25. Emily
emily
“ C an I please get a double chocolate cake with chocolate mousse to be ready for pickup this Saturday?” I listen as the woman recites my order and confirms the pickup time. I thank her, and we hang up.
I’m feeling a little frantic as I just learned that Ben’s birthday is next week.
After we woke up from our mid-morning nap the other day, we just lay in bed talking about anything and everything that came to mind.
I felt so relaxed and comfortable around him.
He made me laugh out loud with his sense of humor.
He slyly announced he would turn thirty-five and was excited about his birthday this year.
He had turned to me and asked me if I was okay with him having a few friends over to celebrate this weekend, to which I enthusiastically agreed.
It would be a combination of his birthday and a housewarming celebration, and since we have a lot of mutual friends, it would be nice to have everyone over.
I thought it would also be the perfect opportunity to show off the apartment we’ve since decorated and turned into a cute and cozy living space.
Honestly, I never thought living here would make me so happy, but it feels amazing to be in my own space and not have to worry about someone kicking me out.
The few weeks I spent thinking that I was going to be homeless were so stressful.
I knew Logan only had so much patience with me before my time was up.
It feels like destiny had orchestrated this.
The universe understood my deepest desires.
Delivering what I needed in a cruelly beautiful package of heartbreak.
I had to navigate through the sharp shards of the pain of losing everything I had built my life around in order to appreciate the opportunity that was granted to me.
I’d be lying if I didn’t at least admit that it sucked at first. Like, really fucking sucked to have the rug pulled out from under me.
I hated feeling off-kilter and lost. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to forgive Logan for what he did.
His texts continue to remain unanswered.
I refuse to give him any more of my time.
So, that’s how I ended up trying to plan for the best birthday/housewarming party ever.
I found a fancy bakery that makes custom-order gourmet cakes.
I know Ben isn’t really into having the attention on him, so I figured that calling it a joint celebration would take the heat off him.
Plus, who doesn’t love chocolate cake? Even if said gourmet chocolate cake is going to cost a pretty penny, I’m sure that people will enjoy it.
I have a few more things to arrange for the party, like making sure we have enough food and snacks for everyone. We will probably need to get some alcohol, too. And, of course, we’ll need some balloons!
I know it’s just a party, but it feels important to make sure Ben has a good time.
It’s his first birthday as a single guy, though I never asked him what he normally did to celebrate.
I’m sure Melissa threw him a birthday party or two, or maybe they’re more of the “let’s go out to dinner” for a private celebration kind of couple and then later take things into the bedroom…
No. I can’t go down that path. I don’t need to know every single detail of his relationship with Melissa. We’re just having fun and enjoying each other’s company—roommates with the extra benefit of multiple orgasms.
I flush at the memory of Ben commanding me to sit on his face like it’s the most natural thing to tell someone to do.
And then I get hot thinking about how amazing it felt to have someone be so selfless to bring them to orgasm and not expect it to be reciprocated.
I mean, I would have reciprocated, of course.
What guy doesn’t want a blowjob as a ‘thank you’ for providing oral sex?
I just assumed that was the natural way of things.
He takes care of me, and then I take care of him.
Except, instead of expecting a blowjob, Ben disappeared for a few minutes.
When he came back, I was already fast asleep.
I should have felt embarrassed, but it felt nice not to have anything expected of me.
That’s the thing with being around Ben. I am always pleasantly shocked that he doesn’t need or want anything from me other than my company.
It’s refreshing, and I didn’t realize how long I’d been deprived of it.
That’s why I want to make sure that this weekend is perfect for him. And not just for Ben, but for both of us. We both deserve a fresh start, so what better way than a party? Parties always bring in good vibes, and that’s all I want for the next stage of my life.
Good vibes only.
S aturday came faster than I expected, but I’m vibrating with excitement.
It’s the first time we’re hosting a party, and I’m excited to play hostess with the mostest. I’d facepalm myself if my hands were free, but currently, I’m carrying in the super expensive gourmet double chocolate cake with chocolate mousse and whatever garnishments seventy dollars covers.
