Chapter 6
ANTONIAS
“You okay, baby?”
“Yes,” was Bianca’s barely audible reply.
Her yes was a little too shaky for me, so I peeked my head into the bathroom. She stood at the bathroom counter, with her T-shirt pulled up to her breasts, exposing her surgical sites. They were still bandaged, and the sutures were still too fresh to remove them.
That wasn’t what caught my eye. It was the tears streaming down Bianca’s face that catapulted me into action.
She was supposed to be showering and changing out her pad.
All the supplies was already prepared and waiting on the counter, but she was stuck staring at herself in the mirror.
I stood behind her, grabbed her waist, and brought her back to my front.
Through the glass mirror, I stared into her eyes.
“Look how beautiful you are,” I told her as my fingers brushed against the wetness on her cheeks.
She sniffled and angrily said, “You’re lying.”
“Contrary to what you think, Bee, I would never lie to you.”
“You shouldn’t have saved me,” she brokenly stated.
Gut punched, I wanted to shake her. “Were we gon’ be buried together? Huh?”
She looked at me like I was crazy.
So, I explained, “If you would’ve died, me and ya entire family would’ve died wit’ you.”
Dejectedly, her eyes dropped to the floor.
“Therefore, I need you to understand how much you mean to us. Understand me. This”—I ran my fingers along the bandages covering her surgical sites—“does not define you in any of our eyes. Say you understand.”
She nodded.
Lifting her head, I made her look me in the eyes. “Say it.”
“I understand,” she mumbled.
I kissed her lips and said, “One day at a time, baby. That’s all you gotta do for me. Aight?”
“Okay.”
Although a few more tears fell, I dashed those away too.
“Come on, let me help you.”
She didn’t even stop me as I undressed her and placed her inside the waiting shower.
While she stood under the spray, I discarded her undergarments and old pad, then got her fresh clothing.
After that, I went back to the room to finish changing out the linens on the bed.
Next, I refilled the water pitcher on the nightstand and placed a new box of graham crackers there too.
After making sure she had fresh pencils and pens next to the crossword book and journal on the nightstand, I went back into the bathroom.
As she climbed out of the shower, I grabbed the body towel and wrapped her body in it. This was as intimate as we’d ever been. Yet, this was more soul-stirring than any time I’d ever been with a woman.
Bianca leaned against me. Seeing her cheeks flushed, I knew that fatigue had struck her. Picking her up, I carried her to the bed where I dried her off, clothed her, then tucked her under the blanket.
Reclining the bed just a little, I said, “You can sleep after you eat a lil’ bit for me.”
She rolled her eyes but nodded. Inside the kitchen, I fixed Bianca a bowl of soup, then packed some for Kwamé. Within minutes, I was back in Bianca’s room placing the soup before her.
“This smells so good,” she praised.
“Eat at least half the bowl,” I encouraged her. She groaned but said a prayer, then dug in. As she did so, I sat on the edge of the bed and peered at her. “No matter what, I’m here for you.”
The solemn smirk on her face matched the look in her eyes.
“What?” I asked.
Reluctantly, she uttered, “You say that as if you don’t have an entire fiancée.”
Damn. I hadn’t spoken to Katrelle since she left my condo.
Until I officially called things off, she would be waiting, assuming we were still on our way down the aisle.
I just couldn’t, though. My heart didn’t beat for Katrelle.
It beat for the woman whose downcast expression squeezed my life’s vessel.
“You say that as if you wanted me,” I replied. “Over the years, you made it clear that you wasn’t fuckin’ wit’ me on that level.”
“I know…” Her voice trailed off.
When she didn’t continue, a part of me almost gave up again. “When you’re ready to confront ya feelings for me, we can talk about Katrelle,” I said.
She shook her head and placed the bowl of soup on the nightstand. “I don’t want to talk about her.”
Going to the nightstand, I gave her the bowl back. “I said half, lil’ baby.”
“I’ve lost my appetite,” she stated.
“Well, find it and eat a few more bites.”
Reluctantly, she took a few more bites. “Happy?” she questioned.
“I’ll be happy when you tell me what’s really on ya mind.” Tell me, I practically begged.
Instead of saying anything else, she rolled over and tucked her hands under her face. Her back was to me, so she couldn’t see the disappointment in my eyes.
There wasn’t a damn thing I was afraid of. Except losing Bianca. She was shutting down, and it scared the hell out of me.
