Chapter 10
Lindsey
I set down the data pad, and the virtual game of Damshah I’ve been playing, to tip my head back and enjoy the heat of the sun on my face.
I’d gotten really sick of feeling sorry for myself, so I somehow managed to leave my apartment and find a bench to sit on a block or so away from the housing complex.
Up until recently, being on Bohna has been the best thing to happen to me. Despite the debacle with Lorik, I’d been…happy. Even without having found the right Bohnari yet. Except since the attack and this whole heart’s fire thing with Bannik, I’ve been having one giant pity party.
Especially after that disastrous half conversation at the barracks a couple days ago.
Am I destined to continue being rejected by every guy on this damn planet?
Lorik’s rejection had been embarrassing.
Bannik’s had been more than that. Painful, almost, in a way I can’t explain.
It doesn’t help that I’m also a little lonely.
Quinn and Olivia spend nearly all their time with their mates—or with the queen since it was announced that Janik really is her long-lost and thought-to-be-dead son.
Although it’s only through their mating, they’re both related to Queen Veroneek and are basically royalty now.
I’m happy for my friends, even if I miss them.
I haven’t seen Devon either, except for once when I caught her slipping back into her room the night before last, well after midnight. She’d been gone again when I’d stopped by her room yesterday and again this morning.
“Hello, Lindsey.”
I open my eyes to find Lorik standing in front of me. Shit.
“Hey.”
He gestures with his chin toward the empty space on the bench next to me. “May I sit?”
I scoot over to give him more room, and he makes himself comfortable. From the corner of my eye, I notice him wiping his palms on his thighs.
“Are you doing well?” he asks after an extended silence.
“Fine, thanks.”
“I have been wanting to apologize once more, for nearly an entire moon cycle.”
“That’s not really necessary.” In fact, I’d like nothing more than to forget it ever happened.
“I feel as though it is.”
My emotions are far too volatile right now, and I can’t deal with this.
I swivel to face him. “I don’t need or want your apologies, okay?
All I want is for you to drop it. I kissed you.
You didn’t kiss me back, nor do you want to.
It’s fine. Truly. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d really like to forget it ever happened and never to talk about it again. Can we do that, please?”
Lorik sighs but nods shakily. “I won’t bother you again.” He stands and glances down at me for a minute before walking away.
Great, now I feel like a bitch. It’s not his fault I’m out of sorts. I shouldn’t have taken my frustrations about Bannik out on Lorik. It wasn’t fair to him.
“You kissed that male?” The question is nearly growled, and the rough sound vibrates through my chest and lower.
I turn, already knowing who spoke. Bannik stands far too close.
His skin is a deep, dark copper, and flames dance in his eyes.
I drop my gaze to his mouth, where the tips of his fangs peek over the edge of his lips.
His hands aren’t fisted, but his claws are long and sharp. The feral rage pulsates off him.
“Yes, but it was a while ago and didn’t mean anything.”
Bannik moves slowly forward, creeping closer and closer, like a predator stalking his prey.
I swallow—because I’m the prey—and then stand, because I don’t want him looming over me.
He doesn’t stop until my breasts brush against his chest. When he raises his arm and spears his fingers through my hair, I freeze. Not in fear, but with an intense need.
In helpless agony, I can only watch as Bannik lowers his head and stops just as his mouth touches mine.
“You kissed that male?” His voice drops an octave and sends a shiver coursing down my spine.
I dart my tongue out to wet suddenly dried lips and get an unintentional taste of him. The flames dance higher in the near-pitch-black of Bannik’s eyes.
“I told you, it didn’t mean anything.”
“He is lucky it meant nothing and that he did not return it.”
We continue breathing in each other’s air, neither of us closing that final hairbreadth between us.
“Why is he lucky?” Is that really my voice pitched so low?
“Because I would have become a murderer in truth. And I have no desire for any Bohnari to die. Not now, nor in the past.”
I blink as his words filter through my brain. “So you weren’t part of Mohneek’s plans to bomb the city and kill people?”
Bannik slowly swivels his head, causing his lips to brush back and forth over mine. Wetness flows between my thighs.
“Never. I swear to you, I had no part in that.”
My brain tells me I shouldn’t believe anything he says, but other parts of me—parts that have been neglected for far too long—disagree. I’m sure I’ll regret this later, but I listen to those other parts and close the final distance between us.
I open my mouth against Bannik’s and taste him.
It’s just like I remember and yet as if this is the first time we’ve kissed.
I never want it to end. He takes advantage of my weakness and deepens our connection, his tongue expertly tangling with mine.
My breasts ache, and the pulsating need in my center throbs hard and fast.
