40. Unintelligible
Unintelligible
MARY
“Mary, I need more rage,” AJ said through the studio glass. “Where is it?”
We’d been here too long trying to get me to pump out a successful rendition of ‘Balcony’ but no matter what I did, it didn’t hit the same. I agreed, but couldn’t successfully channel feminine rage.
“Let’s break,” I suggested. “I just need time to read the news or something.”
We broke. I hit the hot beverage station and sipped tea. No coffee. My voice was already shaky after my few hours spent with Betty—most of which was in bed having the best sex of my life.
“Why don’t we switch gears?” Clarice approached with a cappuccino.
I hated that she could do dairy amid a session.
“How so? We must lay this down,” I said.
“You’re practically skipping. I’ve never seen you this happy. You need to get it out of your system.”
“Get happiness out?” I gasped.
“Yes,” Clarice said. “Because all you want to do is write sweet ballads to that woman. I am so happy for you to no longer be miserable and lonely, but damn it woman, can you please reflect on things?”
I saw my anger and discomfort as fuel for raging, but never considered the impact of love on songs. I’d been so painfully single for years that I didn’t even remember much about writing a love song. I didn’t even consider how much Betty had influenced ‘Unintelligible’.”
“So, how?”
“I think ‘Unintelligible’ is good enough. It was good. You were electric. You’re loved up, so lean into it and then come back to the rage once it is out of your system.”
“I am not skipping or loved up,” I lied. “That is… it is personal business.”
“Uh-huh. I don’t know what the lesbian equivalent of dick-matized is, but it’s whatever this is.”
“What?” Alicia asked.
“Mary is the lesbian equivalent of dick-matized.”
I smacked her. “I feel like it’s pussy-blind. And no comment.”
“Yeah, she is,” Alicia giggled. “Damn. What is that pretty young thing doing to you?”
“Twisting me like a pretzel,” I admitted. “And making me feel twenty-five again. Fine, I’m happy. She makes me laugh. I hate that she makes me feel positive.”
“But you love her,” Clarice said. “Good lord, I don’t envy you. We’re going to be in Norway soon.”
“I am well aware,” I said. “It will kill us both, I am sure.”
“I suggested we do ‘Unintelligible’ and then switch to ‘Balcony’,” Clarice said. “She can think about good sex and then roll into rage.”