Chapter Fifty-Eight
D riving to his former in-laws home might be the most stressful thing he’d done in a while. Thatcher tried to relax and enjoy the drive, but the tension crept up his shoulders and to the base of his neck until he felt like there was a vise trying to crush him.
At least his presentation for work was nearly ready. Thankfully, he and Vickie had gotten finished with the bulk of the work, so even though he was on his own now, he should be able to pull it together.
Vickie wouldn’t take his calls. He knew she must be terribly upset to have reacted the way she had. Taking off in his pickup truck had been so uncharacteristic of her. He wanted to explain himself very soon so maybe she would understand why he’d chosen not to tell her the truth. He hoped a cooling off period would give her more time to forgive him.
Katherine’s appearance after all these years had certainly been a shocker. She was a lovely young woman. It was hard to believe that he’d been her age the last time he’d seen her. It felt like a lifetime ago. And even though she’d implored him not to be angry with Jane, it was hard not to feel a twinge of anger.
Except that he knew he really had to shoulder a lot of the blame. If he’d have been a stronger man, he could’ve demanded to see his daughter. That’s probably what most people would’ve done. But he’d hated the thought then, just as he hated the thought now, of forcing someone to spend time with him if they didn’t want to.
He finally arrived at his destination. His stomach churned as he climbed out of the old truck. He knew Jane’s parents had never thought he was good enough for their daughter. Maybe he should’ve borrowed a different vehicle.
Before he could knock, the wooden door swung open.
Katherine stood before him, smiling. “Thanks for coming.” She ushered him into the living room.
It hadn’t changed much since the last time he was here, nearly twenty years ago. Right after he and Jane had married, her parents moved to Maryland. Jane always said it was in case anyone in their hometown did the math and realized she’d been pregnant on the wedding day.
“Can I get you something to drink?” his daughter asked.
He shook his head. “No, I’m fine.” He looked around nervously. “Are your grandparents here?”
Her mouth twisted into a smile. “Mom made them run all their Thanksgiving dinner-related errands this morning. She said you were probably dreading coming here enough without them being around to make you more nervous.”
He couldn’t help but grin. “I can’t say that I’m sorry about that.” He met her eyes. “I guess your mom has told you the entire story by now, huh?”
Katherine nodded. “Finally. She waited long enough to tell.”
“I don’t think your grandparents ever forgave me.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “I guess maybe I never forgave myself either.”
“Mom’s in the sunroom. If you’re ready.” She looked over her shoulder at him, her eyebrows raised
“I am.” He took a breath. What did Jane want to say to him after all these years?
Katherine tapped on the door. “Mom?”
“Come in,” Jane said, her voice weak.
Thatcher followed Katherine into the room. Jane was stretched out on a yellow chaise, facing the large windows that overlooked the sprawling backyard. She looked up and smiled weakly. “Eddie,” she smiled. “It’s been so long.”
Katherine grinned. “Mom, I told you he goes by his middle name now. Thatcher.”
Jane’s eyes were still the same blue they’d been twenty years ago. “He’ll always be Eddie to me.” She looked him up and down. “If the girls from Stevens High could see you now, they’d be beating your door down.” She smiled.
“Hi, Jane.” Thatcher felt a blush rise up his face at her words. How was it possible that she could still make him feel like an awkward teenager? In this tiny room with his ex-wife and their daughter, a lifetime of what could’ve been flashed before his eyes.
“I’ll leave you two alone.” Katherine pulled the door closed.
“Well. . .” Thatcher took a seat on the couch and looked at Jane. She was frail, but her face was as beautiful as it had been twenty years ago.
“I tried calling you at work a couple of times but didn’t leave a message. And I know it was probably cruel of me to make you come all the way out here.” She struggled for a moment, but finally sat up. “Let’s just say that once you’re facing the end, you feel entitled to be demanding.” She managed a smile.
“About that. I’m so sorry.” He shook his head. “I can’t imagine what you must be going through.”
She shrugged. “I’ve made my peace with it. At least I know what’s happening, you know? It isn’t like having a sudden heart attack or car accident. This way, I’m at least able to get my affairs in order.” Jane let out a sigh. “I thank God every night for giving me this time. Katherine and I have grown even closer over the past year. I’ve actually been making a list of things for her to remember after I’m gone.” She held up a notebook. “Tips on everything from what to do with a colicky baby to things she should know about purchasing her first home.”
