Chapter Thirty
Iam in love with Jack.
Over the next two days, we spend all our time at the villa once again. We had groceries delivered and cooked all three meals a day, so we didn’t have to leave. I’ve become thoroughly infatuated with him.
Jack is always on me or in me, and I have never felt so complete. If gravity wasn’t tying me to the ground and reality wasn’t pounding on the backdoor of my thoughts, I’d have already floated away in my weightless and lustrous state. I can’t go anywhere in this villa without Jack, and showers have become something we do together.
If I try to slip in without him, within no time, I hear the creaking sound of the glass door opening. I turn to see his deep blue eyes and soft smile standing before me. Jack will snuggle me under the hot water, leaving trails of kisses on my forehead, nose, and neck while washing my hair and refusing to get out before me.
My flight back to Phoenix is this morning, and we still haven’t discussed what is happening between us. While standing under a rainfall shower head, I hear the subtle but familiar creak of the shower door. Smiling to myself, I turn to find Jack standing behind me.
“You were going to take a shower without me on our last day together?” he tsks, sliding his hands along the smooth skin of my curves.
I plaster a fake smile on my face, masking the pain I’m feeling inside. “Sorry.”
“I forgive you,” he says, cupping my elbows and swinging my arms around his neck. I interlace my fingers behind him and step into his familiar skin. I get a little lightheaded as our bodies are flush. Jack’s hands clutch my hips, rubbing my core against his growing cock. He dips his head down and brings his sweet, wet lips to mine. My eyes fill with tears, savoring the taste and feel of his mouth on mine. But my uncertainty doesn’t stop the way he makes me feel. The wholeness and completion that I’ve never known.
“I’m going to miss you,” he mutters, sucking my bottom lip into his mouth. He’s making this so fucking difficult. How can this not be real for him?
“I’m going to miss you too.” My voice comes out unstable and filled with raw emotion. I tuck my arms, curl into him, and turn my face to the side against his chest.
Jack exhales a heavy sigh and wraps his arms around me. “Goddammit.”
At this point, I don’t know how much I will miss him or how I’m supposed to return to my life after what has developed between us over the last month and a half. My entire life has gone from vertical to horizontal and back again.
Jack takes the tips of his fingers and glides them slowly over the skin on my lower back, sending a shiver up my spine. Then, he brings the other hand and repeats the movement, allowing both hands to land on my shoulder blades, tugging me further into his embrace.
I feel like I can’t breathe, and our cuddling is becoming too much. It’s fucking torture. I pull back, looking deeply into his eyes.
“This is going to hurt like a motherfucker, isn’t it?” He drops his lips to the top of my shoulder.
“Yes,” I tell him, tracing the path of the water droplets with my mouth as they roll down his neck.
“Can I wash your hair?” He reaches down to grab the shampoo with one hand.
I clamp my eyes shut, breathing in his scent—of us. Searing it into my mind, scared that I’ll forget it. But how could I?
After a couple of minutes, we finished up, and as always, I got out first, followed by Jack. Except this time, once I walked into the bedroom, he didn’t follow me. He stays in the bathroom and puts his clothes on behind a closed door.
Fear and panic rush me with a vengeance. My nerves already sense the stark difference in his energy. I put on a pair of jeans, sneakers, and a long-sleeved white shirt.
When Jack walks out fully clothed, he glances at me and gestures toward the living room. “I’m going to get some work done, and I’m sure you want to start packing.”
My mouth lifts with a smile, acknowledging him, but my eyes remain low and heavy.
I keep my distance for the rest of the morning while Jack works in the other room. I feel like we’re back at the beginning—barely speaking, an impenetrable space between us, and the uncomfortableness of the nature of our relationship. We’ve shared an intense connection, showed our raw and vulnerable sides, and we’ve been exposed to each other. Now, it”s being ripped away.
I need to talk with my best friends, and even though I’m not in the mood for dinner and drinks tonight, I will go anyway. Avery, Lina, and Bailey are my sisters. They’ll know how to help me through this gut-wrenching situation I’ve knowingly gotten myself into.
“You’ve been quiet all morning.” He walks into the bedroom, clutching two mugs of coffee. “This is going to be hard, I know.”
I climb to my feet from kneeling on the floor in front of my half-packed suitcase. He hands me one of the cups. The smell is warm and comforting, providing temporary relief to the uneasiness that I’ve been feeling.
“I’m not trying to be,” I reply, but I know I have. I’ve been stuck in my head.
