Chapter 6
R achanna stopped her car at the traffic signal. She looked at the red light. It reminded her of Anirudh and the way he had looked at her last week. Anything and everything reminded her of him. Without any rhyme or reason. She bit her lips as she gripped the steering wheel tightly. She hated herself for having no control on her thoughts and emotions.
Her phone rang. It was Swarna Aunty. What did she want now? “Aunty, I am driving. Can I call you back?” She said, without even greeting her.
“Rachanna, are you anywhere around SJ Hospital?”
“Which one is that? The small clinic near Mega Club?”
“Yes, exactly! Have you crossed it already?”
“I am about five minutes away from there. Why? Are you in there?”
“No, but Anirudh is. He got into a fight and was stabbed.”
Fear gripped her heart.
“Stabbed! Oh my God!” Rachanna panicked. “Is he okay?”
“I have no clue. Can you please check on him? Someone just called me from his phone and informed me. I don’t know what to do.”
“Don’t worry, Aunty. I will check and call you back. Can you do me a favour? Please call Bhanu and ask her to collect Asmee from the day-care.”
“I will. I will. Call me as soon as you see him. I don’t know what I am going to do with him...”
Rachanna disconnected the call and realised her hands were shaking. Stabbed! And without realising it, she did something that she had not done in a long time. She prayed.
***
Rachanna was guided to the first aid room. SJ Hospital was a very small one. It did not have many facilities nor the space for them. And yet, it teemed with people. There were people at the reception, in the rooms, in the corridors and even in the parking. All Rachanna could hear were conversations about ailments, reports, scans, X-rays and medicines. She felt suffocated.
She passed the crowded corridor, her hands clenched. The air was filled with a strong smell of antiseptic. A few doctors passed her. Her heart started to beat rapidly. She bent her head as she passed them. In the first aid room, Anirudh was lying on a cot and a nurse was dressing up a wound on his arm.
“You?” He asked, looking at her incredulously. Then, he smirked. Almost mockingly. Seeing that he was okay, Rachanna relaxed. Her fright was replaced by anger. “You got into a fight? What is wrong with you? How does one manage to get oneself stabbed?”
Anirudh glared at her and was about to say something, but he seemingly changed his mind at the last moment. He swore under his breath as he leaned back on the pillow. Shaking her head, Rachanna turned to the nurse and asked, “How bad is the wound?”
The nurse turned to her. “Are you his wife?”
Rachanna’s cheeks turned pink, but the nurse proceeded without waiting for her reply. “The wound is not that bad. We have just given him first aid. But we still need to check if there is any serious internal damage. We suggest you take him somewhere else. Some other big hospital. Plus…stabbing…” she shook her head as she continued, “Might be a police case. We cannot get involved in that.”
“Police case?” Rachanna asked, looking sternly at Anirudh.
“It is not,” stated Anirudh, shaking his head as he sat up on the cot. He jumped out of the bed, but he immediately began to sway. He leaned on the side of the cot to steady himself.
“We have given him something for the pain. And he has lost a lot of blood. He will feel dizzy,” said the nurse as she poised herself to help him if required. But Anirudh had managed to steady himself. The nurse said, “Pay at the front desk and you can be on your way. Watch out for any infection. And you need to change the dressing regularly.”
“No immediate danger, right?” Rachanna asked, still worried.
The nurse shook her head. “He is fine. But if the same wound was on his stomach, where it was seemingly aimed, it would have been a different story. Looks like a near miss.”
Rachanna nodded. She turned to Anirudh and said, “Sit here for some time. I will call you after I have cleared the bills.”
“Here, use my card,” said Anirudh, trying to get his wallet out.
“Save it. I will get it from you with interest later,” replied Rachanna angrily as she walked away.
Anirudh looked at her retreating form and swore under his breath.
***
Anirudh buckled himself up as Rachanna started the car. She looked at her hands on the steering wheel. They were trembling. She was finding it increasingly difficult to breathe. She opened the car door when she could no longer take the suffocation.
