Chapter Nine
Zahra
“Where the bloody hell have you been?” Upper asked the moment I walked into our suite, a coffee cup in his hand, his voice groggy, eyes dark from lack of sleep.
“Why do you look like you didn’t get any sleep?” I asked, closing the suite door. He was wearing an oversized sky-blue hoodie with sweatpants, hair all angles of messed up, nose a different shade of red.
“I fell overboard, drank too much, had a mini fever all through the night, almost puked my intestines out, and—”
“Made out with a girl,” Dog said with a smug smile, appearing from around the corner as he grabbed a cup of coffee from the coffeemaker.
“What?” I asked as Milk walked out of her room, wearing a bathing suit and sending a wave my way.
“It was nothing.” Upper sent a glare Dog’s way, but Dog didn’t see it because his eyes were on Milk, who looked like she was getting ready to head out.
“The girl wanted to make her boyfriend jealous; she walked up to me and asked me to kiss her; I told her I was gay, and she said, ‘Even better,’ and then she was sucking my face.”
“Oh…”
“And where are you off to?” Dog asked Milk with a frown as he leaned against a wall.
She was tying her hair up in a ponytail as she glanced his way with a grin. “While you guys were whoring away, I got invited to a pool party by some cool guys I met last night,” she said. “They’re staying in a gold suite, and it is incredible.”
Dog’s frown deepened. “So … you’re just gonna fuck off to a stranger’s space because ‘Oh, hey, they think I’m pretty, and they’re pretty, too; why not go to the pool party hosted by people I don’t know just because I have great tits and I think they’re cool.’”
Milk’s brows shot up. “You think I have great tits?”
“Somebody shoot me,” Dog said with an exasperated sigh.
Milk snickered as Devil came out of his room, freshly showered, looking more responsible than anyone else. “Z,” he said with a frown, eyeing me from head to toe. “Where the hell have you been?”
I blew out a breath. It was now or never. “Okay, before Milk leaves for the cool people’s party, can we all gather for a mini briefing?”
Milk’s brows furrowed in confusion, and I knew she was curious about what this briefing meant. She would have told them the mission had succeeded, and Kareem had invited me to join his table.
They settled around the lounge area, Milk and Upper on a beanbag, Devil on the arm of the couch Dog had taken.
I stood before them like I was about to give a speech.
“As far as yesterday went, I think we already got that invite from Kareem. We talked, and he invited me and anyone I wanted to bring to events here and outside the cruise … So, we can score ourselves a private tour of the Arturo manor with a little talking.”
“Yes,” Upper said. “Milk told us how you fucked everyone without fucking them.”
I glanced at Milk, who shrugged.
“That’s a … really odd way of putting it, but yes, the dance was a success. It got us what we wanted, at least … it got us on the right path to what we want.”
“That’s a good thing, yeah?” Milk asked.
“Yes … except we’re not the only ones after Kareem’s attention,” I said.
“There’s always a bloody obstacle,” Upper complained. “Again, can’t we just break into the manor, a clean sweep?”
“Again, we already registered that would come with a twenty percent success rate. It is heavily guarded with several civilians that could be caught in the crossfire, and our best way is through a tour, undercover,” I told him.
“So, who’s the fucking obstacle?” Dog asked
I cleared my throat. “Marino’s people. It appears since we stopped working for them, and decided to find the painting and the gold on our own, they upped their game.
They know about the manor. Also, Elio was seated right next to Kareem, and they seemed to be close, so, yeah, we have big competition. ”
“Right.” Devil nodded, a confused look in his eyes. “That doesn’t answer the question about where you were; we were worried. Did you go with Kareem?” Devil asked with a frown. “You know you didn’t have to—”
I shook my head. “No … I, uh … I didn’t go with Kareem.”
Milk’s eyes widened in realization.
Dog’s gaze narrowed on me.
Upper raised his brow.
Devil was confused.
I blew out a sharp breath, bracing myself as I blurted, “I went with Elio.”
The silence after I said that was palpable.
Upper’s coffee cup stopped midway to his lips.
Milk’s lips formed an O.
Dog’s eyes widened as he whistled.
Devil … was confused.
“I beg your pardon?” Devil asked.
“I was with Elio; I spent the night in his suite. Not that it’s any of your business. I just wanted to let you know that I still want that gold, just as much as any of you, so I might be sleeping with the enemy, but it doesn’t mean I am compromised.”
Milk shook her head slowly.
“Jesus Christ,” Dog breathed out.
“I knew it … back in Turin. The matching outfits,” Upper said.
I blinked. “That was pure coincidence, but yeah.”
“What the fuck?” Devil voiced, his face scrunched in confusion and disbelief.
I sighed. “I didn’t see the need to tell any of you because it wasn’t serious then, but now—”
“Are you fucking serious, Z?” he snapped, cutting me off. I could feel the anger vibrating off of him. “My brother?”
“Devil—”
He shot to his feet, rushing toward the door as he gritted out, “I’m gonna fucking kill him.”
Before he could pull the door open, I rushed past him to stand between him and the doorframe. “Devil—”
“Get out of my way.”
“Give me a minute to explain.”
“Explain what?” he fumed. “He always manages to fucking step on my toes; now he’s done it with you? And you—”
“He didn’t do anything I didn’t want, Devil.”
That made him stop, his eyes searching mine. “What?” He breathed out the question.
“Let’s talk in my room, okay?”
“Z—”
“I promise I’ll explain everything.”
When he didn’t respond, I cautiously took his wrist and led him toward my bedroom, shooting the rest of Street an apologetic tight smile before we disappeared behind the door.
I would deal with Dog and Upper later; Devil was the priority right now.
He removed his wrist from my hold, watching me with apprehension.
