Chapter 19
NINETEEN
PRESENT DAY
In the car, Nik stared at Jane’s face, illuminated by the lights of the dashboard and the town glimmering out beyond the overlook. “What happened, Jane?” Nik repeated the question, searching her eyes for answers.
He’d told himself he wasn’t going to do this. That he didn’t care where she’d gone or why she’d left without a word. But somehow, he kept ending up here, leaning in, desperate for answers.
Desperate to take her by the shoulders and kiss her.
Jesus. He leaned back against the car door and balled his hands into fists. What was the matter with him? She’d walked back into this town forty-eight hours ago, and already he barely recognized himself.
Jane gazed back, her lips parted, almost as if his nearness had left her breathless. And then she closed her eyes, shook her head. “I need to get the hell out of here.” And the next thing he knew, she was reaching for her door and yanking it open. She jumped out of the car and disappeared from sight.
“What the hell?” Nik muttered, pulling on his own door handle. The minute he climbed out of the car, the cold wind hit him in the face. Tugging the hood of his coat over his head, he turned to look for Jane. He spotted her maybe a hundred feet away, speed-walking down the gravel road back into town. “Jane!” He took off in her direction.
Nik had been running five miles a day for the past ten years, and it took him less than thirty seconds to catch up with her. He reached out and grabbed her arm, spinning her around. “What are you doing?”
“Isn’t it obvious? I’m walking.”
“All the way back to town? At this hour and in this weather?”
“Well, it’s not like you’re offering me a ride.” She turned away from him and kept walking.
He matched her pace. “Jane, you’re going to freeze to death. Get in the car.”
“Don’t tell me what to do. Last I checked, you were kidnapping me, so I don’t think you get a say.” She lifted her chin, and he remembered that stubbornness. He was almost tempted to laugh. Instead, he reached out and took her arm again, just as another gust of wind swirled around them. “Jane. Get in the damn car.”
Something dark crossed over her features. “I’m not going back there.”
“Where?” He glanced around. “To the car?”
“Yes. No. I’m not going back to the overlook.” She kept walking.
He felt a stab of anger. “So, we’re back to this again. Was it really such a terrible memory for you?” He took two big steps and swung in front of her so she had to stop walking. “That night with me? Is that why you left?”
She was shivering. Of course she’d gone out into the cold without gloves or a hat. She was from Los Angeles now. Fucking Los Angeles. He reached out to pull her against him, spinning around so his body shielded her from the wind .
“No, it’s not a terrible memory, Nik. It’s the opposite of a terrible memory.”
“Then— what the hell, Jane? I just want to know why .”
She shoved a forearm against his chest and looked up in his eyes. His heart nearly stopped when he saw the haunted look there.
“One of my dad’s deputies was here that night,” Jane said, in a low voice.
“What?” Nik blinked down at her. “ Here? ”
“Here at the overlook.”
His surprise had him loosening his grip on her, but she didn’t back away.
“That night that we…” He trailed off.
“Yeah, that night we …” Jane’s gaze dropped to the zipper on his coat. “I’m sure you remember.”
Of course he remembered. He’d been with other women since that night with Jane. But nothing had been like that first time. And nobody had been Jane. With her standing this close, leaning into him, his body reacted. It was more than a memory.
He put a hand on her cold cheek, tilting her head to look at him again. “What do you mean one of his deputies was here?”
“One of the deputies was patrolling the area and saw your car. Apparently, he approached, planning to knock on the window and tell the kids inside to go home. But then he realized that one of the kids was me. The chief’s daughter. ”
Nik stared at Jane, her words slowly registering. The officer must have snuck up on them from the woods that night because, in his memory, the two of them were entirely alone on that overlook. But then again, they’d been so wrapped up in each other that they might not have even noticed if the patrol car had peeled in, lights flashing and sirens wailing. “He didn’t knock on the window,” Nik pointed out.
“No, he didn’t.”
“But I’m guessing he told your dad?” He imagined how Chief McCaffrey might have reacted to one of his officers reporting that he’d found the chief’s daughter making out in the back of a car at Pine Bluff. Except they hadn’t been making out. What had the officer seen? And worse, reported back to Jane’s dad?
“Yes, the officer told my dad,” Jane confirmed.
