Chapter Thirteen #2
I don’t want to be happy about it, but I am.
“I’m sure they’ll all bounce back,” I murmur.
“And so will you.” She pauses. “So? How long do I have you
for? Do you need to rush back to St. Louis?”
“No.” It’s out of my mouth, and I gasp with shock. “I mean…I
can stay if you need me.”
“Mm-hmm…”
“What? Why are you making it sound like…?”
“Like what?” she says coyly.
The last thing I want is for anyone to speculate about my
personal life. Tracy and I have known each other for years, so I don’t have a
problem speaking frankly with her.
“Look, Christian is having an amazing season, and it’s
really important for me to balance everything. Being there for Christian, being
an actress, managing our lives. I’m going to make it all work. Just let me know
when I need to be in LA, and I’ll be here.”
And that is the absolute truth.
“But…?”
My shoulders sag. “But I’m going a little crazy, okay?
Like…I know getting fired from Workin’
for Laughs was truly a blessing, but That’s So High School is
ending, and I’m feeling a little lost.”
“And I totally get that, and we’re working on stuff for
you.” Another pause. “I just need to know that you’re okay and happy.”
I hesitate. “I’m…okay,” I finally say. “And I know I’ll be
happier once I feel a little more settled in my career again.”
Luckily, she doesn’t push for more. I’m not about to burden
her with my tales of woe—about how I’m not close with any of the other WAGs,
how quietly depressing Easter was, or how being a baseball wife isn’t nearly as
glamorous as people think. Mostly, I don’t want to admit how lonely it’s been.
I’m not someone who likes to complain.
And I don’t want to.
That’s not the person I was raised to be.
I know I’ve been incredibly blessed. I’ve had opportunities
that many others haven’t. So, if being a little lonely—or a lot—is what I have
to deal with right now, I should be able to handle it. Plus, I know it’s
temporary. I only have to get through the season.
And the next.
And the one after that.
There’s no retirement strategy for athletes. You play until
you can’t. In the grand scheme of life, the period of time that an athlete can
play in the major leagues is short. It’s a moment in time that won’t last
forever.
But if I could have an acting role during baseball season,
I’d probably feel a lot better than I do right now.
Ugh, I sound so ungrateful.
“Come by the office, Ella,” Tracy says, interrupting my
thoughts. “We’ll talk strategy to get you out there more.”
It’s on the tip of my tongue to clarify that I am a very
happy person who doesn’t need to be coddled, but I don’t.
Right now, maybe a little coddling would be a good thing.
I land a few single-episode roles and read for a
major motion picture while in LA. Spending time with Jen, Penny, Freya, and
Will feeds my soul in a way I can’t even describe. I had hoped to hear about
the Galactic Wars role before heading back to St. Louis, but I don’t.
“Don’t fret about it,” Tracy tells me. I’m on my way to the
airport and just touching base with her one last time before I go. “I’ve been
in contact with them, and they’re still auditioning people.”
I don’t take that as a good sign.
“Oh.”
“Ella, I’m telling you, it’s all happening like it should.
Just because it’s taking longer than we thought doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing.
Now, go back to St. Louis and cheer on your husband. It looks like he’s having
an incredible season.”
He truly is.
And it isn’t just Christian, the Archers are having an
amazing season so far, too. And maybe I’m biased, but I know my husband is a
big part of that. His stats have never been better, and all the analytics prove
it, even though he doesn’t know it because he doesn’t pay attention to any of
that during the season. It breaks his focus and routine.
“I’ll be back next month to film my last episode of That’s
So High School.” I sigh. Tiffy was such a fun character to play, and I
know I’ll miss her.
“And hopefully we’ll hear back about Galactic Wars
by then.”
I don’t want to get my hopes up, but I really want
the part.
How cool would it be to be a character in that universe?
I’ve been a fan since I was a little girl.
“Safe travels, and go Archers!” she says before hanging up.
When I arrive at the airport, I quickly text Christian to
confirm that my flight is on time. He’s got the night off, so he’ll be the one
picking me up. I can’t wait to see him. I think this time away really refueled
me.
But I don’t want it to become necessary.
What if this pattern—only spending a few weeks together at a
time—becomes the only way for us to survive?
Us, or me?
Ugh.
No. I refuse to accept that.
As I sit at the gate, I decide to call him. I know I just
texted him a few minutes ago, but I really want to hear his voice.
“Hey,” he says in answer. “Don’t tell me your flight got
delayed.”
“What? No. I’m just sitting at the gate and thinking about
you. I wanted to call and hear your voice.”
“I know the feeling. I always look forward to hearing yours.
Especially when you’re not here, and a phone call is all we have.”
