Chapter 8
SARAH
When my flight touched down in Dallas, I was more relieved than I should’ve been.
I wanted to get back on land into my own bed.
And with all the sunscreen I’d taken, I still managed to turn pink instead of any shade of tan.
With my Irish ancestry contributing my pale skin and freckles, it was nearly impossible for me to do anything but burn, so I did my best to protect my skin as much as possible.
It was the largest organ of our body, after all.
There goes the nerd in me. I chuckled out loud, and the man sitting in the seat to my left side-eyed me. Whatever. Fuck him. I was delightful.
Once the “fasten seatbelt” signs blinked off, passengers stood to stretch and gather their belongings from the overhead bins.
I strapped my backpack across my back and fetched my suitcase from above me.
I hated being short, but what can ‘ya do?
Thankfully another passenger saw my struggle and assisted me.
“Thanks so much! I couldn’t very well bring my step stool on the flight with me. It wouldn’t fit in my backpack.” I winked and pointed my thumb at the fullness nestled against my back, causing the person to giggle loudly. My returning smile stretched wide with comedic mischief.
They handed me my rolling case and stood behind me as we waited to deplane.
My mind drifted back to that intimate moment with Jackie where I really got to feel her against me.
Straight or not, she was aroused. Which, honestly, probably confused both of us.
She’d been married to a man that was her high school sweetheart, but that doesn’t mean she was straight.
I needed to stop assuming. Bisexual and married to someone of the opposite sex was still bisexual.
Sexuality wasn’t a topic we’d approached in depth during the cruise.
She knew I was lesbian, but she hadn’t mentioned anything about dating since her divorce.
To be fair though, it’d only been a year, she’d mentioned getting into therapy since. Which, good for-fucking-her.
What plagued me was the crush that re-emerged at seeing her and spending time with her.
At thirty-years-old, a crush seemed a little juvenile, I know, but I didn’t have another word for it.
Jackie was beautiful and smart, and her shy, introverted nature balanced my erratic, extroverted self.
When it was just a friendship thing back in high school, she felt like the yin to my yang, platonically.
But once my feelings evolved into something beyond that, and a silly game of spin the bottle messed our friendship up, I worried about my heart being decimated all over again. Some irony there.
With my mind still reeling around a variety of topics, I trekked through DFW airport and ordered a Lyft home, ready for a hot shower and a fucking nap. Vacations were never really vacations, because all you did was return to the same problems as before.
Once I entered my high-rise loft, I tossed my keys in the basket on the table of the foyer and left my baggage where I stood.
I’d unpack later when I had the energy. I took a quick, hot shower, closed my bedroom curtains and nestled under the covers for a much-needed siesta.
For as much relaxing as I did on the cruise, the travel for it was exhausting.
I put my phone on the charger and pulled on a sleep mask.
I awoke later and checked my phone, noting I’d slept almost four hours.
As I scrolled through missed notifications, my stomach grumbled.
I switched to a food delivery app and ordered some takeout from my favorite local wing spot.
It was family owned and much better than any chain restaurant I’d eaten wings from.
After completing my order, I toggled back to my missed texts and noted one of particular interest.
Jackie:
Hey Sarah. Just wanted to let you
I made it home safely. Hope to talk
to you soon.
I sighed, not knowing how to respond. I regretted not seeing her on the last day of the trip, but that kiss we shared, mind blowing as it may have been, just made me want Jackie even more.
I didn’t know where her head was at, but she didn’t seem to be too put off by it.
Or maybe she was burying the awkwardness of it out of avoidance.
Obviously, the kiss itself wasn’t awkward.
I honestly couldn’t stop thinking about it.
The aftermath when she’d gained her bearings and wanted to talk about it caused me to become skittish and run off.
Then I was embarrassed at myself for that shit.
For all my confidence and bravado for initiating our hot make out session, once I’d completely sobered up, I was a little freaked out.
And I was worried she was even more freaked out.
I shook off the ramblings in my head and slid out of bed.
I decided to fill up on some food then figure out what I’d say to her.
Grabbing a hair tie off my nightstand, I pulled my hair up in a messy top knot to tame it a little bit.
Eating wings would get messy. My stomach churned with hunger again.
“Yes ma’am, I know. Your food is on its way. ”
About twenty-five minutes later, I received a notification that the delivery person was in the lobby with my food. I stepped into some slides by the door, yanked my keys up, and rushed out to head down for my food. My mouth watered at the thought of the tangy, flavorful sauce hitting my tongue.
I retrieved my order and took the elevator back up to my place. Sitting at the high-top stool at my light gray marble topped island, I dug in. My feet dangled, and I did my little happy dance, thanking the Universe for the nourishment of my body.
Feeling fat full, I went to retrieve my phone and return some messages.
I needed to check in with my friend group, mostly to let them know I was back, but also because I had to spill the tea on Jackie.
I’d mentioned her offhand during the cruise, but not the whole story, and sure as hell not the kiss.
That was a story for in-person. I pulled up our group chat and tapped out a quick call to action message.
Teatime. Stat.
BestieJ:
Crumpets too?
Crumpets were code for drinks of the adult variety.
Nah, I’m detoxing after that trip,
but feel free
Kora:
The usual spot?
That would be Gina’s place. She lived most centrally to everyone in the group. Jesse and Sakora lived together, but their place was located way on the other side of the city from me.
