8. Thayer
Chapter Eight
Thayer
For the second time today, I watch the waves crashing into the shore. Most everyone has left or is leaving, but I needed some time to myself. Trying to make sense out of all that’s happened today. My lack of a romantic relationship doesn’t help. I’m just so lost as to where we go from here.
Desperate for a rational opinion, I consider talking to One but immediately decide he’s not my best choice. Christy left just after I came out from the bathroom, so that’s a no-go. No way can I go to my mom, not this time. Wrestling with my choices, I’m distracted when Chord walks up.
“Hey, you okay?” My younger brother sits beside me on the sand, the moon our only light.
“I’m good. Just trying to figure some shit out. Why is it the minute you think I got this, some shit happens, sending you into a tailspin?” I ask as I gaze at the full moon.
“Well, I think the first thing you should do is figure out what you and Hardy are doing. Are you together, just hooking up, nothing? As far as I can tell, it’s nothing.” Bumping his shoulder into me as he delivers his observation.
“Was it that obvious? Did One notice? Do you think Hardy wants me? Am I chasing him too hard?” Ughh, what am I asking?
“It isn’t obvious. Yes, Hardy wants you. That is obvious. No, you’re not chasing him too much. It looked to me like he was running after you. Funny how he disappeared right after you, then suddenly, he’s gone.” Tilting his head as he thinks about it.
“What about One? I know Hardy’s concerned One will get pissed. I really don’t give a shit; I’ve never told One who he could date.” Maybe I should have told him what I thought about Montgomery before it went to hell in a handbag.
“One will get over it. He thinks a lot of Hardy, and you know he loves you. He’s just as bad as Mom and Dad when it comes to protecting us. I think it’s because of the mess with Montgomery.” Chord looks at his phone when it buzzes.
“Hot date? Who is she?” I knock my knee into him as I joke.
“I wish. No, just my friend. She’s cool, but that’s all she is—a friend. So you and Hardy, what’s the plan?” He stands as he asks before reaching for me.
“No clue. He says he wants me but runs at every turn. I’m tired of chasing him.” I shrug.
“Maybe stop. Stop everything. Whatever happened to make him leave must have been something huge. Let him think about it. Leave him wanting more.” With my brother’s arm around me, we wander the path home.
I make a quick run for a bottle of wine on my way home; I plan to relive Hardy several times tonight.
Kicking off my shoes, I put the wine in to chill.
I jump in the shower because I can smell Hardy all over me.
After, I throw a pair of boy shorts on and a ratty old t-shirt, picking up my dirty clothes to take them to the laundry on my way to the kitchen.
I don’t make it out of the bedroom before I drop something.
It’s in a little blue velvet bag with a drawstring.
Where did that come from? Picking it up, I continue to the kitchen after dropping my clothes off.
Pouring a glass of wine, I curl up on my couch and open the bag.
Flipping it upside down, something drops from it.
A silver chain lands first, with a flower pendant on end.
Inside the flower, there’s a starfish. The best of both worlds.
I shared with Hardy my love of starfish; the Legend of the Starfish is one of my favorite tales.
The necklace is delicate like a flower, but the strength of the center starfish has deep meaning; I feel it.
Kissing it lightly, I say a silent prayer for us and place it around my neck.
Tossing and turning most of the night, Chord’s suggestion plays over in my mind. I’m not a fan of game playing. Probably explains my lack of dating experience, but it’s not me. Hardy’s older than me, so I’m pretty sure he’s not playing. The conviction in his words about my brother told me so.
Hardy’s words echo through my heart; I feel like he was telling me I was too good for him.
Or moreover, he isn’t good enough for me, my family.
My brother. He’s One’s best friend; what would ever make him feel that way?
Has One made him feel less? It would be hard to imagine anyone making him feel less than what he is. Unless he feels that way already.
Pacing my living room, I open my back door to listen to the ocean. The breeze is warm, reminding me of a storm brewing off the coast. Resembling the one in my heart. Why tell me you want me, but it can’t happen? It’s like lighting a fire and then dumping water on it.
Closing my eyes, my body heats from the memory of him pressed against me. His lips were on mine, taking what he wanted. Allowing me what I need. Giving in to this thing before we combust. Both of us want each other, yet him still holding back.
