Chapter Eleven
As I walk toward the door, I have to stop myself from whimpering. My head is pounding and my feet ache after the crazy shift I had today. All I really want to do is walk over to Loyal’s place, lock myself in the bathroom, and use his tub. Then cuddle with him when I’m done.
But I can’t because Farrah is home, and the last thing she needs is ammunition to use against me.
Sighing, I let myself inside.
“Farrah, I’m home,” I call out.
“Cool,” she shouts back, making me roll my eyes.
I drop my bag next to the door and head down the hall. When I reach her room, I find her lying on her stomach, feet up, with a textbook in front of her on her bed.
“How was your day?” I ask as I lean against the door frame.
“Fine,” she mutters.
I feel the corner of my eye twitch thanks to her shortness, but I bite my tongue. I just don’t have it in me to go toe-to-toe with her today.
I try again. “Good. Do you have any requests for dinner? If not, I’m just going to make some spaghetti.”
“I’m not hungry.”
I take a deep breath as I push off the doorframe. “That’s fine. I’ll save you a plate in the microwave.”
Before she can say anything else, I head down the hall and take a quick shower and change before heading back to the kitchen.
I grab the noodles and a new jar of sauce from the pantry and set them on the counter.
Next I grab the thawed beef I set out this morning from the fridge and put it in a pan.
Right as I turn on the burner, the doorbell rings.
Loyal.
Smiling, I shut the burner off and head to the door. “Hey,” I say as I open it.
Only I come up short when I see who’s on the other side.
“What are you doing here?” I ask.
“We need to talk,” Billy says coolly.
I rub my forehead and sigh. “Billy, I don’t know how many times I have to remind you. If you need to talk to me, you need to do it through the app. It’s not hard and is actually really user-friendly.”
“I’m not going to talk to my wife through some goddamn app,” he snaps.
“I’m your ex-wife, Billy. I don’t know how many times I have to say it for you to understand. Now talk to me through the app or don’t talk to me at all.” I go to close the door, but his hand slaps against it, holding it open.
“Look, I’ve done some digging into your boy toy. Did you know he has a past?” he says, changing the subject.
Anger instantly rushes through me.
The fucking audacity of this man.
“First off, who the hell do you think you are? That’s such a gross invasion of privacy that it’s not even funny. Second, everyone has a past Billy. It’s really not that shocking,” I grit out, trying to keep myself in check.
“Not everyone has a criminal record. Did you know about his record?” Before I can say anything, he continues.
“His dad was a drug runner, and they suspect that he helped run drugs on the street. He was arrested in a stolen car when he was fifteen. Got caught shoplifting multiple times, but the stores never pressed charges. Then of course you know about the gang he’s part of.
Lord knows they aren’t upstanding citizens. ”
Closing my eyes I take a deep breath. Then another.
I’ve known Billy my entire life, and I swear just when I think I know him, he goes and does something I never saw coming. The man really doesn’t know how to bow out gracefully or when to cut his losses.
“Billy, can you just tell me what you are trying to accomplish here?”
“I’m trying to point out that you are spending your time with a criminal. That you need to end this little midlife crisis now and let me come home,” he sneers.
I look him in the eye and speak slowly. “Billy, we divorced because you didn’t make me happy anymore.
We aren’t right for each other, and honestly, we never were.
If it wasn’t for Farrah, I would have never married you.
As for Loyal, he is none of your business.
Yes, I’m aware of his past, and like I said, people change.
The past deserves to stay in the past. End of discussion. ”
“People don’t change that much, Sami,” he grits out.
“You sure as hell did,” I say without thinking about it.
His head jerks back as if I hit him. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. Now if that was all, I have dinner on the stove, and you need to leave.”
Before he can say anything, I slam the door shut in his face, flipping the lock for good measure.
I tip my head back and breathe slowly.
“Are you still going to see him? After everything Dad told you?” Farrah asks.
Goddammit.
Turning, I face my daughter. She stands across from me, arms crossed over her chest and a frown on her face.
“Answer me,” she snaps.
“Farrah, watch your tone. I’m your mother, and it would be nice if you remembered that.”
“Are you going to keep seeing him?”
“Yes, I’m going to keep seeing Loyal. Yes, I acknowledge that he has a past, that he made mistakes, but he’s atoned for them. He acknowledges that he fucked up and has changed. He had a messed-up childhood, and it shows, but people change, Farrah.”
Farrah laughs sarcastically. “So his mistakes can be swept under the rug? Why not Dad’s, huh? Why doesn’t he deserve a second chance but your boyfriend does?”
I shake my head. “Farrah, that’s not how it works.
Comparing the two is like comparing apples to oranges.
Loyal never hurt me. He never hurt anyone.
Your dad, though, he hurt me. Continuously.
Day after day. Year after year. Do I think he did it intentionally?
No, but he did, and at the end of the day, we just aren’t compatible.
I know that hurts you, and I’m sorry, but I can’t be with him. I won’t.”
She looks at me with disgust. “God, you’re such a selfish bitch. I don’t even know why Dad still wants to be with you.”
“Farrah Grace,” I scream, “that is enough. You will not speak to me that way. No matter how you feel about me, I am still your mother.”
“I don’t want you to be my mother anymore.”
My heart stops in my chest. This is it.
Taking a deep breath, I finally say, “Then maybe you should live with your father. Apparently he is parent of the year while I’m fucking up left and right.
