Chapter 12
Elli
Ibarely slept last night; my mind was racing in a million different directions.
Izzy asked what happened with Wes when they dropped us off after lunch, so I told her about the box and about wanting to leave the religion we grew up in.
She was understandably shocked and full of questions, but she wasn’t mad and she promised not to tell our parents.
What I didn’t expect is for her to want to know everything that I disagreed with.
I didn’t want to sway her in a specific direction, so I told her if she wants to research things herself, I will be happy to discuss it with her.
Izzy didn’t like that answer. But if I know her, she’ll go research things herself. I think she’s always had a few doubts, just like me, but I don’t want to push her to follow my example.
She asked if it meant that I was going to “dress cool” now that I didn’t have to follow modesty standards.
I told her I haven’t made a decision on that yet.
She said I should try out an immodest dress on my date with Matt.
The date with Matt was another reason for my sleepless night.
Matt seems like a really great guy, extremely good looking, strong work ethic, so kind. The “settling down with a white picket fence, two-point-five kids, a dog, and a minivan” type.
I know, I know, we haven’t even gone on one date and I’m already talking about kids, but that’s the kind of mindset I was taught to have growing up.
You date to marry, or you’re wasting your time.
You marry quickly so you’re not tempted to have sex, but as soon as you get married, you start trying to pop babies.
The point is, Matt is great. And he wants to go out with me. So why don’t I feel more excited?
I don’t want to admit it’s because of Wes. Even though I know in my heart that’s why.
He’s another reason I didn’t get much sleep. At first I chalked my attraction to Wes up to him being the complete opposite of the guys I dated in Utah.
That’s not the case, though. It would be much easier if it were though.
Yes, he is the total opposite of them, but not just in how he looks. My first boyfriend, Brigham, would have thought that helping me unpack furniture in my bedroom was a ploy to seduce him and make him “unworthy of a temple marriage.”
My most recent ex, Packer, would have never shown up to help put together furniture and unpack books without me begging him.
It took me two weeks of pleading for him to agree to come to my birthday dinner and we had been dating for almost four months.
Other guys I’ve gone on dates with would take any opportunity to stick their tongue down my throat and dry hump on the first date, or they would refuse to touch me at all.
Wes is so easy to talk to and be open with, too.
If it would have been anyone else who found the box, I don’t think I’d have gone into detail about it.
So, yeah. Wes is completely different.
Around midnight last night, my phone lit up with a text from an unknown number.
Unknown: Hey it’s Wes. I hope this is okay, I asked Luke for your number. I wanted you to have mine in case you need anything.
Elli: You could have just asked me, silly. But it’s okay. Thank you, I appreciate it, and now you have my number in case there’s something I can do for you. Thanks again for your help today, you have no idea how much it means to me. <3
Wes: Yeah, I know I could have asked you, but it slipped my mind lol. No need to thank me though, I had a lot of fun.
Wes: Shouldn’t you be asleep?
Elli: I had fun too.
Elli: I was about to go to sleep when some guy texted me and interrupted my beauty sleep ;)
Wes: what an asshole…
Elli: I can forgive him. He did help put together furniture all day :)
Wes: you don’t need beauty sleep anyway
Elli: Are you saying I’m too far gone to be saved? :O
Wes: Never. I’m saying you’re beautiful anyway. But you still need sleep. I won’t bother you anymore tonight. Goodnight, Elli. Sweet dreams <3
Elli: Thank you, Wes. And you could never bother me.
Elli: Goodnight <3
If Wes calling me beautiful made me fall asleep with a ridiculously dopey grin on my face and made my stomach flutter, no one will ever know.
When Matt called me beautiful, it felt nice, but it didn’t have the same effect, and he said it to my face and not over text.
I groan and flop back onto the bed, throwing my arms over my face. The mattress dips as Izzy lays next to me and I hear her dramatic sigh.
I move my arms enough to peek at her, “Can I help you?”
She turns and props herself on her elbow. “No, but I can help you!”
“What are you talking about?”
She gives me a pointed look. “I know you’re nervous about this date with Matt. Who wouldn’t be? He’s a total dreamboat. But Els, you’re so pretty. You don’t need to worry that this is a pity date. Luke didn’t ask him to ask you.”
“Gee thanks.” I say sarcastically.
“Come on, grumpy gills. Help me get ready for my date!”
At the park, I give Izzy and Luke enough space where they don’t have to worry about me staring at them all night by finding a shady tree to read one of my smutty romance novels underneath. I’m just about to get to the part where Miles and Taylor are finally about to have sex when my phone vibrates.
Wes: Hey, did you know that nutmeg is a hallucinogen?
Elli: OMG really?
Wes: Really. You have to ingest a LOT, but next time you have pumpkin pie, you’ll be wondering if you’re seeing things.
Elli: At least that would SPICE up Thanksgiving :P
Wes: that was very punny ;)
Elli: Wait.
Elli: Wes, did you ingest copious amounts of nutmeg? Is that why you know this????
Wes: pshhhhhh
Wes: no ;p
Elli: Riiiiight. What if I’M a hallucination? ;)
WES: I don’t think my subconscious could even hallucinate someone as beautiful as you
WES: Shit, sorry if I’m interrupting. I forgot it’s Izzy and Luke’s picnic date.
