Chapter Thirty-three
Dallas
Dawn breaks outside and light streaks through the windows, casting bright lines across the floor. I stare at Marti as she sleeps, careful not to wake her. She’s only been out for a few hours. We’ve been having sex almost nonstop since we talked about her daughter the night before last, only pausing for food, bathroom breaks, reading marathons, and naps.
It’s like we’re both counting down the hours until the snowplow and tow truck arrive.
Will it be today?
I try to wrap my head around how I feel about that. This time with her has almost felt like a dream. One I’m about to wake from but don’t want to. But I know better. Even if deep down this is something I truly want, it’s not anything I can have.
There were a few times there when I could swear she was going to say things. Things like she doesn’t want to leave. Things like she’s in love with me. It’s ridiculous to even think it. We’ve only known each other for ten days.
I’m glad she didn’t say it, even if there’s no way it could be true. I know myself. I’d have run right out of the cabin door and kept going for miles. I’d have tried to run her, this, everything, right out of my head. The problem is, I’m not sure there are enough trails in all of New York to make that happen.
No matter how much I try to tell myself it’s not happening, it is. I’m falling for her. Despite every cell in my body screaming that it’s wrong. That I can’t. That going through it all again would wreck me.
Because shit happens. Look at our lives. It’s almost unbelievable the tragedies that have touched us both. She’s lost both parents, a child, and now, Charles.
Maybe that’s why she didn’t say it. Because she too knows that love only leads to heartbreak.
If you don’t have anything, you have nothing to lose.
My phone vibrates with a text. I get it off the nightstand. It’s from Luther.
I close my eyes and let my head fall back onto the pillow as all kinds of emotions worm their way through me. Disappointment. Sadness. Pain.
“What is it?” Marti whispers.
I put my phone down and turn toward her. I swipe a piece of hair behind her ear and try to look happy. “Good news. My road is going to be plowed today. Luther said he can tow your car later.”
Her chin quivers. She tries to blink away tears. She looks on the outside how I feel on the inside.
“Th-that’s great,” she stutters, unconvincingly.
“You’ll finally get to Charlie. You must be so happy.”
She nods. She nods even though tears stream down the side of her face.
“Oh my god.” She covers her eyes. “I’m being so dramatic. Of course I want to see my son. It’s just… just…”
I pull her toward me and wrap her in a hug. “I know.”
We embrace for a long time, neither of us moving. Because we both know it’s over. That when we get out of bed, the world changes. It goes back to what it once was.
She leaves.
I stay.
Finally, I pull away and cup her chin. “Your son needs you.”
Sniffing, she says, “Why does all of this feel like a dream? One I’m just now waking up from?”
I laugh sadly, because she stole the words right out of my mouth.
“I mean, it’s crazy to think that over the last ten days, I almost died four times. I survived a car accident, a frozen pond, a cell tower, and a bear. That’s like a lifetime’s worth of near-death experiences. Not to mention you may have given me a lifetime’s worth of orgasms.”
I chuckle.
But I don’t respond. I don’t tell her that what she’s given me over this past week and a half is a lifetime’s worth of memories. Memories that will make me happy and not sad. Memories that may even get me through the dark times. Good memories that are almost as loud as the bad ones.
She swipes a finger across my lower lip. “Promise me you’ll celebrate their birthdays. You’ll make a cake and remember all the things you loved about them. You’ll eat the entire thing, even if it’s only you.” She offers a sad smile. “I’m sure Bex will be happy to help.”
I nod reassuringly. “I promise.”
“And holidays. You need to celebrate them. Spend them with Allie and your brothers. Your parents. You need people, Dallas. They miss you so much. I know they do. Promise me you’ll go back to Calloway Creek, even just for the day. Or invite them here. There’s so much more life left in you. I don’t want you to waste it.”
I shrug. “Maybe I’ll go home for Christmas.”
“That would make them very happy. Not that it matters, but it would make me very happy.”
I hold her stare. “It matters. And what about you? What’ll you do for Christmas?”
