Chapter 26
Area 51 really is in the middle of bum-fuck nowhere, I realize as we cruise down the Extraterrestrial Highway toward Rachel, Nevada. The actual closest place we can get to Area 51 is technically a mountain we’d have to trek twenty-five miles on a dirt path to get to, and then hike up.
I’d nixed the hiking idea weeks ago, and Hayden eventually relented, telling me that we’d spend our time in Rachel and get as close as we could without hiking a mountain.
“Hayden, it’s me,” I say into my phone. “Again. I know your phone is off to avoid messing with EMF readings, but Area 51 is supposed to have aliens, not ghosts, so if you could turn your phone back on, that’d be great. I’m, like, five minutes away and I’d like to know where you are. So, uh…call me back. Thanks?”
I’ve left five other similar messages, all gone to voicemail. If it were anyone else, I’d consider this a red flag, and perhaps it still is, but I know it has nothing to do with me , and everything to do with Hayden’s unwavering trust in ghost-hunting equipment he got from Amazon.
As we arrive, I realize it cannot possibly be that hard to find him. Rachel—population under one hundred—is a single strip that’s hardly a mile long, with few businesses.
“All right, this might not be too hard,” Nora says, slowing the car. She looks to me. “You okay?”
“Fine.”
“You sure?” I don’t have anything to say to her that we haven’t already talked about in the car for the past six and a half hours. She is a champ for being willing to drive me all the way out here since my car was in desperate need of maintenance. I have promised her many alcohols when we hit Vegas on the way back. She also wants a trip to the Hoover Dam because she wants to see where they keep Megatron on ice. “I’m proud of you, you know.”
I glance up. “Why?”
She shrugs. “You came to me a few months ago at your lowest because you didn’t know what else to do or where else to go. You were afraid to go into the office or to see Cade at all. You didn’t think you were going to last much longer at Skroll, and now you’re the co-host of one of their biggest shows. And you told Cade to go fuck himself and now he has nothing.”
I let her words soak in.
“But you got that spark back. You had ideas and you weren’t afraid to share them and work and create, and that made me happy. You shouldn’t ever waste your time on someone who is going to stop you from being your most brilliant self.”
The last thing I expected was to find so much joy in talking about monsters and aliens. I didn’t expect someone to get me racing across the desert to Area 51. I especially didn’t expect someone to get me racing across the desert to Area 51 in an X-Files T-shirt.
I smooth my hands over the heather-gray fabric and swallow. It makes me think of that sleepy morning in our cabin with the smell of bacon and fresh air and rain, burning pancakes because we were too distracted with one another. Months ago, I wanted to stand out and matter. But now I know that I do—to the people who matter. And what I want is a lifetime of those mornings, someone to say good night to me every night, someone to take care of me when I’m sick, and someone who lets me do all the same right back.
The fans, the attention, the success, and the knowledge we beat Cade at his own game—it’s all icing on top of the cake.
We pull up to the Little A’Le’Inn, where we’ll be staying tonight, and where Hayden and Jamie are setting up a tripod and camera in front of a small UFO hanging from a tiny crane beside the entrance sign. Nora swings into the parking lot with a screech, yelling “TOKYO DRIFT!” and I’m sure we’re going to be banned from a town that has only one hundred people in it.
Nerves churn in my stomach and I clutch the tiny plastic alien I’ve taken on my trip. My shoes feel full of cement and all of my clothing feels too tight. I can’t tell if it’s anxiety or the scorching desert heat that makes me feel like I might as well be on another planet.
I swallow my fear and step out of the car. Nora’s Fast & Furious moves have captured their attention, with both guys squinting and covering their eyes to see who has interrupted their shot. It’s hot as balls out here, but Hayden’s still in jeans, too, adamant he’s too tall and looks stupid in shorts that aren’t for the gym. He’s already sweating through his “Property of Area 51” T-shirt and Nora’s about a second away from attacking us both with her translucent powder so we don’t look dewy.
“Hey!” I shout. “You better not have found any aliens without me.”
Hayden smiles, and it’s a look that says I knew you’d be here . “Nope. Just this one.”
He points to the spray-painted alien behind him on the sign. As I approach, his eyes drift over me, until they land on my T-shirt. I wonder if he’s remembering what he said that morning at breakfast, because I am: “You must really love me if you’re willingly wearing an ‘I Want to Believe’ shirt.”
