Chapter Four
A knock on the sliding glass door makes my hands go clammy. I look up and see Loyal standing on the other side. Lifting my hand, I wave him in. As he comes inside, I wipe my hands on my pants.
“Hey,” I say softly.
“Hey beautiful.” He comes over and gives me a quick kiss.
It’s almost as if he’s trying to reassure me that we are fine even though he said the worst sentence known to man.
We need to talk.
No matter the situation, no one ever wants to hear those four words said together, let alone say them. I know I am likely overreacting. He sent those flowers and has been texting me all week, but the thoughts have been weighing heavily on me.
I can’t help but worry that he’s about to end this. I know the thought has crossed my mind, but I’ve never seriously considered ending things with him. I wouldn’t blame him if he wanted it to end. I mean, I really have been fucking up left and right when it comes to him.
If I’m really being honest with myself, I don’t want it to end. I want to keep him for far longer than I could have ever anticipated. That forbidden “F” word is on my mind.
Forever.
“Hi.” I offer him a brittle smile.
“You okay?” he asks, frowning as he rubs my cheek.
“Not really.”
“What’s wrong? Did Farrah or Billy do something?”
His concern makes my heart melt.
Damn him for being so sweet and caring before he walks away.
“You said we needed to talk, and all week I have been worried about it.”
Understanding crosses his face.
“Come on, let’s go sit.”
Before I can protest and tell him to just spit it out, he takes me by the hand and ushers me to the living room. He sits down next to me and places his hand on my thigh.
“I know what you want to talk about, but I think it’s best I let you go first before I put my foot in my mouth,” I tell him.
He takes a deep breath and pushes his hair off of his face. “I don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to spit it out. I need you to let me talk until I get it all out, okay?”
“Okay,” I say quietly, heart racing.
“I like you, Sami, probably more than I should. I know that when we started hanging out that I agreed that it was just hooking up. That it was only casual and that you didn’t have time for anything serious, but things have changed.
I care about you, I have for a while now.
You are the first person I think about when I wake up and the last person I think about before I pass out.
I have to stop myself from texting you a thousand times a day.
Not because I’m trying to keep tabs on you or anything but because I genuinely want to talk to you.
This is so far from casual for me that it’s not even funny, and if you aren’t willing to see where things could go between us, then it’s time that we go our separate ways. ”
He takes a deep breath once he’s done rambling.
Out of all the things he could have said, I wasn’t expecting this. Don’t get me wrong, he’s mentioned wanting more in passing before, but I didn’t think after the other day he would still feel this way.
“You want to have a relationship?” I ask, stunned.
He shoots me a cocky smirk. “Babe, we’ve been in a relationship. You just haven’t noticed. I just want to make it official and have us on the same page.”
“But…I’m too old for you,” I say half-heartedly.
Loyal tips his head back and laughs. “I would like to remind you that I pursued you. You are my type. I told you I like my girls a little bit older.”
I slap his chest lightly even though I feel my cheeks reddening. “I’m serious.”
“So am I. Age is just a number. I have gone through so much in my life that what is twenty-two years really? There are thirty-year-olds less mature than me. I don’t give two fucks that you are older or that you have a kid or a crazy fucking ex. I just want you.”
His words make my heart sing.
“This doesn’t feel real,” I mutter to myself.
“It’s real. If you want it to be. Come on, Sami, give us a shot. Let’s see where this could go,” he urges.
“I want to, but I have my concerns,” I admit softly.
“Then talk it out with me.”
He’s always about solving problems. It’s refreshing. I don’t have to figure it out on my own.
“My daughter. You’re closer in age to her than me. What will she think? What will people think?” I ask as my mind races.
“I know I’m not a parent, but how much does it matter what she thinks?
We are both consenting adults. It’s not like I’m in high school and we are breaking laws or anything.
Will it be weird for her? Maybe, but we can work through that with her.
Show her that this is real. Teach her to ignore the chatter from others.
I think it’s something I will need to teach you myself if you are worried about the judgment of others.
I’m going to tell you right now, other people don’t matter.
They can stare and talk all they want, but at the end of the day, they are miserable people looking to bring you down with them.