“I’ll spend it with Asher, Bug, and Charlie. It’ll be hard without Charles, but we’ll get through it. We’ll get through it because we have each other. And we’ll remember everyone who’s not with us. I’ll remember Dad, Mom, Charles. I’ll remember Alex.” An errant tear rolls down her cheek. “I’ll remember you.”
My throat thickens. I have to wait a moment to speak. “I’ll remember you too.”
She snuggles close. “I know we have to get up. But I don’t want to.”
“We have a minute.”
I lift her chin. Our lips come together. We kiss so thoroughly and possessively, I know this will be the one I remember most. I let my hands wander every inch of her soft curves. When her fingers explore my abs, my skin crackles with heat and anticipation thickens the air in my lungs.
Despite how many times we’ve done this, I’m hardening quickly. I groan in raw appreciation when she encircles my cock with her hand. I latch tightly to my control, using every ounce of willpower to keep from coming. Because our time is short, and I do not plan on wasting my final orgasm in her hand.
Just before the point of no return, I arch away from her, take a few seconds, then use my fingers and tongue on every crevice of her body, making her come twice before sinking myself into her one last time.
Our eyes connect, right along with the rest of us, conveying a million unspoken words neither of us will say. We bathe in each other’s electrified stare as I maintain a slow steady rhythm. Her palms flatten against my back, holding me close. Her breath whispers across my neck when she groans my name. I chronicle every moan. Every quiver. Every thrust of her hips. I burn all of it into my memory, putting it inside a box that I can open after she’s gone.
We orgasm together, pleasure ripping me apart as if my body knows this will be the last one we share. I collapse down on top of her, burying my face into her shoulder. The words almost come out. I’m dangerously close to asking her to stay. But that would be selfish. Not to mention impossible.
She has a life. A son. An existence I could never fit into.
Still… I almost ask. I almost ask because it’s a want as strong as any want I’ve ever had.
I roll to the side. Without words, she sits up, wraps a blanket around her, gathers her clothes, and heads to the bathroom. She pauses before closing the door and looks over her shoulder, tears glistening in her eyes. “I’m going to miss you, Dallas Montana.”
She smiles, even through her tears, as if I’ve given her something she needed. As if even though we aren’t going to see each other again, she’s grateful for the time we had. As if she wouldn’t take it back, even knowing how it would end up.
The door closes.
My head falls back onto my pillow.
“Fuck.”
~ ~ ~
When she comes out of the bathroom, she stops cold and looks out the window. That’s when I hear it—the distant rumble of the snowplow clearing my street.
We look at each other, neither of us saying anything. What is there to say?
She’s all business. She packs her clothes into my backpack. I don’t say a word when she stuffs my Yale hoodie in and zips it up tight. She plays with Bex. She makes lunch. I look down at the plates somehow feeling this is like The Last Supper.
I get out a bottle of wine. The bottle.
Her brows leap skyward. “You are not opening that one.”
I stab the cork with the screw. “Too late.” I pour her a glass, then me. I hold my glass high. “To a hell of a ten days.”
She taps hers to mine. “There’s no one I’d rather have been snowed in with.”
We stare at each other over the rims of our glasses as we drink the most expensive bottle Montana Winery produces.
“Oh. My. God.” Her eyes roll into the back of her head, and she makes the same noises she makes when she comes. “This is without a doubt the best thing I’ve ever had in my mouth.” Then she shakes her head and laughs. “Okay, maybe second best.”
Now I laugh, too. Only Martina Alexandra Carver could make me laugh when she’s moments away from walking out of my life.
She’s walking out of my life . The words sting like a thousand bees. So much so that I can’t stop what comes out of my mouth next. “I think I should drive you to Anita’s.”
Marti’s eyes snap to mine and she all but chokes on a bite of food. “Um… what?”
“I’ll drive you. It’s ridiculous for you to rent a car to drive ninety minutes when I have a perfectly capable one.”
“You want to drive me.”
It’s not a question. More of a musing.
I shrug. “It’s not a big deal, Marti. It’ll be good for me to get out of this cold cabin for a while.”
“You want to drive me,” she says again, in disbelief. “To Anita’s. To where Charlie is. And my brother.” She chuckles. “Talk about going before the firing squad. Asher told me he’d drive through ten feet of snow to kick your ass if you touched me.”
