Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
JESSICA
“Let him go, sweet girl,” Caleb says as Noah moves past me.
I’m torn between going after him and demanding he tell us what’s wrong or listening to Caleb and letting him be for the moment.
I hate confrontation, a trauma response from everything that’s happened, but it's obvious something is going on with him. I just want him to confide in us. I feel like our relationship is fraying, and I hate it.
Noah seemed so pissed off, hurt even, when Caleb asked what was wrong, and seeing his reaction had my anxiety growing.
Caleb walks up behind me and pulls me into his chest.
“Maybe I should have waited to talk to him,” he says, resting his chin on my shoulder.
I turn in his arms and look up at him, raising an eyebrow.
“You think?” I shake my head. “I thought that’s what we agreed to do on our drive home after dinner,” I say with a sigh.
He nods. “I’m sorry, sweet girl. I couldn’t help it. I hate this feeling of disconnect. It’s so unlike him.”
I swallow down the thick emotion building. “I know, Caleb, I feel it too. But whatever it is, I’m sure he’ll talk to us when he’s ready.” And yet, even as I say it, I wonder if it’s true. It hurts more than I care to admit.
But I’ll give him the same grace he gave me when I was at my lowest. He needs our empathy.
If he needs time, we owe it to him to give him that.
Maybe his reaction was his way of setting some kind of unspoken boundary.
I may not understand, not yet anyway. I’ll do my best to try to respect that and be patient.
The same way they did for me when I was a shadow of the woman I am now.
“Do you think something has happened?” I ask Caleb, and not for the first time. I asked him the same question back in the car. Honestly, I felt relieved when he brought it up.
I wasn’t going to say anything, hoping it was just me and that I was overthinking it; it wouldn’t be the first time.
“Honestly, I don’t know. But if he’s pulling away, he’s not doing it to be cruel. Noah isn’t like that.”
I nod. “I know that, Caleb.” And I do, but I just hate the unease in the pit of my stomach. “I love you both so much. What if I’ve been selfish, finishing culinary school, opening my restaurant, us all moving home?”
Caleb looks down, his gaze unwavering, and reaches for my jaw.
“Jessica, you are the least selfish person I know besides Noah. Do not ever, for one minute, think that whatever is going on has anything to do with you. He loves you just as fiercely as I do.” Tears well in my eyes at the conviction in his words.
He lowers his mouth to mine and seals his words with a tender kiss that I feel with every fibre of my being, and then he pulls me close, tucking me against his chest, his arms an anchor, comfort, safety, home, just like Noah.
I breathe in and out, in slow repetition, trying to keep my anxiety at bay.
Eventually, Caleb’s voice breaks the silence.
“Maybe we all need to get away for a few days,” Caleb eventually says, his palm moving in a slow, lazy circle over my lower back, the green flecks standing out against the blue in his irises as he stares down at me.
“That actually sounds like a good idea,” Noah says from behind me, causing me to gasp.
Caleb looks over my shoulder, his eyes softening.
“I’m sorry,” Noah says, his hands taking hold of my hips as his lips whisper against the shell of my ear. “I didn’t mean to snap. I’m just tired.” He kisses my cheek softly.
“It’s okay, I know you didn’t,” Caleb replies, one of his hands leaving me to move to Noah’s hip, keeping me sandwiched between them.
“No, it’s not,” Noah replies, and I can hear the exhaustion in his voice. “It’s no excuse, and I’m sorry.”
“Noah,” Caleb says, his voice low and cautious. “It’s okay.”
But I feel the weight of Noah’s sigh and turn in his arms so we’re chest to chest, Caleb now at my back. I raise my hand to cup his cheek. The familiar bristle of his short beard tickles my palm.
“It’s okay, Noah. We all struggle from time to time. You’re only human.”
His eyes fall closed as he leans into my palm, his hand moving to cover the back of my hand.
He’s at war with himself. I can see how tense his shoulders are, the frown lines marring his forehead. My chest squeezes tight.
I go up on my tiptoes, my lips dusting over his briefly, but it doesn’t do anything to help him relax.
When I pull back, he stares at me with a weary expression.
“How about we heat up the food we brought back from the restaurant and then have an early night, hmm?” Caleb suggests, but unlike any other time, this suggestion isn’t attached to a sexual innuendo.
“Sounds good to me. I’m up for that,” I reply softly.
Noah nods, swallowing hard before replying. “Me too. I just need to go and check some emails.”
Caleb leans over my shoulder and kisses Noah briefly before pulling back.
“Food will be ready in twenty minutes,” I say.
Noah reaches for my jaw and gives me a chaste kiss. “I’ll be fifteen,” he says against my mouth.
Caleb wraps his arms around my middle, pulling me tight against him. His chin rests on my shoulder. I feel his heart beating against my back, matching the rhythm of mine.
His warm breath fans my neck. “He’ll be fine, Jessica. I promise. We’ll sort out some dates and make it happen. The sooner we get away for some quality time together, the better.”
I really hope he’s right that these intrusive thoughts and unease unfurling in my gut are just innate reactions and nothing to worry about.