CHAPTER 9
“So, she said that the stress of falling in love with a student prevented her from acting as quickly as she wanted but that the feelings were there all along,” Larissa shared.
“Yeah. What’s new there?” Aggie replied and took a sip of her iced tea. “The stress hormones wouldn’t prevent her from falling in love.”
“No, but at minimum, they prevented her from taking the actions she wanted to take.”
“They’re there as a defense mechanism. Someone could put a gun to your head, and your body wants to run, but the cortisol tells you to stay put because running won’t do anything; it could just get you killed faster.”
“Yes, but what if the stress of falling in love prevents us from really falling in love in the first place? What if the hormones enter the equation earlier?”
“Explain,” Aggie said.
“What if Gloria and Jessie had met under similar circumstances, but they realized that they liked one another a few seconds earlier?”
“Go on,” Aggie said.
“What if Jessie had realized it in the classroom or right when she walked into the office?”
“Why would that matter?”
“Because, if that same hormonal release had occurred then, it would have told her to protect herself, right? This was her TA. She shouldn’t be interested in her TA.
So, protecting herself would’ve meant protecting her heart, and that could have stopped her from doing anything at all.
It would have gotten to her way before the love part hit her brain, and they wouldn’t be together. ”
“That’s a theory at best. You’d need to do so much more work to validate it.
We’re talking lab work, Larissa.” Her sister stole one of Larissa’s fries.
“You’d need to be able to measure levels, compare them before and after, and don’t even get me started on finding people who could possibly like each other in advance of it all. The variables would be–”
“I know that. And I’m not using these interviews for my dissertation. This is for the book.”
“What about your Ph.D.? You know, that thing you’ve been working on for the better part of a decade?”
“I’ll get it done.”
“You can’t keep putting it off. Mom and Dad aren’t going to pay for you forever. And the school won’t–”
“I have a job,” Larissa interrupted. “And Mom and Dad paid for your school, too. They also bought you your house, Aggie. You’ve sold it since then, but I didn’t give you a hard time for taking the money you made from it and putting it toward the house you have now, even though that was Mom and Dad’s money, technically. ”
“They told me to–”
“I know. That’s why I didn’t give you a hard time: we’ve both been incredibly lucky to have parents support us financially. And you finished your doctorate in no time at all, which is great for you, but not everyone is that fast. Most people aren’t, in fact. I’m not.”
“Because there’s always something else.” Aggie ate another stolen fry. “Last year, it was that you took on too many classes to teach. Your other job got in the way, too, if I’m not mistaken. Then, the year before that, there was something with Harlow’s mom.”
“Something with–” Larissa paused and shook her head. “You don’t mean that.”
“Sorry, that came out wrong. I’m sorry. Really.”
“She got cancer.”
“I know. I’m sorry,” Aggie repeated. “How is she, by the way? You haven’t mentioned her in a while.”
“She’s still in remission, but you know it was touch-and-go there for a minute. Harlow needed me.”
“I do, and I feel awful for her, but there’s been one thing after the other since you got accepted into the program.
Yes, the school might keep taking your money for a while, but it’s a competitive program, too, Larissa.
If you don’t actually intend to graduate from it, someone else will, and you’re taking their spot. ”
“I’ll finish it. I have time booked in the lab for next semester already.
I’ve got tests I’ll be running with a partner, and I’m working on the plans for the study while researching and doing everything else.
I’m not teaching this semester for a reason.
I wanted the time to get done as much as I could. ”
“But you’re writing a book? A book that’s closely related to your paper but also not?”
Larissa sat back in her chair and sighed.
“I’m not trying to give you a hard time.
I’m really not,” Agatha added. “You’ve just told me over and over again for years that you want this.
You wanted to be a doctor, Larissa, but all I see – and, honestly, all Mom and Dad can see sometimes, too – is you doing everything but trying to make that happen.
For someone who spends most of their time studying and researching, you don’t have much to show for it yet. That’s all I’m saying.”
