Chapter 3
Carrik
In complete and utter silence, I pace the length of my study.
Shadows don’t make a sound after all. That is what I am.
Nothing more than a shadow moving through the darkest nights.
Always listening. Always watching. A noise from the other side of the closed door smashes through the silence like an anvil.
Ivik walks through, carrying a tray of food as well as what appears to be a full vial of kanet powder.
“You need to eat,” he says, but beneath the gentle tone is a steely command.
A command only he can get away with.
“Just set it on the desk.” I don’t stop pacing.
Ivik does as I say, but then he turns toward me. “It wasn’t your fault, Carrik.”
I barely hold back the flinch his words cause, because I’m partially to blame for the deaths of our Bohnari brothers.
He loosens a heavy sigh. “What are you going to do about Bannik? You can’t keep him locked up forever.”
This time, I do flinch. “I have no intention of keeping him imprisoned longer than I have to. But there’s too much at stake right now to let him return to his duties.”
“He will hate you even more,” Ivik says.
I steel my spine. “There’s nothing else I can do about that. My brother has despised me for anums. We both know that will not change. Does it matter how much hatred a person holds for another?”
He sighs once more—it’s his favorite thing to do—and after I continue to ignore his penetrating stare, he slowly exits the room. Most likely waiting for me to stop him, even though he knows I will not.
The aroma of spiced tannek and sweet bread fills my study, but I leave the tray untouched.
I have no appetite after the death and destruction of the previous day.
I walk to my desk, however, and scan the parchment lying on its surface.
Some may think this method of communicating is both risky and archaic, but that isn’t the case at all.
Every correspondence, every transmission, every conceivable communication is made through comms. Encrypted or not, they are able to be broken.
Why in the name of our gods would we write and exchange sensitive and deadly secrets on a simple piece of parchment—regardless of the fact that they’re in code? Because no one would expect it.
Prince Alik’s name is nowhere on this, but it’s from him. He is the only Bohnari besides Ivik I communicate with. They are the only two beings who know who I truly am. And Alik is currently locked in a cell beneath the palace, struck with the madness that is the result of uncontrolled mating fever.
I understand why Horek or Queen Veroneek can’t do what needs to be done.
That they are praying to our gods for a solution, but no one has ever broken through the madness of the mating fever once they’ve succumbed.
By not doing what is necessary, the queen and her nephew not only prolong their suffering, but Alik’s too.
Right now, that is not my concern. No, my concern is Mohneek and her consort, Orvak.
I have no doubts they are merely regrouping and biding their time before they lash out against the royal family once more.
Except, with Janik no longer a pawn in her scheme, I can’t guess what she will do next.
Our females are not struck with the mating fever, but a madness still the same drives her.
I toss the parchment into the fire and wait until it is nothing but ash before picking up the vial of kanet powder and pocketing it.
At this time of night, the estate is quiet.
The staff have all retired, and I am the only one who wanders the halls anyway.
Everyone here knows not to disturb me during the rare times I am in residence.
If they need something, they go through Ivik.
Once more on silent feet, I stride down each passageway to the lowest level.
With every step I take, the air grows cooler.
Damper. The faint scent of savina oil permeates the cracks in the floor.
Many eons ago, it had been the primary source of fuel for the planet.
Pockets of it remain buried deep beneath the earth and seep through the fabric of it.
Far too soon, I reach the room barricaded by a steel door.
I key in the access code, and the copper light turns teal, signaling the locking mechanism has been disengaged.
The door opens, exposing the interior. Within a large, transparent containment cube paces Bannik.
He still wears his guard’s uniform, but it is disheveled and torn in places.
A far cry from the crisp, wrinkle-free appearance he usually maintains.
His hair is a wild tangle, and there’s an edge to him I don’t remember being so evident before. He comes to an abrupt halt and whirls. Hatred flashes across his face, and he bares his fangs at me. At his sides, he clenches fists that drip blood from the puncture wounds his claws have created.
“Release me,” Bannik snarls—and not for the first time.
The mask I’d forgotten to don slides into place. “Unfortunately, I can’t do that.”
He jumps forward and slams both palms against the clear surface, smearing blood over it. “I said, release me!” His breath fogs it as his chest heaves with rage.
If the security footage hadn’t shown Bannik inhaling a dose of kanet power only a few short ticks ago, I would think he’s under the mating fever’s influence.
But, no, this is pure hatred for me. If I still had a heart, it would break once more.
I stride forward and slip the vial through a small hole in the wall. It rocks on the curved surface.
“This should last you for a while.” I ignore his echoed demand.
Bannik doesn’t even look at it. His intense stare is only for me and burns like the hottest flame.
I don’t take my eyes off his, waiting for him to break first. Of course, he does.
With a groan of disgust, he snatches up the vial and gives me his back.
For the briefest moment, my shoulders sag with regret, but I quickly right myself.
“Ivik will bring you sustenance.”
Bannik remains silent and seething. Since I am aware of how stubborn he is—how stubborn we both are—I exit the same way I came in. Instead of returning to my study, I make my way to my bedchamber.
The estate is everything it is supposed to be.
Opulent. Decadent. From the marble floors to the fountain in the middle of the courtyard.
Fine rugs that my boots sink into and feel as though I am walking on air.
Shiny trinkets from all over the galaxy sit on surfaces, and lush tapestries cover the walls.
My bedchamber is my sanctuary. No one, not even Ivik, is allowed entry. It is the sole place I can go and not worry about being anyone but Carrik. I have found a freedom within those four walls I cannot get anywhere else.
I palm the biometric scanner and, after the beep granting me entry, step inside, quickly closing the door behind me.
For a brief moment, I stand with my eyes closed and breathe in the scents of comfort, trying to release all the tension I hold.