I’m desperate for Bannik’s touch. Not just his kisses, but everything.
I want to feel his hands on me. My breasts.
My pussy. A quiet voice in the back of my head is telling me what a bad idea this is, but I tune it out.
Instead, I focus on the swarm of sensations that are nearly overwhelming, but in a good way.
The kiss goes on, all while my belly swirls and dips and the butterflies flutter around. Bannik’s scent is intoxicating and ratchets up my arousal another notch. Heat pours from him, warming me all the way to my toes. I could go up in flames and still not want him to stop.
My focus has narrowed only to the two of us. The outside world doesn’t exist, and I want to keep it that way for a while. Except it’s too big an ask, because a loud commotion from close by shatters the bubble I’d placed us in.
Bannik jerks away, and his hand goes to his hip, bare of any weapon. He curses and glances around. I do the same. The next block over, several Bohnari and another alien are picking up a pile of debris that’s fallen off a hover cart.
Bannik finally turns to me, and my breath catches. How did I never notice before how beautiful he is? He opens his mouth, and maybe I’ll never know what he was going to say because I rush out, “You better not apologize again.”
“I am not the least bit sorry.” His answering smile makes my pulse race.
I can’t help but return it. “Me either.” Although I probably should be. I need to guard my heart from any emotional whiplash.
Bannik turns serious once more. “What is next?”
I wrinkle my forehead. “What do you mean?”
He runs his hand through his hair, and I’m starting to recognize it as his tell for when he’s unsure of himself or the situation.
“You are my heart’s fire, but there is still a distance between us. Which I understand. But…” He hesitates. “Is that what you wish for? I am not certain a single kiss—no matter how incredible—has changed your opinion of me.”
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought it was a great kiss. He’s right, though, that it’s not necessarily enough to change how I feel. Except I’m so confused about how I feel exactly. A battle rages inside me, and I hate it.
“As amazing as the kiss was”—I can admit that much, at least—“it alone doesn’t change things. But I really want to believe you when you say you had nothing directly to do with all the deaths that occurred.”
If he was deceived in the same way Janik was, then surely I can forgive Bannik for being just as misguided, can’t I? He narrows the space between us once more and palms both sides of my face. His stare bores into me.
“I swear to our gods that I did not intend or wish for the death of any Bohnari. Neither Mohneek nor Orvak could have ever convinced me to murder my people.”
I scan Bannik’s face—gauging his sincerity—and pray I’m not making a mistake. “I believe you.”
His relief is evident, and he rests his forehead against mine. I close my eyes and absorb his touch while breathing in his clean, soapy scent.
“You have no idea what it means to me to hear you say that.” Bannik exhales. “That still leaves the question of what is next?”
“I don’t know.” Up until now, I’d been convinced he was responsible for so many deaths. But if I said I believe him, then I need to truly believe him. “I suppose we spend some time getting to know each other. I mean, there’s obviously attraction, but that can’t be the only thing.”
My face has to be bright red because my cheeks feel like they’re on fire. Which is ridiculous. I should have no reason to be uncomfortable talking about this sort of thing. Except I’m new at it.
“Get to know each other,” Bannik says slowly and even maybe a little guarded.
Maybe I’ve read this whole situation wrong. It was only a few days ago when he said kissing me was a mistake.
“You told me you weren’t sorry about what just happened. Were you lying?”
“No,” he doesn’t hesitate answering.
“What’s the problem, then? Are you not interested in getting to know me?” God, that sounds so pitiful.
Bannik cradles the back of my neck and once again lays his forehead against mine. “I wish to know you more than anything.”
“But?” It sounds like there’s a but coming.
Slowly, he kisses me. Almost as if he’s trying to buy himself extra time.
“Nothing,” he murmurs against my lips.
A voice cautions me that I’ll regret not pushing a little harder, but I let Bannik’s answer stand.
“So we get to know each other, then.” I mean it as a statement, but it comes out more like a question.
He nods. “We get to know each other.”
It still feels like I’m missing something, but I push the uneasy sensation away. A sudden reminder hits me.
“Thank you for the flowering plant, by the way.” I cough. “I mean, I assume it was from you.”
Bannik seems to relax slightly. “You are welcome.”
“Would you like to…take a walk? Maybe through the botanical garden?”
“I wish I could, but it is nearly time for my patrol shift to begin. Perhaps tomorrow morning?”
I let out a soft, shaky breath. “Tomorrow would be lovely.”
Once more, Bannik kisses me. “I will call on you in the morning, then. Good day, Lindsey.”
“Bye. See you tomorrow.” I give him a small wave, and he walks away.
I sink back down onto the bench with a dreamy sigh. I’m going to be counting down the next however many hours, I suspect.