Knowing he wants me, how he kissed me. Even making me orgasm, I know what I need to do. I have to walk away. No more waiting; I’ve waited for two months. Chord’s right; it’s time he comes to me.
The following week, I work on taking care of myself. Starting with getting my business off the ground. The week passes quickly. I’m working by day and setting my apartment up at night. I decline to help. I prefer to be alone right now, with so many things to work through.
Christy invites me out Saturday night but again, I decline. Around eleven that night, I can’t take another minute inside my own head. I’ve dodged Hardy all week. My office is located in the building adjacent to One’s. I came in late and left early before he had a chance to go around.
Tonight though, I need a drink. Every night I’ve dreamed of him.
His lips. His words. Feeling like I need to see him or text him, it’s time for a distraction.
So to the club, I go. Forgoing Froggy Bottomz, I head straight for Malibu Surf Bar.
The hottest bars at Myrtle are within walking distance of one another, but I’m praying I don’t run into the big guy from the other night.
Two Bottle Caps later, I text Christy to get her ass over to Malibu’s. Five minutes later, she walks through the door. Waving her over, we get a few drinks and find a table. I’m determined not to get drunk tonight. I do stupid shit, so it’s not happening.
“So, what brought you out? Don’t say anything; you’ve been non-existent this week. Has he called? Oh, hell no. Did you call him? Tell me you didn’t call him.” I have to hold my hand up to get her to shut the fuck up. Shit.
“No, he didn’t call, and neither did I. I needed to loosen up; it’s been a helluva week,” I reassure her as I nurse my Green Fairy. These damn things set me on my ass before; I’ll not be slamming them back this time.
“Good, I think. Is it good?” Giggling at her show of solidarity, she begins to laugh with me. This is good. It’s what I need.
“It’s good. No sense sitting at home going over ‘bathroom gate’ a million more times. I’m done. If he wanted me, he should have made a move by now,” I say, shrugging as I think about the past week.
“Have you figured out why he doesn’t want this with you? Is it because of One?” Contemplating Christy’s question, I really would have to say no.
“I don’t think so. I mean, yes, it’s not the best of situations, but fuck that, I’m a grown-ass woman. I call bullshit on that excuse.” Taking another swig from the Green ‘fuck you up’ Fairy.
“So it’s more? Girlfriend? That’s it—no way that mother fucker is as hot as he is and does not have a regular piece. He’s tapping someone or everyone.” She can shut the fuck up now. No. He couldn’t have spent the whole weekend with me if he had a girlfriend.
No sooner do I think it than I see Hardy across the room. Wrapped the fuck around a fucking blonde with massive ass tits. I want to hate her. Instead, I’m jealous. She has the one thing I want, his head tucked into the crook of her neck.
My chest hurts. Pains in my stomach are making me feel ill; I think I’m going to vomit. Reaching for my purse, I drop my glass, making a few looks in my direction. Sure enough, Hardy is glaring at me. Like I wanted him to see me.
“I gotta go, Christy. Hardy’s over there with a blonde. Fuck, he’s seen me. I can’t stay.” She looks over my shoulder as I stand there, hoping she’ll help me make my escape.
“He’s on his way over. She’s right behind him.” What the hell?
“Christy. Thayer. How are you, ladies?” Really, small talk? Locking eyes with Christy, I roll my eyes. Smiling sweetly, she answers him.
“We’re good. Didn’t think this place would be so crowded; we were just leaving,” Christy replies, giving me the opening to walk away. Silently begging for him to just let me go.
“Thayer, how’s the business coming along. I haven’t seen you all week, though you might be reconsidering.” He fucking wishes. I want to retort a ‘fuck you, asshole’ but take the high road instead. Slowly turning, I look into my favorite green eyes and blow him off.
“No, not at all. I had several meetings set up and a few interviews. Looks like our first job together will be next week. I suppose I’ll see you then.” Smiling, I wave with a wink. I’m brought up short when the blonde with him adds her two cents.
“So you’re going to be working with her?” She waves her arms in my direction. I’m not positive, but I believe I snarl at them. Hardy lays a protective hand on her arm as he replies.
“Yes, sweetheart. She’s my best friend’s baby sister.” It’s a knife to the heart. I hope I don’t look as defeated as I feel.
