Chelsea
Though it’s midnight to my body, sunrise is almost here. Jackson has only been asleep for about ten minutes. He’s lying behind me, tucked against my back, with his arm wrapped around my waist and a hand cupping my breast. His hot breath caresses my neck as I relive the night.
Jackson’s confession said something to me I’d never heard before. The man wants a future with me in it, flaws and all. With Trace, a life with him was something I had to earn. He dangled our relationship in front of me like a carrot on a string. I was always one misstep away from losing it.
I hear you whispering my name, Jackson had said. After that, I didn’t want anything but him, and once more wouldn’t be enough. Moonlight spilled through the windows as I brought Jackson to his knees while on mine.
That was the first time I put my mouth on a man without it being an expectation_a far cry from the times I did it to prove my worth. When Jackson’s legs began to quake, I pushed him onto the bed and climbed on top, riding hard until we both were out of breath and shaking. Thank God for birth control.
My eyes finally drift closed to sleep, though I’m afraid of how things might be when we wake up. Things might be exactly the same, or I could wake up from this dream and be cast aside again. I guess I’ll find out.
The sun is high in the sky when I wake, but in my head, it’s six a.m., like in Virginia. Jackson’s heat is missing, leaving me with nothing to chase away the doubts flooding my mind.
I’m about to slink off to my room when Jackson’s door opens. He’s freshly showered and carrying two cups of coffee. At his smile, the butterflies that survived the hurricane take flight in my middle. “I worked you over pretty hard, so I didn’t want to wake you too early.”
Jackson sits on the side of the bed, placing one of the cups on the nightstand for me. I sit up, bringing the sheet with me. “Thanks.”
I take a few sips and moan at the much-needed caffeine infusion. “How long before we fly out?”
“My men and I will catch a transport to Rota in about an hour. You guys leave a few minutes after us. Knot and O’Reilly want to meet when we’ve all landed.”
Nodding, I study the coffee in my mug. “No doubt they’ll be busy all day looking for this Pentagon player.”
Jackson doesn’t say anything else, so I look up to see him staring, smiling serenely. “What?”
“It’s nice to meet you, .”
I get what he’s saying. Jackson is witnessing the true, authentic without the uniform or pretense I like to hide behind. I may not know what I am, but Jackson is convinced he does and still likes what he sees.
The man stands and gestures toward the bench at the foot of the bed. “Alright, Jarhead. It’s time to get moving. I brought your stuff in here. You get cleaned up, and I’ll keep the wolves at bay downstairs.”
Jackson bends down to kiss my forehead and leaves. I sip on my coffee, hiding my grin from the empty room.
I join the crew in the kitchen half an hour later. Most of the SEALs are outside packing their gear into the three vehicles set to deliver them to the airport. My stuff is packed and waiting in the entry hall. I took a few extra minutes to make sure Jackson and I didn’t leave anything embarrassing on the terrace or the private atrium below.
Jackson is in the kitchen, and I’m struggling to know how to act toward him around our teammates. He’s his usual self, and no one seems aware of the change between us. Bash hands me a plate and shoves me toward the simple buffet at the stove.
Food is easy. Food makes for a good distraction. I pick out some fruit, eggs, and bacon, and then park at an empty seat at the bar. Conversation carries on around me in the large kitchen. I tune it out for the most part, only acknowledging what’s directed toward me.
Jackson’s gaze is palpable, electrifying my skin, each glance a physical weight I can’t ignore. When I finish the meal, Jackson puts down his cup and shoves away from the counter. “, could I talk to you for a minute?”
My instinctive reaction is to brace for the it was nice fucking you, but… I follow meekly toward the office, where Jackson closes the door, shutting out the chatter from the others. I stand facing the desk with my eyes squeezed shut, but Jackson doesn’t offer regrets or excuses.
Soft lips brush against mine, and I nearly sob in relief. Jackson’s kiss becomes demanding, making me lightheaded. Just before I get carried away, Jackson withdraws to rest his forehead against mine, leaving me wanting more.
He lifts my chin with a single finger, his stare penetrating deep into my soul. “I’m not walking away, so stop expecting me to.”
With one last brush against my lips, Jackson is gone.
My crew catches a ride to the airport shortly after the SEALs leave. I’m acutely aware that every one of my teammates heard the entire staged scene last night. They’ve now seen a side of me that I successfully kept hidden for a long time.
Since then, there’s been no razzing between us or even lighthearted jokes. I don’t know if that means they’re impressed or repulsed by the role I so easily played. I’m afraid to face anyone directly in case I see the latter.
