Chapter 20
twenty
. . .
Miles
Two hours after Vicky left, I was still reeling from the bomb she dropped.
She was leaving, and I had not been prepared for that news at all.
The only reason I hadn’t fallen apart completely was that kiss.
I texted Katy to let her know that I’d need to pick MJ up in the morning to say goodbye to Vicky, grateful she hadn’t asked for more information.
I still couldn’t believe she gave me her first kiss. I touched my lips as the memory of it replayed in my mind like a favorite song that I never want to end. It was tame compared to what I wanted to share with her, but it was pure perfection.
Jolted from my dreamlike state by my phone, I lunged for it, hopelessly wishing for it to be her.
Katy: Hey. I think you might want to come get MJ
Not bothering to answer the text, I called her. “Hey, what’s wrong? Is she okay?” I asked nervously, already shoving my keys and wallet in my pocket and walking out my door.
“Yes, yes. Sorry. Should’ve led with her being okay. She saw your text about Vicky leaving and you needing to pick her up in the morning, and she got upset.”
“It’s okay. Be there in about twenty.”
As I drove, I practiced what I’d say to my daughter who was probably feeling like yet another woman in her life was leaving her, exactly what I wanted to avoid. Although I’d never regret spending time with Vicky and having her be a part of MJ’s life, I knew the fallout would be devastating.
Just as I imagined, my beautiful daughter greeted me at the cottage door with tears in her eyes. She was wrapped in one of Katy’s long sweaters that nearly touched the ground, her fuzzy unicorn slippers peeking out. No matter the season, her go-to was something soft and cozy when she was upset.
“Hey, hey, come here, kiddo,” I said, rushing up to her and holding her tightly as I lifted her into my arms.
“Why does she h-have to go, Daddy?” she asked, sobbing as she spoke.
Katy looked at me with compassion as she rubbed MJ’s head.
“This is a great opportunity for her, kiddo,” I explained. “It was never promised that she’d be able to stay. Her family and friends are there, and they miss her terribly.” I was trying to convince myself as much as my daughter.
She lifted her head, big tears falling quickly. “But we’re her family, too, Daddy. I thought she’d choose us.”
Her words tore through my heart, leaving devastation behind. It was the same feeling I had when Katy didn’t choose us either, and I could see her realize the meaning of MJ’s words as she looked away sadly.
“MJ, you are loved so much by so many people. You’re surrounded by them. And believe me, Vicky is in that group. Listen, she asked me for one thing, one request, and it was to be able to see you and say goodbye.”
This made her cry harder, but I knew once she settled down, the sentiment would make her feel better.
“Let’s go, sweet girl. You can leave all your stuff here with Mom til tomorrow and maybe see if you want to do your sleepover another night this week.”
She nodded and hugged Katy, letting me carry her to the car.
“Call you tomorrow so we can make some plans,” I told Katy after getting MJ to the backseat.
“No worries. I’ll be here waiting,” she said, waving as we pulled away.
MJ stayed quiet on the way home, and I knew she was processing her feelings. She needed space and time to work through everything, so I told her I’d be waiting whenever she was ready to talk again.
When we got back to our house, she took my hand. “Daddy, can I sleep with you tonight?”
“Absolutely, kiddo. Did you brush your teeth?”
“Yeah, Mom made me do it for like five whole minutes,” she complained.
I chuckled as we walked to my room, lifting the comforter for her to get in.
“I’ll go get ready for bed and be right back.” Hurrying through my routine, I slipped in across from her in my king-size bed. She was still awake, lost in thought.
Finally, she turned to me. “I’m happy for Vicky to be able to go back to her family. And super proud of her new job. She’s the best designer in the world.”
I took her hand and kissed it. “Yeah, I agree. I’m proud of her, too.”
“And I was thinking. Do you think she’d like to stay in touch with me?”
Knowing I had to be careful with her tender heart, I answered, “We’d have to talk to her about that. I’m sure she will be very busy. What did you have in mind?”
She scooted until she was sitting up, her hands gesturing up and down as she spoke, reminding me of Vicky.
“So, I was thinking we could write letters to each other. I could keep her updated on school and my new friends, the things I build. And she could tell me all about Rome. What do ya think?”
Smiling, I said, “I think it’s a great idea, but let’s get some sleep. Whatever she decides, I don’t want you to be disappointed, okay?”
“Okay.” She slid down under the covers, looking so small in my big bed, bringing back memories of her doing that when she was younger after Katy had left. I’d protect her with everything in me, but I couldn’t help loving the idea that she and Vicky could stay in touch.
Vicky was waiting outside the café when we arrived. She hurried toward us, her eyes red-rimmed. MJ ran to meet her halfway, already crying again. Vicky couldn’t hide her own tears as they embraced in a tight hug when she crouched down to catch her.
“I’m so sorry, MJ. So, so sorry. You know I’d never hurt you for anything in the world, right? Can you forgive me?” she was begging as she kissed her cheeks and wiped MJ’s tears when she set her on the ground.
MJ nodded, not able to speak right away. “I, I know, Vicky. You’d never do that. I’m just going to miss you so much.”
