Chapter Thirty-Seven
She took her phone out from deep within her pocket and eyed the unopened messages from Theo. She had purposely not read them. She steeled her resolve, and read:
I know you don’t want to hear from me. But I was selfish, and I know I have no excuses, but for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.
For some silly reason I thought you would respond to my text, but your silence is killing me. I just want to know you’re okay. That you’re safe. I’m sorry.
I never meant to hurt you. Shit, the look you gave before walking away haunts me. I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I’m so fucking sorry, Livvy.
The train rumbled into the platform, a rush of people exiting the carriages before she stepped over the gap, eyes scanning the messages and noticing that there was only a grand total of two days he didn’t text her those two words.
I’m taking your silence to mean you don’t ever want to speak to me again, and as much as it kills me, I understand.
I lied. I just want you to know a few things.
It was only Tommy. He was the only one. Edward, Taylor, Mason…
they were all real dates. I really did want to help you, Livvy.
I wanted you to write again. After meeting you, I didn’t even care about the agreement, I just wanted to know you.
All of you. The good, the bad, the ugly.
All of it. After your bad dates, all I wanted to do was take care of you, give you hope, make the dimples in your cheeks appear whenever you smile, hear the sound of your laugh.
I never paid him. It was my mate Danny’s idea and the thought of paying someone to make your date bad made my stomach ache more than the idea of setting you up with Tommy in the first place.
But I was selfish. I was selfish and mean and wanted you all to myself.
Somewhere during these past few weeks, I have grown to care deeply about you, Olivia.
You’re magic, and joy, and happiness, and just everything.
I know you’ll never respond to this, but I’m going to tell you one last time, then I’ll stop bothering you.
I’ll stop messaging. I’ll take your silence as a sign you never want to talk to me ever again, and like I said, I don’t blame you.
You deserve so much more. A man who will be everything you need, not some selfish liar.
You lost your own leading man once, and I’m not going to let you lose the chance to meet a new one.
So, with all that said, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.
I’m sorry. And I wish you all the best with your writing, cause like Micah said, everything you touch is fucking magic, and I can’t wait to see what you create next. I’m sorry.
With shaking hands, she typed out a response. Her first in days.
Me
Do you mean that?
She watched as her message whooshed away into the universe, making her clutch her phone tighter in her hand as the train began to move, the automated voice announcing the next stop.
The car was busy, with a string of office workers and women clinging off their boyfriends’ arms. Her phone buzzed in her hand and her heart thudded wildly in her chest. Unlocking her phone, she stared at the screen, feeling a steady build of tears form at the words on there.
Theo
Every single word.
Three small dots appeared but she didn’t wait to respond. Her fingers rushed along the keyboard, her words forming before she even realised what she was typing.
Me
I miss you.
Theo
I miss you too. I’m sorry.
Me
I had a meeting with Hannah today about the book.
Theo
How did it go?
How did it go? She considered. It went like this: I’m madly in love with you, and it took me writing a whole manuscript and a stupid, embarrassingly long time to realise it. She couldn’t say that though. Taking a deep breath, she typed out her response.
Me
Can I see you?
Theo
Always.
Me
Meet me at Nero in thirty.
Theo
I’ll be there x
He signed it with a kiss.
Olivia pursed her lips and stepped off the crowded underground train, squeezing her body through clusters of people and making her way up the marble steps and out onto the street.
Thirty minutes.
She had a brief, but all too long, half an hour to consider how she was going to approach this. After all, walking up to him and saying I love you would be completely insane.
Right?
They were sitting at the very same table where they’d had their first non-date. The familiar dark-grained wood helped Olivia gather the confidence and poise to approach this scenario with full intention and clarity.
She was going to be frank. Really frank.
She wanted to be completely transparent. She wanted to get straight to the point and kiss him. She wanted much more than they currently had. She wanted much more than he knew she wanted.
And she was scared.
Her usual confidence – the same confidence that allowed her to tell him she had unashamedly eaten over three baskets of breadsticks – disappeared as soon as she noticed Theo’s tall, broad figure approaching the café door.
As he pushed open the heavy black door, Olivia couldn’t help but drift her eyes down over his firm build.
