Chapter 21
G ordon was sitting on the couch. In Myles’s spot, Rose’s voice in my head pointed out. Ash and Mika were standing behind him. Nile was leaning back against the kitchen counter. Myles had gone to a meeting, and Jessa had insisted on going to work.
“We’ll talk later.” She had gotten up on her tippy toes and kissed my cheek before she left, just minutes before my band showed up. Apparently, they had been tipped off that the paps had found me and that was why they had been calling me nonstop last night. When they saw that the shit had hit the fan, they flew out to retrieve me, as Gordon put it.
“Holy fuck, Jace.” Nile had commented on my new body about ten times now. I rolled my eyes.
“Cut it out, Nile. Please.”
“I can’t.” He walked over and ran a hand across my chest. “It’s insane what you’ve done.”
I stepped back, out of his reach.
“Fucking stop.”
“Nile, leave him alone,” Ash called from where he had sat down next to Gordon. Gordon, who had finally hung up his cell phone and was typing out a text.
“Okay, the paparazzi are obviously in a frenzy. Big story for them, of course. Apparently, they got a tip from a waiter at a restaurant you had gone to and that’s how they found you. So we’re gonna have to get you to the airport as fast as possible, and we’ll get you back to California, where you belong.” He stood and came over to look at me. “Are you gonna keep this new look?” He waved a hand in front of me. I grunted.
“Still a man of almost no words, I see.” Gordon groaned. “Jace, we gotta get ahead of this thing. And fast. So I’m gonna need you to start talking. What are we gonna do about the girl? What have you been doing here? Are there any scandals I need to cover up before we get the fuck out of dodge?”
“You’re doing nothing about Jessa,” I almost hissed. “Don’t call her the girl .”
Gordon backed up a little.
“Chill, Jace.” Mika was next to me, guiding me to a chair, where he handed me a protein shake from a local cafe. I took a sip.
“No scandals. I’ve just been doing my thing. I’m sorry I disappeared. I know that messed up the album and the tour, but I was really fucked up.”
“We’ll get it all back on track. Don’t worry about it, Jace. We’re just glad you’re back now.” Gordon was using his usual tone with me. The one that sounded like he never knew what I was going to do next, and he was sick of cleaning up my messes. My phone buzzed, and I saw it was a text from coffee girl.
“We’ve got a problem.” I stood abruptly from my chair. “The paparazzi found Jessa.”
“Okay. You’re not going anywhere.” Gordon made me sit back down. “I’ll take care of it.” With strict instructions not to leave the hotel room, he was gone.
I texted Jessa to tell her that Gordon was coming to extricate her as feelings of helplessness crept back up on me. It didn’t matter how much muscle I had packed on; once the vultures of the media got their talons into her, there was nothing I could do to protect her. The right thing would have been to leave her alone in the first place, far away from the possibility of cameras and the disgusting world of Hollywood finding her, but I had been selfish, and now I didn’t want to go back to my old life if she wasn’t coming with me.
“Even if I would consider just hopping on a plane with you and leaving behind the only life I’ve ever known because you happen to be famous, you know I won’t leave Myles.” I had a pretty angry Jessa on my hands. We were in the bathroom of our room because it was the area furthest away from the nosy ears of my manager and my band.
I had never actually seen her upset, and as much as I was enraged that the paparazzi had done this to her, an irate Jessa was also turning me on. I certainly was not going to tell her that right now. Not after I had just told her that I thought the safest thing for her to do was leave her job and her friends and come with me to California. She knew I had to leave, whether she came with me or not, due to the label being furious at me. She also knew that I didn’t think it was safe for her to be here without me. Not with the media being so hot for this story. It had not taken them long to figure out who Jessa was and where she worked. They had descended upon Kafe, causing chaos, embarrassing her, and asking questions that she had no idea how to answer. I knew her job making coffee was something that gave her joy, and I felt so bad that it had been disturbed this morning because of me.
