Chapter 79 #2
Food? Yes, I can make food. “Of course.” The words come out choked. I clear my throat, “Yeah, I can make us something.”
That hope sparkles so bright it fills my chest. Maybe we can start over.
I can’t promise I won’t hurt her, but it’ll never be on purpose.
Visions of Holli, Kyan, Wyatt, and me sharing time together as a family fill my mind.
Us waking up together in the mornings, sharing kisses and morning breath.
Us cooking meals together, or rather, me cooking for them every Saturday morning. Sausage and waffles.
Wait. I break out of my reverie. I can do that now.
As soon as the idea hits me, I know it’s right.
I rush downstairs, looking in the fridge for what I might need.
I find sausages in the freezer and flour and baking powder in the cabinet.
Anxiety filled with something light fills my chest as I cook.
I make pancake after pancake, getting the edges a perfect amount of crispy, and I fry up frozen sausage.
I tell myself over and over again that I’m good enough.
That I can be excited about Holli and Wyatt without making them my identity.
Fuck, I want to make them my identity. I want to blend myself into everything that they are, so they can’t tell the difference between them and me. Therefore, if they try to leave, it’ll be like leaving a piece of themselves behind.
Instead, I keep making food. I’m not sure if the others in the house will want some too, so I keep making them until I have a mountain of pancakes and sausage, complete with powdered juice mix.
“Smells good.”
I turn to see Ky striding into the kitchen carrying dirty laundry. I frown. The washer is in the mud room, not the kitchen.
Ky stands there, looking a bit lost, and when his eyes meet mine, they soften in a weird smile. No…not weird. Maternal? Immediately, I know this isn’t Ky.
For a second, I freak out. Who is this? I’ve met Huxley, Wyatt, and Ky, but no one else. Awkwardly, I shuffle my pan of sausage. What the hell am I supposed to do?
“Where’s the washer?”
“Down the hall to the right.”
Whoever it is disappears, then comes back clucking. “Nasty.”
My heart is racing. I can’t ask them who they are. I won’t force another alter to face reality without their consent. I still feel horrible for doing that to Ky, and despite the fact that he’s forgiven me, I still try to make it up to him by worshiping him every chance I get.
“I’m Nellie.” The alter sits at the counter, grabbing a pancake.
Nellie? Like…a girl?
She eyes me with familiar dark eyes. “You’re Oakley. Ky and Wyatt’s man.”
I try to keep my mouth from dropping open. “You know?”
“Course I know.” She rolls her eyes.
My mind races. Ky hasn’t said anything to me about her. I wonder why?
She gently rips the pancake, taking little nibbles. “Please tell him to stop with the piss.”
I blink at her. Did I hear her right? “Piss?”
“Yes, the piss.” Nellie screws up her face. “Could lead to infection.”
“No one’s pissing…”
“You sure about that? Want to ask Holli?”
“Holli?” My voice rises an octave.
“Is there an echo in here?” Nellie looks around. “Holli pissed on them. Don’t let them do that if they have any open cuts.”
“Holli pissed on my man?” Now my voice is a screech.
Nellie winces. “Volume? Anyway.” She pops the last bit of waffle in her mouth.
“Some foul-mouthed asshole is trying to shove me out.” She goes to the sticky notes by the fridge and scribbles something down.
“Make sure Ky sees this, will you? Trying to talk to them is like trying to put your hand through mist.” She hands me the note, and her face goes blank.
I recognize this look. This happens sometimes when they’re switching.
Slowly, they shake their head and turn to the oven. “Damn, something’s burning.”
Shit, my sausages. I dart over, shuffling the blackened links. “Not the baby weiners!” Ky’s playful voice mourns. “Oh shit, this looks good.” He helps himself to another pancake while I find a hot pad.
Holli steps into the kitchen, stretching. “Damn, I’m starved.” She plops next to Kyan and swipes a pancake.
“Uh, plates?” I motion at the dishes I’ve stacked up, but neither of the heathens seems to care as they shovel food in their mouths like they’ve been fucking for hours.
Fucking. Pissing. Oh my god. I can’t get the thoughts out before Kyan gives me a weird look, and I realize I’m standing in the middle of the kitchen, still clutching the note that Nellie gave me.
“What’s that?”
“I…” I glance down at it. Oh fuck. If I give it to Ky, he’s going to know there’s another alter. Will that hurt him just as much as telling him he was a system would? But she asked me to give it to him.
“Mousey?”
I look up, and there’s concern in his dark eyes.
I can’t keep it.
“This is for you?” I pass him the note.
Ky frowns and reads it. For a second, his face is blank. Then it softens, followed quickly by something like a wince.
“What?” I scramble to look at it.
I’m confused. What does that mean? “Is it bad?” Fuck, I’ve hurt him again.
Ky’s warm hand grabs mine, and he pulls me close.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m okay,” he says into my chest. He reaches out, grabbing Holli’s hand too. She squeezes, looking at me with a question in her eyes. All I can do is shrug.
“I’m more than okay.” When Ky looks up, his eyes are shining. He clears his throat. “Although I don’t think I can eat all this food. What were you cooking for, an army?”
I let out an embarrassed laugh, looking at the pancakes stacked up on plates.
Ky just squeezes me. “I love it. Let’s do this every week, yeah? Waffle Saturday. It’ll be our thing.”
“Really?” I feel my chest go warm.
“Duh?” Ky grabs another pancake. “Hux and I are gonna eat these till we puke.”
I laugh, and I realize how happy I am. I’m not perfect, but I’m growing every day. And I’ve found other people who not only grow with me, but also enjoy me for me. And that’s enough.
We will have to negotiate on the piss, though.