Jack sits at the end of the bed and stares at the piles of my clothes that scatter the floor. “I didn’t realize how many clothes you have.”
“Because they were hanging in the closet or folded in the dresser drawers,” I reply, setting the coffee on the nightstand.
“It will be weird not having you here with me.” Jack avoids my eye contact.
“It’ll be weird not being here.”
A heavy silence fills the room.
“Um.” Jack rubs the back of his neck. “Should we talk about what happens next?”
My breath halts. We need to address the next steps, our business deal, and whether he needs me anymore. “Yes, that’s probably a good idea.” I take the spot next to him on the bed, taking care to maintain at least a foot between us which fucking slices me.
“I appreciate your help. In more ways than one.” He leans forward, resting his elbows on his bent knees. “When I first thought of you helping me, I never thought it would go this far. I honestly thought you’d come out a few times to make me look good, help my image, and maybe take some of the heat off my back.” He lowers his head toward me. “But you did so much more than that—”
My nose pricks and my eyes water with an impending waterfall of tears that are on the verge of breaking through. “You never needed me. You may have thought you did, but you don’t need anyone. You’re incredible all on your own,” I interrupt him in a whisper.
“Thank you.” He wipes a single tear from the side of his eye. “You have been so much more to me, and I want you to know how grateful I am.”
“I’m happy to have helped.” I wrestle with my hair and push it to the side of my shoulder as heat builds on the nape of my neck. “There’s no need for me to come back, is there?”
Jack drops his head in his hands. “I was able to handle the money situation this morning,” he states without answering the question. His avoidance gives me everything I need to know. And it shatters my fragile, bleeding heart. He doesn’t know how to have this conversation with me.
The payment completely slipped my mind. “Ah yes, I forgot about that.”
Jack leans back, removes a folded piece of paper from his pocket, and holds it out before us. “It’s a check for the exact amount we agreed on.”
My payment.
The payment I get for devoting myself to him. A simple transaction that sums up our entire relationship. My payment for cuddling him, caring for him, supporting him, comforting him, and letting him claim me. My payment for falling in love with him and the hurt it will cause.
“Thank you,” I say, without taking it.
Jack sets it on the thick comforter on top of the bed. The one that we’ve made love on multiple times. It’s the same one that we’ve laughed on. It’s the same one we’ve played on.
Snuggled on.
Slept on.
Talked on.
Fuck, I can’t breathe.I quickly rise from the bed, placing one hand on my stomach while keeping my back to him.
“Also,” he continues, “I have my lawyer, Tom, working on our divorce. You should be receiving the official papers in the next few weeks. All you should have to do is sign.”
I rub my lips together and swallow hard, trying to keep down the bile that’s creeping up my throat. “Alright. Thank you.”
“I know, this is uncomfortable,” he says, picking up the check from the bed. “I’ll put it in here.” He gets up and slips the check into the front pocket of my travel bag. Rocking back and forth on his heels, he shoves his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “I guess I’ll give you some space to finish packing. We might hit some traffic, so we’ll have to get on the road soon.”
The minute Jack walks out of the bedroom, I slump against the side of the bed. Taking a minute to gather myself, I return to the floor and continue packing. It doesn’t take me long before all my belongings are cleared from the bedroom, closet, and bathroom. What a whirlwind this has been.
Rolling my luggage behind me, I walk out of the room to find Jack sitting at his usual spot, typing away on his laptop. He has his square-frame black glasses on with one piece of hair falling onto his face. Fuck.
“I’m all set,” my voice is pinched and distant.
He glances up at me, then slowly closes his computer. “Okay.”
A short time later, Jack and I arrive at the airport. We haven’t spoken since we left the villa.
“Can I walk you in?” he turns to me as he shuts off the engine.
I nod with a half-smile.
He helped me with my luggage as we entered the elevator. The distance between us is unbearable, but it will make things easier when I say goodbye. The elevator doors open, and Jack lets me exit first.
Suddenly, he stops walking. “This is as far as I should go.”
Turning toward him, I fight back an emotional breakdown. “Probably a good idea.”
“Uh, so I hope you have a safe flight.” He crosses his arms at his chest.
“Thanks,” I reply, keeping my eyes on the ground.
I expect him to get back into the elevator, but he continues standing before me. “Can I kiss you one last time?”
A breath forces itself from my lungs just as my eyes leak. “Yes.”
He takes a single step toward me, eyebrows furrowed, and his expression has fallen. With my arms hanging at my sides, I give myself to him one last time.
