CHAPTER 24 #2
“I know; I’m a coward. Everyone thinks so. I should be out at dinner with her right now, but I came here because Samantha invited me to go bowling, and being with Larissa is hard these days.”
“Only these days?”
“I’ve been staying with her. I just got out of a relationship where we lived together, so I needed a place to stay, and Larissa’s is my go-to.
I’m moving out soon and into my own place, but I decided to no longer just date women while I still have feelings for her, so being with her is harder than it used to be when dating someone else in the hopes of getting over her is no longer an option. ”
“Ah… I see. So, you’re going with avoidance instead of confronting her with your feelings? That seems like a good idea.”
“Hey, you avoided coming out to your family until you were in your thirties,” Harlow argued.
“I know. Look how that turned out. I’ve known since I was in college, and I waited for over a decade, when I could have known a lot earlier that my father was a bigot and gotten ahead of the whole thing where I wouldn’t be taking over the company.
Instead, I chose to plan events at a big company because I thought it would be fun, planning parties for a living, and it was a job, not because I wanted to do it forever.
I knew I had a future, so I phoned it in most of the time when I could’ve done something else and not gotten laid off.
I could have avoided spraying smelly shoes for a living and fixing arcade games when the coin thingy gets stuck. ”
“I’m sorry, Laurel. At least, you’ve met someone you love.”
“You have too,” Laurel replied. “You just don’t want to tell her. Your prerogative, but it seems kind of stupid to me.”
Harlow thought back to tonight’s interview and Larissa’s face every time she looked over at her, as well as Larissa asking her out to dinner to talk about something after Amber and Sandi had left.
“Things are weird with us right now. I don’t think it’s the right time. Maybe once I move out, so that I don’t have to sleep in the room next to her when she breaks my heart. She wanted us to hang out and talk tonight, and–”
“Wait. Back up. She said hang out?”
“No, she said go to dinner.”
“And she said talk?”
“She asked me to dinner. Then, she said she wanted to talk to me about something.”
“And you’re here?”
“Yes. I told Samantha I’d be here. I didn’t want to flake on her. I’m trying to make up for being in love with Larissa while I dated her.”
“What if Larissa wanted to talk to you about something important?”
“Like what? Planning my move out of her house?”
“No, Harlow. What if she wanted to talk to you about how she feels?”
“She’s right,” Samantha said from behind her.
Harlow turned her head and saw her walk up to stand next to her at the counter.
“Sorry, I just saw you over here and wondered what was taking so long. I take it, you two know each other, if you’re having this kind of conversation?”
“Former girlfriend,” Laurel said, pointing to herself.
“Me too,” Samantha replied. “And Larissa told you she wanted to talk to you tonight?”
“Yes, but–”
“Harlow, go home. Talk to her. We can bowl with only seven people. It’s just bowling.”
“I told you I’d be here.”
“And you are here. You came, and I appreciate the gesture, but you can join us another night and buy us pitchers and curly fries, okay? Go home. Talk to her.”
“She probably wants to talk about the book or her dissertation.”
“No. Had she wanted that, she wouldn’t have asked you to talk, and you know it. Stop being a dumbass and go,” Samantha told her.
“She’s right,” Laurel added before she took the shoes she’d laid there for Harlow and put them back on the shelf behind her.
“Hey! I was renting those,” Harlow argued.
“No, you’re not. Go. Talk to her. And if it’s not what we think it is, use this as your opportunity to tell her how you feel anyway.”
“It’s time, Harlow,” Samantha echoed. “Get out of here and tell her how you feel.”
◆◆◆
Harlow’s heart hadn’t stopped pounding since she had gotten in her car and decided that she was going home.
Larissa would talk to her about whatever it was that she needed to talk to her about, and if it had nothing to do with her, Harlow would still tell her how she felt.
She wasn’t sure which of the chemicals Larissa knew so much about was driving right now, but she was terrified and also excited at the same time.
She knew she needed to let the excitement take over and try to push the fear down.
If she did that, she might actually go through with this.
When she got to Larissa’s and opened the front door, though, Larissa wasn’t in the living room, at the dining room table, or in the kitchen.
She also wasn’t in her bedroom or bathroom.
Her school stuff was on the table, so she hadn’t gone to the library to work.
Harlow checked the garage, and Larissa’s car was gone.
Larissa wasn’t home, and it was after nine-thirty.
Harlow’s excitement was beginning to wane, and her fear was taking over.
She sent Larissa a text after changing for bed and held on to her phone waiting for a response because Larissa always replied to her messages quickly.
When nothing came by ten-fifteen, she sent her another message.
Nothing came by eleven, either, and she was really starting to worry, but she was so exhausted that she fell asleep with the phone in her hand.