Chapter 31 #2
Grace got to her feet. "Here, let me help you up."
Damon didn't want to accept her help, but he'd already made a fool of himself enough for one day. Grasping her hand, he got his good leg under him. He tried to pull himself up but nearly pulled her down on top of him instead.
"Wait." She laughed as she caught herself. "I didn't expect you to be so heavy." She widened her stance and held her hands out to him again.
"Are you saying I'm fat?" He tried to joke to dispel the frustration that swamped him.
"Not hardly." She snorted. "I just forgot how muscular you are."
Pride swelled in his chest. In rehab, he'd worked hard to rebuild muscle, well the ones he could anyway. He liked that she noticed, even though he shouldn't care.
She leaned back and gave a mighty tug, lifting him off the floor.
There was enough power behind her pull that it propelled him toward her after he was on his feet.
He swayed. She stepped back as he stumbled forward.
He couldn’t stop his momentum until he had her pinned against the refrigerator with his hands on either side of her.
Her hands landed on his chest. Warmth seeped through his shirt, sending a surge of electricity through him.
They froze. He both heard and felt her sharp intake of breath. His lungs seemed to have stopped working.
Her beautiful brown eyes stared up at him, trusting and inviting. Her gaze dropped to his lips as she whispered his name so softly it felt like a caress. Then she licked her lips.
He’d overcome his anxiety, but he desperately wanted to complete the final part of the exercise.
One thing you can taste.
He shifted a hand to Grace’s neck as he lowered his head. Before touching his lips to hers, he paused, trying to remember why this was a bad idea. But the urge to kiss Grace was stronger than his desire to stay away from her, and it muddled his mind.
She pushed up on her toes and pressed her lips to his, ending his contemplation. Her fingers curled into fists in his T-shirt, preventing him from pulling away. Not that he wanted to.
Comforting yet energizing warmth settled over him, making him feel calmer than he had in months and so very alive. Her hands slid over his shoulders and up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck.
He loved it when she did that.
She parted her lips as she pulled him in tighter, inviting him to deepen the kiss.
For the first time since he returned to Providence three weeks ago, he felt like he'd finally come home.
He wrapped his arms around her, gathering her to him. His brain kept telling him this was a mistake, but his heart pounded so hard it almost drowned out all reasoning.
Almost. But not quite.
Finding strength he didn't know he possessed, he released Grace and stepped back, careful not to lose his balance again.
"I shouldn't have done—"
"Don't." She pressed her fingers to his lips. "Please, don't push me away again. Don't tell me I'm better off with someone else." Tears filled her eyes. "Because I'm not. I don't want to be with anyone else. I want to be with you. I love you. There will never be anyone else for me."
Feeling like his heart was being ripped from his chest, he took another step back.
"Besides feeling like integral parts of me are missing, I’m too messed up in the head right now for a relationship.
” He motioned to the floor. "Whether you think so or not, I’m still a burden right now.
” He pointed to the floor. “You could barely get me up. "
A stubborn glint filled her eyes as she folded her arms. "But I did it."
He shoved one hand into his hair as he turned away, but she sidestepped and positioned herself in front of him again.
"Please, Damon." Her eyes were pleading now.
"I know you have a lot that you're working through, but please don't shut me out.
" She must have seen the determination on his face, because she pressed on.
"I know this is a difficult time for a relationship.
I can't help you in the ways Emily can, but I'm here for you.
There's nothing we can't work through together. "
Could they really work through all his garbage? Could she help heal the broken parts inside him?
He recalled the way her touch pulled him from the flashback he experienced the day she drove him to his appointment.
Then he thought about what Dr. Campbell said about him making the most of his second chance.
He couldn't do that if he walked away from Grace.
He almost chuckled as he remembered Joel telling him he should put a ring on it already.
But it was Marisol's words that made him pause.
"Promise me you'll take care of my Gracie."
Damon may not be deserving of Grace at the moment, but he wanted to be. There wasn't another man on earth who would love her as much as he did. And because of that, he'd protect her, with his life if necessary.
