CHAPTER 31
Larissa didn’t know what had come over her, but something about seeing Harlow cook them dinner, after Harlow had had a long day and had sat in traffic probably for hours, had her realizing just how much she loved this woman.
Before, she had known that she loved Harlow, but this was different.
This was how it felt to be in love with her and to want her; to want her so much that she couldn’t stop herself from reaching for Harlow and kissing her.
“Hey, are you sure?” Harlow asked, stopping their kiss momentarily to do so.
Larissa nodded and pulled Harlow back in to continue their kiss.
Her toes were tingling, which was strange.
Her toes shouldn’t be tingling; at least, not yet.
Harlow’s hands were on her lower back, so it wasn’t like she was having an orgasm right now.
She tried to stay in the moment with Harlow, but she was suddenly very aware of her body in a way she hadn’t ever been before, and when Harlow’s hands moved under her shirt, she felt the tingles in the spots Harlow was touching.
Larissa understood what happened to the human body when it was aroused, and she’d had sex and touched herself, too – it wasn’t like she’d never been aroused before – but this was different.
“Bed,” Harlow stated and moved her lips to Larissa’s neck. “God, please let me take you to bed.”
Larissa had to nod again because her vocal cords didn’t seem to be operating properly, and her hands, so assertive on her behalf moments earlier when she’d reached for Harlow, were now mostly limp at her sides because she couldn’t focus on two things at once.
“Hey, are you okay?” Harlow asked and took both of Larissa’s hands in her own.
“What? Yes. Why?”
“You’re shaking, Larissa,” Harlow noted and squeezed both of Larissa’s hands between them.
“Oh, I… don’t know that I can stand for much longer.”
Harlow smiled softly at her and said, “Yeah?”
Larissa nodded again, which seemed like the only thing she could do at the moment.
Harlow nodded, too, but it was a motion with her head to the space beyond the kitchen, which, Larissa knew, meant that she wanted them to walk down that hallway and probably into Larissa’s bedroom, where they’d make love for the first time.
Harlow gave her right hand a small tug and dropped Larissa’s left one.
Then, she started walking, and Larissa allowed herself to be pulled while she focused on putting one foot in front of the other.
Part of her wanted to run to the bedroom because she was so ready for this.
She wanted Harlow naked and above her. She wanted to touch her and be touched by her.
But the other part of her was more nervous about this than she’d been about anything else in her life.
She tried taking slower steps, thinking that would help somehow, which was ridiculous, of course, because each slow step only increased her nervousness.
Then, she noticed that Harlow, even though she was in the lead, so to speak, wasn’t pulling hard or fast. She was just being her normal, incredibly patient self, and she was letting Larissa set the pace as they walked.
They passed Harlow’s room, and Harlow stopped at the open doorway of Larissa’s.
“I want you to know that I’m fine with us taking things as slowly as you want to.
We could hold each other for hours tonight, and I would be the happiest woman on the planet.
We could fall asleep next to each other, and I would wake up, kiss you good morning, and still not quite believe that this is happening.
” Harlow smiled shyly. “I don’t want to rush this.
I want this to work. More than anything, though, I want us to last, so if you change your mind, or you want to take your time, tell me. ”
“Harlow?”
“Yeah?”
“Are you not walking into my room because you’re as nervous as I am right now, and maybe that nervousness is getting in the way of you doing what you actually want to do?”
“Are you trying to use your science on me right now?” Harlow asked back with a small laugh.
“I’m balancing between fight and flight at the moment, so I’m right there with you, if that’s what’s going on.”
“Flight? You want to run?”
“No,” she replied softly. “Not like that. I’m so nervous because this changes everything between us, and there’s no going back.
I don’t think we can go back to the time before we kissed, though.
I know what it’s like to kiss you now, and I don’t want to go back.
I’m just really nervous, so it’s like I want to go into that room and do what we’re about to do, but I’m also terrified because what if I’m not good at it?
What if you don’t like it, or if you don’t like me after it? ”
“What?” Harlow said, looking concerned. “Larissa, how could I ever not like you? Babe, I’m really not worried about us being bad at this together. Also, you did tell me that your previous partners all told you how good you were in bed.” Harlow smirked a little.
