Chapter Ten
I’m finishing up some paperwork when Gina walks up.
“Hey, you busy?” she asks right as I hit save.
“No, what’s up? Do you need help with a patient?”
She shakes her head and smiles. “How many times do I have to tell you, all work and no play makes Sami a very dull girl.”
I smirk. “I’m pretty sure my life has been anything but dull lately. Wouldn’t you say?”
She laughs. “You’re not wrong, which is why I’m here to steal you away for lunch. I need a gossip sesh.”
I look over at the room across from me where there is a laboring mother with extreme anxiety after losing her first baby. “I don’t know. I should really stay.”
Gina grabs my arm and pulls me up. “Babe, you are required to take a lunch. You won’t be any good to your patients if you’re hangry.”
“I don’t get hangry,” I lie, knowing full well I do.
“Bullshit. Now let’s go. Melissa has it under control.”
I look over at the woman in question and she nods. “Go. I got this. I’ll page you if I need you.”
“Thank you,” I tell her.
Gina and I leave the maternity floor and head downstairs.
“Where are we going?” I ask as we step out of the elevator.
“Pizza place across the street?” she asks, making me groan.
“That sounds awesome.”
Once we are seated and have our drinks she turns toward me. “Okay, spill. I need all the details.”
I sigh as I sink into the booth. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“The beginning usually helps,” she quips, making me laugh.
“He’s…not what I expected but in the best way. He sends me flowers and checks in throughout the day. He sends me good morning and good night texts for crying out loud.”
“Sounds promising, and the sex is good?”
“So, so good,” I sigh. “Like I genuinely didn’t know it could be that good. Honestly, I would have thought that he would have been shit since he’s younger than me, but no, he knows what he’s doing, and it’s insane.”
“I mean we both know that Billy was shit, but that doesn’t mean other guys are. Some men get off on getting you off.”
“True, but still. The difference is staggering. Then again when I think about it, I have to remember that Billy and I were young. We were each other’s firsts, so we didn’t know any better.”
“And when one isn’t willing to deviate, it becomes stagnant.” She nods knowingly.
“Exactly.”
“So if the sex is fantastic and he treats you like a queen, what’s the issue?”
“Farrah…”
Gina rolls her eyes. “I love your daughter like she’s my own, but I could strangle her.”
“She’s struggling. I keep waiting for it to get better, but it doesn’t. No matter how many times I have him over for dinner, she is still acting like a brat,” I say half-heartedly.
“That’s not an excuse to be a bitch. Don’t get me wrong, I know what it’s like to witness your parents going through a divorce, it sucks. I empathize, but that doesn’t mean she can try and sway you to getting back with a man who was pretty much absent unless it benefited him.”
“I know, and what’s worse is I just don’t get it. She thinks we had this great marriage and has said as much, and I just sit there and wonder if she was living in the same house as me. Like how is being ignored or belittled by your partner okay? I just don’t get it.”
“Kids have blinders when it comes to their parents.” She shrugs.
“Trust me, that’s become clear, but that doesn’t mean she should be doing the shit she has been.”
Gina’s eyebrows wing up. “Like…”
“She is still trying to claim that he must only be into me to get to her and she feels uncomfortable around him. I don’t leave them alone. I even showed her the video where it proved her actions, but she doubled down. Said she thought that’s what he wanted. I don’t know what to do with her.”
Gina laughs lightly as she shakes her head. “She is relentless, that’s for sure.”
“She isn’t the daughter I once knew. She is turning into this vindictive monster, and I don’t know how to stop it. If I stop dating Loyal, she gets her way, and it teaches her nothing. If I don’t, I might lose my daughter.”
“That is a tough situation. I don’t know how you are still sane after dealing with it.”
I sigh. “Loyal. He’s been amazing through it all. Sticking up for Farrah even when she doesn’t deserve it. He thinks she needs more time. I don’t think she will ever warm up to the idea of me with him.”
“Damn, babe. I’m sorry.”
“I just don’t know what to do. He makes me happy.” I squeeze my eyes tight. “So damn happy, but I feel like she’s going to ruin it. Like should I walk away and hope that we can get back together when she’s out of the house?”
