Chapter 32 Penny
Penny
THEN
“It feels weird to be sitting alphabetically,” I whisper, leaning closer to my brother as the cheap polyester scratches my bare legs. “I feel like Jesse should be next to us.”
Danny glances up at me from under his crooked black cap. His eyes are not red for once—I begged him not to smoke before graduation, and he actually listened. Though he’s been a grouch.
“All I know is that in ten minutes they’re calling my name and I never have to step foot in this godforsaken school again,” he mutters.
It’s sunny on the football field as I drag my feet against the short green grass. The valedictorian is giving her speech, but I haven’t really heard a word she’s saying.
For the tenth time, I steal a glance behind me.
Three rows back, across the aisle. Our eyes meet, and warmth pools in my chest. His black gown sits handsomely over his broad shoulders, and the black cap makes his green eyes shine even brighter.
He winks at me, and I bite my lip to stop the smile as I turn my attention back to the stage.
Twenty minutes and a million cheers later, we throw our caps into the sky. I throw mine so high it disappears into the blinding southern sun, but I don’t care, because as soon as everyone starts moving, I’m looking for him.
I don’t have to look very far. His eyes lock on mine, and he’s rushing toward me.
“We’re free!” Danny yells, intercepting Jesse from me, leaping onto his back like a wild animal. We all explode in laughter. It’s a rare glimpse of who we all used to be together.
“I have no idea how you even got that,” I shoot at my brother.
He holds his diploma up, shaking it. “By the skin of my teeth, baby! That’s how!” he replies, jumping off Jesse, who’s rolling his eyes but is all smiles.
I’m not sure how my brother pulled it off, but I’m mostly just relieved for him. And my Nan.
We all link arms, me acting as the middle anchor. I start pulling them toward the edge of the field. We’re almost to the fence when a tiny fireball of red hair comes barreling toward us.
“Congratulations!” Fia beams, a small bouquet clutched in her hands. The pink carnations are slightly crushed, but they still make me melt.
“Fia!” I scoop them into my arms and hug her with one arm. “Thank you!”
She shyly hands flowers to the boys, too. Definitely her idea—it has Fia written all over it.
Jesse bends down and hugs her tight. Her face lights up as he ruffles her messy hair. “Thanks, kiddo.”
I know Fia’s going to miss us when we move at the end of the summer, and part of me feels bad about it. Nan assured Fia they’ll visit me for all the special family weekends, and Fia already has a UNC shirt she’s been sporting. It’s adorable.
Nan stands a few feet behind her, blonde hair piled high on her head, a yellow cotton dress swaying around her ankles. She’s blinking back tears, dabbing the rims of her eyes as an ancient digital camera she refuses to get rid of is neatly wedged under her arm.
“I can’t believe you three did it.” She sniffles. “You’re so grown up.”
Danny groans as she lifts the camera. “We can do this at the house, Nan—”
“Shut it.” I grab his arm and pull him into frame. “You’ll want these pictures one day.”
I smile at Nan, a genuine smile on my face that I couldn’t bite back if I wanted to.
Today is a good day—the start of a new chapter.
Jesse chuckles and steps beside me. His hand wraps around my waist, and he and Danny sandwich me between them. We have a hundred pictures like this as messy kids.
“Say cheese!” Fia yells from beside Nan—her mini-me.
Click. Click. Click.
We smile until our cheeks hurt, until it gets too warm under my gown, and I take it off to reveal my white cotton sundress.
“You three meet me at the car in fifteen, okay? We can’t be late for the dinner reservation,” Nan reminds us, putting her camera away and grabbing Fia’s shoulder.
I nod and turn back to the boys.
“Hey, I’m gonna go find Sean,” Danny says, rubbing the back of his neck. “He’s got something for me.”
I roll my eyes. “Whatever he’s giving you, don’t take it before dinner. Nan’s taking us somewhere nice. Don’t be an ass.”
He runs his hand through his shaggy blond hair, smirking. “Okay, mom.” He turns to Jesse. “You coming, man?”
“I’ll meet you in a few, just give me a sec,” Jesse replies without looking at him.
Once Danny’s out of earshot, there’s a shift in the air. I exhale.
It’s just us.
But Jesse’s staring into the crowd, scanning the bleachers. His jaw’s tight, and I already know what he’s looking for. Or whom.
“They didn’t come,” I say softly.
“Nope.” He pulls his lips to one side and shrugs.
I never expected Jesse’s parents to show up today. They haven’t said a word to him in two years, and I don’t think he expected it either.
But he still looks, and I understand it more than anyone.
The year after my parents left, I’d find myself looking out the window for them without even realizing I was doing it. I know what it’s like to be forgotten.
My heart aches for him right now, and I wish I could fix this. I can’t, though.
All I can do is love him.
And I do. So damn much.
“Hey, have you heard from any places yet?” I ask, bringing him back to me.
Jesse didn’t apply to any schools. His grades weren’t good enough for scholarships, but he’s been saving and applying to jobs in Chapel Hill.
“Not yet, but I will,” he replies, his hand brushing mine as we stand awkwardly. Always with enough space between us, always wanting no space.
We already agreed that once I get a grip on school fall semester and he gets a few months of work under his belt, we’ll tell my family together.
We’ll say it just happened.
Danny will probably flip out because he freaks out over everything, but I pray Nan will be okay with it.
My grades won’t slip, and I have a plan. Everything will be perfect; she won’t even be able to justify being mad.
But I can’t spiral too far ahead. All I want to think about is the first night we are free in a place where no one knows us, where our relationship doesn’t put anyone at risk.
That dream is what keeps me moving forward every single day.
“Hey,” I say softly, getting his attention again. Jesse smiles at me. “We did it. Off to our next adventure.”
His thumb grazes the top of mine.
Jesse studies me, something unspoken glittering in his eyes.
“Penny Hanson, you are my adventure.”
My heart stumbles in my chest.
I bite my lip so hard it stings. I want to kiss him more than I want air.
“Wait—I actually got you something,” he says suddenly, unzipping his gown.
“What?” I blink. “Jesse! You didn’t have to—”
He rummages through his khaki pockets, and my heart races in anticipation. I selfishly wish I could freeze this moment.
Then he pulls out a ring.
No—the ring.
Green sea glass set in sterling silver. The one I saw at the mall, and never stopped thinking about.
My breath catches. “Jesse...you didn’t.”
“You worked so hard. I’m so proud of you, baby.” His voice is low, and I don’t know what to do. It’s too much.
But he pulls my right hand up and slips it on my finger. It fits like it was custom-made for me. I stare at the green stone, and tears sting my eyes.
“I wanted you to have something to wear every day,” he says softly. “To remember how far you’ve come. You’re going to continue kicking ass.”
My throat is tight, but I look up at him, holding his hand in mine.
“You…you really think so?”
Jesse cocks his head back, beaming at me. Then he wraps his arms around me like armor. I breathe in the scent of his cedar cologne and soap and let myself be held. His arms are the safest place I’ve ever been.
His lips brush my hair. “I know so, princess. I’ll be right there with you, you’ll be unstoppable, Pen.”
I pull back just enough to see his eyes—clear and steady. “No, Jesse. We’ll be unstoppable. Together. Always.”
I hold out my pinky. He laughs and loops his around mine.
We kiss our hands and seal the promise.