“God, I can’t believe I told you that.” Larissa laughed. “How embarrassing?”
“Is it not true?”
“No, it’s true; they did say it. But I just blurted it out to you, and now, I’m regretting that because we’re about to have sex, and at the time, I didn’t think that would be happening. So–”
Harlow pressed their foreheads together and said, “You and I will be amazing together. We always have been, just differently.”
“You… You’ve done this a lot more than I have, Harlow. I don’t want to disappoint you.”
Harlow just kissed her sweetly and said, “Come on.”
She pulled gently on Larissa’s hand, and they were in her bedroom two steps later.
Those felt like fast steps, too, and Larissa’s heart wouldn’t stop going crazy inside her chest. Harlow stood in front of her again, and Larissa flipped on the light switch.
Then, she promptly turned it back off, thinking that she should have put a dimmer in her bedroom years ago because the lighting options were dark or way too bright to create a romantic mood.
Harlow reached for that same light switch, though, and flipped it back on.
“I want to see you. Is that okay?”
“It’s just not exactly the best lighting in here. I–”
“You’re beautiful to me under any lighting, Larissa. I want to see you.”
“I want to see you, too,” she replied.
Harlow pulled her over to the bed, and Larissa wished she had the kind of confidence Harlow seemed to possess, but she’d never had it when it came to life, only school and science.
She had once questioned a professor on an equation in a required math class during her senior year of undergrad.
She’d been confident that he’d been wrong and she’d been right, so she’d raised her hand without worrying about anything, but now, as her best friend stood in front of her and Larissa was standing with her back to her own bed, she had none of that confidence.
“You know what I love you in the most?” Harlow asked as she reached for Larissa’s shirt, which had been tucked in earlier, but Harlow must have untucked it in the kitchen without her even noticing.
“What?” she asked before she swallowed.
“When you’re in that T-shirt you stole from me like five years ago,” Harlow replied with a little chuckle.
“We both just pretend like it’s yours now and that you actually asked me if you could have it, but we know the truth, don’t we, Lou?
” she teased and pulled off Larissa’s shirt.
“You took it from my stuff because you thought it was soft.”
“I borrowed it. I planned to give it back,” she said on a shallow breath. “It’s still soft.”
“And I bet it’s still inside your dresser drawer right now.”
“Actually, it’s not. It’s…” She moved away from Harlow and lifted the comforter up and away. “I usually put the clothes I’m going to sleep in under the blanket. I’m weird, I know. Anyway, it’s… here.” She held up the light-gray shirt. “Want me to put it on now?”
“Uh… No. I just got your shirt off. You can wear that for me later, though.” Harlow took the shirt from Larissa’s hand and dropped it to the floor. “Your black sweats?” she asked as she looked down at the pants on the sheets.
“Yeah, to sleep in.”
“Those are my favorites, too. They’re all worn in and a little too big on you. You look so cute when you wear them.”
Harlow picked them up and tossed them to the floor, too.
“I take it, you don’t want me to wear those, either?”
“No,” Harlow said and reached for the button of Larissa’s jeans. “I don’t.”
She unzipped them, and Larissa gasped. Harlow’s eyes darkened as they bore into hers, and then she lowered herself to her knees and pulled at Larissa’s jeans until Larissa was kicking them off and Harlow had them on the floor next to the shirt and the sweats.
Harlow didn’t stand up right away, though.
She stayed kneeling in front of Larissa, and her hands splayed over Larissa’s now-bare back as she pulled her toward her, rested her forehead against Larissa’s stomach, and just stayed there.
Larissa knew that she was turned on, so it was probable that Harlow knew that as well now because she was so close.
Her lips brushed Larissa’s skin before she placed a kiss just above Larissa’s belly button.
She placed another one below it, and her lips moved to Larissa’s right hip.
Harlow kissed her there, too, and then her hands moved around to Larissa’s sides.
She slid them up and down as she continued to slowly kiss Larissa’s body, and Larissa felt like she wouldn’t be able to stand for much longer, but she wouldn’t stop Harlow for anything.
Her lips on just one spot made every inch of Larissa’s body light on fire.
Larissa placed one hand on Harlow’s shoulder, encouraging her to continue, and her other hand moved into Harlow’s short hair.
