Chapter 18 Alex
ALEX
The steady beep of the heart monitor fills the room, a constant reminder of how fragile life can be. I sit by my mother's bedside, holding her hand as she sleeps, her breath rattling in her chest.
It's been a week since I got the call. Since I dropped everything and rushed to her side, my heart in my throat and my stomach in knots.
Stage four leukemia. The doctors give her a month, maybe two. And so I sit, day after day, watching as the woman who gave me life slowly slips away.
It's a special kind of hell, seeing someone you love in pain. Knowing there's nothing you can do to stop it, to make it better.
Kind of like with Paige.
The thought of her sends a pang through my chest, and I close my eyes against the sting of tears. God, I really fucked that up, didn't I?
I thought I was doing the right thing, pitching CupidCode to Hollis. I thought I was helping her, giving her the push she needed to take her brilliance to the next level.
But instead, I betrayed her. I went behind her back, sold her out to the highest bidder.
And now she hates me. Now I've lost her, maybe for good.
"Alex?"
My mother's voice is weak, barely more than a whisper. I lean forward, squeezing her hand gently.
"I'm here, Mom. What do you need?"
She smiles, her eyes crinkling at the corners. "I need you to stop moping, for one thing."
I blink, surprised. "I'm not moping."
She snorts, the sound turning into a cough that wracks her frail body. I help her sit up, rubbing her back until the fit subsides.
"Please," she rasps, sinking back against the pillows. "I know that look. It's the same one you had when Jenny Perkins dumped you in the eighth grade."
I feel my cheeks heat, and I duck my head. "Mom, come on. I'm not a kid anymore."
She reaches out, cupping my cheek with her cool, dry hand. "No, you're not. But you're still my boy. And I know when something's eating at you."
I sigh, leaning into her touch. "It's nothing, Mom. Just some trouble at work."
She raises an eyebrow, her gaze sharp despite the pain meds. "Trouble named Paige?"
My head snaps up, my eyes wide. "How did you...?"
She chuckles, the sound thin and reedy. "You talk in your sleep, kiddo. Have since you were a baby."
I groan, dropping my head into my hands. "Oh god. What did I say?"
She pats my knee, her touch light. "Nothing too embarrassing. Just that you miss her. That you're sorry for hurting her."
I swallow hard, my throat tight. "I really messed up, Mom. I thought I was doing the right thing, but I just made everything worse."
She's quiet for a moment, her breathing labored. When she speaks again, her voice is soft, almost wistful.
"You know, when your father and I first met, we couldn't stand each other."
I look up, surprised. "Really? But you guys were always so..."
"In love?" She smiles, her eyes distant. "We were. But it took us a while to get there. He was so cocky, so sure of himself. And I was just a shy little thing, too afraid to speak my mind."
She takes my hand, her fingers trembling. "But we worked at it, Alex. We talked, we fought, we learned from each other. And in the end, we built something beautiful. Something worth fighting for."
I stare at her, my heart aching. "But what if it's too late? What if I've ruined everything?"
She squeezes my hand, her grip surprisingly strong. "It's never too late, baby. Not if you love her. Not if she's worth fighting for."
I blink back tears, my chest tight. "She is, Mom. She's worth everything."
She smiles, her eyes slipping closed. "Then go get her, Alex. Don't waste another minute."
I nod, leaning forward to press a kiss to her forehead. "I will, Mom. I promise."
She hums, her breath evening out as she drifts off to sleep. I sit with her a while longer, holding her hand and listening to the steady beep of the heart monitor.
And I think about Paige. About her brilliant mind and her sharp tongue and the way she makes my heart race. About how empty my life feels without her in it.
I have to fix this. I have to make things right.
But how?
"Flowers?"
"Too cliche."
"Chocolate?"
"She's more of a sour gummy worm kind of girl."
"Public declaration of love?"
"She'd probably punch me in the face."
I groan, dropping my head onto the table with a thunk. "This is hopeless, Sam. I'm never going to win her back."