I’ve suddenly forgotten everything I want to say, but I don’t need to say anything, because Hayden reaches out, feeling the fabric of my T-shirt.
“There’s a camera nearby,” he says.
His voice has never sounded this nice. Not even the night I discovered him on TV and realized he was my golden ticket to keeping my job. I didn’t realize watching the world’s gaudiest conspiracy show was the key to all my happiness.
“Yeah, I know.”
“Someone might see you wearing that.”
“Yeah,” I agree. “They might. But remember what you said? I must really love you if I’m willingly wearing an ‘I Want to Believe’ shirt. I must love you even more if I’m willing to be filmed in it.”
The heat is oppressive, and the words stick between us like humidity. It’s the first time I’ve said it, and I’ve left him hanging on for a return for days now. This feels like the perfect moment I was waiting for.
“And that’s pretty crazy, because you know how I feel about all this stuff. I think they’re doing normal suspicious government things over that hill at Area 51, and I do not think there are aliens there—” He shuffles, a rebuttal bubbling on his lips. “ I know . I know, you don’t agree.”
But I can’t hide my affection for the fact that, without fail, the way to break through the walls and find the real Hayden is to…insult aliens. Or Bigfoot. Or Mothman.
“I didn’t think I would ever love doing something like this, and part of me had given up on finding those things that felt important. But then I met you…We couldn’t be more different, and we disagree about more than we actually agree on, but we’ve always been equals. We’ve always respected each other and taken care of each other because it’d make the show stronger, but it made us stronger, too. I’m a better, happier person because of what we’ve accomplished together and a better, happier person because of the love I have for you.
“I told Skroll everything. I sent them the Fox Evans podcast. I told them about how Cade treated me. I didn’t know if it’d make a difference, or if it’d hurt our chances at another season, but you were right. I can’t let Cade control me. And I won’t. Not anymore.
“I want to keep following you all over the country, hunting for things I don’t believe in because I believe in us and what we’re making. And our fans, who want to see us do this together. It’s us. Partners. The Mulder to your Scully.”
He frowns and steps closer. Despite the stifling desert heat, his touch is exactly the warmth I want. It’s perfect. His fingers brush against my cheek as we come together.
“It’s the other way around,” he says. I don’t get to respond before he pulls me into a kiss. It’s slow and long-awaited, bites of five-o’clock shadow and tastes of tongue. I breathe him in as our bodies mold together. His arms wrap around me, enveloping me completely. I clutch the fabric of his sweaty T-shirt, and I swear I won’t let him get away from me again. I love him too much to even think about it.
“Right,” I say, pulling away. “The Scully to your Mulder.”
“Better.” A wry smile spreads across his face. “You look good.”
“This shirt changes nothing about my beliefs.”
“Right,” he smirks. I hit his shoulder and shove him away, but he grabs me, pulling me into a hug so tight it nearly hurts, but I’m too busy squeezing him back to care. Our breathing is staggered, frantic, and desperate. I’ve longed for Hayden’s touch and comfort for days, and maybe without knowing it, I’ve longed for it my whole life. I could kiss him until my lips fell off, but a hug…a hug is perfect right now.
He pulls my chin out of the crook of his shoulder and tilts my head up. “I love you too, Nonbeliever.”
He kisses me again, making up for days without. My nose knocks into his glasses and I giggle. He doesn’t bother to fix it. His hands run over the fabric of my T-shirt, yanking me closer.
“This is such a good look for you,” he says against my lips.
“Don’t get used to it. You get it for this episode and this episode only. And my cover story is that I spilled something on my other shirt in the car—”
He nods. “Right. We have a farce to keep up—”
“It’s not a farce. I do not believe in aliens.”
“Then why did you race to Area 51?”
“Because I love you. And I can’t bear the idea of you doing this without me.”
He ponders this, tasting me on his lips. “You came to find aliens.”
“I came for you .”
“To watch me find aliens,” he whispers. “It’s okay. You can admit it to me. I won’t tell. I knew you’d be here.”
“How?” I ask.
“Just a theory.” He smiles and bites down on his lip.
“Sounds like a conspiracy.” I pause, toying with the curls at the back of his neck.
“So…what do you say, Hallie?”
“I say, ‘Let’s see them aliens.’?”
He smiles again, leaning in for another kiss. “That is the sexiest thing you could have possibly said.”