She ran her fingers through the soft locks, and Harlow moaned as she licked around Larissa’s belly button, which caused Larissa to gasp.
Harlow moaned again and kissed Larissa’s left thigh.
She moved her lips inward before her nose nudged Larissa’s center through her panties, causing another gasp.
“I want you so much,” Harlow said. “You have no idea how hard it is for me right now not to put my mouth on you and make you come so hard.”
“Why… aren’t… you?” she asked, barely keeping it together because she could feel Harlow’s warm breath on her.
“Because I want slow, too,” Harlow replied and looked up at her with beautiful dark eyes. “Our first time should be slow.”
“Can’t it be whatever we want it to be?” Larissa asked and ran her hand through Harlow’s hair again.
“Yeah, it should be whatever we want it to be.”
“Will you… Um… Will you…”
“It’s okay,” Harlow told her, rubbing up and down Larissa’s sides again.
“Lick me? I just… I need to feel you there.”
Harlow’s eyes widened for a moment, so Larissa worried that she’d said something wrong.
Harlow looked down between Larissa’s legs, and her hand pressed to her center.
She palmed her before her fingers moved the panel of the underwear aside, and Larissa felt the cool air hit her hot center for the first time.
She gasped, but Harlow didn’t look up at her or check if it was still okay.
She leaned in and spread Larissa with her fingers before she slid her tongue through her.
“Oh, my God,” Larissa said, barely keeping herself up.
Harlow’s hand moved around her back to hold her in place, and she said, “Will you lie down for me so I can do that again?”
Larissa didn’t want to move, but she felt very wobbly and knew that lying down was the best idea, so she nodded.
Harlow stayed kneeling, but only to remove Larissa’s panties and kiss her just above the hair between her thighs.
When Harlow stood, Larissa realized that she was still fully clothed while she only had her bra on.
She reached for Harlow’s shirt, tugged at it until it was off, and Harlow smiled softly at her as Larissa unclasped Harlow’s bra and let her handle the rest.
When Harlow’s small breasts were revealed to her for the first time, she licked her lips without thinking, leaned in, and sucked on the right nipple immediately, needing to taste it, needing to taste some part of Harlow in that moment.
“Oh, fuck,” Harlow let out. “I’m very… sensitive there. I blame the… stupid nipple ring I got that year on the road, but… still… sensitive.”
Larissa massaged Harlow’s other breast while she licked and sucked at the right nipple until she had to be kissing her.
Harlow’s hands wrapped around her while they kissed, and before Larissa knew it, her own bra was on the floor somewhere, and she was helping Harlow out of her pants, letting them fall to the floor.
Harlow kicked off her own underwear without preamble and moved Larissa until she had her back to the bed again.
She gave Larissa’s shoulders a light shove, and Larissa fell back before she slid up to the pillow.
Harlow licked her lips this time as she stared at her, her eyes traveling up and down Larissa’s body.
Deciding to be brave and do something confidently, Larissa let her own eyes rake over naked Harlow and couldn’t believe how beautiful the woman was. Then, she spread her own legs wide and watched as Harlow’s dark, greedy eyes took her in.
“We can have slow,” Larissa said softly, losing a little of her confidence, even though it was clear that Harlow liked what she saw. “But we can also have whatever we want.”
“What do you want, babe?” Harlow asked.
“You,” she replied.
Harlow gave her a small smile, climbed on top of her, and pressed their lips together.
They kissed for minutes without making any moves for anything else, but finally, and it felt like finally to Larissa, Harlow’s hips began to lower down into her center, and she raised her own hips a little to meet her.
Harlow moved her lips to Larissa’s neck, and she kissed her there before she let them hover over Larissa’s ear.
“Can I taste you again?” she whispered.
When Larissa nodded, Harlow moved down her body, leaving Larissa’s breasts, heavy and swollen with need, alone for now, but Larissa knew she’d pay them attention later.
She didn’t want that now anyway. She wanted Harlow’s mouth on her.
She wanted to kiss Harlow after and have her own taste on her lips because it was on Harlow’s first. She wanted that, and Larissa rarely wanted anything.
Then, Harlow’s tongue slid between her folds, and Larissa needed that now.