We’re two hours into the flight before anyone speaks at all. Bash rises from his seat and kicks Dani out of the spot beside me. I tense my muscles, unsure of what my partner is thinking.
“I don’t know how I never saw it before, but you’re a natural at undercover work.”
“A professional liar, you mean.”
“No, that’s not what I mean. You made that covert shit look easy. If I hadn’t known you for the last two years, I’d be sold on you as the debutante.”
Shaking my head, I start to brush off the praise. “Bash_”
“Geez, , could you please just accept the compliment? I’ve felt like shit ever since the Beergate incident. I’m only trying to make things right with you.”
I gape at my friend like he’s grown a third head. He doesn’t usually talk this much, and certainly not with this much emotion. Seeing him like this is unsettling. To ease his mind, I ask, “Beergate? You christened the situation?”
Several voices answer throughout the cabin. “Yes.” Followed by laughter.
My head pops up. “Hey! Don’t you losers have anything better to do than listen in on private groveling?”
Bastien’s shoulders deflate as the weight slides off them. I bat my eyes at him and smile. “You were saying?”
The man scoffs, incredulous. He scrubs a hand over his chin and stands. “No thanks. I’ve given you enough ammunition.”
Bash walks away, making Dani switch seats back. She doesn’t seem to mind, and neither do I. The tension is broken, and each of us settles into the comfortable silence.
Shortly after we land, a fleet of Knot vehicles carts us back to base, where we meet to debrief. Having private jets at our disposal, we beat the SEALs and fill up one side of the room, knowing they’ll arrive soon.
Commander O’Reilly leads his men into the war room a few minutes later and joins my boss at the front. The man shocks me by seeking me out amongst the crowd. “Nice undercover work, . You’ve got good instincts.”
Instead of relishing the praise like I might have done in my younger years, I recoil. “Thank you, sir, but I got nothing useful.”
O’Reilly smiles. “You didn’t have to, but you did set him up beautifully.”
I look around the room, not understanding. Since none of my temporary team sports a ta-da expression, I look toward Knot. “Set him up for what? What does that mean?”
My stony-faced boss remains quiet. He’s not happy about something. I worry it’s my failure to get the name of the leak inside the Pentagon. When Knot doesn’t respond, the SEAL commander does. “Harding is on the hook enough that we could get what we need in one follow-up.”
Now, I’m reeling. Normally, I’d fake like I understand to keep from standing out, but since I’d be volunteering, that would be stupid. “I’m sorry. I’m not following. How do I follow up?”
My gaze swings to Jackson, who looks even worse than Knot. “The sleazy asshole thinks you’re a lonely wife ripe for the picking or that you married a hero just for the prestige and like to take rides on the side. Either way, he’ll make a move if you meet him alone.” Jackson angles his gaze away to glare at the two men in charge of planning. “Maybe before he tells her anything. When she shuts him down, we won’t get shit.”
My eyes slam shut beneath the weight of responsibility. We have to expose these bastards, or good men will keep dying. Hating it but knowing it’s necessary, I say, “So I don’t shut him down.”
The room goes silent briefly before erupting, the loudest voice being Knot. “No. Absolutely not. Your job is not worth putting yourself in such a questionable position.”
I hold Knot’s stare, sensing that even though he’s protective, the man is torn. He knows what’s at stake as well as I do, so I give him an out. “We all know it’s not just my job in jeopardy, but an entire industry. And you know more troops will die in their pursuit to shut us down. We have to stop them.”
“You’re not doing it, !” Jackson roars, shoving out of his chair.
“Look around you, Jackson. Remember that planned ambush in Bulgaria? Harding and his rat set up your team to die. Had that been a real mission, your team would be dead. You or someone else will be sent out with PMCs again, only they won’t know where to look. If we can prevent another massacre, I think we should do whatever it takes.”
Jackson shakes his head. “I know what you’re doing. You’d give Harding your body to prove your commitment to him,” he accuses, pointing to Knot, “but no one here needs that kind of proof. You’re not doing this. I won’t let you.”
Embarrassed that the deepest, darkest part of me is now exposed, I lash out in anger. “It’s. Not. Up. To. You. Just because we fucked, you think you can run my life.”
Jackson rushes me, and no one attempts to stop him. “Just because I made you feel something, you think you have to destroy us.”
“Knock it off!” Knot thunders. “The answer is no, . This company is not worth what it would cost you, and I don’t want that on my conscience. And since we’re still officially under contract for this mission, you’ll obey orders. Now, we’ve got to work on a plan for our next steps. You two, take your shit outside.”
“No, sir,” I say through gritted teeth. “We’re fine.”
Jackson growls, “Like hell we are.”
He bends to throw me over his shoulder and storms from the room.