Chapter Fifty-Nine
“I ’m so sorry,” Ainsley said. “Are you sure you don’t at least want to hear what he has to say?”
Vickie bustled about the kitchen, getting tomorrow morning’s coffee ready. “I’m sure. I mean, come on. It’s been two weeks and he’s only left three lousy messages. If he doesn’t care enough to come see me face to face to explain the situation, I think it’s pretty obvious that I meant nothing to him.” She sighed and leaned against the counter. “I should’ve listened to you and Kristy at the wedding.”
Silence from Ainsley’s end of the phone. “But you’re still crazy about him, right?”
“Maybe that doesn’t matter. I’d be glad to hear him out if he put more effort into it than a handful of messages. He hasn’t even called during times I’m normally home”. She tightened her grip on the phone. “And he has my cell number, so it isn’t like he couldn’t reach me if he wanted to. I shouldn’t have to seek him out to give him a chance to explain. Is that unreasonable?”
“I guess not. You did put yourself out there pretty well. For you, I mean.” Ainsley chuckled. “I have to admit, I was impressed at the way you hung in there even though he doesn’t always do or say the right thing.”
“There was just something about him, you know? But I’m done. You’re right that I did put myself out there. I let him in my life. He knows all about me, about the trouble I have sometimes with my mom and how I have an irrational fear of flying.” She sighed. “Who knows? Maybe he’s glad it all went down the way it did. I have no idea if he wanted to continue things once his presentation was over anyway. Because he never would say.”
“You want a man that’s able to express his feelings. That’s kind of important.” Ainsley agreed. “So what are you going to do now?”
“I never thought I’d say this. . .but I’m going to get right back out there. You know that guy you and Kristy sent messages to online? Which, by the way, I am still a little weirded out that I had an online dating profile for nearly two months and didn’t know it. But anyway, I’m meeting him for coffee on Saturday.”
“Whoa. I didn’t expect to hear that.” Ainsley’s voice was full of uncertainty. “Are you sure you’re ready for that?”
“Does it matter? I can either sit here and be sad that things didn’t work out with Thatcher or I can move on. I’m choosing to move on.” She sighed. “Besides, I might’ve been able to justify spending Thanksgiving feigning sickness and curled up in bed. But Christmas and New Year’s are right around the corner. I at least want to be able to ring in the new year feeling like I’m moving on.”
“Just be careful, okay. I know how much you’ve been hurt by all of this.” Ainsley cleared her throat. “Have you spoken to Kristy yet?”
“No.” Vickie was suddenly even sadder. “Not since I hung up on her,” she said quietly.
“She told me. She feels awful about what happened. But I think she’s waiting for you to cool down some before she calls you.”
“I’ve been thinking that I should call her. There were some things she said that were true. And as much as I hated to, I know I needed to hear them.” She flipped the kitchen light off and walked into the living room. “I don’t want to be hyper-critical of people anymore. I guess I don’t have to tell you this, but just in case you didn’t know, I might be a little bit of a control-freak.”
Ainsley chuckled. “You?”
“That’s right.” Vickie joined in her laughter as she flopped onto the couch. “I think maybe that’s been part of my problem. I wanted to call all the shots in my life. And somewhere along the way, I lost sight of the fact that God should be the one in control. Not me.” She sighed. “So I’m trying really hard to turn over a new leaf. I’m praying a lot more than I ever have before—asking the Lord to give me patience and really trying to turn things over to Him more.”
“Is it helping?”
“Actually, yes. I mean, I’m still really hurt by Thatcher’s secrets, but I think all the time I’ve spent praying has shown me something positive out of the situation.”
“What’s that, if you don’t mind me asking?”
“That I’m actually capable of letting my guard down. I think if nothing else, this has shown me how wonderful it can feel to let myself be vulnerable. Just next time I’m going to make sure it’s with someone who really cares about me.”
“I’m glad you’ve found some peace. I think that’s important. To face a dark time and still be able to see the light.” Vickie knew that Ainsley was referring to her own situation. Brad’s death was taking a long time to recover from, but she had a beautiful baby daughter to focus on.
Vickie sighed. “I’m going to call Kristy tomorrow. I hate the thought of her thinking I’m upset with her. Especially now that it’s almost Christmas. You know—peace and good will and all that.”
Ainsley laughed. “All that is right. I think that’s a good plan. I know she’ll be glad to hear from you.”
They said their goodbyes and Vickie sat in silence. For a fleeting second, she imagined a pounding on her door and Thatcher outside with the biggest bouquet of flowers she’d ever seen. But she pushed the thought from her mind. He wasn’t that kind of guy. He wasn’t coming for her. And starting with Saturday’s coffee date, she was going to forget him.