I furrow my brow, ignoring the part about her son—because honestly, I hadn’t really contemplated that—and focus on the kicking-my-ass comment. “Why would he want to kick my ass? What did you tell him?”
“I think he assumed that any guy who has a cabin in the middle of nowhere would try and take advantage of a stranded woman.”
“And you didn’t set him straight? Wait… do you think I took advantage of you?” I stand up and pace, running a hand through my hair as I feel sick to my stomach. “Oh, shit. Did I? I mean you had just fallen through the ice. I’d saved you. You weren’t in your right mind. You were vulnerable. Holy fuck, I did take advantage of you.”
Marti stands, troops over, and puts her hands on my shoulders, looking straight into my eyes. “You did no such thing. I swear you didn’t. In fact, I wanted it to happen even before I fell through the ice.”
“You did?”
I try to think back and remember if I did as well. All I recall is that one minute I was irritated by all her snarkiness and wit, and the next we were going at it on a wet mattress in front of the fireplace.
Her lips turn up to form a grin. “Have you seen yourself? You’re smoking hot. That body. This hair. If you hadn’t kissed me, I’d have shamelessly thrown myself at you.”
Relief comes in one gigantic wave. “So just how big is your brother?”
She giggles. Her demeanor has changed. Mine has too. We have more time. More minutes. More hours. Maybe even more memories.
But things are changing. It won’t be just us anymore. We’ll be driving away from our snowy fortress and into the real world. The world with brothers and dead ex-husbands.
One with three-year-old sons.
Maybe it’s a mistake. Maybe I should have left well enough alone.
“He’s all bark and no bite, I assure you. A big teddy bear. Kind of like you.”
I pick her up and scoop her into my arms. “I’ll show you how I can bite.”
Her eyes light up, the fire behind them intense. Why can’t I get enough of her? Is it because I know this is over?
A knock on the door halts my plan to have her one final time.
Cursing, I set her down and go to answer it, Bex at my heels. It’s Luther.
“Hey, Mr. Montana. You doin’ alright?”
“Never better.”
“I passed the lady’s car on the way up. She’s lucky you were around.”
Marti comes up behind me, touching my back gently, but not in a way that’s obvious to Luther. She holds her other hand out to shake his. “Marti Carver. And yes, I am lucky. Thank you for towing my car. I’ll get you the keys.”
Luther looks at her oddly. “You’re not comin’? Thought I was drivin’ you to town.”
Last chance , I think. If I want out, I’d better say so now.
“I don’t need a rental after all,” she says happily. “Dallas is driving me the rest of the way.”
“Is that so?” Luther asks, raising a brow in my direction.
I make a smacking sound with my lips. “Guess I am.”
Marti hands over her keys then fishes through her purse. “How much do I owe you for the tow? Do you take credit?”
I push her wallet back toward her. “I’ll take care of it.”
“Dallas, I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You didn’t ask. I offered. And it’s settled.” I turn back to Luther. “Text me when you find out the state of the car. I think it’s totaled, but I’m not exactly a mechanic.”
“I’m guessin’ it’ll be scrap metal. But I’ll let you know.”
“Let me grab a few things and we’ll follow you out. We need to get her suitcase from the trunk.”
“Sure thing. See you there in a few.” He tips his hat to Marti. “Nice meetin’ you, ma’am.”
I close the door behind him and turn to Marti. We both know this is the last time we’ll be in this cabin together.
She thumbs to the bathroom, looking sad. “I’m going to freshen up and then we can go.”
“I’ll put your things in the truck.”
Once she’s gone, I say to Bex, “Hope you don’t get car sick. We’re going for a ride.”
He barks once, wags his tail, and paws at the front door. He must have understood. He’s a smart little fucker. I’m glad I decided to keep him.
I re-cork the bottle of wine, clean up lunch, then gather up a few things for Bex. I load everything in the truck and look back at the cabin just as Marti comes out the front door.
Sadness on a level I don’t expect kicks me square in the gut as it hits me once again.
She’s leaving. I’ll be alone.
And I know when I return, things will never be the same.