21. Emerson
Iwalked over to my purse and pulled out my phone. I scrolled through my texts until I found my chat with Tilly. I opened it and started typing.
Me: I can’t do this
Thankfully it only took a few seconds for her to respond.
Tilly: Do what?
Me: Fake a relationship with Stone. I just can’t do it anymore.
Tilly: What happened? What did he do?
I shook my head. It wasn’t what he did. It was how I was feeling. I hated misreading his actions toward me. I knew it was all fake, but my heart didn’t seem to understand that. And the longer I stayed in this relationship, the harder it would be on me when we had to call it quits.
Me: I just can’t, Tilly
Tilly: Oh.
I frowned. What did that mean? I sent her a question mark. When she didn’t respond right away, I shook my head. It didn’t make a difference if she wanted me to continue doing this or not. My issue ran a lot deeper than a fake relationship. I was over him walking away from me. And I was going to tell him so.
Me: NVM. I’m just going over there to give him a piece of my mind.
I sent that text off, shoved my phone into my pocket, and headed to the front door. I pulled it open and crossed the landing. I pounded on his door. My resolve began to waver as the seconds ticked by and Stone didn’t answer.
I’d built myself up so much earlier, that my adrenaline started to slip. I raised my fist and knocked again, vowing that if he didn’t answer after this attempt, I would go back into my apartment and hide from the world.
The sound of locks clicking caused me to hold my breath, and suddenly, Stone’s door was open, and he was standing on the other side in a pair of swim trunks and nothing else. His eyes were wide as he stared at me.
“What the hell, Em?” he asked.
I glared at him. “Why do you keep doing that?” I wasn’t sure what I was going to say. But I knew I wasn’t going to hold back. Not this time.
He frowned. “Why do I keep doing what?”
I hadn’t realized he was carrying a bucket of ice until he transferred it from one hand to the other.
I waved toward my apartment. “What you did earlier.” He had to know what I was talking about.
He glanced toward my apartment door. “Drinking coffee? Sitting on your couch? You’re going to have to give me something here, Em.”
“Stop doing that.” My mind was swirling. I had so much I wanted to say to him, but I couldn’t seem to get any of it out. And him using the nickname he’d given me in the past wasn’t going to fly.
“Doing what?”
“Calling me Em.”
He sighed and glanced behind him. “Why can’t I call you Em?”
“Because we don’t have that kind of relationship.”
He paused. I could see his body tense for a moment before he relaxed. He glanced over at me and nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay?” That was all he was going to say?
“Okay. I won’t call you Em anymore. Is there anything else?”
My lips were parted, and my head was spinning with thoughts. No, that wasn’t the only reason I came over here. I wanted him to tell me that our relationship wasn’t fake. That he wasn’t going to walk out on me like he always seemed to do. I wanted him to tell me that he cared for me like I cared for him.
Stone sighed. “Listen, Emerson. I understand that our relationship is just transactional. You don’t have to worry.” He glanced over to his living room. “If you want to keep yelling at me, you can, but I have an ice bath to take.” He held up the bucket and twisted it. The sound of ice hitting the sides echoed in the silence between us.
When I didn’t answer, Stone waved toward the door. “I’ll leave this open for when you decide what you want to do.”
He gave me one last look before he turned and made his way toward the balcony just off his living room. I watched him walk away yet again. I knew I should shut the door and go back to my apartment. I knew that following after him was a big mistake…
But I didn’t care.
I was never going to be able to move on until he told me that he would never care for me like I wanted him to. I needed to hear those words.
I walked into his apartment and shut the door behind me. Then I crossed the living room and stepped out onto the balcony. Stone was sitting in the ice bath, and his eyes widened when he saw me.
“Where’s my keychain?” I blurted out.
When Stone didn’t answer me, I motioned toward his chest, where I’d seen the tattoo earlier. “The one I gave you when we were kids. The one that was so important to me.” Tears were pricking at my eyes. “Where is it?”
“Emerson,” Stone whispered as he dropped his gaze to the water in front of him. “Go home.”
I shook my head. “No. Not until you tell me where it is. Did you lose it? Throw it away? Sell it?” Was I worth so little to him that he would toss something that meant so much to me?
“Emerson.”
Realizing that he wasn’t going to tell me, I decided to do something drastic. I lifted my hand behind my back and found the zipper to my jumpsuit. In one swift motion, I tugged it down. The jumpsuit fell to my feet, leaving me standing there in my bra and underwear.
“Emerson, what are you doing?” Stone asked as he straightened in the tub.