“I take it your dad was mad about it.”
Jane closed her eyes and shook her head, as if that would somehow erase the terrible memory.
“Jane?” His stomach churned. “What happened?”
“He was waiting when I got home.”
It was amazing how such simple words could fill his whole body with dread. Nik could barely breathe. “You were eighteen. Legally an adult. He had no right to?—”
Jane gave a humorless laugh. “You remember my dad. He didn’t care about what he had a right to do.”
“Did he expect you to never have a boyfriend? To never?—?”
“It wasn’t just about a boyfriend… I’d humiliated him, acting like a slut, having his officer catch me up on the overlook… and…”
When Jane looked away, Nik sensed there was something she didn’t want to say. Something she was ashamed to say. And then it came to him. “It was me, wasn’t it? He didn’t want you doing that with me .”
Nik had never been one of those clean-cut, popular kids, the ones on the football team sponsored by the police force. The ones who lived in the big houses they’d built on the old Baker farm on Route 8. His mother was a single mom who cleaned those big houses out on the old Baker farm. Nik had always known Chief McCaffrey didn’t like him. When he was a kid, his mom had cleaned for the McCaffreys and she and Jane’s mom had been friends. But then something had happened. He never knew exactly what, but one day his mom no longer went over to their house, and neither did Nik. When he saw Chief McCaffrey around town, the guy gave him the creeps.
Jane didn’t talk about her dad much, but she always made sure she left Nik’s house and got home in the evening before her dad did. Today wasn’t the first time since high school that he’d wondered if he should have asked Jane more questions about him. Nik would forever be haunted by that terrified look in Mrs. McCaffrey’s eyes that day she came into the emergency room.
“What happened when you found your dad waiting?” Another gust of wind blew up, and Nik wanted to shield Jane from so much more than the frigid weather. “Did he hurt you?”
Jane pressed her lips together and stared out at the lights in the valley. “He pushed me down the stairs.”
For a moment, Nik wished Chief McCaffrey were still alive so he could drive over to his house and kill him. Without stopping to think about it, he pulled Jane against him, wrapping his arms around her. She held on, sliding her hands around his back.
“If I’d known any of this, I would have been there in five minutes to pick you up. You had to know that, right?”
She nodded against his chest.
“You know my mom loves you. You could have stayed at our house for as long as you needed.” He remembered Jane and his mom giggling together in the kitchen. It had made him so happy that the two most important people in the world were so close. After losing his dad, Jane and his mom were everything to him. “You could have stayed forever.”
Slowly, almost reluctantly, Jane pulled back. She turned her eyes to Nik’s, and the pain he saw nearly did him in. “He said if I ever saw you again, he’d make sure you never got your scholarship. That he’d fabricate a drug arrest on your record, and that would be the end of college and med school.”
Nik stared at her. Chief McCaffrey had known exactly what he was doing. He’d known how important the scholarship was to Nik, and he’d probably known how important Nik was to Jane. “But why did you keep that a secret from me?”
“I knew if I told you I couldn’t see you anymore, you’d never agree to it.” Tears pooled in her eyes. “You’d tank your scholarship yourself. And I couldn’t let you do that. After everything that happened with your dad, I couldn’t let you give up your dream to be a doctor for me. I couldn’t let you get stuck in this town. And the only way I knew how to make sure that didn’t happen was to go as far away as possible.”
Nik’s head spun. “But why Los Angeles? Why not go to Cornell like you’d planned? Were you afraid you’d run into me there?”
Jane shook her head. “My dad refused to pay for Cornell. After what happened, he said he didn’t trust me, said I had to stay home and commute to Buffalo if I wanted to go to college.” Her words were coming faster now. “I couldn’t stay for four more years. I could barely make it another day in the same house with him.” Jane took a gasping breath. “And with her letting him treat us that way. He pushed me down the stairs and my mom made excuses, asked me to let it go. So, the next day, I left. I ran.” An icy tear slid down her cheek. “I thought I’d go away until you were finished with school, and they couldn’t take your scholarship. Until my dad couldn’t hurt either of us anymore.”
Nik’s body went hot and then cold. He’d told Jane that he never ended up going to Cornell. That he’d gone to community college instead. But he hadn’t told her why. Nik had never actually received that scholarship. A few days after Jane had left, a letter had arrived from the Linden Falls town council. Some new information has come to light that has caused the committee to reconsider the award.