There’s no releasing it, though. Not yet.
Not ever. Not as long as I’m nothing more than a shadow, which is all I’ll ever be. It is the role I was born to play.
I step away from the door and farther into the room, making my way to the cooling unit I keep stocked. After pouring myself a glass of tavese, I sit in the plush chair and sink back into its comforting embrace. The fire is only a blur as my gaze remains unfocused.
There’s no clearing my mind, no matter how often I try.
Instead, I drink and analyze the past several anums and what I could have done differently.
What I should have done differently. Would the outcome have changed if I had discovered sooner that the true rebel leader had been Mohneek?
And that her plans completely misaligned with Janik’s?
There is nothing I can do about it now, other than discover where she’s hiding and what her next plan entails.
A female like her—driven by revenge and madness—has one.
I toss back the rest of my drink and set down the glass with a solid thunk. The sweet burn feels good as it settles in my stomach. But the sweet quickly turns sour as I rise and open the closet.
Hung carefully inside is a crisp, clean guard’s uniform. For several beats, I stare at it, then slowly drag my shirt over my head and remove my boots and trou. I dress in the uniform, already noticing a change coming over me.
My body becomes smaller. Not in a physical sense, but an emotional one.
The stern, harsh angles of my face soften.
A timidity comes to life inside me, and I shrink slightly.
I practice the innocent smile—something I have never needed to do before—but this time, it takes more concentration for it to appear than it has the last few anums. Maybe because I’m just so tired.
I forcefully push away those thoughts and complete my transformation.
Once that’s done, I stride into the hygiene room and stare into the mirror.
I smooth my hair into place and make a note to cut it once I’ve begged for forgiveness and asked for a way to atone for my transgressions against my Bohnari brothers.
The longer I focus on the male in the mirror, the less he becomes.
Finally, before me stands Bannik of House Deqan, member of the prince’s royal guard and repentant rebel crawling back to the barracks to beg forgiveness of his commander.
Gone is his older-by-eight-ticks brother Carrik of House Deqan, royal spy for the prince of Bohna.
Unable to look at myself any longer, I spin and quickly leave the room.
I step back into my boots, douse the fire, take a final glance around my bedchamber, and slide aside the panel that guards a hidden door.
Within only a few ticks, I’m through the secret tunnels buried beneath the estate and a second hidden door within the abandoned greenhouse at the far edge of the property.
I skirt the perimeter—never being seen—and become one with the shadows once more.
Returning to the city as Bannik has been harder than I’d anticipated.
The moment I set foot within Preska, several guards surround me, place me in cuffs, and deliver me to Commander Horek.
After as much groveling and repentance as I can muster, he finally relents and takes me to see his aunt.
Queen Veroneek is well-loved by her people for her kind heart and generous spirit.
Today, she appears tired. Frail. Broken.
Given all that’s happened in the last few days, it doesn’t surprise me.
“Commander Horek tells me you have agreed to swear fealty to me and renounce any loyalty you may have had to the rebel cause.”
I bow my head with complete sincerity. “Yes, Your Majesty.”
“You understand that should you be found to be in collusion with whatever rebels remain actively attempting to seize the crown, you will be put to death?” Her sorrow is evident despite her threat.
“I understand, Your Majesty, and you have my vow—whatever it may be worth—that I will not break your trust a second time. I’m ashamed by how easily the rebels were able to manipulate me.
I should have known the prince was nothing like my brother.
I will do whatever I can to make you not regret giving me a second chance. ”
Queen Veroneek gives me a tight-lipped smile and sends me off. I follow Commander Horek out of the throne room, making sure to stay one step behind.
“The queen is far more forgiving than I am, but her decisions are final,” he says. “If it were up to me, you would be stripped of your uniform and exiled off-planet. You are lucky it is not.”
I remain silent because I’m sure he expects it of me.
Besides, there’s nothing more I can say that I haven’t already.
We navigate the palace, passing guards and staff, who observe us with distrust. Rather, they observe me with it.
Word has spread that “Bannik” had been a spy for the rebels, based on the glances given.
I feel a twinge of regret for causing my brother’s fellow guards to question his loyalty. No matter what happens, I’m not sure they will ever forgive him either. I can’t see that happening, not even after the truth is revealed.
Once we are out of the palace, we make our way to the barracks. The destruction around us is devastating. Guilt spears through me that I hadn’t been able to stop it.
“Take it all in,” Horek says. “See what you and the other rebels did to our planet. Our city. Our people.”
Each harsh word is a hammer to my heart. “I will never forgive myself for my actions.”
“Nor will anyone else.”
The commander doesn’t speak again until we reach the barracks. Inside, he locates several guards getting ready to begin their patrol shift, including a senior officer.
“Bannik will be joining your rotation. He will be supervised at all times and maintain the lowest clearance possible. He is not allowed any weapon that provides lethal results.”
Arvik salutes Horek. “Yes, Commander.”
The senior officer, as well as his two subordinates, eye me with pure disdain. The commander turns to me.
“Do not make the queen regret having a kind heart.”
“Never.” I swear it.
Horek studies me a moment longer before pivoting away and leaving me with the others.
They sneer while they finish gathering their weapons and comms. Without offering me a word, they head out.
I fall in line with them. Their whispered conversations and frequent glares during our patrol don’t bother me. They’d bother Bannik, though.
“I swore my oath to the queen already, but I’ll swear it to you as well.
” I gesture toward each of them. “Not that I expect your forgiveness. The only excuse I have is that my mind was clouded by personal grievances against my brother. I regret the decisions I made and the consequences of my actions.”
“You are a traitor to our people and deserve to be thrown in the pit without kanet powder until the madness takes you,” Arvik growls. “I would put you down myself.”
If I expected my words to make a difference, I’m clearly mistaken.