Relieved, Vicky visibly relaxed as they spoke, customers dodging them near the front door. “You are my favorite person I’ve met in California. You and your dad. Thank you for letting me be your friend,” she said, dabbing under her eyes with a ready tissue.
“I’m glad you said that, because Daddy said it was okay to ask you if we can write to one another.”
Vicky looked up at me as I rubbed MJ’s back in circles and nodded, making a smile grow on Vicky’s face.
“I’d love that, MJ. So much. I’ll leave my address with your dad once I know where I’ll be,” she answered, standing up and taking MJ’s hand with a sniffle.
“Are you not staying in Rome?” I asked, taking MJ’s other hand as we all walked inside the café.
“Well, the job Elena hired me for is in Tuscany, so I might stay with my best friend Ren. And once I’m back in Rome, I told Mama and Enzo I’d like to move out.”
My eyebrows lifted, and I smiled. “Bet that went over well with him.”
She laughed and answered, “He’ll get used to it. It’s time I start asserting my independence. We actually had a great conversation the other night.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
MJ gasped as she noticed a large potted tree with colorful ribbons hanging from every branch.
“What is that?” she asked, wide-eyed and excited.
“Oh, that’s what I wanted to show you,” Vicky replied with an equally excited voice. They walked over to it, with MJ gently touching the ribbons as I followed.
Vicky explained to her the importance of the tree, mentioning that there was a Turkish tradition of having a wishing tree for people’s prayers and wishes.
“So, I thought we could do that together before I go. What do you think?” she asked MJ.
“Yes! I already know what I’m wishing and praying for,” she answered, her eyes twinkling.
We watched her pick a pink ribbon with blue polka dots from the nearby basket, and with her eyes closed tight and her mouth moving, she said “amen” before tying it to an open branch.
When I did the same thing, Vicky was staring at me when I opened my eyes. “I have wishes, too,” I whispered. Her expressive eyes widened as she smiled.
“Vicky, aren’t you going to wish for something?” MJ asked.
“I already did before you got here,” she answered, not meeting my eyes and blushing furiously. I had to clasp my hands together to stop myself from pulling her into my arms.
“Oh, you’re back. Making another wish? Bet you’ve made about a dozen or more so far,” an older woman with a thick accent said. Then, looking at MJ and me, she added, “Ah, I see.” She smiled widely at Vicky, who blushed even redder as the woman walked away.
We talked and laughed, all of us trying to stay cheerful as we ate.
MJ and Vicky took a few silly-faced pictures together after we finished breakfast. Those would be printed and hidden for just me.
Checking my watch, I realized it was time to let her go.
Just thinking about it twisted my stomach in knots.
But I knew I had to keep it together for both their sakes.
“Kiddo, we need to head out so Vicky can get to work.” I could see tears instantly pooling in both sets of eyes. We walked out of the café slowly, all of us trying desperately to stretch out our last minutes together.
Vicky finally crouched down again and touched her forehead to MJ’s. “I’m going to miss you so much. I can’t wait to get your first letter.” Her words cracked, and she looked at me to help ease the pain. What could I say to her when my own heart was breaking?
“I’m going to miss you too,” MJ answered, holding Vicky tightly.
“We’re just going to say “arrivederci per ora”, okay?” Her words were muffled by the loud sound of a plane landing in the nearby airport. “Goodbye for now, since we will be writing to each other.”
MJ nodded. “I love you, Vicky.”
Her words made Vicky’s lip tremble as she answered, “I love you, too.”
She stood and looked at me again, her eyes scanning mine.
I was determined not to make it worse for all of us by letting the tears that stung my eyes fall.
Taking a shaky breath, I hugged her and whispered, “I’ll never forget you.
You’re going to do amazing things. Know that I’ll be cheering you on from here. ”
Vicky inhaled sharply, and I knew she was trying to hold back a sob. She responded, “Miles, I’ll never forget you either. It’s been a blessing to have met you. I pray for both of your happiness. I would ask if we could keep in touch, too, but I know the answer.”
I nodded wordlessly. We both knew that would be too painful. I needed to let her go. I could feel her body shaking as she pulled away, then she bent over to kiss MJ’s forehead.
“Take care and say goodbye to everyone for me,” she said to me with a forced smile when she stood up.
“Don’t worry, I’ll explain that you had to leave quickly. MJ, we’ve got to get going, kiddo,” I said quietly.
“Okay, Daddy. I’m ready now. Vicky has other people to share her magic with. We have to let her go so she can fly.” This child was so wise beyond her years. I needed to glean strength from her.
Vicky took a few steps away, then turned back and waved. I waved back, my heart feeling like it was going to stop. We watched her until she disappeared around the corner.
As MJ and I slowly walked back to where we had parked the car, I wrestled with my feelings.
When she asked about staying in touch, I almost agreed, but we both knew she needed to grow and explore everything out there, which meant I had to step back.
Suddenly, a peace washed over me that I knew wasn't mine. I was doing the right thing, but it didn’t make the decision any easier.
While MJ snapped into her seat in the back as I closed her door, I looked toward where Vicky had gone, and my fingers came together to form a heart.
I whispered, “I love you, Vicky Lazzara.”