“How’d the game go today?”
“It went okay.”
The man never gives himself the credit he deserves. He’s one
of the hardest-working athletes in the entire league, and I wish he knew just
how impressive he is.
“What’s on the schedule for tomorrow?”
“Well, I thought after we have breakfast together—I went
grocery shopping and got all the ingredients for pancakes—we could spend the
day relaxing, just the two of us.”
“Really?” I already knew there wasn’t a game on the calendar
for tomorrow, which is why I chose to fly back to St. Louis.
“Yup. Ask me why?”
I laugh softly. “Okay, why?”
“Because I miss you, Ella Rose. I hate it when we’re apart.
I know it’s necessary, and we knew things would be like this, but I really want
us to have a day with nothing to do except be together.”
Aww…
“That sounds perfect. I missed you, too.”
“Plus, I’d love for us to look at your calendar and see what
you have going on next week.”
“Next week? Um…how come?”
“I’d like you to come with me to Pittsburgh,” he says, like
it’s obvious.
My first thought is that I wish he were asking me to go
somewhere romantic or tropical. But I guess Pittsburgh is fine, too.
“Oh, uh…why? What’s in Pittsburgh?”
“I got voted into the All-Star Game. So, naturally, I’d love
to have my wife and family with me.”
“Christian!” I say far too loudly, making everyone around me
stare. “That’s amazing! I’m so proud of you!”
“Thanks. It is pretty exciting.”
I roll my eyes with amusement because only my husband could
be this low-key about such an honor.
“It doesn’t matter what’s on my calendar. I will be right
there with you in Pittsburgh, cheering you on. There’s nothing more important
than that.”
“But what if you get a call for an audition? Or you’re
filming? Or…?”
“It will all have to wait. I wouldn’t miss seeing you play
in the All-Star Game for anything. I love you.”
“Love you, too, Ella Rose. I can’t wait to see you tonight.”
“Mmm…I can’t wait to see you
either. Soon. I’ll be home soon.”
We talk for a few more minutes, and when we hang up, I go
and grab myself a snack and a magazine. It won’t be an excessively long travel
day, but it’s certainly not a short one either. So, I settle back into a seat
at the gate and get comfortable again.
Only…I’m not.
I’m a little twitchy, and even though my conversation with
Christian was all good, I’ve still got this…I don’t know, a niggling of
something I can’t quite put my finger on in the back of my head. If I had to
describe it, I’d say it’s like a feeling of impending doom, and I don’t like
it. But I don’t know if it’s about me and my career, Christian’s, or something
about our families.
His dad is still waiting for his transplant. Even though he
has a donor, his health hasn’t been great, and the doctors need him to get
stronger before they do the surgery. So, maybe that’s on my mind?
Sighing, I pull out my phone and call my mom. Maybe she
could distract me and put my mind at ease.
“Hey, there’s my sunshine.”
I love my mom’s greetings. They always make me smile.
“Hey, how are you? How’s Dad?”
“We’re all fine. Where are you calling from? I thought you
were flying back to St. Louis today.”
“I’m at the airport, and boarding doesn’t start for another
thirty minutes. I was restless, so I thought I’d call and say hi. So…hi!”
She laughs. “You know I always love to talk to you. How are
you doing? How did the rest of your auditions go?”
“They were fine. Nothing new to report. Now, we play the
waiting game to see if I book anything.”
“You just have to keep moving forward, Ella. Your father and
I are so proud of you.”
“Thanks, Mom.” No matter how old I get, I will always
appreciate my parents’ praise.
“And how’s Christian? Your father said his game the other
night was one of his best.”
“He got voted into the All-Star Game this year. I’m so happy
for him.”
“Oh, my goodness! That’s incredible. Tell him we’re proud of
him, too.”
Smiling, I nod again. “I will.”
“I know you weren’t thrilled with this move at first, but it
seems like this was the right one for his career.”
“It really has been. He’s having a great season, and he’s
so…, he’s just so deep in baseball mode. He’s so focused, and he never lets his
foot off the gas. He just keeps pushing himself harder and harder.”
“We all felt that way about your acting career. When you
were growing up, you were so fixated on learning everything you could—the
singing, dancing, and acting lessons—you never really just let yourself be a
kid. You know, the two of you are both intensely driven. That’s why you’re a
perfect fit for each other.”
I know this, but I guess I never considered how my drive
looked to other people. Christian and I have talked about it, but not quite to
this extent.
“Did you ever think I was wasting my time or…?”
“Nope. You were passionate and so determined,” she says.
“And you were naturally talented. If you were doing all those things and didn’t
have any talent, your father and I probably would have found a way to point you