“Give me a minute,” she said, gasping, as she got out of the car and clutched her stomach with one hand, placing the other on the car door to steady herself.
“Are you alright?” Anirudh asked, concerned.
She nodded. “Yeah, just one minute…” she replied as she continued to clutch her stomach. She felt uneasy. The uneasiness seemed to spread from her stomach to her chest, and she could almost feel her entire being enveloped by it. She was beginning to feel dizzy.
She walked to the end of the parking lot and started to cough. She drew in deep breaths, struggling to control herself. She was almost gasping for air when Anirudh reached her.
“Water?” He offered, extending the water bottle he had found in the car.
Rachanna shook her head.
“Just drink, will you?” He said sternly. His statement was authoritative. But it was not unwelcome. There was protectiveness in it. Something that she had long missed.
Rachanna nodded gratefully as she took the bottle and drank some water. She leaned against a nearby pillar and tried to get her bearings. Anirudh waited patiently, watching her with concern. A few minutes later, she washed her face. That seemed to calm her down.
“Okay now?” Anirudh asked, concern lacing his eyes.
Rachanna looked up at him. Her face was dripping wet, and she made no move to wipe it. She nodded. They walked slowly back to the car.
As Rachanna began to drive, Anirudh asked, “What happened? Not well?”
She shook her head. “No, it’s just…I…I hate hospitals.”
“Oh!” Anirudh replied, still unable to understand her reaction to hospitals.
“It’s been more than five years since he passed away and yet…hospitals trigger a lot of bad memories and…the smell and the sight of sick people... God! I hate hospitals!”
The frown on Anirudh’s face cleared as he nodded in understanding.
“Sorry,” she said unexpectedly.
“Hey! No need to apologise. Actually, I should be thanking you. For driving me home.”
“I am not driving you home. We are getting you checked into Apollo Hospital.”
“No!” He refused sternly. “Go home.”
“Don’t be silly. You heard the nurse. We need to get the wound checked.”
“I am perfectly fine. I don’t want to go to the hospital. Drive home.”
Rachanna looked at him, undecided. Anirudh met her gaze and said, “I am perfectly fine.”
“You are not perfectly fine.”
“I will be if you just drive me home.”
Rachanna relented. She was not well herself. One hospital visit had been too much for her nerves. She was not sure if she would get through another one. She decided to go according to his wishes. She changed directions to drive home.
“What’s up with you? Who did you fight with?” She asked.
“I saw a gang attacking a girl. I went to help her,” he murmured as he resolutely looked out of the window.
Rachanna glanced at him. She saw the back of his head and wondered if he was serious. But she could not catch his expression.
“You should have called for help.”
“It would have been late by the time help arrived.”
“What if the attacker had not missed his target? Thank God, you blocked it. But what if you hadn’t?”
“Well, I would have died…” stated Anirudh, still looking out.
Rachanna gritted her teeth as anger surged. She decided to concentrate on her driving. After a few moments, he turned to face her. Then, with a dazed look, he said regretfully, “In fact, it would have been really good if I had died. I wanted to die for her. Too bad I blocked the knife. It was pure reflex.”
Rachanna frowned. “What is wrong with you? You want to die for an unknown girl?”
“Yes,” he replied as he turned to look out of the window.
“Are you crazy?” There was no answer. “Did you know the girl?” She asked hesitantly.
“No.”
“And yet you were willing to give up your life for her?”
He turned to face her. “I would have died a hero. My life would have had some purpose. I had lived to protect that girl. Now what do I have? Nothing. No purpose in my life at all! What is the use of living like this? What is the use of my life?”
Rachanna was too stunned to say anything. By the time she was able to make sense of his statements, they had reached their complex. Further conversations had to wait.
***
As soon as Rachanna and Anirudh entered Swarna’s house, Swarna rushed to them. “Is he okay?”
Anirudh, noting that his grandmother was asking Rachanna and not him directly, glared at her.
Rachanna noted it too and smiled. “I think he is fine. Looks like a superficial wound. If you want, we can get him admitted into some other big hospital. Just to ensure nothing is wrong.”