You can make the choice to let them or you can grab onto your own happiness and tell them to fuck themselves.
Now if you decide you can’t get over it or that your daughter won’t be able to handle it, then we should end this now.
I can’t keep being your dirty little secret.
Not when I want to shout to the world that you are mine. ”
I want that too. I want to be whatever being his entails. I want him.
Does the age difference bother me? No. Half the time I forget that he’s younger than me. Will my daughter hate me? She already does. It doesn’t matter who he is. She won’t accept anyone in my life who is not her father.
So what is really holding me back?
The idea of him walking away and never getting to see him again has my chest hurting. Never getting to feel his hands on me or his lips on mine, that’s something I can’t stand.
“Do you want to end this?” he asks bluntly.
“No,” I tell him with no hesitation.
Relief washes through his eyes.
“Thank fuck,” he sighs.
“But my concern is still there. I know I’m an adult and allowed to date if I want to, but I need to set a good example for Farrah.
I want her to see what a happy and healthy relationship looks like.
Hell, I want her to have it when she’s older, but I don’t know if she will see it that way. She still wants me with her father.”
He shrugs. “It could be a little awkward at first when she finds out, but I would like to think that over time she will get used to it. I’d like to think that once she realizes how happy we both are that she won’t be able to do anything but support us.
In the meantime, though, we can be careful about how we present our relationship and what we do.
Just for a while. Because I won’t lie, Sami, I want her to see how crazy I am about you. ”
“I want that too,” I whisper.
“So are we doing this?” he asks, squeezing my thigh.
“Yeah, I think we are.”
A beautiful smile crosses his face. “Fuck yeah.”
I can’t help but laugh and shake my head. “That mouth…”
He winks. “You like my mouth.”
I smile and get the topic back on track. “Now what?”
“Now, you let me take you on a date. A real one, and babe, you better be prepared. I’m about to take you on the best first date you’ve ever been on.”
A date. A real date. I haven’t been on one of those in far longer than I’d like to admit, and for the first time in years, I’m excited.
“I’m not quite ready,” I admit.
He laughs. “I’ll head home and shower. Give you some time to get ready. I’ll come back in an hour?”
I nod. “An hour.”
I can’t wait.
My heart races as I walk up her front steps.
This is it.
I’ve known since the day that I first saw her that I would end up here with her, I just didn’t realize how long it would take. Now that I’ve finally got her on the same page, though, I refuse to fuck this up.
Bringing my hand up, I knock on the door and wait. I hear the clicking of heels on the wood floor from the other side. When the door swings open, my heart catches.
Her brown hair is pulled back, showing off her neck, with the exception of pieces right in the front that frame her pretty face. She’s got on a black dress that hits right above her knee that has a square neckline, showing off just a small hint of cleavage.
Sami looks like a smoke show, and she has no idea the hold she has on me.
“Goddamn, you look gorgeous,” I murmur.
A beautiful flush covers her skin, something I usually see when she’s spread out beneath me. I love it then, but the fact I can do it with just a few simple words makes my blood heat.
“Did you bring me flowers?” she asks, staring at the bouquet.
“I did.” I hold them out.
I had them stashed at my place. I had been hoping our conversation earlier would go well, but I didn’t want to bring them then and have her think I was trying to influence her.
She takes them slowly and looks at them as if they are a bomb, about to explode.
“No one has ever bought me flowers before and here you are doing it twice in one week,” she says quietly.
For a split second I’m pissed at the world for not treating my girl right, but it quickly dissipates. Maybe she was never treated right before so I could show her how she’s meant to be treated.
I clear my throat, pushing my wayward thoughts to the side. “Do you want to put them in water before we leave?”
“Yeah, give me one second.” She steps away from the door, and I step inside and wait for her.
A few minutes later she comes back with a little smile on her face.
“Ready?” I ask, holding my hand out for her.
She places her hand in mine. “I am.”
I lead her outside and wait for her to lock the door before we head to the curb where I already moved my car. She gets in and I rush around the front and get in the driver’s side. Only after I pull away does she speak.
“No bike?” she teases.