Chapter 23
TWENTY-THREE
Jane watched her daughter sleeping in the hospital bed. A bright green cast covered her arm from wrist to elbow, the billowy fabric of her hospital gown enveloping her small frame. Scarlett had eaten dinner and finally fallen asleep an hour ago, and Jane wished that she could do the same. She shifted on the vinyl couch that would be her own bed for the evening, and though her whole body ached with exhaustion, her mind was whirring with the events of the day.
Her thoughts inevitably drifted to Nik.
He’d looked so shocked when he’d first walked into the exam room and discovered that she was Scarlett’s mother. But despite being blindsided, he’d been nothing but kind and compassionate, showing so much care for Scarlett, and to Jane when she was panicking over Scarlett’s head injury. Maybe that was just his job. He was clearly good at it. But later, it hadn’t been his job to hang out with them playing cards, cheering Scarlett up and taking Jane’s mind off the situation. He’d done it because that was the kind of person he was.
Nik had been so good with Scarlett, teasing her about the card game, making her laugh with his sad faces when he lost a round. Scarlett had gazed up at him with adoring eyes. It was an expression she used to reserve for Matteo, but which had become less frequent as she grew older and began to understand who her father really was.
Over the years, Jane had imagined what it might have been like for her daughter to grow up with a man like Nik instead of Matteo. But it had only ever been a late-night fantasy that she never allowed herself to entertain in the light of day. Seeing them together, seeing how natural Nik was with Scarlett, Jane’s heart ached with that old longing.
Jane glanced from her sleeping daughter to the clock over the TV. It was after eight, and Nik had probably gone home by now. When the nurse had come in to take Scarlett for her cast and admit her for the night, Nik had left to finish his paperwork. Jane knew it was better than having him hang around. The more he stayed here, getting to know Scarlett and making Jane feel like she wasn’t alone, the harder it would be to leave in a few days.
So, when the curtain in front of the door rustled, and Nik stepped into the room, Jane didn’t want to admit how glad she was to see him.
“How is she feeling?” Nik whispered from the doorway.
Jane stood on shaky legs but stayed where she was, on the opposite side of the room. “They gave her some meds for the pain in her arm, and it seemed to help the headache, too. She ate dinner and fell asleep about an hour ago.”
“Good.” Nik nodded. “I think she’ll be fine by tomorrow.”
Jane glanced at the clock again. “You’re here late. I thought you would have gone home by now.”
“I was on my way, but…” He shrugged. “You looked exhausted when I saw you earlier, and the nurse said you hadn’t eaten, so…” Nik held out a paper bag. “I remembered you like Thai food.” He gave her a crooked smile.
Nik had been running around taking care of people all day, and then he’d played five rounds of Uno while they waited for the nurse. He certainly didn’t have to go out of his way to feed her. He must be exhausted, too. Jane took in his messy hair and the way the dim overhead lights of the hospital room highlighted the dark smudges under his eyes. “Have you eaten anything?” she asked.
Nik shook his head. “It’s okay. I’ve got something in the fridge at home.”
Jane crossed the room, taking the bag and peeking inside. She found a plastic container of pad thai and a handful of napkins and plastic silverware. “There are two forks here, and I’ll never eat this all by myself. Do you want to share?”
Nik hesitated, his gaze sweeping over Jane’s face as if he wasn’t sure what to make of her. Finally, he nodded. “That would be great. Thanks.”
The paper bag in Jane’s hand crinkled, and Scarlett stirred.
Nik nodded toward the door. “There’s a family waiting room across the hall. It’s probably empty this time of night. Let’s go over there.”
Jane followed Nik across the hall to a small room with a coffee maker, vending machine, and a vinyl-covered couch. She settled at one end, placing the food carton on the coffee table while Nik sank into the cushions on the other end.
He reached out to take the fork she offered him. “I realize you turned me down for dinner tonight, so this wasn’t meant to be me worming my way in.”
Jane shook her head. “I would never think that.” She bit her lip. “I guess now you know the reason I said no.” She pulled the lid off the food container and stared at the swirl of noodles so she wouldn’t have to look at Nik. “It’s complicated.”
The silence stretched, and she knew he was waiting for more of an explanation. But how could she sum up the last ten years? She couldn’t, so instead, she stabbed her fork into the pad thai. “You were lovely with Scarlett today. I really appreciate it.”
“She’s a great kid.” Nik smiled. “And just as competitive as her mom, I noticed.”
Jane laughed, grateful to lighten the mood. “Yes, I’ve created a monster who can now destroy me.” Jane had lost badly to both Nik and Scarlett at Uno. In the end, Nik had come out the champion, but Scarlett had put up a good fight.
“Does she take after you in other ways? Does she play music? I remember around that age you were constantly singing show tunes.”
Jane shook her head. “I must have been so obnoxious.”
