Epilogue
Six Months Later
“As established last season, you do not want to sleep with the Loch Ness Monster.”
Hayden rubs his gloved hands together. The chilly Scotland air bites at his cheeks, painting them pink behind the frames of his glasses. He blinks a few times, trying to figure out where I’m going with this. He should know by now that there’s no destination.
“Uh, yeah, it seems like a bad time.”
“Can you elaborate?”
“Honestly, I’d rather not. Besides, I’m taken, aren’t I?”
“Yeah, but if the Loch Ness Monster were to come barreling out of the water, I don’t know if I’d fight her off for you. I’d lose.”
Hayden frowns. “Ouch.”
“You wouldn’t protect me from the Loch Ness Monster?”
“I’d lose, too.” He steps closer as I put the camera down. The fans were more than elated when we formally announced our relationship in the season finale, so there’s no secret to keep now. But there are still some things we can keep for ourselves. “We’d both die a big, sad, blubbery death.”
“Exactly how I want to go out.”
He smiles with a warm press of his lips to my forehead. In front of us, Jamie and Nora set up equipment, rigging an umbrella over our cameras. They evaluate the lighting and test our mics to make sure we’re not picking up excess noise. A higher budget means letting them come everywhere with us because it’s all coming out of Skroll’s pocket now.
“No bagpipes in the background?” Nora asks.
Jamie sighs, already tired. “No, Nor. There are no bagpipes in the background.”
“You should have worn a kilt. You’d look dashing in one.”
“No,” he asserts. “I would not .”
“Oh, come on, Jamie,” I jest, rejoining them. For season two, we’ve also resolved to include more of Nora and Jamie in the season. So much of our success rests on their skills and assistance. They should share some of the limelight, too. “This is your homeland. You should be more excited about this.”
“I’m not Scottish.”
Hayden waves his hand in circles, and it occurs to me that he might not know the shape of the UK. “Scotland is part of the UK, mate.”
“Don’t say that. Your British accent is really bad—”
“Wait until you hear my Scottish.”
I rest a hand on his shoulder. “Please don’t. I’d love to still be attracted to you.”
Scotland is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever been. Rolling green hills and foggy moors. Everything is quaint, and there are so many sheep. It’s very damp and the wind off the lake makes it feel far colder than it is. The inn we’ve booked rooms at is small and local, with a pub downstairs. Hayden and Jamie have worked their way through the entire tap list in two nights and I’m worried neither of them will want to go back to California.
Skroll hit us with a formal renewal the day the Area 51 episode dropped. Not only did it premiere to our largest numbers yet, but Skroll removed Noobie Brothers from their site almost immediately.
When we sat down to brainstorm our new episodes, with a new, bigger budget, Hayden’s immediate thought was to go big. Really big.
“I think we should look for Atlantis.”
“How do we do that?”
“How comfortable are you with scuba gear?”
We decided on Scotland. What better way to go big or go home than to hunt the most blubbery of all monsters? Our production schedule is more flexible because we don’t have to do it all ourselves. It’s going to allow us to actually take a vacation . We can travel the world hunting monsters and ghosts, and I get to do it with my favorite people at my side.
Once we’ve conquered the Loch Ness Monster, we plan to milk a few extra days of castle tours and exploring Scotland together. We are still not allowed to go to Bermuda, much to my chagrin.
As Nora and Jamie prattle on about lighting and positioning to get the most of us and the lake in case of any action, Hayden slips his hand in mine and we face the water. His eyes narrow, hunting for any signs of the elusive dinosaur lurking beneath the surface. His gloved thumb brushes against the back of my palm, and we settle on a rock near the shore.
Hayden’s lips press against the side of my head, a welcome warmth against the brisk air.
“Are there any cryptids that live in warm climates?” I ask.
His eyes widen, and he begins to hum the X-Files theme song. “Well, El Chupacabra—”
“I’d go to Puerto Rico.”
He beams, realizing I know where El Chupacabra originates from. “There’s also the Skunk Ape—”
“I am not hunting through a Florida swamp for a hairy, smelly man.”
He shrugs with a laugh. “True. You don’t have to go to Florida or a swamp to find hairy, smelly men. I think it’s worth the investigation, though. Not that we did great with hunting Bigfoot. But one of these days, we’re going to have some success. We’re going to find something so irrefutable that even you , my favorite Nonbeliever, will believe.”