“I’m not you, Aggie.”
“I know that. I’m not trying to make you like me.”
“I’m slower than you; that’s what I mean.
I always have been. Maybe I shouldn’t have chosen the same damn program at the same school because it makes it so easy to compare us.
You’re the one who breezed through school.
I had a couple of easy years in there, but then, it got really hard for me.
You never seemed to need to study, but I do.
I need to, and I need to take however long it takes to get this done. ”
“I get it, and that’s fine, but why are you throwing more obstacles in your way, then? This book? What are you even going to do with it? Try to get it published? Just write it? Use some of the content, if it’s possible, in your actual paper?”
“I don’t know yet,” she answered honestly. “Right now, I’m conducting interviews, and I’m enjoying it. It’s good data. It might not be perfect data, but it’s qualitative data, at least, and it’s supporting my hypothesis.”
“Well, I guess that’s something,” her sister replied and stole another fry.
“When you met Henry, how did you feel?”
“What?” Aggie laughed a little.
“Your husband; when you first met him, how did you feel?”
“Like punching him. He stole my parking space.”
Larissa laughed and said, “Right. But after that, you got out of the car, and…”
“And I still wanted to punch him because he said he was there first, but he really wasn’t. I was there. I had my blinker on and was waiting for the other guy to back out. Henry had the better angle and got there first, that little asshole.” Aggie chuckled.
“Did you see his car waiting, too?”
“Yes. I even made eye contact with him, warning him off, and he still took it. Hard to blame him; it was Christmas Eve. We both needed to pick up stuff at the store, and there were no spots.”
“Okay. So, you saw him and knew you’d probably have to fight for the spot?”
“Yes.”
“Were you under stress because you were holiday-shopping and fighting for a parking spot?”
“I’m sure I was. I also see where you’re going with this, but we exchanged numbers and went out two days later. The stress didn’t prevent me from going out with him.”
“But why?” Larissa asked.
“Why what?”
“Why didn’t it? There’s something there, right? Think about it. Had it been anyone else, you probably wouldn’t have gone out with them. Another guy? A woman?”
“Probably not.”
“What did you feel when you saw him out of the car for the first time?”
“After the punching feeling?” Aggie joked.
Larissa laughed and said, “Be honest.”
“He was cute.” Aggie shrugged a shoulder. “I couldn’t really tell from the car, but when we both got out, I noticed he was cute.”
Her sister smiled a little.
“And?”
“And what?”
“How did you two end up talking about something other than a parking space he stole from you?”
“Oh. When we got into the store, I walked over to him and told him off. He apologized and explained that he was picking up medicine for his mom from the pharmacy, and it was about to close. He didn’t think he had time to find a spot in another lot and make it, and she was out of the medicine.
That got me to shut up for a minute, and I watched him stand in the line before I started my shopping to verify his story.
Then, I bumped into him in the cereal aisle, and we started talking.
He had a bag from the pharmacy and told me his mom was diabetic and he had to get this to her but wanted to grab her favorite oatmeal, too, before he left. I thought he might be a decent guy.”
“Were you still stressed?” Larissa asked.
“No, not really. I guess I was stressed seeing the line of people at the counters that I’d have to join in a minute when I was done with my shopping, and I worried they’d be out of the pumpkin pie I told Mom I’d bring to Christmas dinner, but nothing crazy or intense; just normal holiday stuff.”
“And you got his number then?”
“Yes. I got his because I didn’t want to give a stranger mine.
I told him as much. He laughed and gave it to me, and we talked for a minute about how men didn’t have as much to worry about as women do generally in those situations.
I texted him the next day. I wanted to text him that night, but I didn’t want to appear desperate.
I asked about his mom. He told me that she was fine.
Then, we went out, and my stress didn’t get in the way. ”
“It did initially. You were unable to see through it.”
“But how do you separate stress from anger? I was also angry.”