I’m really glad he can’t see me right now because I know my face is bright red and it isn’t from the June heat. It doesn’t help that my book has me flustered and a little aroused, now Wes has me flustered too.
ELLI: You’re not interrupting. I’m just reading while they do whatever it is they do.
WES: Ah, Elli. You know EXACTLY what they’re doing. ;P Don’t let me interrupt your reading. I just wanted you to know about the nutmeg.
WES: Just in case you were worried.
ELLI: They’re just having a picnic! And thank you, I’ll be sure to watch out for nutmeg overdose ;)
WES: Anytime. Hey, what time is Izzy’s flight tomorrow?
ELLI: We’re headed to the airport at 2 since her flight is at 4
WES: Gotcha. You going to be okay?
ELLI: Yeah, it’ll be tough, but I know she can’t stay forever.
WES: You’ll let me know if you need anything?
ELLI: Will do, Wes. Thank you <3
WES: Anytime <3 Talk to you later, Elli
My heart is racing with the hearts and the compliments and the flirty banter. Is it flirty? Or is he just being friendly? I genuinely can’t tell. I groan inwardly and try to focus on my book again.
Izzy and Luke approach an hour later, looking forlorn and I can tell Izzy’s been crying.
“My curfew is earlier tonight, so it’s time for us to head out.” Luke says quietly while rubbing Izzy’s back soothingly.
I nod and we make our way to the car.
Izzy is quiet when we get to the apartment, giving me the excuse that she’s just tired, but I can see how sad she is.
She doesn’t even gush to me about her new necklace promise ring.
We barely talk as we get ready for bed, and when I come out of the shower, she’s already asleep on the pull out couch.
I head to my room, and see there’s a new text when I pick up my phone to plug it in.
Matt: Hey gorgeous, it’s Matt. just wanted to make sure Saturday is still good for you? :)
Elli: Hi Matt! That sounds great :)
Matt: Yes! :D I’ll come get you at 6? Dress code is cocktail. <3
Elli: Perfect. :) I’ll see you then.
Matt: I’ll be counting down the minutes ;)
I wait for the flutters to come at Matt’s blatant flirting, but nothing comes.
I go to turn off the lamp on my nightstand, and see Izzy standing in my doorway, tears streaming down her face. I pat the bed next to where I’m sitting and she crawls over and lays her head in my lap while she continues to sob.
“Iz, I’m so sorry. This really sucks. But I promise I’ll keep an eye on Luke and you can come visit me anytime Mom and Dad let you.” I whisper as I stroke her hair.
Izzy looks at me, wiping away the tears on her cheeks and shakes her head. “It’s not that. I’ll miss Luke, of course, but I’m used to long distance with him. I don’t want to leave you. I have a lot of friends, but you’re my best friend, Els.”
My heart warms at Izzy’s confession, and now I’m trying not to cry too. Damn her for being so sweet. “You’re my best friend too, Iz. I’m always just a phone call or text away, okay?”
“You better keep me updated on this whole Wes and Matt situation. I’m bummed I won’t be here to watch it play out.” She sighs, sitting against the headboard, and interlacing her fingers with mine.
“What situation?”
Izzy sighs in exasperation, as if I should know exactly what she’s talking about.
“How you like both of them, how they both like you. Did you know Wes went over and interrogated Luke about Mormonism Sunday morning? Luke told me he hasn’t dated anyone in almost two years, so he’s probably just really scared to ask you out, but he obviously likes you.
Or Matt beat him to it and he doesn’t want to step on his toes. ”
My mind flashes back to Sunday, how Wes and Matt were always next to me.
How after Matt asked me out, Wes traded spots with Sean- had he heard Matt ask me out?
Then there was Robin’s question about what I want in a partner.
Did she ask for Wes? She said she asked because of Matt.
Then he showed up and helped put together furniture and let me share something extremely personal with him without judging or getting scared off. The random, lengthy text conversations.
“I knew that Luke told him about it, but he didn’t tell me he asked. I assumed Luke had told him because of you.”
Izzy shrugs, “Nope. Luke said he was disappointed to learn some of the stuff, but I don’t know what.”
“...only dating other members.” Wes had said that’s what Luke told him. Did he think I wouldn’t agree to go out with him because he’s not a member?
“Anyway, I’m going to go to sleep, love you sis.” Izzy gives me a kiss on the cheek before she stands and walks out of the room.
“Love you too!” I call out after her.
All this new information is making my head spin, and now I’m even more confused than before.
Is Wes playing some kind of game? The idea that Matt and Wes had a competition to see who could ask me out first crosses my mind for a fraction of a second, but I quickly swipe that away because that doesn’t sound like them, and I don’t think Robin would let them do that.
Robin. I should ask her what the hell is going on.
Maybe she doesn’t know.
Nothing is going to get sorted tonight, and I have to drive Izzy to the airport tomorrow so I need to sleep.
As I close my eyes, my mind drifts and before I know it, I’m lost in pools of dark chocolate that look a lot like Wes’s eyes.