Jack’s warm palm glides against my cheek. I lean into it, the heavenly sensation of his thumb caressing my skin. He takes another step closer, bringing his body flush with mine. His other hand threads through my hair and hooks the back of my head.
I bring my mouth toward his. He dips down, feathering my lip with his breath. “I’m going to miss you,” he whispers before we connect. His kiss is tender and soft. I press my lips into him to deepen our kiss, but Jack pulls back. With my eyes closed, I remain still, wishing it would last longer. Then, I feel him pepper my bottom and the top lip with delicate kisses, and all I can do is stand here and receive it.
My heart is breaking, my insides tremble, but I can’t find the words to tell him how I truly feel.
Jack steps away and lets his hands fall to his sides, leaving me empty and cold. “Thank you.”
Unable to form words, I give him a weak smile, letting him know I’ll be okay. Then, he quickly gives me his back and begins walking in the opposite direction—as do I.
The reality I’ve come to know is being ripped from me, along with the Jack who has become intricately woven into the fibers of my existence. I immediately turn on my heels. “Jack!”
He looks back.
“Wait.”
“Yes?”
I hurry toward him with my heart pounding, unsure what to say. “Wait.”
We both eat the distance between each other and soon, we’re back at arm’s length once again. He stares at me with red, swollen eyes. I don’t want to leave him yet. “I have a few more days left before I report back to work,” I blurt out, assuming he would pick up on what I’m implying.
“Are you saying you want to stay with me longer?”
“Maybe, yeah,” I admit, slight uncertainty in my voice.
His expression drops. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. The more time we spend together, the harder it will be.”
The muscles in my throat constrict, cutting off my air supply. I hang my head, focusing on the specks of white and silver in the dark tile of the airport floor. “It’s already hard.”
“I know.” He pains, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and pulling me in. I bury my nose in his clothes. I take a deep inhale one more time before I no longer can. “What have we done …” he trails off, resting his chin on my head.
The tightening in my stomach caused my words to pinch. “I don’t know.”
“This was all for show, wasn’t it?”
Jack’s question vibrates through my bones, making me doubt everything. It started that way, but is it still for show? Was it fake when he comforted me? When we laughed together when we made love? “I don’t know.”
“What does that mean you don’t know?” he asks with an infliction in his tone.
My arms are tightly around his torso. “It means exactly what it’s supposed to mean, that I don’t know!” I squeeze harder, nuzzling myself into the fabric of his hoodie, desperately shielding myself from the world.
“We both knew this was coming,” he reassures me, but it doesn’t help because it feels impossible to be away from him right now.
“It doesn’t make it any easier.”
Jack’s shoulders straighten, and he lifts his chin from the top of my head. “We’ve spent a lot of time together, and naturally, it will feel lonely for a while. But you’ll go back to your regular life, and everything will return to normal.”
I nod, agreeing on the outside but shouting with disagreement on the inside.
“You’re going to miss your flight.” He gently releases me. His arms fall to his sides before he quickly shoves them into the front pocket of his sweatshirt.
As panic pricks at my skin, the hair on the back of my neck stands straight up. I don’t want to say goodbye. The mere action of separating myself from him feels unimaginable. The independent life I once coveted is shattered because nothing is as important as being with him.
I scour the airport in a panic, hunting for the strength to admit what I’m feeling, to acknowledge it, and give it the breath of life.
“You’re right.” I take a few steps back despite the energy tethering me to him and despite my heart screaming for something else. If he wanted more, wouldn’t he admit it? Wouldn’t he want to spend a few more days with me?
Jack rubs his lips together and begins building an entire universe between us. “Goodbye. I’m sure we’ll be in touch.”
My leg bounces in place a few times before I reluctantly turn away and head toward the elevator. I fight the temptation to turn around again, refusing to inflict more pain on myself.
As I enter the small, suffocating space, my heart is in my throat, and my stomach twists in knots.
Awkwardly facing the wall, I wait until I hear the clang of the automatic doors close before I let all the air leave my lungs. Uncontrollably, my body lunges forward, and I fall to my knees. As soon as I meet the hard, unforgiving floor, a desperate wail forces itself from the back of my throat. Crying harder than I have in longer than I can remember, I let the tears plummet downward while my brain scrambles to put together the puzzle of emotions. How do I move on?
The bell dings, indicating that I’ve arrived on the correct floor. I quickly lift off the ground, wipe the tears from my eyes, and inhale deeply. Clutching the handle of my suitcase, a hard lump forms in my throat, and I force myself to begin the long walk to my terminal.