Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
Nikolas
For the past several days, I watched Leyla closely for any sign that Luke or Jaz had revealed my humiliating Siri experience. If they had, either she didn’t care or whatever was going on with her took precedence.
Even after I shared my high school experiences, she remained distant, interacting only when necessary. Our leadership meetings were less tense, but still uncomfortable.
I may not be the best at interpreting body language, but as I continued to observe her from afar, there was no denying that Leyla was not her usual outgoing self from college.
She rarely laughed or even smiled unless the occasion forced her to put on a plastic-looking one that was so far from her dazzling, real smile.
At first, I could explain it as my sudden presence at her company.
But I noticed it wasn’t only when we were in the same room.
I tried not to be what my sister Defne would call a creeper, but there was something about Leyla’s demeanor that gave me pause.
I couldn’t help watching to see if maybe there was something else wrong.
Not that she’d ever let me help her, but I cared.
Like a scientific hypothesis that made me dig deeper and observe more closely, I concluded that there was sadness in her eyes, and I wanted to discover why. Her shoulders hunched over as if she had the weight of the world balanced on them.
My next conclusion was the fact that it had been ten years, and in that time, she’d become CEO of a multi-million-dollar company. Of course, she wasn’t going to be the carefree girl I knew.
Except for one important variable. The kind of joy Leyla exuded in college wasn’t just because she was young.
It was evident to me that it was sewn into the fabric of her being.
This wasn’t fleeting happiness. It was joy.
Her personality wasn’t dictated by the environment around her, which could be called happiness.
No, what she gave to those around her was joy, pure joy.
It emanated from within and shouldn’t have changed with the passage of time.
There was one conversation we’d had about God and faith back in college. I was thrilled to learn that she shared my beliefs. We didn’t dig deep, but it was enough to know that she and I had something in common besides science.
Realizing I had spent too much time on this, I let it go and put my focus back on work, where it belonged. It was unnerving how Leyla still had the power to pull me off track.
And then, as if on cue, she walked into the lab, looking around until she found my executive assistant, Marshall. I stood up from my desk and walked toward the door, but stayed in the office, ready to assist.
Leyla wore a deep frown, her shoulders hunched more than usual. Why I missed cues in other people's body language but recognized at least some of hers was still a mystery to me.
“Do you have a fix for why the pumps are clogging yet, Marshall?” she asked, tablet in one hand and a bar of some type in the other.
“The tech team said it’s a viscosity issue. They’re working on how to fix it without affecting the lotion’s efficacy,” he answered, his hands shoved into his white lab coat. “We could always change the pump to a higher-yielding one.”
Leyla shook her head, tapping her tablet while juggling the bar. “No, that would wipe out almost 6% of our profit.”
I walked up to them, hoping she wouldn’t get angry that I was interrupting, but this was exactly why I was hired as head of the department. It was part of my job to develop alternative solutions.
“I have a thought about that,” I said, sidling up to Marshall, purposefully putting space between Leyla and me.
She didn’t look up or berate me for eavesdropping. I figured she must have either been desperate for a solution or hadn’t realized yet it was me. “I’m listening.”
“Have you tried a small pH adjustment? Reading the report reminded me I’d tried something similar before on another product a few years ago.”
Marshall scratched his head. “We did try that initially, but it caused other issues.”
“The optimal viscosity range is 5.5-6.5. The report indicated you used carbomer. That range should work,” I said confidently.
Leyla raised her eyebrows when she finally looked at me, questioning my solution.
I nodded my confirmation. “Let’s try that, then, and report back to me, please.
I’d like to get this figured out by the end of the week so production isn’t held up.
” I liked that she trusted my suggestion.
Maybe now was the time to check in with her.
“Will do, boss. I’m on it.” He walked away toward a few technicians.
“Is everything all right? You seem…different.” I silently prayed she wouldn’t blow up at my prodding. This was bordering on unprofessional, but I was willing to risk humiliation as that protective nature that she invoked from years ago reappeared. I hated seeing her so weighed down with worry.
Her head jerked back, her face pulled tight. “Different? What are you talking about? You think there’s something wrong with me?”
“Yes.”
She scoffed, and those emerald-green eyes sparked to life. I bit back a smile as I watched the transformation. That look of sadness and defeat disappeared as she looked at me, face bright red, ready for battle. This was the Leyla I knew.
“So, you think there’s something wrong with me, do you?” she challenged, the full power of her fiery eyes on me.
“No! Not like that, I promise. You are just different. Not the Leyla I knew in college. I mean…” I babbled, furious with myself for opening my mouth.
“And what do you know about the Leyla you knew in college?” she spat out.
Well, you started this, now you’ve got no choice but to finish it.
“I know that she was fierce, strong, joyful. She filled the room with a brightness that I’d never experienced before.” My voice was higher than usual, trying to convince her of how wonderful she was.
She shook her head and looked away.
“Thank you for the idea. Hopefully that will work.”
“It will work.”
She blew out a laugh through her nose. “Always so confident.”
When she looked up at me again, I answered, “Not in everything.”
The strange tension that sparked between us whenever we were close was one thing I was not confident about. I had no idea whether to ignore it or press her to acknowledge it.
Woefully inadequate in relationships with women, I tended to ignore it. But it was Leyla, and I wanted nothing more than to find out what was going on in her beautiful mind as she stared up at me.
“Oh? The unshakable Nikolas Demir is found wanting?” she teased, her eyes bouncing between mine.
I was not a man with “game,” as Mike boasted he had.
He was always trying to explain his moves to me, most of which were as ridiculous as his attempts at emulating surf culture.
Yet the woman I had thought of too many times over the years was standing before me, a mixture of openness and defiance in her eyes.
“Yes, I am definitely found wanting right now,” I said, lowering my voice enough that only she could hear me.
That hadn’t come out the way I intended, and I didn’t even think it made sense. None of my careful preparation of subjects to induce a conversation with this woman seemed to matter.
I wanted her to know that I was just as lost about what to do as she was. It didn’t matter that I was making a fool of myself admitting such a thing.
Leyla swallowed, her eyes still fixed on me. She was asking for an explanation, I surmised, by the way her brows rose.
“Want-wanting what?” she whispered.
I fought the urge to wipe the sweat that I felt beading on my forehead and answered the only way I knew how. With the truth. “Bilmiyurom.” Apparently, my disoriented mind made me speak in Turkish. “I mean, I don’t know.”
That seemed to break the connection, as she blinked several times and walked away quickly. I had stupidly missed my chance to open up to her again.
I hate when Siri is right.
Too embarrassed to follow her, I headed to my office, closed the door, and slumped against it.
This was the reason I didn’t interact much with the opposite sex. Science, I understood. It was straightforward, predictable, and safe. Even when there was an unexpected outcome, I knew how to navigate the variables.
But what I was feeling about Leyla threw out all my knowledge, all my education, and all my preparation. It was clear I was in uncharted waters and had no idea how to navigate the waves.