The pain he felt now was overwhelming. It wasn’t about losing the scholarship. Nik didn’t give a shit about that anymore. He’d made it on his own. But Jane had run away to Los Angeles to protect his dream. And it had all been for nothing.
A haunted look crossed her face, and he realized the truth was dawning on her. He’d told her earlier that he’d stayed in Linden Falls and gone to community college.
Jane backed away from him, her eyes glued to his face. “Why didn’t you go to Cornell, Nik? Why did you stay in Linden Falls?”
He reached for her. “Jane, it’s freezing out. Let’s get in the car.”
She shook her head. “ Why are you still here? ” Jane was crying now, icy tears dripping down her cheeks. “Answer me, Nik.”
“I like it here. I’m happy here.”
She swiped at her eyes. “Maybe you do like it here. But that’s not why you stayed. At least, it’s not why you stayed ten years ago.” Her voice rose with each word. “ What really happened? ”
How could he tell her? “Jane…”
“He took your scholarship away, didn’t he? Even though I left and never saw you again. He took it anyway.”
Nik hesitated and then nodded.
“Oh God .” Jane paced across the road and sank down on a fallen log. She pressed her face into her hands. Her entire body shook.
Nik followed her across the road and crouched in front of her. “Jane, it’s freezing out. Will you get in the car? Please?”
Her shoulders slumped, and wordlessly, she nodded. Nik stood and then took her hand, helping her to her feet. He kept her hand tucked in his as they headed up the road. Once he got her in the passenger seat, he rounded the vehicle and climbed in, cranking up the heat.
“I should really get home,” Jane murmured, her voice flat.
Nik rubbed his hands together to warm them. “I think we should finish this conversation.”
Slowly, she turned her head to look at him. “What else is there to say? It’s over, it’s in the past.”
But we’re here in the present. They’d missed out on ten years. He didn’t want to miss out on ten more.
“My mom thought I was going out for milk.” Jane grabbed the seatbelt and pulled the strap across her chest. “I’m sure she’ll start to worry.”
“You could text her and tell her you’re with me.”
Jane shook her head. “If she’s asleep, a text might wake her up.”
“If she’s asleep, she won’t be worrying about you.”
“Well, there’s no way to know, so I should get back.”
Nik sighed. Why did he feel like she was still keeping things from him?
She was silent on the drive home. When he pulled his car in at the McCaffreys’ driveway behind an older Toyota that he assumed was hers, he turned to face her. “I’m sorry I kidnapped you.”
“It’s okay.” She gave him a lopsided smile, and his heart did a somersault. All he wanted was to keep that smile on her face. It killed him to think about all the reasons she’d run away. But she was back, and her dad was gone. And maybe… Hell, he didn’t know. Maybe they could be friends again.
Friends.
Jane’s nose was red from crying, eyes swollen, mascara smeared under her lashes. And still she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. How many times in the last decade had he dreamed of that face? Dream of her body beneath his? And how many times did he wake up as aroused as a teenager?
He didn’t want to be friends with Jane .
Nik took a chance. “I’m working the day shift tomorrow. Can I come by when I get off? We could get a drink or dinner. Talk more.”
Jane shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” She glanced nervously up at the house, and a weight settled in his chest. He still didn’t know anything about her life, really.
“Is there—someone? A boyfriend? Are you married?”
“No.” Jane gave her head a hard shake. “There’s nobody. Not like that. It’s—” She reached for the door handle, almost as if she were getting ready to make a run for it. “I’m leaving, Nik. I’ll be in Linden Falls for another couple of days, and then I’m… gone.” She didn’t meet his eyes.
Why did he feel like there was so much more to this story? She glanced at the house again. Why did she seem nervous? Nik shook his head. Why was he so adamant in unpacking this baggage? It had been ten years. He’d moved on. Or, at least he should have moved on.
“Okay. Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”
She hesitated for a moment. “I’m sorry, Nik.”
He sighed. “Me, too.”
Jane climbed out of the car and made her way up the porch steps. Nik waited only long enough to watch her unlock the front door and swing it open. And then he put the car in reverse, driving away before he could do something stupid like follow her.