“If you’re not going to tell me, then I’m getting in there with you.” Without thinking things through, I lifted my foot and dipped my toe into the freezing cold water. Before Stone could answer, I plunged my foot in, sucking in my breath as the cold water felt like daggers on my skin.
“Don’t do this,” Stone said, but I just shook my head. I lifted my other foot and then I sunk down below the surface. My head swam from the panic coursing through my body as it tried to regulate what was happening to it. I felt like I was freezing and on fire at the same time.
“Dammit,” Stone’s voice grew near, and suddenly, his arms wrapped around me and tugged me to his chest. His breath was warm on my ear as he held me. “Why don’t you ever listen?” he whispered.
My hands went up to his arms, and I held onto them like they were my life raft. “Why do you never answer my questions?”
He sighed. I could feel the rise and fall of his chest. “My dad tried to pawn your keychain. When he found out that it wasn’t real gold, he threw it away. By the time I found out, it was already gone.” He paused. “I didn’t know how to tell you.”
I closed my eyes as I took deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth. My body was adjusting to the cold, but it was taking all my strength not to collapse from the overstimulation.
“Em—er, Emerson?” Stone straightened, and I could feel him lean forward to look at me. “Shit.”
He hooked his arms under mine, and stood, lifting us both out of the water. He supported my back with one arm and swept up my knees with the other. I was shivering as he pulled me to his chest and climbed out of the tub. He carried me through his living room and into his bedroom. When we got to the bathroom, he carried me into the shower and set me down. He closed the glass door and flipped the water on to hot. Water started to pour out of his rainfall shower head.
I winced as the hot water cut my skin like knives. Going from ice water to this was shocking my system. Thankfully, my body began to adjust. I glanced over to see Stone standing near the wall, watching me. His brows were furrowed, and he looked…concerned.
“Why didn’t you just tell me?” I asked, pushing my soaked hair from my face.
He studied me. “I didn’t want you to be disappointed in me. I knew how much it meant to you.”
My gaze drifted to his chest, where I could see the tattoo he’d gotten. “Why did you get a tattoo of it?” I asked.
He studied me for a moment before he scoffed and dropped his gaze. “I figured you’d know the reason by now.” Then he brought his gaze back up to mine.
My stomach lightened at his words. I stepped forward and lifted my hand. Without thinking, I brushed my fingers against the tattoo.
His body tensed, and a moment later, his hand engulfed mine. “Emerson,” he mumbled. “Please don’t do that.”
I glanced up at him. “Why?”
He stared down at me. His gaze was full of heat. Desire. It made my heart pound.
“I don’t think you know what that does to me.”
I bit my lower lip, electricity rushing through my body in response to his words and the look in his eyes. “Show me,” I dared.
It felt like an eternity passed with him just standing there, staring at me. I started to wonder if I’d made a mistake. I parted my lips to take the words back, but in that moment, he crossed the space between us. His hand cupped the back of my head as he backed me up against the shower wall.
His lips crashed into mine in a hungry and frenzied way. His arm wrapped around my waist, and he pulled my body against his. My hands went from his chest, to his shoulders, and then up to the back of his neck.
I parted my lips, and he parted his. Our lips. Our tongues. Our breath became one. We moved together in unison like we’d done this a million times before. I was born to kiss Stone.
He pulled back from the wall, taking me with him. We were standing fully under the water now. Stone bent down and cupped my rear and pulled me up. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and he supported me underneath.
I was higher than him now. Water flowed down all around me as I kissed him. I wanted him to know what this meant to me. I wanted him to feel what I felt. I wanted this moment to be just about me and him.
Our families. Our pasts. None of that mattered. It was just him and me.
I never wanted this kiss to end, but I knew at some point, it was going to have to. When he lowered me to the ground, I whimpered as my feet felt tile. He pulled back and studied me.
I’m sure I looked like a raccoon. I hadn’t taken off my makeup before coming over, and I’d spent the last few minutes under the water. I didn’t care. I didn’t want to wake back up to reality.
“Emerson,” Stone whispered. His voice was hoarse and rough. It sent shivers down my spine. He cupped my cheek as he stared into my eyes.
“Yes?” I asked. I wasn’t sure what he was going to tell me, and I was scared to hear what he was going to say. In here, it was just the two of us. Once we left the safety of his bathroom, the world had a chance of creeping in on us.
Stone turned and flipped off the water. He studied me before he opened the glass door and stepped out onto the bathmat. He opened the nearby cupboard and pulled out two towels.