“Is that okay?” Swarna asked, turning to Anirudh.
“No. I am fine here,” replied Anirudh, shaking his head as he sat down on the sofa.
Swarna rolled her eyes. “We can even convince small kids. What to do with grown up kids?”
“You can leave them alone,” replied Anirudh curtly.
“What exactly happened?” Swarna asked.
“I tried to strike up a conversation with a girl, and her boyfriend came and stabbed me.”
“Really?” Swarna asked, disbelief writ large on her face.
“Yes! This is exactly why you should not force me to talk to people. See what happened! I got stabbed!”
“Because you talked to someone?” Swarna asked, not hiding the fact that she did not believe him.
“Yes! You should leave the younger generation be. You should not keep interfering.”
Rachanna laughed silently at the exchange.
Swarna said sharply, “Till you get better, you will do exactly as I say. And you will stay here till then. Do you understand?”
Anirudh glared at her, but Swarna did not wait for his reply. She went on, “Wait here now, I will get you both something to drink.”
Swarna glared at Anirudh before asking her maid to get a couple of glasses of orange juice.
Rachanna looked at Anirudh and said, “I should get going. Will you be fine? Do you need anything?”
Anirudh leaned forward and whispered, “Well, I need a drink.”
She glared at him. “No, you don’t. Actually, forget I asked. You already have the one thing you need. You should be fine.”
Anirudh asked sarcastically, “Oh yeah? What do I have?”
“A grandmother to fuss over you.”
Before Anirudh could reply, Asmee rushed into Swarna’s, calling out for her mother.
“Asmee! What are you doing here?”
“I was playing in the opposite house. At Mini’s.”
“Oh! Where are your bags?”
“At Bhanu Aunty’s house.”
Asmee moved to stand next to Rachanna. But she ducked behind Rachanna as she caught sight of Anirudh.
“Hey Asmee!” Anirudh greeted. There was no answer. She withdrew even further behind Rachanna. “Do you want to see a magic trick?”
Asmee shook her head.
Rachanna egged her on. “It’s fine. Go and talk to him. He’s had an accident.”
Asmee shook her head again and refused to come out from behind her. The maid came in and passed on the glasses of orange juice for everyone. Asmee refused to take a glass and ran away to her friend’s house again.
“See? All kids are scared of you!” Swarna accused as she sat next to her grandson. She indicated Rachanna to take a seat, who sat down opposite them.
“Scared of me?” Anirudh replied.
“Yes. With that beard, you are frightening the kids.”
“That is not true. Asmee talked to me very well when I met her last month. Isn’t that right?” Anirudh asked, looking at Rachanna.
“Well, I don’t know about the other kids. But Asmee does seem scared of you.”
Anirudh was surprised. “But why? She didn’t look scared the last time.”
“Well, your beard is much longer now,” said Swarna, saving Rachanna from answering him. “Parents here are using your name to scare their kids to do what they want. ‘Eat this or I will call the poochandi . If you don’t go to bed, the poochandi will come and get you!’ That poochandi is you…but you know that, right?”
Anirudh laughed.
Swarna shook a finger at him and said robustly, “All you need is a gunny bag on your back and you will fit the role of a kidnapper perfectly.”
Anirudh laughed again. “It is not that bad.”
“It is, isn’t it?” Swarna asked Rachanna.
Rachanna looked at the expectant expression on Swarna’s face and laughed. But she did not answer. She looked at Anirudh for a few moments and then said hesitatingly, “I don’t know all that. But Asmee does seem to be scared of you.”
“Well, that is not good. Kids are my only friends these days,” replied Anirudh, running his hand over his beard.
Swarna said sharply, “Then cut your beard and look presentable. You look like a bear!”
Rachanna laughed. “I have to get going,” she said as she placed the empty glass on the table and got up from the sofa.
“Thank you so much for your help, Rachanna,” replied Swarna.
“No problem, Aunty,” said Rachanna pleasantly. She then turned to Anirudh and said, “Take care. If you need to go the hospital…”
He nodded. “I will call someone else. Don’t worry,” replied Anirudh, his eyes shining and a small smile on his lips.
