Chapter 31 #3
"Well, the stupid stuff intensified, the dares getting more and more ridiculous.
And...dangerous." She shoved a bite in her mouth and forced herself to chew and swallow before continuing.
"When we were sophomores, we got invited to a party by some senior boys.
My mom didn't want me to go, but...I said some horrible things to her and stormed out of the house anyway.
There was alcohol at the party—a lot of it—and a cute senior boy kept plying me with beer and wine spritzers.
" Her voice dropped to little more than a whisper as guilt filled her.
"And I was so nervous, I kept drinking it, because Zoey had dared me to make out with a senior that night. "
She clasped her hands together to hide the trembling in her hands.
"Grace, you don't need to tell—”
"Yes, I do." She nodded vigorously. "I should have just said no to Zoey and the alcohol. I know that, but with everything going on at home I wanted to fit in. To be accepted."
He scooted his chair closer. She let him turn hers to face him. Then he took her hands in his.
She let out a quick huff before forcing herself to go on.
"We started making out, and I was drunk enough to encourage it—and even enjoy it—for a time. When he suggested we find somewhere more private, I hesitated, but Zoey pushed me to go with him. Again, I should have said no, but I’d had enough to drink that I wasn’t thinking clearly.
“Finding privacy proved to be difficult. All the rooms were already occupied, so we ended up in a small laundry room where...things quickly escalated."
"No wonder you don't like small spaces." Damon's expression darkened as he squeezed her hands.
She gave a small nod and a tight smile, attempting to push down the emotions. If she gave in to them, she'd never make it through this.
Despite deciding to spare Damon the horrific details, she couldn't look him in the eyes.
"I tried to st-stop things, but he was so intent on—" She sucked in a sharp breath as hot tears stung her eyes.
She attempted to blink them back, but they spilled over and ran down her cheeks.
"He was so much stronger than me. The alcohol didn't help.
" She sucked in another deep breath. "It. ..all happened so f-fast."
“Oh, Grace.” Damon released her hands, propped his elbows on his knees, and pressed his fingertips to his eyes. "I'm so sorry that happened to you."
"The party got busted right after it happened.
A bunch of kids got arrested, including me.
" Ashamed, she hung her head. "When I called home from the police station, Gabe answered the phone.
He was supposed to be at college, but he'd come home because my mom got news that day that she had breast cancer. "
"Rock bottom." Damon lifted his head as he repeated the words she'd used the day they went horseback riding.
"That came a few weeks later, when I realized I was pregnant. It took me another whole month to find the courage to tell my mom and Gabe."
"You didn't tell anyone what happened in that laundry room?"
"Only Zoey. She was so excited I'd lost my virginity that she couldn’t understand why I was upset."
Damon swore under his breath.
"Mom and Gabe wanted me to press charges, but word had started to spread around school that I was pregnant and was claiming Ryker had raped me."
"He did." Damon pushed to his feet, his hands balled at his sides. "How did word get out so fast? You wouldn't have started showing for months?"
"Zoey."
"Some friend she was."
Grace gave a sad smile as she nodded. "Ryker was the star quarterback and very popular.
Other kids who had been at the party started spreading all kinds of rumors about how I'd seduced him and how I’d been begging for it.
There were enough witnesses of me making out with him that I knew a trial wouldn't end well.
Besides, I couldn't face reliving the whole thing again and again.” Grace wiped away the tears that snuck up on her again.
Needless to say, I was quickly labeled a. ..slut, among other things."
He took her hands again. "That must have been rough."
"About two months after it happened, his father showed up at our house, offering me a considerable amount of money if I got an abortion.
But I couldn't do it. I didn't want the constant reminder of what happened, but no way would I kill my baby.
When I refused to accept his offer, he insisted I sign a paper, stating that I refused any monetary rights and that I couldn't list Ryker's name on the birth certificate.
His perfect son had just been offered a football scholarship at a prestigious college, and he didn't want anything to interfere with that. "
"And rape charges would have."