“Ah, kinda like your little sister then. Okay, babe.” Her perfectly polished nails are draped over his shoulder as she leans in, puckered for a kiss. I can’t take my eyes off Hardy, waiting to see if he accepts her gesture. I’m sure I’m green. Whether from wanting to puke or envy, I’m not sure.
“Not now, Angie baby. Public displays are so inappropriate; don’t you ladies think?” he says with a smirk and glares at me.
“Unless you’re making someone jealous. Then it can be beneficial, don’t you think?” Christy tries to argue but to no avail.
“Depends on how it’s done,” Hardy rebuts. I’m fuming by this point, so I decide to have the last word.
“Well, if you end up in their bed the next morning, I’d say it works,” I counter with a slight grin playing on my lips. His eyes are drawn to them, licking his ever so slightly. But my victory is short-lived as his date takes things into her own hands.
“I don’t think I’m willing to chance which is the best approach.” Taunting me as she goes in for the kill. Wrapping her hand around his face, she pulls him in as she fucks his mouth with a kiss. Leaving her too-bright red stain on him. The same place mine had been not too long ago.
I try to remain stone-faced as his eyes flicker from Christy’s to mine, but I know I fail miserably. The pain in the center of my chest hurts too badly to care if I appear unfazed or not. Crushed. I’m utterly speechless. And I’ve had enough of the bullshit.
“Well, that’s great. You two have a great evening. Thayer, I’m ready to go.” Without hesitation, I move with her to leave. Christy takes my hand as we exit the club. I can’t help myself; I glance back to see Hardy watches. He’s searching my eyes for something he’ll no longer find.
After reassuring Christy I’m capable of driving, I take Highway Seventeen home.
It’s the outer highway, but I need the drive to clear my head.
That’s not happening anytime soon. I feel as if things are out of my control, and I don’t like it.
I do not like being jealous. But I am; I’m jealous as hell.
If he wanted to show me he didn’t want a relationship, he did a fan-fucking-tastic job.
As if adorning himself with the blonde tramp wasn’t enough, he never refused her ‘public display,’ as he called it, to make me jealous.
Knowing he could move on so soon after our little hookup doesn’t help me answer the one question I’ve had nagging at me.
Why did he say, with such conviction, he wanted me?
Am I to believe he did it to show me I mean something to him, or was it to show me he was aroused by me, not for me. I’m so torn. How can I hate someone I love so much? No doubt it’s possible; that’s why people divorce. I just never saw my first love going this way. I hate myself for wanting him.
We spent so little time together, yet no one will ever be able to tell me there wasn’t a deep connection. One which goes beyond understanding. I, myself, am having trouble comprehending why he means so much to me. He does, though; he’s it for me.
When he told me about his childhood, I could see him.
A small, dirty-faced little boy. His jet-black hair twisted in different directions as his apple-green eyes looked into your soul as if he was watching through a window.
Him being hungry, hiding food in the woods.
Living in homes with cockroaches, only having one set of clothes. My heart broke for him.
Thinking of the young man who lived in situations unsuitable for animals, child abuse and neglect rampant, yet he survived. Surviving the streets with no place to sleep or get out of the cold rain. Leaving me with nothing but more questions about us.
By the time I get home, Christy has texted three times. Sending her a quick one back, I let her know I had taken a long way home. Just needing the fresh air to clear my head. Scrolling through the rest, I stop dead with the chime for an incoming text from Hardy.
Hey.
Answer me.
Thayer, please. I’m sorry.
I’m outside.
Now, that throws me. What the hell is he thinking?
Just when I’m about to get it, he shows up?
Staring at my phone in disbelief, I lay it down before turning to the door.
Peeping through the hole, I don’t see him.
Then, he’s there. I jump, gasping from the surprise. Pausing, I try to catch my breath.
Opening the door, I brace myself between it and the wall, determined not to let him in.
He, however, looks decided to do so. My mouth goes dry as he leans against the door, his hands tucked into his front pockets.
We search one another’s eyes, for what, I’m not sure.
But we stand there seeking solace, forgiveness, understanding, wantonness.
He hesitates before slowly placing his hand on my face. Carefully, he begins to stroke my cheek. With no control over where he’s concerned, I lean into his caress. Knowing it’s foolish, I trust him, and I can’t help myself.
An unfamiliar frenzy ignites in my core. Gazing into Hardy’s eyes, I see something I’ve never seen before. Something I’m not sure another single soul has seen, vulnerability.