If you hate me that much,” I sob, “really hate me, then call your father and have him come get you. I don’t want you to live a miserable life like I have.
I want you to be happy even if it kills me to not be with you. ”
“Mom…” she says quietly, but I don’t stay to hear what she has to say.
I stalk down the hall and slam the door shut.
I don’t know how much more I can take.
The bike vibrates under me as I ride next to Fang. The van trails behind us with a car behind it. I look in my mirror and see the two bikes behind the car with a gap.
Perfect.
If for some reason we were pulled over, the cops would assume the car cut in without knowing. Not that it’s the actual vehicle with the product.
My phone vibrates against my chest, making me frown. Anyone who typically calls me knows I’m busy today and I’m unreachable. I made that known before I got on the road this morning.
I look over at Fang and point to the exit. He nods and waves his hand forward, letting me know they will continue on and to catch up. I break off from them and pull over. After shutting off my bike I grab my phone and frown when I see Sami’s name next to a missed call.
Without thinking about it, I press call. It rings twice before she picks up.
“Hey, I’m sorry for calling. I forgot you were traveling today,” she says quietly.
“That’s okay, Mami. What’s wrong? You sound upset.”
“I don’t want to bother you. You have a lot going on right now,” she sniffles.
“Baby, spit it out, otherwise I’m turning this bike around, and I really can’t do that right now.”
“Billy came by today. He looked up your past. The past of your father too. He is going to use it against me. Then I had a blowup with Farrah.” She sucks in a breath. “I told her to go live with him. Why did I say that?”
The more she talks, the heavier the guilt becomes.
I did this.
Not directly, but it’s still only happening because of me. If I had waited just a little longer before inserting myself into her life, this wouldn’t be happening.
“I’m sorry,” I rasp.
“Why are you sorry? You didn’t do this.”
“Yeah, but they are only giving you hell because of me. I should let you go, but I’m selfish. I don’t want to live without you.”
She makes a sound in the back of her throat. “That’s not true. If you weren’t part of it, they would just find another excuse to harass me.”
I sigh, knowing she’s right. Still, I hate knowing she is going through this.
Guys like Billy don’t just back down.
“Don’t get me wrong, I’m as possessive as the next guy, but the way he thinks you are his, and only his, is next level,” I tell her.
“I don’t understand it. Honestly.”
“I’m sorry it’s wearing on you,” I tell her quietly as a semi zooms by.
“I’m just so tired, Loyal. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like the only good parts of my life are when I’m alone with you or when I’m at work. I fucking dread coming home when I know Farrah is going to be here. Do you know how fucked that is?”
“Yeah, it’s pretty messed up, babe. Whatever you want to do, I’ll do it. I’ll make it happen.”
“I just need you to hold me,” she says quietly.
“Always.”
Her sigh is filled with longing. “Just after she goes back to her dad’s. Which means we have to wait.”
I want to offer to do it tonight. Crawl into her bed when I get home and hold her through the night, but I know her. As open as Sami is with Farrah about us being together, she doesn’t want to rub it in her face.
“How about tonight when I get home I come knock on your window? Steal a moment or two alone with you,” I offer.
“I’d like that,” she sighs.
“Then we have a plan.”
“And you need to get back on the road, huh?”
I wince. “I do.”
“Well, ride safe. Keep me updated if things change.”
“I will, Mami. Take care of yourself until I get home, okay?”
“Okay. Bye.”
When she hangs up, I take a deep breath and shove my phone back in my pocket. I waste no time getting back on the road. It takes me about fifteen minutes to catch up to the guys. Fang moves over, letting me merge in next to him.
As we ride, my mind spirals.
I hate that I can’t make this easier for her. I wish I could put her ex in a shallow grave to end all this bullshit, and don’t even get me started on Farrah. I’ve never wanted to hit a woman before, but she makes it tempting as fuck.
Finally when we pull into the meet point, we get off our bikes.
“Any issues?” Gunner, the vice president of Saint’s Outlaws, asks as he approaches.
“Clear as rain.”
“Let’s hope it’s the same for us on the way back,” Tank, one of his men, mutters.
“You guys have problems?” Fang asks as Tiny joins us.
“There were just a lot of pigs on the road,” Gunner tells us.
“There’s nice weather. Everyone wants to get to the beach,” I mutter.
“Pretty much,” Tank says as the exchange starts.
Once everything is complete, we wait for them to take off before walking back to our bikes.
Tiny turns toward me. “You’re not supposed to break formation. As the VP, you know that.”
Instantly, it pisses me off. “You know that shit happens. I had to answer a call. You and I both know that calls can’t go unanswered. Especially when the people who call know we are on the road.”
His jaw clenches.
“Not the time, boys. Everything was fine, and no harm happened,” Fang says, trying to de-escalate the situation.
“Who was it?” Tiny asks.
“None of your business,” I say bluntly.
“Oh, sounds like it was your girlfriend,” Happy teases as he joins, rubbing his hands together.
Tiny’s eyes narrow. “Was it? Did you really leave us in the wind to answer your girl?”
“I don’t answer to you, Tiny. Now let’s get the fuck back on the road.”
Ignoring them, I head back to my bike and get on.
“Everything okay?” Fang asks quietly as he gets onto his bike next to mine.
“It will be,” I tell him, acting more confident than I feel.
I just hope I’m right and this fucking storm will pass. Sooner rather than later.