“Here,” he said, handing one to me.
Still confused as to why he stopped the kiss and how he could be so calm, I took the towel from him. The chill from the air outside the shower hit my bare skin, and I shivered as I wrapped the towel around me.
I told myself it was to help me get dry, but the truth was I felt vulnerable, standing there in my wet underwear in front of Stone.
He quickly dried off and wrapped the towel around his waist. Then he motioned toward the door. “I’ll get you some clothes to wear.”
I stood there, staring at the doorway as if that would make him reappear. I felt so confused. One minute, he was kissing me breathless, and the next, he was walking away from me.
Why did this keep happening?
I shimmied out of my underwear and removed my bra. Then I wrapped the towel around my body, gathered my undergarments, and stepped out of his shower. Not sure what to do with them, I blotted them against my towel with the hopes of getting most of the water out of them.
Stone returned in a pair of sweatpants and a black t-shirt. He was carrying some folded clothes in his hands. He stopped when he walked through the door, his gaze drifting from my neck, to my shoulders, and then down to the underwear in my hand. He swallowed, his jaw muscles tensing as he walked over to the vanity and set the clothes down.
“Some fresh clothes,” he said before he turned and walked out of the bathroom, shutting the door behind him.
I stared at the door, still trying to process what just happened. We’d kissed, right? Like, a mind-blowing, life-changing kiss. Had I imagined it? I glanced over at the shower. No. I was there. Stone was there. Why was he now pretending that it never happened?
Anger rose up inside of me. Yet again, I’d tried to get close to Stone only to have him walk away from me. This was getting ridiculous.
I pulled on his sweatpants and t-shirt, wrapped my underwear in the towel I’d used to dry off, and pulled open the door. Stone was in the kitchen, standing in front of the microwave. He had his hands resting on the counter in front of him, his head tipped forward.
“I guess I’ll head back to my apartment,” I said, testing the waters to see what he was going to do.
He tipped his head and glanced over at me. “Okay.”
I was shocked. “Okay? That’s it?”
He sighed, straightened, and turned to face me. He crossed his arms in front of his chest. “What do you want from me, Emerson?” He held my gaze.
He had to be joking, right? “The truth,” I finally whispered.
He dropped my gaze and sighed. “The truth is, we”—he motioned between us—“can’t happen.”
Tears pricked my eyes. That was what I feared he would say. No matter what happened, Stone was going to leave. Because Stone always left.
“Why not?” The words were out before I could stop them. I knew I should walk away. If that was what he wanted, I should accept it and leave. But for some masochistic reason, I needed to hear the words from his lips. I needed him to tell me that he didn’t care about me—that he’d never cared about me.
His eyes widened as he stared at me. I could see the turmoil in his gaze. It was moments like this that I felt hope. Like, maybe, I could get through to him.
“Emerson, please…” He scrubbed his face with his hands before pushing them through his damp hair. “Can’t you just let this go?”
A tear slid down my cheek. “No,” I whispered.
He frowned. “Why?”
I swallowed, choking back my emotions and tears. I wanted to be strong, but I was moments away from losing Stone. I couldn’t handle that. I needed him. Even though I’d fought back my feelings for him in high school, and I pretended not to care about him every day I’d lived next to him, the truth was, I’d fallen in love with him.
I wanted to be with him. Morning, noon, and night. I was made to love him. And I couldn’t imagine walking away from him. Not for my family’s sake. Not for anyone’s sake. I was ready to live for me, and I was ready to live for him.
“Because I’ve fallen in love with you,” I whispered.
His entire body stilled as he stared at me. The storm that was raging in his dark blue eyes settled for just a moment before his gaze turned dark and he shook his head. I knew the words he was going to say before he uttered them.
“You shouldn’t have done that.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “That wasn’t part of our agreement.” His expression stilled. “You should go.”
I angrily wiped at the tear that had escaped and rolled down my cheek. I wasn’t going to cry over him anymore. If that was how he wanted things, then that’s what he would get.
“Goodbye, Stone Walker,” I said. With that, I turned and marched over to his front door. I pulled it open and closed it behind me.
For some absolutely insane reason, I thought he was going to follow me. I waited, my ears straining for any hint of movement as I crossed the landing between our apartments, but no sound came.
I was alone when I pushed through my front door. He didn’t come after me when I pulled off his clothes and slipped into my pajamas. And I was still alone when I crawled into bed and pulled the covers up over my head.
He never came to get me as I cried until I had nothing left and eventually fell asleep.