The price tag shocked me, but I handed over my credit card with just a small wince.
I haven’t told Ben about the cake, so I have to sneak it into the apartment and hide it in my bedroom closet, where some giant balloons are also hiding.
When Ben was working yesterday, I got the balloons inside.
I’ve been cleaning the apartment like a woman possessed all morning.
As soon as I heard Ben leaving to go pick up alcohol for the party, I jumped in my car and drove the short distance to the bakery.
It was only two minutes down the road, and I probably could have walked, but I didn’t want to waste any time in case I couldn’t get the cake inside before he got back.
I’m just about to put the cake in my closet when I hear the front door open and Ben yelling that he’s home. He likes to let me know when he’s back, and it always sends a shiver of anticipation down my spine.
For the past week, we’ve done our very best to keep our hands to ourselves. We usually fail at that within the hour of us being alone together.
The night always starts off innocently enough.
We will be sitting on the couch with Netflix reruns of Friends, but I know neither of us is actually watching Ross’ antics.
We start with a respectable distance, but slowly, our bodies gravitate toward each other like two magnets that can’t resist the other’s pull.
It’s hard to tell who makes the first move or if we’re so in sync that we move at the same time.
We clumsily make our way to my bedroom. Mostly, we have been able to keep our clothes on.
Okay, most of our clothes.
Well, okay, Ben usually can keep his clothes on, but I always seem to end up with no pants. It’s like the man is a magician, and my pants just go poof!
Somehow, he has me writhing in pleasure from his hands, his mouth, or, if I’m really lucky, both his hands and his mouth as he brings me to a screaming orgasm every night.
Honestly, I don’t even know how he isn’t bald by the amount of times I’ve pulled at his hair.
But I have to admit that he looks good using my thighs as earmuffs.
I snicker to myself, and Spike gives me a questioning meow.
“I know, buddy. I am just hilarious, aren’t I?” I swear Spike is judging me by his lack of response.
“Whatever. You love me anyway.” He comes up and rubs his soft body against my legs.
“I take that as a resounding yes!” I reach down to pet his head, and his sister ambles over and demands affection. Lately, they have divided their attention between Ben and me. I swear I swoon every time I see him cradle Buffy in his arms or make room for Spike in our bed. I mean, my bed.
I shut the closet door and walk out into the kitchen to see Ben putting some beers in the fridge. His head peeks up when he hears me coming in, giving me a wide panty-melting grin with dimples and everything. My heart races as I stand there awkwardly.
“When is everyone coming over?” I finally break our stare off.
“I told everyone they could start dropping by around 5. You need help with anything else?” He gestures to the kitchen, which I have set up with snacks, plates, napkins, and plastic ware.
“Nope.” I drag out the word, making the word pop. I put my hands in the back pockets of my jeans and rock back on my heels. “So… about tonight…”
He finishes putting the beers away and shuts the fridge door.
“What about tonight?”
“Do… Do your friends know? You know, about us?” I stammer unintelligently.
“No, I haven’t told anyone yet.”
“Oh.” I deflate a little. I’m disappointed even though it’s all very new for both of us. I can’t help but think that maybe he’s embarrassed about our situation.
“Do you want me to tell them?” he asks gently.
“What? Oh. No. No! That’s not what I meant…” I rush to say, “I mean, I think we should just keep it between us for now. You know?”
“Like our dirty little secret?” He smirks at me now, and I can’t help but blush.
“Yeah, it’ll be our little secret.” I smile at him and try to ignore the brief pang of disappointment that shoots through my heart.
P eople trickle in and bring in their contagious cheerful mood. I’m greeting old friends and being introduced to a few of Ben’s friends. The mood is uplifting, and I can’t help but feel happy. It’s been a while since I’ve felt this at peace, and I know part of it is because of my handsome roommate.
Ben is standing across the room with his back against the wall, one hand grasping a cold IPA and the other tucked into the front of his jeans pocket.
He looks so at ease, but I know he keeps stealing glances at me when he thinks I’m not looking.
I can feel the heat of his stare against the side of my face, but every time I look over at him, his gaze is never on me.