She nodded again, still trying to stay detached from the pain and turmoil of that dark time. "The bullying at school worsened to the point that I withdrew and did homeschool for the rest of that year. I gave my baby up for adoption. Then I went to a different high school the next year."
Damon shook his head. “You had to make so many difficult decisions at such a young age."
"Gabe and my mom, sick as she was from her chemo treatments, were very supportive.
We grew really close as a family that year.
" She drew in a deep breath. "My father and his new wife had been unsuccessfully trying to have a baby, so they wanted me to give them my baby to raise.
" She shook her head. "But I just couldn't do it.
Having them raise her as my half-sister would have been too weird, and every time I saw her, it would have reminded me of what happened.
Besides, I was still so angry at him for walking out on us. "
"That's when he decided he didn't want to see you anymore."
"Yes." She glanced at Damon before lowering her eyes again. "And every time I'm faced with the decision to tell someone new..."
"Like me."
"Like you. I have to wonder if they'll think it was all my fault or that I got what I deserved. If they will condemn me for my choices."
"Grace no. We all make poor choices in our life, but you should never have had to pay that kind of price for yours." Silence filled the room, except for Lily's soft snores from her bed in the corner.
“I went to therapy for two years, but I wasn’t interested in dating for another year after that. As a junior in college, I fell in love with Alan. I thought I was going to marry him."
“What happened?”
"It took me a long time to find the courage to tell him.” Grace pulled away from Damon and picked up her dinner plate and carried it to the microwave to reheat it.
“Alan struggled with all of it. He accused me of keeping secrets from him. As a devout Christian, he was upset that I wasn’t a virgin, like he thought.
He couldn't understand how I could give up my own child. My own flesh and blood."
Damon grabbed his plate and followed her. "He didn't understand that the child would be a constant reminder of what happened?"
"No, and even though I knew I wasn't supposed to keep my baby, giving her up was the hardest thing I've ever done."
"What do you mean you knew you weren't supposed to keep your baby?" Damon asked as he took her plate out of the microwave and put his in.
"I was severely humbled by everything that happened that year, including my mom's cancer.
But her faith never wavered. She helped me find my way back to God and encouraged me to look for the blessing in my situation, instead of focusing on the burden.
I finally realized that there were couples out there who had been praying for a baby.
Once I decided to give my baby up, I felt so much peace. "
Damon cupped her cheek. "You are truly the most gracious woman I've ever met." He leaned in and brushed his lips against hers in a soft caress.
The kiss was much too brief for Grace's liking, but she didn't want to have to reheat her food again, so when he pulled away, she returned to the table. Damon kept his seat close to hers as they resumed their meal.
When they carried their plates to the sink, Damon asked, "I assume it was a closed adoption?" She nodded, and he went on. "Do you think your daughter will ever try to find you?"
"I don't know." She shrugged as a twinge pricked her chest. "But I'd like the chance to meet her someday. I pray all the time that she has a good life. That the parents I chose for her are taking good care of her."
They were quiet for several long moments then Damon took her hand again. “Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.”
Perspiration pricked Damon's brow as he sank into another lunge. When his left leg trembled, he grabbed the back of the chair beside him. In rehab, all his exercises focused on strengthening his right leg. He'd hardly worked his left until now. Rebuilding muscle was painful.
He'd pushed every exercise today to the limit—even a little beyond. Until his body protested like it was doing now.
Gabe approached him, his gaze scrutinizing. "You're supposed to be doing a partial lunge, not deep ones."
Damon grunted and made his movements smaller, but only because Gabe watched him. He fought the irrational urge to grab Gabe by the shirt and demand he tell Damon why he didn’t stop Grace from going to the party that night. Why he hadn’t sought justice on Grace’s behalf.
Taking his anger out on Gabe was stupid. Grace’s brother had no way to know what would happen that night. Nor was it right for Gabe to push Grace to press charges when it meant she’d have to relive the nightmare all over again.
Nightmares.
He had one about Grace last night. It wasn’t the first time she’d appeared in his dreams and probably wouldn’t be the last. But last night’s was by far the worst. It left him in a cold sweat with a racing heart for nearly an hour.