Rachanna laughed again. She turned to Swarna and said, “If you need any help, call me, Aunty.”
Swarna nodded. With one last look at Anirudh, Rachanna started to move towards the door. After receiving some more profuse thank-yous from Swarna, Rachanna returned to her house with Asmee.
***
Rachanna was unable to sleep. After tossing around in her bed for an hour, she moved closer to the sleeping Asmee and hugged her. Usually, hugging Asmee calmed her down. But even that did not work that night. She finally got up to get a drink of water.
She did not feel like going back to bed. Her head was whirling with thoughts. There were just too many emotions raging in her heart. And she was trying valiantly not to give in and think about a particular person. Sleep was impossible in such a state.
But as she sat down in her balcony, letting the cold breeze sweep across her face, she lost the battle with herself. She finally gave in to thinking the thoughts that she had tried so hard to resist.
Anirudh! She had never wanted to meet him again. Never wanted to see him again. But she had. Then, she had tried so hard to avoid him. She had failed in doing that too. She had tried to cast him as a demon in her mind and tried to hate him. She had quite miserably failed doing that too. She had sincerely tried to be rude to him to keep him at a distance. That final barrier also broke down that day.
She sighed. What was she supposed to do? She just could not do what her mind was telling her to do. After their encounter today, it was absolutely impossible to be rude to him or hate him. How could she? He was sincere. He was a wonderful person. And he was hurting. And to see him hurting was hurting her with equal intensity.
She wanted him to feel better. Desperately. It was heart-breaking to see him like that. She hoped he’d get better and feel better. And if there really was something that she could do to make him feel better, would it be possible to refrain herself from doing it? She doubted it very much.
She had been vulnerable with him that day. She had told him about the pain of losing her husband. She had not explained it in detail, but she knew that Anirudh understood. He would have realised that she was still hurting. It was something she had never really told anyone. Not even Bhanu. She always put up a happy front for others, hiding her loneliness and misery. But she had let Anirudh get a glimpse of her pain. And it was not inadvertent. She had let it happen quite willingly. It was not by accident. She had let him see that part of her and it had felt like the most natural thing in the entire world.
She frowned. Was it true? Had she really wanted him to see that part of her? Had she wanted to share her pain with him? Her eyes teared up. Yes, she finally accepted to herself. She had wanted to share that part of her life with him. It had felt natural. It had been easy. It had been soothing to her soul.
She realised that she yearned to share everything with him. She wanted to lean on his shoulder and tell him everything. She wanted to cry her heart out and she wanted him to put his arms around her and console her. She wanted him.
And he? He had been so vulnerable to her as well. Else, would anyone ever tell a practical stranger that he wanted to die? Would anyone even understand if he had said that he had no expectations from life and was willing to give up his life for something trivial and for someone he did not even know?
No. He had been as vulnerable with her as she had been with him. She felt that the barriers that they had drawn between themselves had crumbled that day. They could almost reach over and touch each other. They were able to connect with each other. And that too, so very easily.
She wanted to put her arms around him and console him. She wanted to kiss him till he felt better. She wanted to just sit with him and not say a word. She just wanted to be with him.
After letting her soul wander to its heart’s content in uncharted and yet extremely pleasurable territories, she reigned in her soul to practical issues. The rational part of her was still screaming for her to stay away from him. She may have good intentions, she may try to protect him, she may try to protect Asmee and herself and yet…yet…if she gave in to her emotions and got closer to him, everyone was bound to get hurt. There was absolutely no doubt about it. She’d get hurt. She’d hurt Anirudh. And above all, she would hurt Asmee.
No! There was nothing she would do that’d harm Asmee. She should not get hurt. She resolved to never talk to Anirudh again. And after she had decided on her future course of action, sleep came to her easily and she slept like a baby.
***
Rachanna woke up the next morning and had a busy time, cooking, packing lunch and getting Asmee ready for school. But she was distracted the entire time. While filling Asmee’s water bottle from the water filter, she was distracted for a few minutes and the water overflowed, flooding the entire kitchen floor. She burned the roti s. She forgot to pack a spoon for Asmee and had to run back from the lift to get one for her.