GiGi:
Ma’am. How do you even know I’m home?
Kora:
It’s teatime. You’re home.
GiGi:
shut up
BestieJ:
G, you got 30 minutes and we’re showing up on
your doorstep
Love you bitches! Be there in 30
“So, wait, you’re telling me that you, Miss Sunshine and Free Love, are scared?
Shaking in your scrubs, are ya?” Sakora started howling in laughter at me.
She was bent forward, her dark brown, shoulder-length locs falling in her face.
When she rose back up, she was wiping a tear from the corner of her eye.
I’d clued them in on the highlights of my cruise.
From the chance reunion with my high school crush, Jackie Taylor, to our tipsy lip lock session and its aftermath.
In the time they’d all known me, I’ve never backed down from a challenge when it came to my love life.
I was open about my sexuality and was no stranger to safe, casual sex.
“Scared? Fuck no. But I may be a little apprehensive. For all I know, Jackie is straight. And I’ve been out for too long to jump back in the closet.
Not only that, but back in the day, when I had that crush, she was with some fuckhead guy she ended up marrying and only divorced a year ago.
I don’t want to be some experiment for a divorcee letting loose after an awful marriage.
” I was so frustrated by the whole situation.
Jesse jumped in. “But Sar, how do you know she’s straight?
Didn’t you say she married her high school sweetheart?
Sounds like she didn’t even get a chance to explore who she is.
I get not wanting to be an experiment. We’ve all been there.
But who’s to say she just never considered anything else because she was never single until now?
” They made so much damn sense it gave me a headache.
I rubbed my temples and huffed out a sigh.
“Uggghhhh, why are y’all being so logical when I’m over here being a drama queen?
Let me have my moment please!” I slammed back into a lying position on Gina’s king size bed and threw my forearm over my eyes to hide from their judgmental stares.
Then I felt three pairs of arms wrap around me in a giant bear hug, and I almost cried. I needed this.
Gina gingerly moved my arm from its position and smiled softly at me.
“Because. How do you know this Jackie couldn’t make you the happiest you’ve ever been?
” Then I really did cry. They let me finish my moment while we all lay side by side and stared up at the ceiling fan while it whirled counterclockwise above us.
“Well, I did kinda promise to help her with something.” I mumbled under my breath.
“Do tell,” Jesse quipped back. I was hoping they hadn’t heard me, but they always do.
“So, Jackie is super introverted and shy. She may have asked me to draw her out of that shell. Become more adventurous. Experience more out of life. And I may have agreed.” I waited for someone to tell me this was a bad idea and that it would lead to nothing but more heartbreak.
That didn’t happen though. They were all quiet for a moment, then Sakora was the one to puncture that bubble of silence.
“You’re grown, Sarah. Just protect your peace.
If getting involved with Jackie in even this platonic way messes with your head or heart, get out.
Just be honest with her and yourself. Set boundaries if you need to.
” I couldn’t have said it better myself.
But then, she was the therapist of the group.
No, she was an actual therapist. And a fucking good one, but she mostly worked with young kids and teens.
That didn’t mean she didn’t have a wise word for her friends on occasion.
“You’re the wisest of us alllll.” I teased. “But seriously, I can’t thank you all enough. I’m going to think it over, because I don’t want to flake on her, but I need to figure out my limits and boundaries.”
“Then it’s settled.” We all chanted in unison.
“Oh, who wants to go to Rainbow Center tomorrow with me?” Rainbow Center was the LGBTQIA community center in Gina’s neighborhood. They were always having events or activities on the weekends.
“What’s on the agenda, GiGi?” I inquired.
“They’re showing the documentary ‘Paris is Burning.’”
Jesse, Sakora, and I all sat up quickly with that. The documentary was part of the inspiration for one of our favorite, but canceled, shows. It centered around the New York City drag and ballroom culture among the queer community, specifically Black queer folks and other queer folks of Color.
“G, you know we’re there.” Jesse shrieked excitedly.
“I knew you would be. It starts at six p.m. and there’s an entry fee of five dollars per person that will go to recoup expenses on snacks and the cost of showing the movie.” She knew we didn’t care about having to pay to get in. We always paid extra for the cause.
“Do they need any volunteers,” I checked in with her.
“Not for this event, but I’ll keep you posted.”
Rainbow Center had been around for a few decades and always provided a safe space for people in our community.
They held fundraising and mutual aid events, had peer support groups, and even held free health screenings for STDs, STIs, and HIV/AIDS once a month.
During those particular events, they even provided sexual health education seminars and passed out condoms and dental dams, doing way more than any regular county health clinic would ever do.
And lord knew the schools in Texas barely taught hetero sex education.
They weren’t touching any of this with a ten-foot pole.
“Ok. It’s settled. We’ll meet here tomorrow at five p.m. I have to get there a little early to help set up the projection equipment.
” Gina was a wiz with electronics and shit, even though her career was in human resources.
This other was a hobby that we told her she should’ve pursued professionally.
“Well ladies and theys, I need to get going. I’m still feeling that lag and need to get back in the bed.
” I got up off the bed and headed toward the door to put my shoes back on.
I grabbed my keys and crossbody bag off the hook by the door and exited Gina’s house to my car in the driveway.
Tomorrow I’d work on setting those boundaries and reach out to Jackie.