.
It doesn’t take long until I’m sweating through my thin T-shirt and athletic shorts as I grill our dinner.
Twenty minutes out here and I’ll need another shower.
Hmmm… Perhaps I’ll convince Kate to join me. She’s a fanatic about being clean, and having her body pressed up against mine in the shower is what wet dreams are made of—at least mine, anyway.
Fuck. I need to get my mind out of the gutter. Focus on tonight’s conversation about our long-term living arrangements. Kate and I have kicked the can on this for far too long, and we need to make some decisions.
If it were up to me, I’d live wherever she wanted, but my career makes it practically impossible to be anywhere other than Nashville for the foreseeable future.
That gives us two options: live in Nashville full-time or split our time between here and Chicago.
If we choose the latter, we need a different place in Chicago.
Kate finding out that people went through her condo trash last week might have caused her to spiral for hours.
While I was being calm, helping to comfort her on the outside, I was filled with rage at the serious invasion of privacy and ready to hire permanent security twenty-four seven.
I toss my head back and stare at the sky.
This deep-rooted nervousness won’t go away.
It intensifies every time another situation arises, highlighting the ramifications of being with me.
A wave of panic rushes over me, worried about how Kate will handle the latest drama or the next one that will inevitably pop up—if she’ll get spooked and run.
I wouldn’t blame her if she did. This lifestyle isn’t for everyone.
Grabbing our steaks, potatoes, and veggies off the grill, I head inside, trying to remove the lingering doubts in my mind.
Silence the thoughts about how I don’t think I would survive losing her again.
Deep down, I know she’s as committed to our relationship as I am, but that doesn’t make these concerns go away completely.
Every social post, negative comment, intrusion of privacy, and complication in her career is another con to add to the list about being with me.
I worry that, one day, the cons will outweigh the pros.
“Dinner’s ready, sweetheart,” I call out, stepping into the expansive kitchen I rarely used until Kate started staying here.
Before her, I lived almost entirely on takeout and preprepared meals.
Now, the kitchen has become one of my favorite spots in the house because it’s where Kate and I tag-team dinner and chat for hours.
“Thank God. I’m starving.” Kate walks into the kitchen wearing black leggings and a tank top with a hoodie tied around her waist for when she inevitably gets cold.
We work in tandem, preparing plates for each other before we sit down at the table with a bottle of chilled Riesling.
My nerves form a pit in my stomach. It takes all my energy to control my face, so she doesn’t see how insecure I am about tonight’s conversation.
It’s one of the rare times when I’m not my usual confident self; instead, I’m bogged down with anxiety about scaring her away.
Moving too fast. Saying the wrong thing.
Figuring out our living situation is one of the most consequential decisions in our relationship; it’s also what sparked her freak-out last year when she walked out on me. On us.
Although I completely understand what led to that decision and know it was ultimately what was best for both of us at the time, it doesn’t lessen my fear that it could potentially happen again, especially with all the scrutiny her life is now under.
“Wait until you see the designs for your kitchen remodel. I’m in complete awe of how they’re going to transform this space to make it more inviting,” Kate gushes, wearing a wide grin.
“Everything the designer picked out for your house so far has been spot on. I’m so glad that Max was able to find her. ”
I grimace, putting down my fork and looking Kate in the eye across the table.
“Our house. You keep calling it my house or my kitchen. We’re doing all of this to make it our home, right?
” My chest tightens, and it feels like there’s a ball of knots in my stomach as I patiently wait for her response.
The entire reason I brought up remodeling the house was to make it a home for both of us.
To help her feel more comfortable. For her to be able to envision a future here with me.
Kate’s smile softens as she reaches across the table and takes my hand, lacing our fingers together.
“You’re right. All of this is to make this house our home.
I don’t mean anything by it when I refer to it as ‘your house’; it’s merely a habit I can work to break.
” The tension in my chest eases, and the ball of knots starts to slowly unfurl.
“I want a life with you, Jake. Please don’t ever doubt that. I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”
How does she know exactly what to say to put my mind at ease? She’s constantly telling me how often I do that for her, and she has the same effect on me.
“Do you think you might want to eventually move here full-time, or split our time between here and Chicago?” I ask, going straight for the heart of the matter, not letting us avoid the issue any longer. We have to figure this out. There are so many implications tied to whatever decision we make.
