CHAPTER 8
“What do you mean by that?” Harlow asked. “You’re not who they thought she’d be with?”
Harlow looked over and noticed Larissa staring at her.
Maybe she should be taking more of a back seat in the interviews, but she couldn’t help herself.
She had questions and wanted answers, but selfishly, she found that she also liked talking to these two couples specifically because they reminded her, in one way or another, of her relationship with Larissa.
Yes, it was true that they weren’t a couple, where Jessie and Gloria obviously were one and had been for about a year, but they’d started out a little in the same way that she and Larissa had.
When she’d first read their application responses, Harlow had immediately thought of the first time she had walked into the classroom after meeting Larissa through Aggie at an academic conference, where both sisters had been present.
Aggie, being an assistant to Harlow’s advisor back then, had been the one to recommend that she attend the event, which had been open to any student or faculty member, sharing that she’d attended it herself and made connections there.
Harlow, noting that those connections had obviously worked out for Aggie, had dressed up in the best clothes she’d brought with her to campus and had met Larissa there.
“This is my sister, Larissa,” Aggie had introduced.
“I’m Harlow,” she’d replied and shaken Larissa’s hand.
“Nice to meet you. Freshman?”
“Yeah. That obvious?” she’d joked.
“No. Aggie just saw you come in and told me. You hide it well.”
“Thanks. I’ve been working on not showing up fifteen minutes early to class since I got here, hoping people might take me for at least a sophomore.”
Larissa had laughed, and that had been the end of her.
Harlow had felt the butterflies then, and she’d been having them ever since.
After the introduction and chat, she hadn’t been sure she would see Larissa again, but she’d walked into the classroom for her first section of the semester, and there Larissa had been, standing at the front of the room.
“Hey,” Harlow had greeted after walking up to her.
“Oh, hey. You’re right on time,” Larissa had said. “Not even fifteen minutes early.”
“How early were you?”
“Ten minutes. But I’m the TA, so I think I’m supposed to be early. Want to take a seat? I’ve got to get us started.”
“Oh, right. Sorry,” Harlow had replied.
It had been strange to her, making this transition from meeting a woman at a party, being totally into her, and thinking about asking her out, to having that same woman stand in front of the classroom, teaching her and her fellow freshmen, who were there for their introduction to psychology.
“Oh. It’s just that I’m only twenty,” Jessie answered her question, laughing a bit.
“She’s thirty. I don’t think her parents would want her falling in love with a student she taught to begin with, and I happen to be a twenty-year-old woman on top of that.
Besides, to them, I’d probably be a heathen. ”
“They’re religious. She’s not,” Gloria added.
“I’m also poor, grew up on the wrong side of the tracks.” Jessie ticked things off on her fingers. “I don’t believe in God. We’re not married, and I have sex with their daughter. I–”
“I think they get it, babe,” Gloria said, chuckling.
“Would you say you were friends first at all, or was it always more?” Harlow asked.
“I think it was always more for me,” Jessie shared. “But we were technically friends first.”
“Yeah, I’d say the same,” Gloria added. “I was attracted to her right away, and I wasn’t exactly going on dates, despite my parents trying to set me up after my relationship ended. It just took us a minute to get together, given our circumstances.”
“Was the transition seamless, then? You say you knew it was more right away; you just weren’t together.”
“Not really. I wanted to kiss her that night we walked around after the movie, and I wanted her to come upstairs for more than a kiss, but I was also a little embarrassed,” Jessie said.
“I mean, she was twenty-nine. I was nineteen, and I had a dorm room that I shared with someone and a meal card for the cafeteria. She had her own apartment with a real kitchen. Like, she had a dishwasher, and I had an illegal hot plate in my room. So, I was really nervous about asking her to come up, and I was both glad and upset that she turned me down. I think it showed, too.”
“You were fine.” Gloria patted Jessie’s leg.
“I could tell she was nervous, yeah, but I understood because I was nervous, too. It’s hard, wondering what the other person is feeling in the beginning.
I knew I liked her and that I shouldn’t.
She knew she liked me but didn’t think I’d want to be with her because of the same reasons I shouldn’t be with her. ”
“Can we talk about stress for a minute?” Larissa interjected.
“I’m curious how you would describe your stress at different points in the relationship from the moment you met until today, and how it might have impacted your decision-making.
For example, did either of you ever consider not going for it, and why? ”
Harlow leaned back and let her take over the rest of the interview.
She watched Larissa as she pushed those glasses back up her nose and smiled a little.
God, she had loved her for so long now. She couldn’t believe it had been that long, but she’d once been a college freshman, and she had thought she’d loved her then.