He was impressed by her foresight. “She’ll cherish that forever.”
“I hope so. You know, by the time I was her age, I’d already cut ties with my own mother. There were so many times through the years that I wished I’d had someone around to give me advice and share their own experiences with me.” She tapped on the notebook. “This way, it’s like I’ll always be around to help her.”
“How is she handling everything?”
“As well as can be expected, I guess. This past year has been really tough for her. She’s played nursemaid to me, worked and still managed to keep her GPA really high.” She paused. “But I admit I can’t help but worry about how she’ll do after I’m. . .” she trailed off and met his eyes. “You know.”
He nodded.
“That’s part of the reason I wanted to meet with you. I really hope the two of you can get to know one another.”
“Katherine mentioned that she hadn’t received any of the cards or letters I sent over the years.” He didn’t want to let her know how much this information had upset him. She was dealing with enough already.
Jane closed her eyes for a moment, as if to collect her strength. “I can’t apologize to you enough. Once Mike adopted her and you relinquished your visitation rights, I told myself it was best if she didn’t have contact with you. I selfishly thought it would be easier that way.”
“But what about after you and Mike split up? Did you not consider it then?”
She nodded. “Yes. But by then I didn’t want to confuse her.” She looked sheepish. “I know these are terrible excuses. Please forgive me. I’m trying really hard to make amends to everyone now.”
“Of course I forgive you.” He could see the pain on her face. And he knew something about what it was like to live a life full of remorse. “I’m not exactly innocent. I should’ve tried harder to reach out. We’re both at fault.” He smiled at her. “If it makes you feel any better, from what I’ve seen, she’s wonderful. You really did a fine job of raising her, and I’m sure it wasn’t easy.”
“She is the one thing I’ve done right in my life. And I did try and consider how you’d want her raised. Katherine is a really good girl. She really tries to do what’s right and is so considerate of others.” Jane sighed. “I always felt like you would be proud.” She glanced at him. “Come sit here.” She patted the end of the chaise. “I need to be able to see you better for what I need to say next.”
He stood and went to sit where she’d requested. “What is it?”
“I have another apology to make to you. I should have told you years ago.” She sighed. “It’s a difficult task, to try and rectify things with so many people.” She grabbed his hand. “I know I hurt you terribly all those years ago. I was young and selfish and stupid.”
He swallowed hard. “You don’t have to do this.”
“Yes. I do.” She gripped his hand even tighter. “I didn’t tell Katherine this part. I guess I was embarrassed and I didn’t want her to know what a horrible person her mother had been.” She inhaled sharply. “I’ve always felt torn about it though. I know I never should’ve pursued you the way I did. I was just so hurt by Clark’s cheating on me, that I wanted to hurt him back. And you. . .” She trailed off, looking at Thatcher. “You were always the best, the kindest guy. Always there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on. I knew better than to lead you on.”
Thatcher watched as the tears began to fall down her face. The crush he’d had on Jane all through school had been huge. But they ran in different circles. The only thing they had in common was their church youth group. So when Jane began having problems with her boyfriend, Thatcher had been only too happy when she’d confided in him. Her attention and flirting made him feel like he was finally part of the crowd. And when she invited him to be her prom date, he was ecstatic. The rest was history. He’d never forgiven himself for acting so out of character that night. “Jane, please don’t.” He stopped and took a breath. “You don’t have to apologize.”
“Please, just tell me you forgive me.” She looked at him, her face taut with pain.
He nodded. “Of course.”
She let go of his hand. “The one good thing that’s come out of this is Katherine. And I’ll be honest with you. I see so much of you in her. I’m really thankful that you’ll be part of her life now.”
“I’m thrilled at the thought of getting to know her. I’ve already told her that I’d like her to meet my family when she’s ready.”
Jane smiled. “You can’t imagine how much peace it gives me, to know that there will be people to love her and look after her.”
“Believe me, I’m not going anywhere. You can trust that I’ll always look out for her.” He may not have done the right thing by his daughter in the past, but he was ready to step up to the plate.