“The hormones matter, not so much the specific feelings,” Larissa replied.
“For your dissertation, maybe; not for your book. People who don’t care about the names of the hormones won’t want to read something about how it’s cortisol or adrenaline.
You can give them a few paragraphs about that, I guess, but they’ll be more concerned with the actual emotions and how that can prevent them from falling in love.
You should consider that for your book. Maybe instead of cortisol, you talk about depression that an overexposure might cause and how that could get in the way of them falling in love with someone. ”
“Maybe,” she replied.
“Anyway, enough about this,” Aggie said. “How’s Harlow? Moved out yet?”
“No,” she said, laughing. “It hasn’t been that long, and I don’t mind having her there. Plus, she’s a great cook, and you know I’m terrible.”
“Yeah… I’m not sure how I got the cooking gene from Mom and Dad, but you didn’t. Maybe it skips a generation in your case, but not mine.”
“Then, we’ll never know because I’m not having kids.”
“Mom wants more grandkids. Help me out here.” Aggie chuckled.
“You gave her two.”
“Yes, and those two are growing up. She wants more.”
“She’s not getting them from me,” Larissa replied. “So, up to you and Henry.”
“Please, I had him get that thing taken care of. I’m also on the pill to be extra cautious. I do not want to be one of those couples who thought the vasectomy took, only to be vomiting in the morning all over again.”
“Really don’t want a third kid, huh?”
“I just got those two off to daycare and school. No, I don’t want another one. Mom will just have to deal.”
“Yes, she will,” Larissa said and ate one of her fries.
“So, Harlow and her ex are really over?”
“Yes. She moved out; that’s what that means. Why?”
“She just… seems to have a hard time staying moved in with someone.”
“They broke up. It happens.”
“Maybe she should try not moving in and see how that goes.”
“She doesn’t move in with every girlfriend, but yeah, I get your point. I may have suggested that to her, too.”
“Is she dating again?” Aggie asked.
“No, I don’t think so. Why?”
“No reason. Just making conversation.”
“Well, she just got out of a two-year relationship. I don’t think she’s going to start dating tomorrow or anything.”
“She might, though,” Aggie replied.
Larissa tucked her bottom lip into her mouth and said, “She might, yeah. I doubt it. She’s pretty busy with work and helping me with this study.”
“Plus, she’s cooking you dinner, apparently.”
“Sometimes,” Larissa corrected. “Not every night.”
“And when are you going to start putting yourself out there?”
“To cook dinner?”
“Larissa…”
“Dating? What is it with you and Harlow?”
“Harlow wants you to date?” Aggie asked and looked at her in confusion, which was weird to her, but Larissa shook her head and decided not to think too much about it.
“She wants me to get out of the house more.”
“Well, I agree with that, but I think you should have a focus when you do. Maybe focus on meeting a nice woman who wants to buy you dinner once or twice and then cooks you dinner before you stay over at her place for the night.”
“Oh, my God.” Larissa laughed. “I will do that when I want to, thank you very much.”
“What? Get laid? Or just go on a date?”
“Both.”
“You can’t keep yourself cooped up inside your house. And no, I don’t want to hear about the fact that you have a job. We all have jobs, but we still get out and actually talk to people we don’t work with.”
“I’m getting out now. I’m going to the conference room for the interviews.”
“For work, technically. What about for fun?”
“Harlow and I had dinner out the other night. It was fun. I had too much to drink, so she had to put a trash can next to the bed for me, but I was okay.”
“You had too much to drink?”
“Yeah.” Larissa laughed a little.
“And Harlow took care of you?”
“She always does. We take care of each other, I think.”
“Harlow is going to find a new girlfriend soon, Larissa. Then, you’ll go through that part of the cycle where you see her less and less and disappear into your books even more. I just want you to be happy.”
“I am happy.”
“Right,” Aggie replied. “But fine; I’ll drop it. For now, anyway.”
Larissa rolled her eyes at her sister.