“Doubtful.”
These are the types of conversations we have all the time. Over dinner, in the car, at Ralphs while we grocery shop. Several months after wrapping season one, when Nora’s lease ended, she let me know she was looking to move. Specifically, that she and Jamie wanted to move in together, so it made sense that I move in with Hayden. Three months in and I have not tried to push him into the Bermuda Triangle. The jury is still out on whether we can make it through the whole trip without me shoving him into Loch Ness.
His hands rest along the sides of my face with a smile. I taste the pint he drank at lunch on his lips. His hair smells like lemon verbena (pushing his conspiracy forward, even across the pond), and I sink into the warm, musky amber scent that lives between the fabric of all his clothes.
“You love me anyway, right?” I ask between kisses.
He purses his lips and pulls away. “Ehhh…”
As my eyes drift, something breaks the surface of the water in the distance with a soft splash. Hayden offers an apologetic kiss, but my eyes focus on the lake. A ripple disturbs the water, and right in time, I punch Hayden in the arm.
“Look!”
He turns back to Nora and Jamie and shouts for Jamie to begin filming. He slips off the slick rock and into the muddy grass beneath us. With a defeated “ow,” Hayden climbs to his feet. I keep my focus on the water. A blubbery fin—or something like it—pokes into the air. I don’t know what to make of it, running through a checklist of dolphins (definitely not), big fish (possible), eel (not sure), but something tells me I’ve seen something else .
Which excites me. It feels the same way I felt that one night watching Cosmic Conspiracies .
“Did you see that?” I ask.
“Jamie, did you get it?” Hayden’s hovering over the camera, replaying the footage, because the creature is long gone now. Our cacophony probably didn’t help either. “I didn’t get a good look at it.”
His voice is so quick and frantic, hands shaking, too. I scrabble up the side of the hill to reach him. I clutch his hand as he pulls me through the muck and I cling on to him. Being muddy has never felt so invigorating. Seeing a potentially blubbery monster never felt so invigorating, either. “What do you mean, you didn’t see it? You didn’t see it? ”
“No!”
“Oh my god.” I smack my hand against my forehead. What kind of monster hunter is he?
Jamie rolls the tape back and we circle around. It’s far away, but after a few seconds of still water and Hayden and me kissing in the foreground, the water breaks and a blubbery mass emerges. I watch Hayden’s reaction the most. He strokes his chin inquisitively and surveys every frame. He runs possibilities through his head in seconds and bites his lip.
“Replay it.”
Jamie does.
“It could be anything,” he finally concedes. “It’s a good spot, but we can’t know it’s Nessie.”
“Ye of little faith,” I tease, elbowing him in the side. “Who would have thought I would be the one spotting a cryptid?”
It shocks me, too, and I’m hopeful that we will find something one of these days, in equal parts because it’d make Hayden happy, and it would make us a shitload of money. With that money, we’d be able to equally supplement our travels to woodsy places with all-inclusive vacations to places without cryptids in our time off.
“Do you think it’s Nessie, Hallie?”
A year ago, I would not have hoped to see the Loch Ness Monster. I would have written it off as an odd duck flopping in the water and called it a day.
I am on the fence about the Loch Ness Monster. Clearly, this thing is a dinosaur, but whether it was the one dinosaur that the asteroid missed…
A year ago, I would not have wanted to believe.
“I think it’s fun to believe it is Nessie. Good for views, good for press, good for your soul.” I shrug. “We’d make a lot of money if we did find proof. Can we milk it?”
Hayden beams, all too dorky and sweet, and rests his head on my shoulder. “I won’t tell anyone.”
“Tell them what?”
“That you believe in the Loch Ness Monster.”
I glare at him. “I don’t think I do.”
“You totally do.”
“I believe I’m willing to suspend my disbelief for the sake of our views, Hayden.”
“Ehhhh,” he groans beside me. “I think you are saying that now, but you were very convinced you saw something. Like I said. It’s okay. I will never tell. We have a false flag operation to keep running here. The Scully to my Mulder. I understand, but one day, you will admit it to me and it’ll be the best day of my life.”
The verdict is in: Hayden’s going to get shoved into a lake.
CASE CLOSED