“I know that where you go, he goes. I wouldn’t expect any different.” I was trying to remain calm, but I was feeling frustrated because I should have known they would find her, and I should have done something smarter, like going to work with her to keep her safe. Although I knew Gordon would have quickly pulled the rug out from under that plan. He was keeping a close eye on me as if he thought I may disappear again. She hesitated.
“He’s finally sober, and you’ve always wanted to live in California,” I reminded her. “You have nothing keeping you here.”
She made an angry face.
“I have plenty here.”
“Nothing that you can’t leave,” I argued.
“That’s mean.” She scooted away from me.
“I didn’t mean it like that,” I backpedaled, realizing how that sounded.
“I had a life before you waltzed in. It’s not my fault you don’t happen to be who you said you were, and I’m somehow caught up in the tailwind of that.” She had her arms crossed against her chest. I moved closer to her and took her hand in mine.
“You’re right, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I just want you to come with me. I’ll take care of everything.” I kissed the tip of her nose. “You know I have to go back, and I’ll miss you too much if I can’t see you.”
“What if we break up, and then I’m stuck in a state where I don’t know anyone, but I can’t get a job safely because the media knows me?” she asked, ever the practical thinker.
“We won’t break up,” I assured her. She rolled her eyes.
“You don’t know the future.”
“With you, I do.” I lifted her hand and kissed her fingertips. She was momentarily mollified but not entirely convinced.
“I have to talk to Myles, but I’m just letting you know that if we do agree to come, I don’t care how famous and rich you are, I am not changing. I’m not becoming one of your fancy girls.”
“I certainly hope you don’t.” I winced, thinking of Jessa in the fame-hungry, vapid town of LA. I wouldn’t be able to keep her completely safe from the paparazzi there, but at least I could do a better job if I kept her close to me than if she stayed here and was on her own.
“I’m afraid I won’t know you anymore,” she confessed.
“Jessamine.” I sighed. “You know me better than anyone in the world does.”
She was holding her legs up to her chest as she sat on the floor of the bathroom, and she laid her cheek on her knees as she turned to look at me.
“I know, but I’m scared you won’t be able to be that person anymore.”
I was scared of that too.
When Myles got back from his meeting, he and Jessa disappeared into his bathroom to talk. They had lived the majority of their lives with it being just the two of them, and I knew they would have to make this decision together without me giving my two cents. I gave them their space, but I waited anxiously in the hallway, hovering. It wasn’t just that I wanted Jessa to be safe, although, of course, that was a big part of it, but I also selfishly didn't want to leave without her. She had become such a dominant force in my thoughts, in my day, and in my life that I couldn’t imagine having to break up or even trying to maneuver through a long-distance relationship. No, I wanted zero distance.
I finally went to sit on the couch to wait for them to finish talking. My band had left to catch some sleep before we flew out, and Gordon was probably off doing some damage control with the press. I closed my eyes and thought about what Ash had asked me earlier.
“Why didn’t you let me help you?” He looked hurt. “What’s so special about this girl who you met six months ago that she was able to bring you to your senses and get you writing music again? Yet you left me, your best friend of twelve years, without a single word?”
“I’m sorry,” was all I could say. “I really am.” I couldn’t explain Jessa to him. I could barely understand how she brought this calm and clarity to my life. I just knew that she had helped me return to myself when no one else could.
The door opened, and I looked up to find Jessa and Myles walking into the living room. Anxiety sped up my heart rate.
“We’ll come,” Jessa started. I felt relief flood my system. “But we have a few conditions since this move is really sudden and unexpected.”
I nodded.
“Anything,” I promised.
“Myles stays out of the spotlight. I don’t care what anyone has to do to keep the media away from him, but he doesn’t need any stress right now.”
“Of course,” I agreed. “What else?”
“I can’t afford much, but we will not be freeloaders. I don’t care how much money you have. We want to earn our keep. So give us something to do.” Jessa’s eyes met mine. I wanted to tell her exactly how rich I was. I wanted her to know that she would never have to sleep outside ever again. I wanted her to feel safe to just live her life without having to work for any of it, but I knew she would never stand for that, so I didn’t argue.
“I’ll talk to Gordon and see what you can do.”
She smiled at that.