Gina reaches over and grabs my hand, making me open my eyes.
“Absolutely not. Whatever you do Sami, don’t break up with him because of her.
Leave him if you aren’t happy, but not because your daughter is trying to sabotage your relationship.
That wouldn’t be fair to him. Or you for that matter.
You left a loveless marriage because you wanted her to see what a happy and healthy one looked like, don’t fold now. ”
“I don’t want to but I feel like my hands are tied. What if I lose her over this?”
“Then you lose her,” she says, making my heart ache.
“Gina…she’s my daughter.”
She nods grimly. “I know, but at the end of the day, that’s all she is.
You can’t control her actions or her feelings toward you.
It is not fair that you gave up your entire life for her only for her to turn around and throw it all in your face.
She is being unfair to you. In a year, she’s going to move out, and you’ll be all alone.
Your house is going to be empty. Silent even.
Sure you could start finding yourself then, but why wait?
Why not start building something now with someone who genuinely wants to be with you now so that way when she’s gone you aren’t alone? ”
“You make it sound so easy,” I mutter as tears build behind my eyes.
“Hey, I know it sounds good in theory, but I’m not a mother. I don’t know how to relate to what you’re going through, but I am your friend and I want to see you happy.”
“And if I choose him and she walks away from me for good?”
“If that happens, then you let her and pray to God every night she wakes up one day and realizes that she was asking too much. That you didn’t do anything wrong and decide to make amends.”
I don’t think I could do it. I know that part of me wants to say fuck it and pick him over her. The part that is finally happy, but I know the truth. If I pick him, I will lose her, and I won’t be happy.
On the other hand, if I choose her, I will lose him, and it will likely break me.
There is no winning. Not if she won’t see reason. I know Gina means well, but she’s right. She’s not a mother, so she doesn’t understand.
If it comes down to it, I would let Loyal go for her. I can’t lose my child. I just hope I don’t learn to resent her in the process.
“Only you can decide, Sami,” Gina says softly.
She’s right. My decision is already made. I only hope Farrah doesn’t make me speak it out loud.
I pass by a teenager with a backpack when I turn onto the street and groan. Even without seeing her face, I know who it is.
Farrah.
Pulling into the driveway, I shut off my bike and jump off.
“Hey,” she yells.
I ignore her and walk toward the house.
“Real mature, Loyal, ignoring your girlfriend’s daughter. How do you think my mom will react when she finds out?”
I tip my head back and sigh.
Goddammit.
Out of all the days, it just had to be today.
The prospect pissed me off, thinking he’s a hotshot.
I swear I saw Savage contemplate taking him out right there in the middle of the clubhouse as he ran his mouth.
Then I decided to stop by a coffee shop to get a pick-me-up, only for a toddler with a drink the size of its head to run into me, covering me in sticky shit.
To top it off, a car almost hit me on the way home when they turned on red even though I was coming.
“Hello, are you ignoring me now?” Farrah whines, snapping her fingers.
I know I should try and calm down. Keep my cool, but fuck it. She wants to play games, let’s fucking play.
I turn toward her and glare. “Honestly, Farrah, yes. This is how I’m going to be. I don’t want to talk to you or be around you without your mom present.”
Her eyes narrow. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. The last thing I want is for you to run to your mother with some lie to try and create problems. If I’m never alone with you, that can’t happen. It shouldn’t have to be this way, but you made it this way. So no, I don’t want to talk to you right now.”
She scoffs, shaking her head. “How mature Loyal. Really mature.”
“Call it whatever you want. Now if you’ll excuse me.” I turn away and take another step toward the house.
“See, this is why it’s never going to work out between you and my mom. She needs a real man. One who’s her age and understands that family is important.”
My jaw clenches as I turn toward her. “What, like your dad?”
Triumph flashes across her face. “Exactly like my dad.”
“Yeah, because he’s such a great guy, right? Question, did he ever get her flowers? Do you remember him asking about her day? Kissing her in the kitchen just because? Anything?”