“I didn’t know it would get serious between Elio and me … it was just supposed to be a onetime thing—”
“You promised you would stay away from him. You fucking promised me.”
“I know.”
He shook his head. “No, you don’t,” he said. “You don’t fucking know. He could hurt you, Z.”
“I know … but I also know he wouldn’t … you know that, too, but for some reason, you’re choosing to hate him and blame him for something he’s not completely at fault for. I started it. He was very reluctant because of you—”
“Apparently, that didn’t last.”
I sighed. “Where exactly is your anger coming from? Is this because you don’t like him or because you love me—which can’t be the case since Upper?”
“Leave Upper out of this.”
“I need to understand you, Devil.”
He went silent, confusion in his eyes as he heaved a breath and looked up like he was trying to find the answer to my question.
After a while, he walked past me to sit on the edge of the bed, his hands brushing down his face.
I took the space beside him, angling my body toward his.
“I didn’t do it on purpose. I wanted to stay away; I did.
I just couldn’t,” I told him. “You and I are not together like that anymore, and fuck it, if I were a bitch, I would point out the fact that you fucked around with Upper when we were together.”
He looked at me with a confused frown. “You literally just pointed it out.”
“Yeah, well … maybe I am a bitch.”
He scoffed, looking away from me while shaking his head. “I don’t know, Zahra, this is just so fucking weird. I mean, Elio?” He looked at me again. “How did it start?”
“Do you really wanna know?”
He blinked. “No. No, please don’t tell me. I just—What did you mean by serious? What exactly is going on?”
I shrugged. “Half the time, I don’t know what’s going on. It just happened, and I was too deep before I could back away. But I promise he didn’t hold a gun to my head and force me to like him or something. It’s mutual, actually.”
“You like him?”
“Yeah…”
“But you’re not the kind to do commitment. And Elio, if I remember correctly, he doesn’t do your kind.”
“No, he doesn’t.”
“So…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I can’t believe we’re having this conversation now. It’s unbelievable.”
“Trust me; I feel the whiplash every day,” I said. “It’s kind of like you said with Upper, how you felt whenever you saw him; it’s kind of the same way I feel … not that intense but it’s there nonetheless.”
He shook his head. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive him for what he did to you. How can you like someone like that? He’s not a—He’s a lost cause, Zahra. You ought to know that.”
I frowned. “Don’t say shit like that, D. He broke things off with me because of you. He cares about you more than anything in this fucking world. I know you have your differences, but if you would just talk to him for a change—”
“You’re fucking brainwashed,” he said.
I frowned. “So that’s it, you’ve given up on him because he tried to drown me?”
“Not just that. He’s hurt you on multiple occasions, he—Can’t you see that this is some part of his fucking ploy? How can he just turn a one-fucking-eighty from wanting to kill you to fucking you?”
“It wasn’t a one-eighty. There’s a lot you don’t know about us or how this started. I only told you guys because it’s not something I want to hide and because I respect you as my best friend. I don’t need your approval to be with who I want to be with.”
“I know you don’t need my approval. But he’s my brother. He’s not a good person for you. He might be all nice now, but once you fuck up, there will be a bullet in your head. He’s just like his fucking father.”
Exasperated, I sighed. “Devil … I think you should talk to him.”
His eyes searched mine. “What?”
“I think you should talk to Elio. You blame him for a lot, and you’re wrong about literally everything. The longer you two keep walking on eggshells around each other, the more you continue to hurt each other unnecessarily.”
The look in his eyes could define reluctance and confusion. “I don’t understand.”
I leveled him with a stare. “Remove me from the equation, remove my relationship with him … remove the fact that you’re angry at him for hurting me all those times. And focus on your actual relationship with him. Focus on how you felt before he tried to drown me.”
He looked away with a tight frown, his jaw clenching and unclenching.
“You don’t hate him, Devil. You’re just angry at him.
You’re angry that you pushed him away, and he didn’t try to fix it.
You think he doesn’t care because he never shows it, and just like him, you left it that way.
You’re stubborn, he’s stubborn, but at some point, one of you has to be the bigger person,” I said and then added, “Personally, I think you should be the bigger person; then you get bragging rights.”
His head dropped in a small laugh, and then he looked at me. “Why are you like this?”
“Because I will always root for you, D. I might like him, but you still come first to me.”
“Really?”
“Yes, really—really, as in if a house was on fire and the two of you were stuck inside, and I could only save one person, it would be you, no questions asked.”
“And you’re certain his intentions with you are genuine?”
“Yes.”
“What about yours?”
My stomach dipped. “What?”
“Your intentions. I know there’s always something up your sleeve.” He watched me. “I’m trying to make sure this is not one of them because if it is and—”
“I don’t have ill intentions.”
His eyes watched, brows furrowed, stare intense, and just like that, it felt like I was staring at Elio; this very moment took me to the times when it felt like Elio was trying to look into my soul to fish out a lie from my truth.
After he found what he was looking for, he nodded. “I don’t know if—if I’ll stop finding it weird … ever. You’ll have to give me time, Z. This is not what I thought I would hear today.”
“Of course.” I swallowed. “Will you talk to him, though?”
“I don’t know. I—I need time to think. To digest this.”
I nodded, watching him rake his fingers through his hair, wondering what was going through his head, what kind of assurance he had seen in my eyes …
While somewhere in the back of my mind, I was fighting a battle with myself. Confirming all this and telling Street of my involvement with Elio meant I had accepted his proposal to give us a fucked-up and very unnecessary label—mentally.
And I shouldn’t …
I really fucking shouldn’t.
While not having ill intentions with him, there was no way I wouldn’t end up hurting him at the end of the day. I shouldn’t be selfish; I shouldn’t have my cake and fucking eat it.
But I had never been known to be selfless when it came to something I really wanted.
So … selfish it is.