After showering, moisturizing my skin, brushing my teeth, and cruising through my skin routine, I dressed in a pair of gray joggers and socks, then went to the kitchen to fix myself something to eat. As my bowl of chicken soup heated, I dialed Kwamé to check on her.
“You should be sleeping,” I said when she answered the phone.
She chuckled. “Just hung up with Ari, then you called.”
“My fault. I had to make sure you settled in. How’s my niece?”
“Same as you left her. Perfect.”
“Cool. I appreciate you being here.”
“I know, I know. Now let me get some sleep before my baby wakes up.”
Snickering, I replied, “Aight. Later, baby.”
“Later, bro.”
Taking my food and drink, I went to Bianca’s room to settle in while I ate.
She was fast asleep and lightly snoring.
Keeping the lights low, I sat in the recliner next to her bed and prayed over my food before diving in.
Even with Kwamé here, it was just me and Bianca now.
I could sit by her bedside every night if I wanted to, and there was no one here to get in the way of that. It was all or nothing.
About an hour later, Bianca’s soft cries grabbed my attention from something I aimlessly watched on the television.
Like always, I used my stethoscope to check her chest for any signs that fluid was present.
Her lungs sounded clear. Checking the rest of her, I noticed that it was time for me to clean her up again.
Without the slightest issue, I made quick work of getting her into fresh garments. Of course, she could do it on her own, but she had me. As long as she had me there wasn’t shit she had to lift a finger and do as long as I could help it.
“Are you in pain, baby?” I asked her. Her eyes were closed, but her face was covered in tears.
“No,” she whimpered. “What did I do to deserve this?”
Heart breaking, I crawled under the blankets and brought her body close to mine, spooning her.
Within the confines of my arms, I banded us together.
Her soft body fit perfectly against me and reminded me that I almost lost this.
I’d almost lost the opportunity to do this very thing with the woman whose heartbeat my heartbeat desired to mirror.
“You did nothing, Bee.”
I kissed her shoulder as our fingers intertwined.
Kill for her, I would again. Anybody. Anytime.
This was what a man was supposed to feel for a woman.
Not the stale-ass arrangement I made with Katrelle.
Soon, I would have to officially break shit off with Katrelle.
If I couldn’t have this for the rest of my life, I didn’t want it.
The next morning, I woke up before Bianca.
As she should have, she slept peacefully in my arms. Shit, I couldn’t front.
I slept peacefully too. Bianca’s ass pressed up against my dick all night was something I’d dreamt about too many nights.
I wanted Bianca to fall for me organically.
This situation brought us together, but I hated the way that it happened.
Glancing at myself in the mirror, I ran my hand over the thick strands covering my jaw.
Normally, I kept it low when in the office.
My hair too. That shit was already looking like I used to wear it in college.
Because I was venturing too far back in time, I splashed those thoughts away with some warm water to my face.
The last thing I wanted to think about was life before S.
S. Estates. As a teen, I fought so hard against being here.
However, this land healed a broken boy and turned me into a…
semi-healed man. Semi-healed because a part of me wanted to reach back in time and choke the bitch-ass nigga and sorry-ass woman who created me.
The same people who left me on the street corner for any muthafucka to pick up.
The same niggas who left me to the streets to die.
With each year, the memories of a six-year-old lived on the inside of me, reminding me that there wasn’t much love in this world.
I’d finally found mine, though. Bianca’s rejection opened wounds I hated to admit were still there.
The love I had for her spoke to the level of patience I had with her.
No one else could tap into the wounds I possessed without meeting certain death.
With Bianca, I wanted her to see me and love me.
I wanted her to realize that my love for her was unconditional.
One more rejection from her, and I’d lose my shit.
Breakfast complete, I woke Bianca, then helped her to the bathroom to brush her teeth and wash her face. I started the shower for her and prepared her clothes while she bathed. Thirty minutes later, she was back in bed as I propped the food tray over her thighs.
“When you’re done, we’re going for a walk,” I told her.
“Okay,” she replied softly.
I left her to it, then went to harass Kwamé and Jessie for a minute.
Stepping out onto the front porch, I inhaled a deep breath of fresh country air, then made my way to the house next door where Kwamé was staying.
My eyes bounced over my land, soaking in the wealth that laid there.
In the blink of an eye, I envisioned my children playing in the open field of thick green grass stretching for miles.
Swiftly, my throat clogged. The desires of my heart weren’t so complicated.
One way or another, I would have what I dreamed of.