Uncertainty crosses her face but it passes. “My dad’s the best.”
“I’m sure he is, but he wasn’t to your mom.
She had never had flowers from someone before me, Farrah.
Flowers. Here’s a lesson for you: flowers are the bare fucking minimum.
If a guy doesn’t give you flowers, then he’s not worth it.
Did you know that he forgot their anniversary once?
Like straight up said fuck you and didn’t come home even after she pointed it out?
That’s not the kind of relationship that screams hashtag goals. ”
“There is more to a relationship than flowers and remembering dates,” she tosses back.
“Exactly. Like love and respect. Think about it, Farrah. They had you when they were sixteen. Could you imagine marrying the guy you dated right now? Or hell, last year? Could you imagine being forced into marrying someone because you had a baby and then having to spend the rest of your life with them because others said you had to? Like seriously, could you imagine marrying your high school boyfriend?”
“This isn’t about me,” she grits out.
“Exactly. It’s about your mother and me, but you’re making it all about you.
Congratulations. You have some self-awareness as it turns out.
Let me ask you one last question. Does your mother deserve how you have been treating her?
I mean, you don’t like when she tells you what to do, right?
She’s your mother, though, so you listen.
How do you think it is making her feel to have you treating her like shit every single day because she chose to leave an unhappy situation?
It doesn’t matter if your mother is with me or alone, she will never get back with your father.
He made sure of that when he disrespected her and neglected her for the decade they were married.
That’s not even counting the years they dated before that.
So is it worth hurting your mother over and over again in order to get your way in the end? ”
I’m heaving. I’m so angry. Still, I haven’t moved closer to her. The entire neighborhood is probably listening at this point.
“She belongs with my dad,” she says lower, unsure.
“Who says that? Your father? He doesn’t love your mother, Farrah.
Love isn’t possessive the way he is. It’s protective.
He doesn’t care about your mother or her happiness.
All he cares about is that she is no longer his.
She doesn’t belong with your father. She made that clear when she divorced him.
She left him because she wasn’t happy. I only wish you could see that,” I remind her.
“And what, you’re better?” she scoffs. “As soon as she gets old and the fun dies, you’ll walk away.”
“Bullshit. I’ll love Sami when she’s got gray hair and her hands don’t work right.
I’ll love her wrinkles and all. That’s the difference between who you think I am and who I actually am.
I came into this relationship with eyes wide open and was willing to make it work despite the age gap.
Because age doesn’t matter between two consenting adults who find happiness with each other. Who love one another,” I snap.
She stands on the curb, mouth open in disbelief.
“Now if that’s all, I’ve had a really shitty day and would like to go in and change. That is unless you aren’t done harassing me yet?”
She shuts her mouth and nods.
Turning, I take another step forward to my house but turn back toward her.
“Oh and Farrah, I hope that one day you find a love like your mother and I have. I hope you find someone who loves you in the good times and bad. Despite all the bullshit and at the end of the day wants you and only you. I hope you always feel loved and adored in a relationship and never neglected and like you don’t matter.
Because being loved by someone unconditionally is the greatest fucking feeling in the world.
There are no words to describe it. It just sucks that you’re so hateful and mad at the world when honestly, your life has been pretty fucking easy, most things considered, that you can’t be happy for your mom.
That you’re so jaded that you want to make her life miserable. ”
“I…”
I talk over her. “It’s really fucked up that at the end of the day if this ends, which it probably will, it won’t be because Sami or I want to walk away from each other.
It will be because of you. Because you’re a spoiled fucking brat at seventeen throwing a goddamn hissy fit.
Your mom will walk away to try and smooth things over for you.
YOU! Because that’s what mothers do. They sacrifice even if it means it kills them.
I just fucking hope that I can make her so damn happy that when she’s old and gray, inevitably alone because she will be too afraid to upset you again and will refuse to date that it’s me she thinks of when she thinks about being happy.
Because I know for sure it will be her I think of and no one else. ”
With those parting words, I walk away to let her think about what I said.
I just fucking hope that it sinks in and she actually hears what I said.