More than a decade of friendship and time had passed since, and she knew she loved Larissa even more now.
Harlow had to look away then, but still needing a moment to herself with all this talk of love and her sitting so close to Larissa, she decided to excuse herself to go to the bathroom, earning a small smile from Larissa when she hit the door.
She couldn’t just stand outside the room while they continued on without her, though, because all the walls were glass, so she figured she’d get everyone water like last time.
She headed down the hall and to the front lobby, where she noticed Samantha at the desk.
“How’s it going? I saw you two come in. I came out of the bathroom and hooked a right to avoid you,” Samantha said.
“It’s going well, I think. I thought you worked days.”
“I’m covering for someone tonight.”
“Can I ask you something?”
“What?”
“How did you know?”
“Know what?” Samantha asked.
“That I was in love with Larissa.”
“You really want to talk about this now?”
“She’s busy in there, and I’m curious. You and I weren’t together that long, and we’ve sort of maintained our friendship. Or, we’re at least acquaintances, as you put it before. I wouldn’t say we were particularly close, even when we dated. How did you know?”
“The first time I met her.”
“What about it?” Harlow asked, leaning over the desk.
“You wanted us to meet and invited her to the bar. We were there already, and when she walked in, I saw your face just light up. It was pretty obvious after that. You smiled the whole night and had all these inside jokes, but it was more than that. The moment she entered the room, I wasn’t there anymore for you.
I had to reach for your hand in some lame attempt to claim you in front of her.
I hated myself for that, but you were my girlfriend. ”
“I’m sorry,” Harlow replied.
“It’s whatever now. I won’t lie to you: I still think you’re hot, and I have no self-control because I know how good you are in bed, too, so I asked you to stay away when you showed up here with her, but I’m not still into you for real or anything. Purely physical.”
“Well, thanks. Doesn’t seem important for you to mention that I’m repulsive to you in all other ways, but I’ve got it,” she joked.
“You know you can get some pretty much whenever you want when you’re single. I hate that about you, by the way.”
Samantha winked at her.
“Someone offered the other night, actually.”
“Of course, they did,” Samantha said, laughing a little.
“I turned her down.”
“Because you don’t have sex just for the sake of it; I remember.” Samantha looked at the door as someone walked through it and added, “I have to get back to work, but tell me something, Harlow.”
“Sure.”
“Are you ever going to tell her?”
“I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because it would change everything. Larissa is not… She doesn’t feel the same way. Never has. It’s better to just keep our friendship how it is. I can’t risk losing that.”
Samantha shook her head before she turned it toward the members-only area and said, “She’s coming, but, Harlow, you’re a dumbass.”
“I’m certain you’re right.” She chuckled.
“No, I mean it. Look.”
Samantha nodded toward Larissa.
Harlow turned to see Larissa walking toward her with a wide smile on her face, and just seeing that smile had her smiling back because Larissa’s smile always did that to her.
“They said they’ll stay another hour to keep talking to me, so I need to reserve the room for longer.” Larissa looked at Samantha. “Is that okay?”
“I’ll book it for you,” Samantha said.
“Thank you,” Larissa replied and proceeded to wrap her arms around Harlow’s shoulders unexpectedly.
Harlow had been standing facing Samantha, so Larissa was at her side, and she was so very close now. Then, Larissa leaned in and kissed Harlow’s cheek.
“This is going so well. Thank you.”
“I didn’t do anything,” she said.
“Yes, you did, and you know it. I’m going to get back. You coming?”
“Um…” She moved out of Larissa’s embrace, pushed the bottles of water toward her, and said, “You go ahead. I think I’m going to go out. I’ll get an Uber and meet you at home. I mean, at your place.”
Harlow handed Larissa her car keys and turned her head to Samantha, who rolled her eyes at her without looking up from the computer in front of her.
“You’re leaving?” Larissa asked.
“Yeah, I’m going to get a drink. I think I get in your way in there sometimes, and it’s going well without me, it sounds like, so just take the other hour, and I’ll see you at the house.”
“You’re not in my way. I like it when you–”
“Samantha, is she good for the room?” Harlow interrupted.
“Yeah, all good,” Samantha told her. “Not really that popular at night, so no one had it reserved anyway.”
“Thank you,” Larissa said and turned back to Harlow. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’ll see you later.”
“Okay,” Larissa replied. “I can bring dinner home.”
“No, don’t worry about it. I’ll just get something while I’m out. Have a good rest of the interview. Don’t keep them waiting. They might decide to leave.”
Harlow then walked until she got to the door, pushed it open, and hit the cool night air.