Chapter 13 #2
“Well, you give the reader your best in Touchdown. It’s a great book, guys, so get out there and buy a copy. Chicks aren’t the only ones who know how to read, right?” One
last dig. “Okay, let’s open up the lines. What’s on your mind?”
Their callers had a lot on their mind. The first one wasn’t happy about the rising cost of attending games. “I’m a twelfth
man, but I won’t be going to many Seahawks games this fall. The budget won’t take it. We’ve got three kids.”
Here was another poor schlub who needed a pep talk from Coach Parker, a guy who’d wound up at the bottom of the family ladder
and was afraid to reach up a rung and grab on to one measly game ticket. To heck with strictly sports. Parker had to say it.
“Maybe it’s time to fix the budget,” he began.
Uncle Jerome jumped in before Parker could elaborate. “But first you have to make sure you’ve got enough to cover what you
need before you go after what you want. Prices probably won’t ever come down. They haven’t come down on much of anything.
Save up for the game you most want to see and watch the rest on your TV. That’s what I do.”
That wrapped up the conversation, and Parker moved on to the next caller.
“Maybe prices would come down if the players weren’t so greedy,” he said. “I read somewhere that the average football player
makes three mil a year.”
“The average player has a short-lived career and takes a lot of health risks,” Uncle Jerome was quick to say. “That salary
looks like a lot of money because it’s compressed, but the average working man will earn between 2.7 and 3 million in his
lifetime, and most won’t be forced out of their jobs due to injuries.”
“I’m not gonna begrudge any pro player his salary. They all sacrifice a lot to get where they are,” said Parker, earning points
from his uncle. “And let me tell you, when we’re first starting out we don’t make squat. I sure didn’t. Wouldn’t trade my
time on the diamond for a billion bucks though, even if it was short-lived.”
More callers wanted to talk about sports salaries, and Uncle Jerome’s book. The lines were staying lit, which had Jay smiling
on the other side of the glass. Yeah, Parker was finally back in control. He smiled, too.
“Hey, Jerome, I’ve read all your books,” said Dave from Bellingham. “I wanna know what you like to read. You into romance
novels like Parker?” he asked, snitching Parker’s smile.
Parker had told his screener to weed out the jerk wads but they still found a way to sneak past. “Not into romance novels,”
he said, his words clipped.
Uncle Jerome just chuckled. “I’ve got a family member who writes them. She’s pretty good and I’ve read all of hers. We know
how Parker feels, but I’ve gotta say, if you want a playbook for how to make your woman happy, read a couple.”
Parker frowned at him. “So, there you go, Dave. If you find one worth reading let us know. Looks like we’re out of time, guys. Get out there and buy a Jerome Riddle novel and keep your head in the game.”
“Very sneaky, trying to drag me into your battle of the sexes,” Uncle Jerome said after they were off the air. “But I’m a
lover, not a fighter. Unlike you, I like my drama in a book or on-screen, not in real life.”
“I didn’t ask for that drama,” Parker insisted.
“In your own weird and wild way, you did. And with that book you’re peddling you’ve got more coming. But watch out, Parker.
This is a game you might lose.”
“I don’t lose, Unk, you know that,” Parker joked.
His uncle clapped him on the back. “Not against men, but women are a different matter. And, when it comes right down to it,
you don’t always want to win. You’ll find that out someday.”
“Oh, come on, don’t tell me Aunt Ramona had you under her thumb,” Parker teased.
“You bet she did, and I loved it.” Jerome’s smile turned sad. “She was the bright star of my life. I miss that woman every
day, miss being under her cute, little thumb.”
Jay came up to say goodbye. “Great interview, Mr. Riddle. Thanks for helping my man boost his ratings.”
“Anything for Parker,” said Uncle Jerome as he and Jay shook hands. “You two try and stay out of trouble.”
“Where’s the fun in that?” Jay cracked. “And talk about fun,” he said after Uncle Jerome had disappeared. “We’re ready to
go with your man-on-the-street interviews and we’re gonna do them right in front of that bookstore with all the romance novels.”
Parker frowned. “Come on, man, really?”
The last thing he wanted to do was camp out in front of Nola and Alice Willoughby’s bookstore, and the last person he wanted to see was Alice Willoughby, with those innocent eyes and that unsettling ability to make him feel like slug slime.
Even when he didn’t deserve to, especially after what Team Alice had done to him.
“Perfect backdrop. It’ll be great.”
It’ll be great. The station would probably put that on their tombstones.
There would be no changing the game plan. Jay had already gotten Harlan’s stamp of approval, along with the caution to get
out there and get Parker’s fans back. Parker thought he’d done a pretty good job of that on his last two interviews, and,
other than his momentary lapse with his uncle, he’d kept the topic focused on sports, the foundation on which he’d built his
show. He was back to batting a thousand. He didn’t need this stupid man-on-the-street stuff. But he was stuck with it.
“Okay,” he said. “But we do it after the store closes. I’m not going to mess with their business.”
As if his sweeping generalizations already hadn’t? He pushed away the uncomfortable thought with the reminder that a man was
entitled to his beliefs. Especially when those beliefs were right.
Anyway, that was a week away. Meanwhile, he was going to keep his focus on sports where it belonged—far from the land of pink
and all the frustration and misery that came with the landscape.
The night before the man-on-the-street appearance he drifted off to sleep only to see Alice Willoughby waiting for him. She
was dressed like a Parisian Apache dancer and was leaning in the doorway of her bookstore. It turned out, he was dressed for
the part also, in some goofy getup from the fifties, complete with black-and-white striped shirt and red scarf.
She looked him up and down and a corner of her upper lip lifted. “If you think I’m going to dance to your tune, you’re not thinking straight. Go through with this and you’ll be sorry.”
He jerked awake and found his heart was pounding. What was that about?
Nothing, he told himself. No different than pregame jitters. He remembered one such dream where he’d been trying to run the
bases barefoot with his pants down around his ankles. He’d hit a home run the next day, bringing in the winning score.
The morning show went well. It ended with Jay and Parker doing one of their Parker and Barker routines with Parker asking
Jay what he was going to be doing that night.
“Nothing much now that I’m single again,” Jay said. He hadn’t been excited about saying that line and the frown on his face
was real. His relationship with Cynthia had been short-lived.
“Hey, my man, it’ll be okay. Trust Coach Parker. He’ll be okay, right guys? You’ll have a chance to tell him in person because
tonight we are in West Seattle in front of HEA Books from seven to eight, where we’ll be doing man-on-the-street interviews.
We want to know, how many of you think that women need to back off on dissing men?”
“And are those books your woman’s reading helping your relationship or hurting it?” put in Jay. “Come on out and tell us what
you think about the whole world turning pink. Go blue.”
“Okay, guys, that’s it for today. See you out there tonight. Meanwhile, keep your head in the game,” Parker finished, signing
off. “We weren’t going to mention books,” he reminded Jay as soon as they were off the air.
“You’re right in front of the bookstore. You gotta,” Jay argued. “This is gonna be good,” he predicted.
You control the narrative, Parker told himself. It’ll be fine. And at least the store would be closed.
Anyway, something had to be in the background. They’d stick to the topic Parker had settled on and everything would be fine.
By six forty-five he and Jay were ready to hit the street, bundled in their parkas and gloves and hats, with their videographer
Butch along and Arne on hand to make sure all went well with the audio interface.
Game on.
Except the store was still lit up inside. They should have been closed. What the heck?