Chapter 20
TWENTY
The next morning, Jane stared at the light fixture on the ceiling while the events of the night before slowly came back to her. It was almost too unbearable to think of everything she’d given up when she’d walked away. And it was all for nothing. Nik had never received that scholarship. He’d never gone to Cornell.
It was impossible not to second-guess every decision she’d made back then.
Her dad had been a monster. Jane closed her eyes, remembering the fear and horror when he’d taken her by the arm, dragging her across her bedroom. She’d wrenched free and run past him, out the door and down the hall, but he’d followed. She could still feel him behind her, hear him panting, sense him closing in. She’d made it to the top of the stairs, and… a hard blow to her back. The twist of her ankle. The whoosh of air on her face as she fell.
She’d lain crumpled in the hallway below, stunned and gasping, when another blow came from behind. Her guitar. Nik’s gift. Dad had thrown it after her.
He’d slowly descended the stairs, and Jane had scrambled to her hands and knees, crawling across the hardwood to escape. But Dad had been finished with her. At least physically. That’s when he’d told her she couldn’t see Nik anymore. Couldn’t go to Cornell.
And when he was done blowing up her life, he’d snatched up the guitar from the floor and left the house. Jane had watched helplessly from the porch as he’d descended the stairs, opened the door to his patrol car, and tossed in the guitar with such force that she could hear it vibrate across the yard.
That was when she’d turned to find Mom standing silently in the doorway.
Maybe Jane could have handled what had happened to her, could have stood up to Dad and stayed in Linden Falls to fight for her and Nik, except for what had happened next. As much as the pain of bruises and broken ribs had hurt, somehow the pain of Mom’s betrayal had been worse. Mom had made excuses. Begged Jane to go quietly to her room. Cried and asked her to please not pour any more fuel on the fire.
Like it had been Jane’s fault.
Like she’d deserved what had happened to her.
The next day, Jane had run. But what if, like Nik had suggested, she’d called him instead? What if he’d come and gotten her, and she’d gone to stay with him and Mrs. Andino?
But then he would have lost his scholarship, and Jane would have been the one to ruin his life, to crush his dreams. How could she have lived with that fact? But how could she live with it now, knowing that he’d lost his scholarship anyway, and her sacrifices were for nothing? She could have been with Nik this whole time, and everything that had happened in Los Angeles these past ten years would have been nothing but a bad dream.
She closed her eyes, remembering Nik’s arms around her, warming her from the cold, offering comfort.
From downstairs, a giggle drifted up through the floorboards, snapping her from her reverie. Mom and Scarlett were making pancakes again .
Jane rolled out of bed and headed downstairs. It would be too easy to fall back into Nik— which was exactly why Jane had had to say no when he’d asked to meet today. Jane had gone to Los Angeles, and the last ten years might feel like a bad dream, but they were very real. And now she had Scarlett to think about.
Downstairs, Jane found Mom and Scarlett standing at the stove, making pancakes just like the day before. Jane grabbed one from the plate on the counter, rolled it up, and took a bite as she sat down on one of the stools at the counter.
“Would you like a plate?” Mom asked, with slight disapproval in her voice.
Jane shook her head. “Thanks, but I actually need to run an errand. Are you okay with Scarlett for an hour or two?”
“Grandma said we could go out and play in the snow after breakfast!” Scarlett announced.
Jane was glad Scarlett was so excited about snow. They’d be getting a lot of it where they were going.
“Scarlett, can you run upstairs and get my slippers?” Mom asked. “These wood floors are so cold on my old feet.”
As soon as Scarlett took off, Mom turned to Jane. “Have you heard from Kait? Is that what this errand is about?”
“Not yet.” Jane had a list of things she wanted to pick up before they left for Canada, things she couldn’t buy before they left LA for fear that Matteo might find them. Warmer coats for both her and Scarlett. A pair of haircutting scissors and dye in a basic shade of brown. A couple of baseball hats. “Kait said it could be a week or so.”
“And you think you can trust her?” Mom frowned.
“She’s literally the only person I can trust.”
Mom flinched at that, but Jane couldn’t bring herself to take it back. Sometimes the truth hurt.
“Did you think about my suggestion about hiring an attorney? I saw Martin Lefkowitz at the grocery store last week. I mentioned we might be needing some legal advice and he said to stop by anytime.”
Jane’s eyes widened. “You didn’t tell him anything about me, did you?”
“No, he thought it was about Dad’s paperwork. But the point is that I think he’d be willing to help you leave Matteo and get custody of Scarlett through the legal channels.”
Jane shook her head. “Would calling a lawyer and going through the legal channels to leave Dad have worked for you?”
“It’s not the same.” Mom’s shoulders drooped. “Dad was the chief of police in this town. And I didn’t have anywhere to go. By the time I might have been able to consider leaving, your grandparents in Ottawa had already passed, and there was nowhere else.”
Jane stared across the counter at Mom. The woman’s voice at the domestic violence shelter came back to her, explaining her options. Or lack of options, it had felt like to Jane. Barriers at every turn. Mom’s choices hadn’t been any better.
“Just because he doesn’t live here doesn’t mean Matteo will ever let us go. If I tell him Scarlett and I aren’t coming back, he’ll show up here.”
“Well, let him come,” Mom snapped. “We can handle it.”
Jane gaped at her. “ How? ”
Mom shrugged, busying herself with opening one of the kitchen drawers. “Well…” she finally said. “I think…”
Her voice trailed off at the sound of Scarlett’s feet stomping on the stairs.
“I don’t want to talk about this in front of Scarlett,” Jane said, sliding off her stool. “For now, I think I’ll stick to my plan.”