I can't do that if I keep pushing her away.
Grace could see Damon vacillating. The determination in his eyes slowly faded, giving way to resolve, then replaced by something that looked like yearning.
Hope expanded her chest, and she held her breath as she sent a little prayer heavenward.
Please help him let me in.
He took her hand and squeezed it. "I do have a lot to work through, and I don't want to do it alone. Emily is helping me, but maybe you can too."
Fresh tears flooded her eyes as she nodded. "I'm here Damon. I'll help you anyway I can."
"I need... I need to take this slow, Grace. I still have a lot of healing to do that can’t be rushed."
She nodded, but he shook his head as though ridding it of an unpleasant thought before he continued. "There are...things we should talk about, but I’m not ready yet."
"That's okay. We have all the time in the world."
He gave her a small smile as he slowly nodded. Then he pressed his lips to her forehead in a gentle kiss. "I'd offer to help you fix dinner, but I think I need to sit down and ice my head." He gingerly touched the back of his head.
"Right. You should definitely ice that." Reluctantly, she stepped away from him to get an ice pack.
If it wasn't for the pain she saw in Damon's eyes when he said there were things they needed to talk about, she would have danced around the kitchen as she fixed dinner. As it was, she asked Siri to play some soft pop music and almost laughed out loud when the first three songs were love songs.
Damon held Lily on his lap while he held the ice pack of his head. They talked a little as she cooked, but mostly, he seemed content to just watch her.
Once they were seated across the table from each other, silence settled in the room and so did the tension. Was Damon thinking about the things he needed to work through like she was?
She didn’t want to talk about what happened to her as a teenager, but they couldn’t move forward and rebuild their relationship if she continued to keep secrets. Recalling the way Alan refused to have anything to do with her made her stomach knot so tight she lost her appetite.
Stop living in fear.
Her hands trembled so badly she dropped her fork. It clattered to her plate with a clank.
Damon jumped. His shoulders hunched, and a look of panic spread across his face as he scanned the room.
“It’s okay.” She put her hand on his. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” She jerked her hand back and balled her napkin in her fist. “There’s something I need to tell you. Something I’ve told very few people.”
His expression slowly relaxed. “What is it?”
She bolted to her feet as nervous energy and echoes of painful memories filled her. Twisting her fingers together, she paced a tight line next to the table and rushed on before she lost her nerve. "Remember how I told you about going through a rebellious stage after my dad left?"
His brow furrowed as he nodded. "Yes.”
"I got pregnant." She spat the words out, hoping it would relieve the pressure pushing against her chest. It didn't.
“Wow.” Damon’s brows shot up as he sank back in his seat. “I was not expecting that. I knew you were holding something back before I deployed, but...” He shook his head as though at a loss for words.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have blurted it out like that. It’s just that it’s hard for me to talk about.”
“You can tell me anything, Grace.”
"I’ve tried so many times to tell you. I even tried to email you while you were deployed, but I couldn't go through with it. I’ve rehearsed what I would say, but I could never find the right words." She wrapped her arms around herself as the pressure built behind her eyes.
Damon got to his feet and stepped in front of her. “I’ve made plenty of mistakes of my own. I’m not going to judge you for something you did when you were a teenager.” He took her hands in his. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”
Stop living in fear.
She gave a little nod. "I want to tell you. I need you to know. I don't want any secrets between us." She shifted from one foot to the other as her chest continued to tighten. "It just might take me a bit to get it all out."
"It's okay. We have all the time in the world." He repeated her words from earlier then pressed his lips to her forehead in another gentle kiss. "Sit down. Let’s eat. Then, if you want to tell me more, you can."
Grace nodded although she doubted she’d be able to eat until she told Damon everything. It took her a whole minute to find the courage to speak. "I told you how angry I was when my dad walked out on us, how I acted out and did a lot of stupid stuff with Zoey."
Damon nodded but remained silent.