“And lastly, if we don’t like it there, we will leave. We’re not signing any contracts or NDAs or anything that could keep us there if we don’t want to stay. You either trust us or you don’t.” Jessa had obviously done some quick googling about the music industry. I held my hands up in agreement.
“If you want to leave, I’ll leave with you as soon as my contract is up. Once they don’t own me anymore, we can go anywhere you want.”
“You don’t want to make music anymore?” Myles spoke for the first time.
“I do. Just not like this.”
He nodded and scratched his chin.
“So now what?”
“Now we pack.” I walked over and engulfed both of them in a big, relieved hug. “I’m so happy,” I whispered in Jessa’s ear. “It’s just for now. In a year, I’ll be free, and we can do anything you want.”
“Promise?” she said against my cheek.
“I promise,” I assured her.
It should have occurred to me earlier, but I quickly discovered that neither Jessa nor Myles had ever been on an airplane before. My band watched, amused, as Jessa buckled up like an excited child and peered out of the window as our private plane took off.
“Holy fuck,” she exclaimed.
“Just so you know, commercial flying is not really like this.” Ash leaned forward in his seat.
“Yeah, this is how the rich fly. I know.” She cut him off.
He snorted and leaned back, pulling his eye mask down over his eyes, but not before he shot me a look that showed that he liked what he saw. He was used to my one-night stands. To the giggling models who fucked me just to be able to say that they did it. Even with Rose, my band had just tolerated her. Between being shy and wanting everyone to like her, she had generally stayed quiet around the boys.
I could see that Ash recognized that Jessa was a woman who could hold her own. The fact that she was unimpressed by who they were was definitely a plus as well.
I could tell that Myles was a little nervous, and I watched as Jessa picked up on it and leaned over to hold his hand. Their bond tugged at my heartstrings. Love like that, unconditional, “I will fight all your demons with you” love was not something that everyone was lucky enough to experience in their life. I knew that he was aware of how good she was.
Just last week, he had told me that every single day, he had to fight himself and choose to stay sober and that without Jessa rallying behind him, he would have relapsed by now. It was the longest he had been sober in all of his adult life, and I was hoping that maybe a change of scenery and access to better therapy options would be beneficial for his sobriety.
As if on cue, the stewardess came around to offer everyone a drink. I saw Myles eye the whiskey that Ash asked for, and I held my breath while he ordered a seltzer. He was not an alcoholic, but he knew it was best that he stayed fully sober. I would have to find him an NA meeting and a new sponsor as soon as we got there.
I turned to ask Jessa what she wanted to drink but saw that she had fallen asleep. As I tucked a blanket around her, I got a peek of her necklace hanging out from her collar, and I had a flashback from last night when I had fucked her against the window, her necklace bouncing on her chest with every thrust. It had hurt my heart when my usually super confident girl had questioned if she was my type. She couldn’t possibly understand how much of her occupied my waking thoughts. Every day. My feelings for her felt like music that flowed and rippled beneath my skin. I could feel it sizzling in C8s through my veins to my heart.
I took out my phone and began to write my next song. It just tumbled out of me, like it had been written a long time ago and was finally being realized. I felt my love for music thrum through me, and I almost smiled as I looked up to find Ash watching me with a knowing look in his eyes. He knew when a new song bug had bitten me. Jessa shifted next to me, and I ran a hand down her arm to settle her, letting her know I was there. I looked back down at the beginning of my song. I knew it would be a hit. It may even be the most real thing I have ever written.
COFFEE
If my love for you was a melody
You would hear my heart in G7
Like a slice of heaven
Feel it reawaken
My veins strum in G clef
You can see it on a frequency graph
Strum me, baby
Right there
Just like that
Softly, baby
My breath beats in whole notes
Like love codes
It explodes
In a crescendo
All over youuuu
Strum me, baby
Right there
Just like that
Harder, baby
If my love for you was a song
I would sing it in E4
And it will soar
As I pour
All my love into you
Yes, strum me baby
Oh, right there
God, like that
Mmm hmm
I love you baby
Sing it
Louder baby