Kate leans back in her chair, taking a large sip of wine and pressing the chilled glass to her lips afterward. “Can I want both?”
“Yeah. I wish having it both ways were an option. Hell, I’d live wherever you wanted if my career didn’t require me to be here.”
Neither of us speaks for a couple of minutes, choosing to eat our dinner and contemplating what to say next. How to best approach the situation when there’s no obvious choice.
Kate puts her fork on her plate. “I don’t love the idea of having two separate homes.
Trying to remember where I last had my favorite sweater.
Buying two of everything, unless I want to pack it with me everywhere we go.
I’m already doing some of that on the bus.
I can’t imagine adding another location into the mix. ”
I nod silently, taking a large gulp of wine and waiting for her to continue. The crease in her forehead tells me there’s more she wants to say, and I want to give her the space to get it all out.
“I know, eventually, living here full-time is the long-term solution. I’m not opposed to doing it. When we have a family…” She blushes, dropping her gaze to the ground.
“Keep going, Kate. I’m happy to talk about having a family with you anytime.
You know that’s what I want. I’ll give you all the babies your heart desires.
” I grin ear-to-ear, counting down the days until we’re married and actively trying to have our first child.
Until then, I’m planning to get in all the practice I can.
“I know we’ve talked about it a little bit, but I didn’t want to get presumptuous.”
“You’re not. I’ve been pretty clear with my intentions. My long-term plan is to have you as my wife and this house full of as many kids as we want. Happy to get started on either one of those now if you want.”
She shakes her head softly. “Jake! Don’t be crazy.”
“Dead serious. Just waiting for you to be ready, sweetheart,” I reply, locking eyes with her, sending a message that I’m ready to go as soon as she is, because it’s the goddamn truth.
Kate chuckles, taking another swig of her wine before continuing, “Whenever we have kids in the future, I don’t want to shuttle them between two homes. It’ll be hard enough, traveling with you during tour season.”
Talk about taking my breath away. Never thought about having her and our future kids on tour with me. Is this what it feels like to get everything you’ve ever wanted in life? To be blissfully happy? Because I sure as fuck am.
I nod in agreement, unable to mutter any other words as my heart pounds.
“Until then, I’d like to continue to spend as much time in Chicago as possible.
And for you to join me when your schedule allows.
” Kate takes another bite of her dinner.
“I want to hang out with Chelsi and work in-person regularly since I know that will change eventually. I’m not sure what that frequency looks like, but I'd like to do half our time in Chicago and the rest here. At least during the week, when you’re on tour. ”
“That seems doable, especially once this album is finished. Until then, Jason pretty much has me chained to Nashville when I’m not on the road.” I take a few more bites of my own dinner, contemplating how to broach the next subject.
Hiring private security is currently a hard line Kate refuses to cross, but we need a better solution.
I can’t move into the condo she has with Chelsi, and my previous rental has zero privacy.
I take a deep breath, deciding to rip off the bandage and see what she thinks.
“If we’re going to live in Chicago part-time, we need to find a more suitable housing option.
As much as I adore your condo, it’s not set up for the privacy you and I are going to need. ”
Kate exhales deeply. “I know. I hate the idea of not living with Chelsi, but I also recognize her life is in chaos because we’re roommates. Moving out is what’s best for both of us. She’s going to hate not living with me. Probably survive solely on charcuterie and wine.”
We both laugh because Kate’s likely right. Chelsi is not known for her cooking. Her kitchen skills are limited to making a kick-ass meat and cheese platter, ordering takeout, and doing the dishes.
“So, we’ll go house hunting in Chicago. Find us a great place to call home when we’re there,” I say, eager for her confirmation.
“Yes,” she replies with the biggest grin. “We’ll have two homes for now and go down to one when it’s time to have kids.”
After taking my phone out of my pocket, I quickly send a message.
“What are you doing?” She cocks her head to one side, confused at why I’m using my phone at the table when I’m the one who implemented the “no phones at the table” policy.
“Texting Max to ask him to find us a realtor in Chicago. I’m ready to move forward on building a life with you, Kate. Don’t want to waste a single minute.”