Sam sighs, pushing a beer across the table. "Don't say that, man. You just need to think outside the box."
I lift my head, taking a swig of the beer. "Outside the box how? Paige's not exactly a hearts and flowers kind of girl."
Sam taps his chin, his brow furrowed in thought. "Okay, so what is she into? What makes her tick?"
I blow out a breath, my mind whirring. "Code. Video games. That demon cat of hers."
Sam snaps his fingers, his eyes lighting up. "That's it! You need to speak her language, man."
I frown, confused. "Her language?"
Sam nods, leaning forward. "Yeah, you know. Nerd stuff. Write her a love letter in binary code or something."
I stare at him, my mind racing. A love letter in code. It's so simple, so perfect, I can't believe I didn't think of it before.
"Sam, you're a fucking genius."
He grins, tipping his beer in a salute. "I know. But seriously, Alex. You can do this. You just need to show her how much you care, in a way that she'll understand."
I nod, my jaw set with determination. "You're right. I need to go big or go home."
Sam raises an eyebrow. "Go big how?"
I smile, a plan forming in my mind. "Oh, you know. A little coding, a little charm, a lot of groveling."
Sam laughs, shaking his head. "Only you could make groveling sound charming."
I wink, taking another swig of my beer. "What can I say? It's a gift."
But even as I joke, even as Sam and I spend the rest of the night brainstorming ideas, I can't shake the knot of fear in my gut.
What if it's not enough? What if Paige never forgives me, never gives me another chance?
I push the thought away, focusing on the task at hand. I have to try. I have to fight for her, for us.
Because she's worth it. Because loving her is the best thing I've ever done, even if it's also the hardest.
I just hope to god she feels the same way.
"You look like shit."
I glance up from my computer, my eyes bleary from staring at lines of code for hours. Sam is leaning against my desk, his arms crossed and his brow furrowed in concern.
"Thanks, buddy. You really know how to make a guy feel special."
Sam rolls his eyes, perching on the edge of my desk. "I'm serious, Alex. When was the last time you slept? Or showered, for that matter?"
I run a hand over my face, feeling the rasp of stubble against my palm. "I don't know, a couple days ago? I've been busy."
Sam sighs, his eyes soft. "I know you have. But running yourself into the ground isn't going to help anything."
I lean back in my chair, my spine popping in protest. "I know. But I have to get this right, Sam. It has to be perfect."
Sam nods, his gaze drifting to my computer screen. "Is that it? The grand gesture?"
I nod, a small smile tugging at my lips. "Yeah. It's a program, one to add on to CupidCode. But instead of finding your perfect match, it's designed to help you keep them. A way to gather everything you know about them and come up with the perfect grand gesture… if I can get it to work right.”
Sam raises an eyebrow, impressed. "Damn, son. That's some next level nerd shit."
I laugh, the sound rusty from disuse. "I know. But it's the only way I could think of to get through to her. To show her how I feel."
Sam claps me on the shoulder, his grip firm. "Well, for what it's worth, I think it's brilliant. If this doesn't win her back, nothing will."
I swallow hard, my throat tight. "I hope you're right, Sam. I really do."
He smiles, giving my shoulder a final squeeze before standing up. "I am. Now come on, let's get you home. You need a shower and a solid eight hours of sleep before you face the firing squad."
I snort, saving my work and shutting down my computer. "You really know how to boost a guy's confidence, don't you?"
Sam grins, slinging an arm around my shoulders as we head for the door. "What are best friends for?"
I lean into him, feeling some of the tension drain from my body. "Thanks, Sam. For everything."
He shrugs, his smile softening. "Anytime, man.."
As we walk out of the building and into the cool night air, I feel a flicker of hope in my chest. Maybe, just maybe, this will work. Maybe I can fix what I broke, and win back the woman I love.
It's a long shot, I know. But it's one I have to take.
Because a life without Paige in it?
That's no life at all.