Chapter Three
My head hasn’t stopped hurting since this morning.
It doesn’t help that Billy has been blowing up my phone all day. He has been saying things about Loyal and how he doesn’t believe I can keep my daughter safe. I know what his goal is. He is trying to make me seem unfit. All of our communications in the parenting app are monitored.
I don’t engage. I send one single text to show I have read them so he can’t tell the court I was ignoring him.
Me: If you feel that way, I will see you in court. I will not continue to argue with you.
It’s the best way to handle it. If I continue to engage, it will get worse and I will look as bad as he does. By remaining calm and disengaging, I show maturity. This isn’t about me and him. It’s about our daughter.
That is all it is ever about for me. If we didn’t have her, I would never see him again.
Not that I wish for that, but it’s the truth.
She is the only thing tethering him to me, and when she turns eighteen, I plan to cut off all communication.
I will show up at any events my daughter invites us both to, but I will keep a polite distance.
I don’t want what he brings to the table anymore.
“Where is your head at today?” Gina asks as she rounds the nurses’ station.
“Big blow up with the ex and the fling on my lawn this morning. The whole neighborhood watched,” I tell her, rubbing my temples.
“Tell me,” she demands.
So I do. I give her the play-by-play of how my morning started off sweet and then turned into something else. When I finish, she looks at me like I’m the crazy one.
“You mean to tell me that gorgeous hunk of a man who has been laying it on you, very well, I might add, for a year stood up to your ex for you? I don’t see the problem.” She wiggles her eyebrows at me.
“Of course you don’t. You live for this shit. I don’t want all the drama. I want to live in peace, but Billy will never let me, and now I have to worry about Loyal stepping in and engaging. It’s exhausting.”
She wrinkles her nose. “Was Loyal disrespectful? I mean, I know he’s in that biker gang, so he is a little rough around the edges.”
My hackles rise at her accusation. I don’t know why, but I feel the need to defend him.
“Actually, no. He was protective, but he remained calm while Billy lost his shit,” I admit softly.
“So why are you angry with him?”
I look over at her and realize she’s right. I have no right to be angry at him. He only wanted to help, and yet I was a jerk to him.
I sigh. “I don’t know. Maybe I’m angry at myself. I put myself in this situation. I don’t see an end to it until Farrah graduates.”
“You are divorced, not dead. You shouldn’t let your ex or your daughter dictate your life. You have to keep living.”
I groan, burying my face. “I yelled at him and told him that we should reconsider what we are doing.”
“You tried to break up with him? Jesus. What did he say?”
“I didn’t give him a chance to respond,” I tell her. “I left. He sent me one message telling me that he didn’t mean any harm and he would be there if I wanted to talk, but it’s been silent the rest of the day.”
She hums. “Maybe he is giving you space.”
I shrug. “Or maybe it’s finally over. I mean, I’m a decade older than him with more baggage than an airline. What can I possibly offer him?”
Gina snorts. “I don’t know. Bomb-ass blow jobs.
A tight-ass pussy? Or maybe the awesome personality you have.
You are funny, kind, and sweet. You care about people more than you should.
You are a real fucking catch. What you can offer him is all of yourself.
Every single bit of it. The question is, are you willing to do that? ”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. I need to go check on my girl in three and then take some more meds for this killer headache.”
“You gotta start taking better care of yourself,” Gina mumbles as I walk away.
Don’t I know it.
I quickly head into room three, smiling when I see the beautiful mother lying in bed with her husband at her side, holding her hand.
“How are we doing, Mama?” I ask.
“I am in pain, but I know it will be worth it when I hold my baby,” she says through clenched teeth.
“I’m going to check your dilation.” I slip on my gloves and go about doing my check. “Only an eight. A little bit longer. Hang in there,” I tell her.
She doesn’t respond as I move to throw my gloves away and wash my hands. I listen as her husband whispers encouragement to her.
I wonder if Loyal would be like that. Lord knows Billy wasn’t. He brought pizza to my room and ate it in front of me and then fell asleep. The nurse “accidentally” dropped something on him to wake him up. Even then, he was barely present mentally for the birth of our daughter.
Billy wants to talk shit about Loyal for being part of the Lotus MC?
I’ve met one before. Years ago a woman gave birth, and by her side was a man with a familiar patch.
He was also the vice president of their club.
He took such good care of the woman the entire time they were here. It left an impression on me.
I wonder what happened to him and how Loyal got his position. Maybe he was promoted. Then again, he could also be dead.
The thought scares me, but not enough for me to write off Loyal. He has brought me joy in my darkest times. How can I toss that away so easily?
My answer comes in the form of a bouquet of damn near one hundred red roses at the nurses’ station.
“Delivery for you,” Gina tells me, handing me the card she obviously already read. “The man has it bad for you. If you feel the same, then grip it with both hands.”
She walks away as I read the card.
In his handwriting, it says:
Sami Mami,
You were right. I was wrong. Please forgive me and give me another chance. I won’t screw it up this time. I promise.
Love,
Loyal
My heart skips at him using the Spanish version of “mom” to refer to me.
It’s something he has been doing more and more.
I wasn’t sure how I felt about it at first, but I like that he has a nickname for me.
I like even more that it’s drawn from his own heritage. It’s like he is pulling me in deeper.
I can’t resist the man.
“I’m going to the restroom. Can you watch three for me for a minute?” I ask Anna, one of the other nurses.
She nods, going back to charting.
I slide my phone out of my purse before I sneak into a closet down the hall and dial his number.
“I wasn’t sure you’d call,” Loyal answers.