She was able to take a deep breath and relax only after she had put Asmee in her van and bid her adieu. As she walked back to her house, she wondered about Anirudh. Was he okay? Was he able to sleep the previous night? Did his arm hurt? Did he need some pain killers? Did he need to visit another hospital to get his wound checked up? She had to know. She looked at Swarna’s house as she passed her block. No one was sitting in the balcony. Disappointed, she continued her way home.
But even after reaching home, she found no peace. She needed to know if Anirudh was okay. She bit her lip but was successful in resisting the urge to visit and check on him. She reminded herself that she had decided to stay away from him, and she should abide by her decision.
As she sat on the sofa, she eyed the phone that was on the table longingly. Should she pick it up? Or should she let it be? She continued to sit and stare at the phone for a few minutes and yet was unable to decide. Then, she grabbed the phone and buried it under a couple of pillows. But removing it from her line of sight did not help.
A few minutes later, she pushed the pillows aside, picked up the phone and dialled Swarna.
“Hello, Aunty. Rachanna here,” she fumbled. Her heart was thudding, and she wondered if Swarna would be able to hear the nervousness in her voice.
“Hi, dear. How are you?”
“I am good, Aunty. How is…I mean, I am going to office late today. Only around 11. So, I just called to let you know that if you need anything, you can call me,” said Rachanna, her words almost tripping and falling over each other.
“Sure, dear. Thank you so much for letting me know,” replied Swarna in a sweet voice.
Rachanna waited. There was no more conversation from Swarna. Rachanna was burning to know about Anirudh and the old lady was making her ask the question directly. She probably knew very well that Rachanna had called to enquire about Anirudh and yet she was withholding the information. She wanted Rachanna to ask explicitly. Well, she was not going to, decided Rachanna.
She gripped her phone tightly.
“Okay, Aunty. I just called to let you know that. That’s all. Have a nice day.”
“Have a nice day, Rachanna.”
Rachanna disconnected the line and swore.
That old lady! Why couldn’t she just tell her how Anirudh was! After helping her and her grandson so much the previous day, the least she could do was tell her how he was. Old ladies are crazy! They think they know everything. Well, they don’t! They don’t know a damn thing! All they know is how to interfere in other people’s lives. Stupid old lady!
Rachanna gripped her fists tightly, swore under her breath and strode up and down the living room, agitatedly. Then, she looked at the time. It was time to start getting ready for her office. But she did not move. She bit her fingernails and kept looking at the clock. After a few more minutes, she swore and called Swarna again.
She greeted her in a sweet voice. “Hello, Aunty.”
“Yes, dear?”
Rachanna burned as she asked, “Hi, Aunty. I completely forgot to ask. How…how is Anirudh doing?”
“He is fine. He slept like a baby yesterday. He got up very late and is right now throwing a tantrum. He wants to go back home. But I said nothing doing. He has to stay here for a few more days.”
Rachanna was relieved. “Do we need to get his wound checked?”
“No, I don’t think so. We may have to go back to the hospital to get the dressing changed but that is only after a couple of days. Not today. Anyway, it is not as if he will listen to us. He makes his own decisions.”
“Okay. I just wanted to know that because I have some important meetings today and I was wondering…wondering if I must take him to the hospital.”
“No, no. You go ahead. He can handle himself. Thank you very much for checking on him.”
Rachanna’s cheeks burned. “Alright, Aunty. Bye.”
She disconnected the line and buried her face in her hands. Important meeting? Wondering if I have to take him to the hospital? God! I am behaving like a lovesick teenager. And it was plain to that old lady! Plain as daylight. She knew! Shucks! I am never going to call again. He can go to hell for all I care. And so can that old lady. Well, especially that old lady. She can go to hell!
But her resolution did not stick. She called Swarna again the next day. And then the next. She called her every day for a solid week before she stopped. But she never once spoke to Anirudh.