He was wearing a long navy trench coat, the collar of his work shirt peeking out from the top, making her inhale deeply at the way it clung to the firm muscles of his shoulders.
She had almost forgotten how handsome he was, all tall and brooding, with those bright eyes and dark locks. Almost.
Flashes of his olive skin, the way she had raked her fingertips down the planes of his back, intruded into her mind.
She didn’t even wait for him to sit down.
Get a coffee. Say hello. It just came out.
As if their bad date had never happened, as though his apology had already sunk deep into her bones, in acceptance.
“I did it,” Olivia announced abruptly. “I handed it in. It’s all approved.”
“So, you found him?” Theo grinned. He leaned down and kissed her swiftly on the corner of her temple before pulling back and finally sitting down beside her.
Not across from her. Beside her.
Olivia’s heart began to thrum faster than before. Her fear no longer stemmed from the thought of telling him. Instead it buzzed from the way he was looking at her, attentive and excited for her to continue her good news.
Olivia was aware of the subtle yet electrifying jolt of his knee against hers underneath the table and the way he turned to face her, body positioned so he could easily reach a strong arm over the back of her chair, silently claiming that she was his to every person in the coffee shop.
She now noticed it all. Every small gesture, movement, look.
She took note and relished the fact that despite her radio silence, despite her harsh words, he still looked at her like she hung the moon.
Oh, she had found him alright.
He was sitting right in front of her. In all of his masculine beauty. Raking a hand through his hair, Theo shot her another grin. The grin she had kissed right off his face a few weeks prior when they had both given in to the buzzing attraction they’d neglected for quite some time.
The grin that spoke volumes of what was between them, of whispering sweet nothings and dirty secrets into each other’s ears. It told her how he wanted to ravish her body and mind. How beautiful she looked, whether she was in a little black dress or an old, thrifted AC/DC T-shirt.
She didn’t even listen to AC/DC.
“Yeah,” she finally said, feeling the corners of her lips turn up into a vibrant smile. One where her cheeks ached, and the top row of her teeth showed. “Yeah. I found him.”
Not once did his gaze leave her; instead, a smile, matching her own cheesy one, pulled up onto his face.
God, he’s handsome, Olivia thought. She felt her stomach tighten at the appearance of his dimples, and the daring thought of licking them made her shuffle in her seat and squeeze her thighs together at the sensual imagery.
“I knew you’d find him.”
“You did?”
“I did.” Theo continued grinning.
Biting her bottom lip, Olivia retrieved the crumpled, rain-sprinkled manuscript from the top of the table and pushed it towards him nervously.
Theo glanced down at the stack of white papers. “Is this it?”
“That is… it.” Olivia let out a relieved laugh, watching as his eyes flickered with the same curious spark, they had during their first ever meeting.
When he had seen her with her little green notebook.
Knowing what he was going to ask, she pushed it further into his hands.
“Go on then, curiosity must be killing you.”
“You have no idea.” Theo laughed, flipping open the first page, his eyes moving from hers down to the paper, and began devouring the small Times New Roman text.
As Theo began to read, it became clear.
It was just as he had expected. He knew what the book would be like long before he had opened the front page. He already knew it would be just like her.
Fucking perfect.
But it was even more brilliant than he had expected. She was brilliant. The thought made him drag his eyes across the pages even faster, the feeling of reading her words making him dizzy with pride and something else all too consuming.
Sitting there in Caffè Nero, at 5:50 in the evening on a Saturday, he hungrily devoured the first few chapters of her fourth novel, and with each chapter, each page, each word, the feeling became clearer and clearer.
Until finally it was printed in bold, woven into her writing, into the way she was watching his reaction to the text in front of him so intently.
Into the way she bit her lip, the way she tilted her head and licked her lips whenever he grinned at her words.
It became so clear to him, and he found himself struggling to keep his eyes on the page instead of reaching over the small space between them and kissing the living daylights out of her.
That’s what he thought of this novel, of her.
Any doubts he’d had previously he now struck out in his mind with his own black biro. The obvious streamed into the forefront of his mind: underlined and highlighted with urgency.
He loved her.