Jackson
Wide-eyed onlookers gawk as Chelsea beats her fists against my back, demanding I put her down. I ignore them all and crash through the door, going to the only place in this unfamiliar building where we can have some privacy.
I tighten my grip, and Chelsea doesn’t let up, stopping short of hurting me for real, just like I knew she would. Chelsea doesn’t hurt people. Well, didn’t until offering herself up to become Harding’s whore.
I shove through the stairwell door, eyeing the spot where I introduced Bash to the block wall. After lowering Chelsea to her feet, I cage her against the wall in the same place. “You can’t do this.”
Chelsea rolls her eyes. “The point is moot, but I’m confused. What part of this would be your decision?”
Never in my life have I felt such rage. It’s turning me inside out. “First of all, stop trying to piss me off. It won’t work the way you expect. Second, those people do not need you to throw yourself on a grenade to prove your value. In case you’ve missed it, they already respect you. When will you accept that?”
Chelsea’s eyes well up, and she slams her hands against my chest. “Stop it! You think you know me, but you don’t.”
“You’re wrong. I see you. I know you better than anyone, which scares the shit out of you.”
“I’m not afraid of anything,” Chelsea snarls.
I roar right back. “You’re afraid of being abandoned, but you’re not alone. Those people upstairs would die for you.” Jabbing myself in the chest, I yell, “I’m falling in love with you. And I’ll protect you from yourself until you believe it.”
Chelsea goes still until I drop my head to take my frustration out on her mouth. She shoves to the side to evade me, and I grip her shoulders, bringing her back. “Stop it, Chelsea. Stop pretending it doesn’t feel good to have someone looking out for you. Stop acting like you haven’t wished for someone like me to see you. And for fuck’s sake, stop wasting time fighting this. You wouldn’t only be hurting yourself. You’d be hurting me, too.”
Chelsea’s expression shows a great miscalculation on my part. She is afraid of being alone but even more scared of finding something real just to lose it. “So this is about you now?”
Stop, man, she’s backed into a corner. I should listen to the voice, but I don’t. “No, this is about you thinking so little of yourself that you would deny yourself a shot at love. That you would rather shred your soul than risk your heart again.”
Those beautiful eyes turn feral. “Maybe you don’t understand because you can’t comprehend that level of commitment.”
Chelsea’s face slackens in instant regret, but the arrows have already been fired. I drop my defenses and let them hit home. You should have listened to the voices, dumbass. “You know what, Chelsea? You’re exactly right.”
I shove off the wall and leave before I open my mouth and burn the whole place down.
Every step I take toward the exit screams that I’m a hypocrite. I told Chelsea I wouldn’t be walking away. I wanted to reassure her that we all have faults and that hers weren’t a dealbreaker.
I never expected her to torpedo our tenuous connection. Maybe I should have. Maybe Chelsea’s more damaged than I thought. Maybe she’s not capable of trust. As much as I wish I did, maybe I don’t care. My heart is hers now, and I can’t take it back.
My escape from the building spits me out near the helipads. The two Romeos that brought us here sit waiting for the trip home. I’d love nothing more than to get away from this place, but I couldn’t, even if my truck was parked in the lot. Technically, we’re still deployed, and jetting now would risk being listed as AWOL.
Too edgy to sit still, I head toward the trailhead Chelsea showed me just a few weeks ago. Ironically, that trail is where I made my first breakthrough with her. I set off in a jog and get lost in my head for a while.
I don’t understand how Chelsea can keep throwing up wall after wall. All her life, she’s bent over backward for others to notice her, but the closer I get, the harder she pushes me away.
She sounds a lot like you.
The foreign thought halts my steps. Nothing about that makes sense. Chelsea and I are not anything alike. I’m an open book. What you see is what you get. By her own admission, Chelsea doesn’t even know who the hell she is. “If I’ve avoided relationships, it was to protect my son.”
Chelsea did it to protect herself. You were using Caleb as an excuse.
“Talking to yourself again, Lieutenant?”
Fish jogs up to me and matches my stride when I take off again. “What is it, Hill?”
“Nothing. We’re finished and ready to fly back.”
I reverse course and slow to a walk. Fish keeps pace, acting like something’s on his mind. I can only guess after the very public eruption between Chelsea and me. “Go ahead and spit it out,” I tell my second.
Fish chuckles. “I wouldn’t know what to say. I’m not surprised you guys hooked up. I wouldn’t have expected it to be a problem, though. Can’t say Knot or the commander’s too happy about it.”
“Let me guess. I’m off the assignment.”
“You were anyway, I think. The husband is no longer needed.”
“Pfft.” Like I didn’t already know that.
“Are you alright, Pin?” he asks carefully.
Lying would be preferable, but Fish knows me too well. After a beat, I finally answer, “I don’t know.”
“Need to talk it out?” he offers.
“I don’t think it would help.”
Fish nudges me with his elbow. “It couldn’t hurt.”
We take several more steps before I make up my mind to speak. “I’m chasing a woman who wants to be chased. The problem is that she’s afraid to get caught.”
“And you’re in too deep to walk away.”
“I thought so, but I just did.”
“Nah,” Fish says, smacking my shoulder. “You’re just blowing off steam. It wasn’t walking away unless you refuse to go back.”
I stop walking and kick a rock out of the path.
When I’m silent, Fish encourages me to continue. “Spit it out.”
“I want…” I hesitate to share my thoughts because of how selfish they sound. At Fish’s raised brow, I open up and let it all out. “I want to know the struggle will be worth it. I haven’t been in a relationship since high school. My time with Caleb as a kid was not going to last, and I didn’t want to waste any of it.”
“And there’s nothing wrong with that, but that boy doesn’t need you anymore. He’s old enough that you get to be his best friend if you’ve done your job right. If anything, he’ll start worrying about you.”
I chuckle without humor. “He already does. Caleb wants me to find someone to build a life with. I just don’t want to invest time and energy into someone if they don’t want the same thing.”
“Is Chelsea that person?”
I lift my eyes from the ground and look straight at my friend. “I wish I knew the answer to that.”