“I wasn’t sure I would either. I got the flowers. A bit over the top, but I love them. Thank you.”
“I tried sending the whole flower shop, but the woman behind the counter told me that it would be overkill. She said fifty roses, so we settled on one hundred.”
I shake my head, the smile permanently on my face. “It was perfect. Thank you.”
“So are you giving me another chance?” he asks.
“You are still on the same chance. I didn’t end things, Loyal,” I remind him.
“It sounded like you wanted to. Listen, you are at work so we can get into this later, but I think we need to have a real conversation. We’ve been putting it off for too long.”
“I know,” I agree with him. “Friday night? You can take me out and we can talk.”
“I’ll be there at six. I’ll text you every day until then.”
He won’t be seeing me, though. I understand why.
We need some space to think about what we really want out of this. I get it. I don’t want to hurt him anymore than I’ve been hurt in the past.
“Friday at six. See you then.”
My mind isn’t in it today. I should be focused on our club business, but instead, my mind is on her.
It’s always on her.
It’s like she somehow wormed her way under my skin until she became one with me. I have no idea what I will do if she decides she wants to end this for good.
I can’t keep walking the line, though. It’s starting to kill me. She is mine in all the ways that matter except she won’t tell the world.
Friday, we will talk, and I will tell her how I feel. I will lay it all out on the table for her and see what she thinks.
It’s a risk. She could walk away, but I am also aware that she could stay. She could decide I am worth it the way I know she is worth everything I have put myself through for the last year.
“What do you think, Loyal?” Savage asks.
I don’t even know what they are talking about, but I nod to him. “I trust your instincts.”
I swallow hard, hoping that was the right response. I could have asked him to repeat himself, but it would have meant admitting I haven’t been paying attention this whole meeting. It’s not a good look for the VP.
He nods. “So let’s vote. All in favor of helping Tires to Go to franchise to other chapters, say aye.”
“Aye,” we all say.
I feel relieved when I realize what they had been discussing. That could have been bad. I need to get my focus back.
“Onto the PI business. Tiny, update?” Savage asks.
“We have doubled our income. Thanks to Bailey, we have also started a pro bono program for low-income people who are being unfairly treated. They can apply for assistance and then we will follow them for a little bit to see if their request has any merit. If they do, we take on their case for free. We are hoping to mostly help women in domestic violence situations and such, but we are open to anyone with a valid reason.”
Savage chuckles. “Sounds like my Hellcat.”
“What made her want to do that?” Fang asks.
“Some case she had last year. Some guy hired her to stalk his wife only to find out the only reason he did was because she wanted a divorce and he didn’t want her to leave,” Tiny tells him.
My stomach drops.
Sami.
She started the program because Sami’s disgusting ex hired us to dig up dirt on her so that he could blackmail her into staying with him.
I still remember the day I laid eyes on her.
Bailey and I had posed as brother and sister, touring the house for sale.
I had seen pictures of Sami, but it didn’t do her justice.
Seeing her in real life took my breath away.
That day was our last day of surveillance.
The woman had never stepped out of line once according to Bailey.
I knew then that she would need protection, and for whatever reason, I wanted to be it.
So I did something reckless. I bought the house on the spot for over the asking price so they would take it.
Then I moved in, and the rest is history.
They don’t know that, though. Only Bailey does, and she’s sworn to secrecy.
“It is a good cause,” I mumble.
Everyone agrees.
“All right, if there’s nothing else. We will meet again in two weeks.”
Savage adjourns the meeting. We all spill out into the clubhouse where the girls are chatting away.
“Don’t both of you have jobs?” Fang teases, walking up behind Cami.
Cami accepts his hug, but sasses him. “My boss is a complete jerk. I’m thinking about quitting.”
He growls something into her ear, but I look away. Viv gives me a small smile and holds out a beer. I shake my head.
I don’t want to drink right now. I want to get back on my bike and head home, waiting to see if I get a glimpse of her. That is pathetic, though, so I turn my attention to Bailey.
“I heard about the program you are starting. It’s a good thing you are doing.”
She gives me an understanding look. “People shouldn’t have to fear abuse of power. I’m only trying to level the playing field.”
I don’t get a chance to respond.
“You coming out with us on Friday?” Tiny asks, throwing his arm around me.
“I’ve got plans. Y’all have fun without me,” I tell him.
“He’s going to see that girl again, I bet,” Happy jokes.
“The cougar? I mean, shit, I’d love to get eaten up by a feisty, sexy cougar,” Tiny chuckles.
“I think it’s sweet. Unlike you two, he actually has a dating life,” Bailey teases them.
Neither has anything to say to that, so they turn away.
“How is it going with her?” Bailey asks softly.
“It’s rocky, but it’s going.” I keep my tone low as well.
“Does it not bother you that her daughter is only, what? Five years younger than you?”
I shrug. “Six. Not really. She’s a kid still, ya know? In my eyes she is a child. It doesn’t matter that she’s closer to my age than her mother because to me she is and will always be my woman’s child.”
“She’s a lucky woman then. I know better than most that you might be twenty-two, but you are wise beyond your years. I hope she sees that too.”
Savage comes out of the meeting room just then with Fang at his side. I don’t miss the way Bailey’s eyes light up as he gets closer.
“There you are, Hellcat,” Savage murmurs before he plants a deep kiss on her lips.
Bailey accepts his embrace, matching his energy as she kisses him back.
I should look away. It’s a private moment between them even if they are doing it in public, but I can’t. Instead, I look on with envy. Not because of Bailey, but because of what they have.
This.
This is what I want with Sami.
Now I have to figure out how to convince her to give it to me.