Chapter 5
Carrik
Portraying Bannik while surrounded by rebels hadn’t been nearly as difficult as it has been being him surrounded by his colleagues.
These are males he has spent the last ten anums with.
The males he has become friends with. Laughed with.
Now, they stare at me with disgust. I’m completely isolated in this.
I’ve always worked alone, which has never bothered me before.
When people aren’t aware one is a spy, it’s difficult to have a partner at one’s side.
But I’ve also never been in a position where I’m—or rather, the person I represent is—known so well by those who are in such close proximity to me on a daily basis.
Arvik has been my direct supervisor since I returned to Preska, and he never lets me forget Bannik’s betrayal.
It’s only been a few days, and I’m exhausted emotionally and mentally.
Today, our patrol route takes us near the botanical garden.
It is one of my favorite places on Bohna. Perhaps in the entire galaxy.
As the royal spy, I have traveled extensively to planets near and far.
Nowhere has given me the same sense of peace as this garden, aside from my bedchamber at my estate.
I suspect I will find myself here far more often than ever now that my role has brought me to the city to live for however long it takes to bring Mohneek and Orvak to justice.
We reach the nearest cross street to the gardens.
In my periphery, I’m aware of Olivia, Mak, Quinn, and the other two females they are frequently with standing on the street that runs in front of the entrance to it.
It is clear from their wide-eyed stares that follow my movements they’re surprised to see me.
While I can’t hear their conversation, I can guess it’s about my reappearance.
I’m not sure how much information the commander or Janik shares with their heart’s fires, but it’s likely they know more than most citizens do.
I care nothing for the opinion of any of them except the pale female with the shoulder-length light-brown hair whose gemstone gaze I meet once more with an intensity that makes heat lick at my veins and my cock harden.
Lindsey.
That is the female’s name. No, not just any female, but my heart’s fire.
It has taken me days to accept this fact.
Days of agonizing over the truth. Days of doing everything in my power to ignore it, but I can’t.
I’d known the moment our eyes met on the city street in the middle of the attack on Preska when she’d been a captive of the rebels.
There had been no other explanation for the fever to hit or for the kanet powder barely being able to suppress it, no matter the dosage I took—or have taken since.
Arvik and the other two guards turn down a narrow street, forcing me to follow and lose sight of Lindsey.
No matter the distance we travel away from where I spotted her, I can still feel the heat of her stare running through my system.
Fumbling a little, I withdraw my vial of kanet powder and inhale a larger-than-normal dose.
Something I have been doing far too often since returning to the city.
My body cools slightly, and it takes far longer than it ever has or should.
Still, the fever burns through me at a low simmer I can’t ignore.
“What are you doing?” Arvik snaps.
I slowly pocket my supply of powder and try not to draw attention to the fact that the fever still burns through me.
Gods forbid should my superior officer suspect I have a heart’s fire.
Or worse, think that I’m under an uncontrolled bout of mating fever.
It would give him the perfect excuse to try to put me down like he threatened the first day.
“Merely taking my daily dose of kanet powder.”
Arvik’s hand goes to his weapon, but he doesn’t withdraw it. “You take a dose every day?”
I cant my head and attempt to appear confused. “You don’t? I understood that was the recommended dosage for every adult Bohnari to ensure his mating fever is never at risk of growing too strong. I’m certain I read that in one of the health journals the healers published.”
All three of them share a look, and I don’t doubt one of them will be looking up the information when he gets off patrol, but they say nothing more as we continue walking.
The rest of my shift is long and painfully uneventful.
Not that I want more chaos and destruction, but I’m used to being in a constant state of danger.
I never know when someone might discover my identity.
While the Bohnari are not in active conflict with any other species, there are still those in this galaxy we monitor, many who wish to discover our secrets.
Once we arrive back at the barracks, the other three guards break away from me as quickly as they’re able. Something I am more than happy for. I sit alone in the cafeteria, ignoring the pointed stares of my fellow guards. The food is not nearly as good as what Ivik makes, but it will suffice.
I quickly finish eating so I can retreat to my room as soon as possible. Before long, I will need to gather intel and search for signs of any rebels who might be lingering, as well as clues to where Mohneek and her consort may be hiding or what their plans are.
Upon entering my—Bannik’s—quarters, I remove my boots and uniform and head for the hygiene room.
The water is the perfect temperature. Or it would be if this unrelenting fever would ease.
Even adjusting the settings does nothing to cool the heat searing through my veins.
The pain in my chest and stomach is manageable… barely.
I finish washing up and dress in a pair of loose trou.
No matter how long I might play this new role, being in my brother’s personal space will never get easier.
No tokens of our childhood—before things changed between us—are present anywhere in the room.
His uniforms hang neatly in the closet. On the table is a comm unit.
A data pad. A Damshah board, with all its pieces, sits on the narrow desk pressed against one wall and bracketed by chairs on its two opposing sides.
Who did Bannik play with? Before they felt he betrayed them, were there other males he considers brothers who sat at this desk and played the way he and I used to when we were children?
Brothers he doesn’t hate? Until the attack, was he still as well-liked as when I first started checking in on him? Before things truly broke between us?
It hurt too much to continue seeing him move on with his life without me that I stopped.
Ivik gave me brief updates each anum, but nothing more than the fact that Bannik was doing well and slowly moving up the ranks.
A rush of pride fills me. It’s swiftly followed by guilt.
My brother has done nothing to deserve the rift I have caused between him and his fellow guards.
I force my feet to move. To take me from my rooted spot to the bed. I sit on the edge for several ticks before finally crawling beneath the coverings. With hands behind my head, I stare blankly up at the ceiling.
Not for the first time, regret fills me for being forced to place this wedge between Bannik and myself.
As quickly as it arrived, I shove it away.
There is no time for regrets. My father drilled this fact into me over and over during my training.
Even all these anums later, I can still hear his voice.
“Our ancestors were given the great honor of serving the kings of Bohna. The tasks you will be given will be difficult. They will isolate you from others. They will cause pain. There is no changing this. Ever. You endure. Your life is no longer your own. It belongs to King Danik, and when he is no longer there for you to serve, your life belongs to Prince Alik. No one else will know who you are or what your sole purpose in life is. That is who you were born to be.”
For over twenty anums, I have nurtured this fracture in my relationship with my brother. All in service of the crown, because I’d been born eight ticks sooner. Until the last moon cycle, I have never questioned this role. Why I’m starting to now is unclear. I can’t afford to do so.
I clear my mind of everything but my current task—find Mohneek and Orvak and eliminate whatever threat they might pose to the royal family before disappearing into the shadows once more. The rebellion isn’t entirely over, which means my job isn’t done. It never will be.