“I always loved your voice.” He gave her a crooked grin. “And thanks to you, I still belt out ‘Defying Gravity’ in the shower. Don’t tell anyone.”
“I would never.” Jane handed him the carton of pad thai. “No, Scarlett doesn’t really sing. She’s more of a reader. And she likes to draw.” Jane had encouraged quiet activities. She couldn’t imagine Scarlett belting out “Defying Gravity” when Matteo was around.
“Since Scarlett will need to take it easy for a few days, I’ll see what books my mom has lying around in my old bedroom.”
He just kept taking care of them, and she didn’t feel like she deserved it. Especially since she’d kept Scarlett a secret from him. “Nik, I’m sorry you had to find out about her like this.”
Nik regarded her across the narrow space. “I wish you’d told me last night. But…”
“But what?”
He sighed. “I don’t know. Now that I’ve met her, I get it. A decade has gone by. You have this whole other life, and you and I are basically strangers.”
That was the thing. It didn’t feel like a decade had gone by. And Nik didn’t feel like a stranger. He felt safe. Familiar. Her feelings for Nik had grown slowly over time from best friends to something that could have been so much more. At eighteen, she’d loved him madly, desperately. Looking back on her life in Los Angeles, she’d managed to convince herself that she’d moved on. But now she could see it all so much more clearly. Her best friend had been the love of her life. She’d lost so much when she’d walked away.
“Is Scarlett’s dad…” Nik waved a hand absently. “… in the picture? Does he know about Scarlett’s accident?”
Jane bit her lip. “No. I didn’t tell him.”
“Can I ask why?”
Jane hadn’t planned to say anything. But the exhaustion of the past week—the past decade—washed over her. And being around Nik made her feel safer, and more cared for, than she had in years. “I left him. We’re not together anymore. Matteo isn’t very interested in being a part of our lives.” Every word was the truth. Matteo might have had a strong desire to control their lives, but very little actual interest in her or Scarlett.
Nik leaned forward and set the food container on the table in front of him. “I’m sorry.” He shifted to face her. “Not that you left him. I’m sorry that you had to go through all that.”
Jane stared down at her hands. “It’s for the best.”
Nik slid closer. “Is it?” He reached up and put a gentle hand on her cheek, rubbing his thumb on the spot where she knew her bruise was fading, but not quite gone.
He knows Matteo put that mark there. Nik had always been observant, especially when it came to her.
“It shows a lot of strength to decide you deserve better,” he said.
Jane didn’t feel strong. She felt terrified. But for the first time in a long time, maybe she didn’t feel completely alone. Mom was waiting at home, and she’d texted twice to check in. Jane’s gaze drifted to Nik. His shift had ended hours ago. He didn’t need to be here. But he was. Bringing her food, checking in on her daughter, and making her long for all sorts of things that she never thought she’d ever have.
Their eyes met. If she leaned in a couple of inches, she could press her mouth to his. It was so tempting. To fall into him, to be encircled by the safety of his arms.
But Jane slid back in her seat, away from him, her face flushing. “I’m sorry. This isn’t a good idea…”
Nik shook his head. “No, I ’m sorry. You have an injured kid across the hall. I don’t want to put this pressure on you.”
“Nik…” Jane reached out a hand to touch his arm, but then she let it drop in her lap at the last second. “It’s not that I don’t feel this. But…” She bit her lip. “ I’m leaving.” In less than a week, she would disappear from his life. How could she get involved and then put him through that again? How could she put herself through it again?
“Don’t say anything now.” He slid the carton of food into her hand. “You need to eat.”
While they finished the pad thai, Nik filled Jane in on the Linden Falls gossip. He told her about the town council painting the water tower coral and accidentally turning it into a giant penis, and then about the senior prank where the football team hired a crane to move the principal’s car to the roof of the high school. Lighthearted stories that made her laugh and distracted her from everything swirling around in her head. As she cleaned up after they’d eaten, and threw away the trash, she realized he’d known exactly what she needed in that moment.
They headed back across the hall to check on Scarlett. Nik bustled around the room, scrolling through a file on the computer to check the nurse’s notes, glancing at the monitors on the wall. Jane stood back and watched as he rounded the hospital bed to grab an extra blanket from the cabinet. The dim light shone across his face as he leaned in to spread it across Scarlett and tuck it under the corners of the bed.
Jane studied his profile, taking in the slope of his nose, the sharpness of his cheekbones. Something familiar flickered in the back of her mind.
Nik leaned closer to Scarlett, smoothing the blanket.
Jane’s gaze darted to her daughter’s profile. To Scarlett’s nose. Scarlett’s cheekbones.
Jane blinked, over and over, as recognition slowly dawned. Is it possible?
She’d wondered… sometimes she’d even wished for it. But had she shoved this possibility so far out of her head that she’d completely fooled everyone, and especially herself?
Could Nik be Scarlett’s father?